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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

PoisonedApple 17-12-2010 12:12 AM

I like yours Sarah :) It's pretty and classy.

MammaMia 17-12-2010 12:27 AM

I'm going to bed soon, so night guys xxx

PoisonedApple 17-12-2010 12:32 AM

G'Night Hels!

SparkleKitten 17-12-2010 12:44 AM

Night Helen *cuddles* :) xx

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 01:00 AM

I'm back...meh... -hugs ward- -melts into the magical corner-

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 01:13 AM

Anyone around?

PoisonedApple 17-12-2010 01:25 AM

kinda sorta, Kitty. What's up?

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 02:00 AM

I just feel like ****. -shrugs- I called my gma earlier (my biological gma) to ask her a question before my counseling appointment. I told her I had to go because of my appointment and before I hung up with her she begged me not to cut. I hadn't said anything about going to cut or anything but she started begging and pleading for me not to. I felt so bad because I ended up cutting last night. I want to stop, but I don't have control anymore. I don't control the blade...the blade controls me...and so does she... (not my gma)

I don't really know I just...I hate myself so ****ing much...

how are you doing crimson?

PoisonedApple 17-12-2010 02:22 AM

*hugs Kitty and offers a plushie*
I'm... I dunno.
Sorry I don't think my heads on quite straight right now... was the appointment yesterday? or today?
Have you asked her why she is so angry(i dunno if that's the right word...) to see if you get an answer? Personally I find communication in that situation to work wonders on understanding if not getting back some control.

PoisonedApple 17-12-2010 02:29 AM

....damn... i just realized the time... I'm sorry Kitty I have to go :(

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 02:30 AM

-hugs back and accepts the plushie and smiles- thanks

My counseling appointment was today. I can tell my counselor wants me in a hospital, but I can't be in one. Can't afford it, no insurance. I don't get to see her again for like a month.

And my gma isn't mad. I wrote her a letter telling her my story and what I was diagnosed with and stuff...told her I struggle with cutting and have attempted taking my own life. I told her that because I wanted to let her know that I was glad I got to meet her. If I had waited one more day before I sent that letter, I wouldn't have sent it. She just worries about me and stuff.

No one is really mad at me, actually. There's a girl I see and hear that controls me. She is the reason I dissociate. She makes me do things I don't want to do, like cut and stuff. She has been trying to get me to commit suicide a lot lately. She gives me options, you see...she says I have to either cut myself or die. I do want to die, but I don't want to yet because of the holidays and stuff. I don't know, though, she's been growing stronger. I just...I don't know anymore...

-squeezes the plushie- whats going on with you? -looks up at you from the corner-

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 02:34 AM

mmmmk hope you are ok

misskitty112 17-12-2010 04:53 AM

I should be sleeping, ward. Should be.

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 04:59 AM

-hugs felicia- how are you doing?

misskitty112 17-12-2010 05:33 AM

I'm alright. Nervous about my finals. Nervous about going home. Nervous about the snow...

Maybe I'm just a bundle of nerves.

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 05:45 AM

-offers felicia a teddy to cuddle and snuggle with and sits next to her-

Yeah, I know how you feel. I hope you do well on your finals. I'm sure you will do fine. Is there anything you can do to settle the nerves a little?

Doikers 17-12-2010 10:29 AM

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Helen*Whats up hun?

*Hugs Kitty*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Ian*

How is everyone this snow-filled morning ?

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 10:33 AM

-hugs mark back- how are you doing?

Doikers 17-12-2010 10:46 AM

I'm feeling okay, yet to be properly caffeineated though so only half awake :P . I'ts positivly white outside , I could hear something that sounded like someone shoveling snow whilst in bed but WOWSERS theres a lot .I wonder if my worker made it into town today:S . It's cold inside my flat so I put on the heating. *Hugs Kitty* How are you ?

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 10:52 AM

glad you are doing ok. I am watching a chick flick: sisterhood of the traveling pants, and playing doctor on myself. Took my sleeping pill so I should be passing out soon after the movie (which only has like 30 minutes left of it). So glad I don't have plans tomorrow...means I will get to sleep in. Hopefully I will never wake up again.

I have realized that my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder is wrong...I have schizophrenia, which makes me just like my biological mom and other biological family, and it sucks. royally. Can't talk to my doctor about it until January now...joy..

Doikers 17-12-2010 10:54 AM

*Hugs Kitty* Awwh Hun I'm sorry you feel horrible , I hope you sleep well and wake up tomorrow feeling a bit better , Do you have a date to meet your Dr?

Doikers 17-12-2010 10:54 AM

*Spots and Squishes JK* How are you JK?

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 10:56 AM

January 3rd. And I don't see my counselor again until January 13th.

