Can you contact your CPN and see what they suggest? It would be good if you could contact them today in case you need something put in place for over the weekend. It's good that you recognise that things aren't great and hopefully you can prevent them from getting worse if you get the right kind of support.

Cant contact the cmht until things are very bad. That's the arrangement I have with them.

That sounds like a really ridiculous rule. What do they suggest you do before contacting them? I think you should try contacting them anyway and they can advise you on what to do if they're not agreeing to offer you extra support at the moment.

Cant cope tonight.
Done some semi dangerous shit.
Dont want this stupid existence anymore.
It hurts. Everything fucking hurts.

Lillie does that semi dangerous stuff need an ambulance?

No

.....................

Okay, so what exactly is happening for you right now?

I'm cold. I'm really fucking cold.
Toilet has been broken for over a week and wont be fixed until Monday at the earliest.
I'm hungry but throw up every time I eat.
Im in stupid amounts of physical pain from the fibromyalgia.
GP didnt say anything to help with either of the above. Said wait until monday when I see the psychiatrist. For blood result he ordered. A lab test will not fix either problem.
Reason I stopped meds weeks ago is still happening. So I'll probably get an endocrinologist referral. And have to live with horrible problem for months until that happens.
Cat is being a naughty piece of shit.
Council meant to send me a form on monday. Hasn't arrived.
PIP assessment on the 20th. I need it because I cant afford to live otherwise.
Cant afford to live in general.
People dont understand how stressed I am and upset I am because I cant even afford rent and bills let alone food.
Man is interfering with my post and making notes on my movements. Cant go out when its sunny because the shadows report back to him. Missed support worker meeting (well cancelled it because I'm not an inconsiderate arsehole) and theyve sent me a new appointment for freaking January.
My auntie said nasty things to me. I'm the only person in the entire family that tries to stay in touch with her and shes nasty to me.

Okay wow that's a lot and I wish I could hurry up those medical appointments for you. Did you cancel the support worker appointment because you're worried about the shadows reporting, and if so does the support worker know that? Stuff with the Man sounds worse right now, is it? What's going on with the endocrinologist referral? Do you know if it's in the pipeline because has stuff with The Man been worse since you had to stop taking them? Can you eat stuff such as soup or are you not able to keep that down either?

Yes I cancelled it for that reason. Never met the support worker before. CPN rang for a practical reason a few days later and didn't ask. CPN was meeting me with support worker.

Man is worse.

Endocrinology or not depends on prolactin level. Which I find out Monday.

Do I know if what's in the pipeline?

What I can eat varies. For no good reason food will be slightly imperfect and then I'm so disgusted by it that I vomit.

Do you see your CPN sooner than January or are you seeing them both in January? I think it's reasonable to phone your CPN for advice of what to do over the Christmas period and while things are difficult for you. Or even see your GP if you can.

Gp is a twat.

See psychiatrist monday.

See CPN Friday cos shes coming to PIP assessment with me.

How do you get on with the psychiatrist? Do you think you can be honest about how things are?

He wont ask.om going for a blood test result and thats it.

If he doesn’t ask would you feel able to try and tell him? Even if you are going for the blood test alone it might be worth a shot explaining how dire things are feeling and that the other day you in your words did semi Dangerous shit which in my view probably actually means Damgerous.

I’m sorry things are so crummy right now you don’t deserve all this shit.

I know it’s exhausting and might feel pointless but could you try to explain to cpn/support worker the shadow issue so that perhaps together you might be able to find. Way round it eg them meet you first time at home?

If he doesnt ask he doesnt want to know.

If CPN asks I will tell her.

It might be worth asking them if that's the case - I've had providers who expect me to bring things up myself if it's important to me to discuss them, as well as providers who will proactively ask. The ones who expected me to bring things up did still care, it's just they used a patient-directed approach in the sense that we talked about what I felt was important to talk about, so if I wanted to get support for something with those people I needed to say it first. I know it may seem like they don't care if they don't ask, but they might just practice in a framework that doesn't involve asking a lot.. so it might be worth finding out if that's the case at least, and if it is, maybe asking if they'd still be able to ask you if you find it easier to answer than bring stuff up yourself

Greyscale speaks wise words

I hope you will discuss with your psychiatrist whatever you think is important. This is your treatment. <3

Prolactin level is even higher.

Didnt really listen to much else.

Some discussion about restarting sertraline anyway.

Got up and walked out and went home.

Cut.

Sleep on the sofa with bertie.

I give up.