When I'm upset, I always need pain of some sort. *May be triggering*
 

And that fact scares me so much.
I haven't cut in almost a month, but when I get upset or too anxious, I need pain of some sort. I hate it.

When I'm upset, I have a habit of picking the skin around my finger nails until they bleed, hitting things, digging my fingers into my thigh, scratching my scalp, and pulling my hair out.

I just get so out of control. The worst part is, I have a fear of not having control. I need new outlets. I don't want to harm myself anymore. I want to be free.

I can understand how you're feeling right now. Is there anything happening to cause you to feel upset or anxious? Are you getting any sort of professional help or support from the people around you? Perhaps we could try to help you come up with more positive ways to cope with how you're feeling. Also, congratulations on being almost a month free! :)

Everything is stressing me out, quite honestly. :/
I'm not recieving any professional help, but I am getting a ton of emotional support from my best friend. I've told him more about my depression, than I've ever told anyone. And he's always listened to me. Hell, he's even cried with me over it. If that's not a best friend, I don't know what is.

I'm hoping to find positive ways to cope. I really am.

Thank you so much for your support! :)

I know how you feel in regards to needing pain to cope. In fact, I do many of the same things you mentioned: digging my fingers into my thigh, pulling my hair, biting my fingers.

I am glad that you want to find more positive ways to cope and don't want to hurt yourself anymore. :)

Thinking of you!

maybe you can try exercising when you get an urge. not to the point of hurting yourself, but healthy, reasonable exercise can be somewhat painful and very tiring, and get the negative urge energy out

Thank you very much.<3
I hope you find some positive ways to cope as well!

That's not a bad idea! I even have a workout place in the apartment complex I live at. I'll definitely remember that. Thank you! <3