She just...she won't leave me alone. Music doesn't help...she is everywhere. I see and hear her everywhere I go and she won't go away. I don't know how much longer I can take this...

-hugs mark again-

jonikd 17-12-2010 11:01 AM

hey mark, I'm OK, still cutting and still a bit screwed up but generally ok. Can't believe Xmas is nearly here. We finally got an offer on our house that my ex and I accepted today, so hopefully heading for the end with him and can move on. Tough times ahead but at least the end is in sight and hopefully when things settle again I shall return to my SH free existance. I've had enough, I so know where you guys are coming from.

A good friend of mine who got angry every time I hurt myself is reading the book "Cutting" and is actually starting to understand a little, as much as someone who doesn't suffer from the affliction can ;)

You truly are amazing, you know that I hope. Some days I just jump on and read your support for others and feel better somehow. EVen though you suffer from similar stuff as all of us here you always take the time. Makes me feel a bit inadequate! but gives me hope and faith in the human race.

Keep looking after yourself, you're a special guy 'k?

*hugs*

Doikers 17-12-2010 11:03 AM

Could you make an emergency appointment for your Dr? Kitty , if she just won't go away , are you on meds? , maybe they need adjusting?

jonikd 17-12-2010 11:05 AM

*hugs Crimson, Helen, Owen, Laura, Kahlia, Nicole, Lindsay, April* all familiar faces for me here. I think about you all pretty much every day, even though I'm not physically here I feel eternally linked to you all.

*Leaves special hugs for Julie next time she pops in!*

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 11:07 AM

Hi jk I am kitty -waves-

I am going to pass out now...cant stay awake anymore. Take care of yourselves mark and jk -hugs-

night night xx

Doikers 17-12-2010 11:08 AM

*Hugs JK* Awh thanks , you cheered me up this morning :) I hope the deal on your house go's smoothly and you can get on and we can all beat S.I. together , I'm in a "I'm not going to let it beat me mood" right now and these moods don't come that often and they can go FAST so I'll just try and be positive whilst I can.
JK , Who wrote the book "Cutting"? I may have it I have quite a few books but no motivation to read them , they don't get to the point fast enough but maybe I'll make reading my new years resalution ????? I've read one graphic novel this year , thats it ,I'm a little ashamed about that.:S

PsychoKitty2010 17-12-2010 11:09 AM

and no he will be out of the office during winter break and he is only in on mondays and wednesdays anyway so he is done until the beginning of january. And no, I am not on meds for schizophrenia. I havent been able to talk to my dr since I realized thats what it was....he really is stupid I dont know how he got to be a doctor... -sighs-

Doikers 17-12-2010 11:16 AM

*Squishes Kitty* are the sleeping pills kicking in? I'm sorry your Dr is crap :(

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 11:21 AM

-curls up in a corner bang back of head against wall-

Doikers 17-12-2010 11:25 AM

*Waves to Owen* Whats the matter Owen?

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 11:28 AM

i just upset -bangs head harder-

Doikers 17-12-2010 11:31 AM

OH don't hurt your head Owen :( Why are you upset?

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 11:43 AM

-sniffles-i dont no

Doikers 17-12-2010 11:58 AM

:( *Gives Owen a Teddy Bear*

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 12:03 PM

-shuffles closer to mark clutching the teddy and my sleeping bag-

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:04 PM

Well I'm wondering wherther my worker has got into work today because of the snow so I rang the centres but no answer :S I left a message and I hope they get back to me by midday hmmm , My meeting is at 1pm, so I'll leave at 12.30pm to go the scenic route for the exercise. hmm I'll just have to ring later if they don't ring me first

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:07 PM

Are you feeling any better Owen ?

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 12:10 PM

-nods clutching the teddy- a little bit

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:11 PM

:) Good :)

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 12:13 PM

-shuffles even closer to mark- thank u for teddy

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:25 PM

You are welcome Owen :) You can keep it . Aren't you tired ? it must be late over there

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 12:30 PM

its half past middnight

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:34 PM

WOW I would be tired I think :P

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 12:44 PM

i am maybe just a little tired

xxjuliexx 17-12-2010 12:47 PM

i sleep now

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:51 PM

Darn... My depression is creeping up on me again , I was so positive earlier but now I'm just anxious and flat :( My one on one worker or her office have not gotten back to me , I'm worried that they'll be shut because of the snow , Kat, My worker has to come on a very treachurous road :S

Doikers 17-12-2010 12:52 PM

Night Night Owen , Sleep well :)

Doikers 17-12-2010 01:24 PM

No reply still at the centres or their office in another town. Hmm I'll just have to hang out in Morrisons if they are shut whilst I wait to meet my Friend ........


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