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-   -   Is it weird to not have sex before marriage? (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=204035)

Pi.R^2 19-02-2013 02:48 PM

Is it weird to not have sex before marriage?
So I was watching Doctors like the cool kid I am and there was a couple who had been together for two years and hadn't slept together and Jodie thought it was really weird. I did not, as I was brought up that people shouldn't have sex before they're married (very Christian family) and it wasn't until I was 18 and one of my friends had sex with her boyfriend that I realised not ALL the people wait until they're married, and I still thought quite a lot of people did wait.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : TMI
I figured Jesus would hate me anyway for being gay so yes, I have had sex, but I still figured quite a lot of people didn't before they were married...

So yeah, am I really old-fashioned?

Cacoethes 19-02-2013 02:51 PM

You should totally wait until you're married :whistling:

Seriously though, in my experience, its weird to wait until after marriage to have sex. It seems to be quite an old fashioned idea.

But each to their own!

griddlebone 19-02-2013 02:53 PM

I dont think its weird at all!

Pops. 19-02-2013 02:53 PM

No, I don't think it's weird. Each to their own, as they say.

FabulousMike 19-02-2013 02:54 PM

Each to their own and all that.

It's not my cup of tea but if I was with someone and really cared about them and all that I could wait.

I don't think it's weird.

Bellatrix 19-02-2013 02:54 PM

To clarify, I didn't mean weird in a bad way - just that it's no longer the normality as it once was.

Pi.R^2 19-02-2013 02:54 PM

shit, I think I forgot to vote for MOAR LESBIANS!

random.swirls 19-02-2013 02:56 PM

I don't think it's wierd but I don't think its particularly common nowdays.

trechu 19-02-2013 03:01 PM

I have a very strong Christian background/upbringing, so it doesn't seem that weird to me considering some of the people I've known. Not a choice I would make personally though.

Isoverity 19-02-2013 03:06 PM

Sex is actually the beginning of a lot of problems because people get bonded from sex. You see girls get really attached to the guy she first has sex with. That makes it all the more wrenching when things fall apart (as they almost always do). Guys also get very addicted and lots of them are never the same. There is a lot more to not having sex outside of marriage than just following some old protocol. If you play you're going to pay lol

Bellatrix 19-02-2013 03:10 PM

^I don't think that's true.
Def isn't for me. I loved the boy I had sex with, but I don't anymore and I have moved on.

Isoverity 19-02-2013 03:24 PM


Originally Posted by Bellatrix (Post 3511566)
^ I loved the boy I had sex with, but I don't anymore and I have moved on.

That's what happens most of the time. Most never regret losing the boy looking back long term. Indeed most seem to wonder what they ever saw in first place

offlineforever 19-02-2013 03:26 PM

Isn't true for me either, I was raped by the guy who 'loved' me. All I felt after that was pure hatred.

Then it didn't work out with the next guy who I really like and who was willing to take the sex thing at my pace.

ETA: I don't think it is weird either. I respect people who don't give into the peer pressure of having sex to look cool.

Epicene 19-02-2013 03:30 PM

It's not weird; if it stems from cultural beliefs then it's perfectly understandable.

As a completely non-spiritual person, though, the idea does seem a little odd to me based on the fact that sex can clarify your feelings towards someone. I.e. you might think you really love someone, but if you're uncomfortable with them during sex it might highlight that there are some issues there. I'd imagine that could actually be a helpful thing prior to marriage.

Pops. 19-02-2013 03:40 PM

We waited 18 months before having sex together as he was my first, and we are still together nearly 8 years later. I guess people all have different ways of doing things. I agree with Shed though. We definitely realised we were meant to be together after sex. We knew anyway, but sex confirmed it so to speak.

Accidentally Abstract 19-02-2013 03:44 PM

I don't think it's the norm any more either. I think most people these days seem to have sex before marriage & would see it as quite an old-fashioned/religious concept, but each to their own & it's up to individuals what they do with their bodies really. I can't understand the concept of waiting until marriage (but then again I'm not a huge believer in marriage anyway) but that's just my personal preference.

Rodolphus 19-02-2013 03:47 PM

I don't think it's weird, but I don't understand it fully, but I've ne'er had a religious cell in my body.

I think there's an intimacy during/after sex that is very, very difficult to recreate in other situations, and I wouldn't find it easy to commit myself to somebody for life without feeling that intimacy first.

Eccentrics 19-02-2013 04:30 PM


Originally Posted by Narcissa (Post 3511545)
it wasn't until I was 18 and one of my friends had sex with her boyfriend that I realised not ALL the people wait until they're married,

This surprised me.

I must live in a horribly dodgey part of the country because I swear at least 20% of teens my age have already had sex, some as young as 12. (True story!) It seems like hardly anybody waits until marriage to have sex anymore, so I guess it is 'weird' in that sense.

Personally I don't know if I' wait until marriage, but I don't think I'll sex with someone until I've been with them a very long time and would happily marry them at that exact moment if needed. I take it very seriously and have a strict personal policy on how long I should be with and trust the person before I go that far!

To me marriage is just a legal documentation of your love - if love/dedication of that calibur is already there then I believe it's perfectly fine to have sex in a Christian view, regardless of whether you've had that ceremony or not.

Amaryllis 19-02-2013 04:32 PM

My parents got married about four times to each other. In a row, no divorcing. They just kept getting married. And some relatives still don't really believe they are married.

I assume they started having sex at some point, but I don't know where they were in getting married. They might have been married, but not married married.

On.My.Way 19-02-2013 04:41 PM

I don't think it's weird at all... but that being said I am a strong Christian. I think it isn't as uncommon as a lot think, nearly every Christian couple I know have not had sex, maybe only 3 have... and they regretted it after and said it damaged the relationship. I've had sex but regret it and so now choose not to until I get married, if I ever get married...

I think it is weird to a lot of society because we live in a 'pulling' culture now a days but for me and a lot of my friends it's not weird.

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