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Canis 26-12-2009 08:34 PM

thankfully we both accepted we were being stupid and it's mostly okay now... still makes me feel bad because I'm having so many outbursts in the last week or so...

Scarletdreamer 26-12-2009 08:41 PM

Awww. Yeh, that's pretty much what you have to do, both accept that you were both being stupid. That's happened to my husband and me a lot... heh. But we've learnt and are doing a lot better now (not that we were ever doing terribly, it's just that it takes time to learn how to argue properly). When are you and your fiancée getting married?

*more hugs*

Canis 26-12-2009 08:46 PM

Yeah, I noticed that... we've been dating for five years now and we're only starting to argue decently without blaming in the last few months...
We actually wanted to get married next year, but there were some financial troubles we couldn't forsee... So... as soon as we have money for a decent wedding. *sigh*

*hugs back*

Scarletdreamer 26-12-2009 08:53 PM

Aw. My wedding was only 7 people (including pastor, me, and my then fiancé)... didn't want the huge hoopla or anything. Ended up getting married in the middle of a semester - over fall break - which worked out quite nicely. :) I'm glad we did it that way instead of paying for a wedding dress, cake, caterers, etc., etc., etc... :-/

Grrrrgh, I'm eating a protein bar right now because I need to (I'm supposed to be getting a HUGE amount of protein per day and I'm nowhere near that now) and I super really want to purge it... feel so ****ing full and nasty. *cries*

Canis 26-12-2009 09:00 PM

Oh, that sounds nice, too. I mean, as long as you were happy with it, it's okay. ^^
My girl has her eyes set on a certian wedding dress, so we'll have to wait at least untill we can afford that... I want everything to be perfect for her <3

*huggles you* hey... you can do it and I promise it's okay. :-)

Scarletdreamer 26-12-2009 09:19 PM

Aw, that's so sweet of you. :) I hope that things work out perfectly for you both.

*huggles back* I don't feel like it's okay... and I really am sick of food. Thing is, it's starting to taste better... which is a bad thing because that means I want more of it!! which brings on bingeing urges. *cries*

Canis 26-12-2009 09:21 PM

Thank you a lot. :)

okay, that sucks... I don't really know what to tell you, sorry... :( *just huggles some more*

Scarletdreamer 26-12-2009 10:15 PM

You're welcome. :) I know how stressful it can all get before a wedding... just make sure you have some of the planning done a year or so in advance. :P

Yeh, it's hard to know what to say to some things... sorry... but thanks for the huggles. They are much needed. :) *huggles back* How are you doing now?

Kahlia1981 26-12-2009 11:33 PM

*hugs everyone*

April - the binge(eat)/purge cycle is really hard to get out of. My eating disorder ended when the docs put me on risperdal for psychosis. It took away my ability to feel full so instead of having this little tiny stomach it kept growing... and so did my weight. I've only recently been able to gain back some control. Anyway I'm talking too much about me. Just wanted to let you know that I understand where you are coming from, you put just a little bit of food in and then the brain triggers the "I want to purge" stuff. Nasty. *hugs you*

My housemate really isn't doing well. The hospital took him off all his medication on Christmas Eve because a) his lithium levels were high and b) they suspected that the Seroquel was causing his chest pain by atrophying the muscles in his heart and chest. Yesterday he walked around the flat wearing nothing but two socks and one shoe. I had to keep stoppping him from going outside .... something I eventually gave up trying to do but tried to keep him from walking down the street. Last night I went to bed and just managed to fall asleep (I have serious sleep difficulties) and he woke me up. He kept me awake all night. He was worried that if we went to sleep we wouldn't wake up in the morning. It was really weird. I think he was hallucinating because he kept staring into the corner of the room and talking about what he could see.

It really doesn't help that I'm not in too great a way myself. My mood is really low and I'm regularly hallucinating. The lack of sleep is seriously not helping. *sigh* I'm just not sure what to do.

*finds a really dark corner to lay down and try to go to sleep in*

Scarletdreamer 26-12-2009 11:51 PM

*gently hugs Kahlia* Sounds like you've been through a rough time, and are going through a rough time. Have you talked to your flatmate's doctors about the problems that he's been having? It seems like an awful lot of responsibility for you to have... hopefully things will improve soon.

I was on Risperdal but it didn't do anything for me. That was back in 2005, when my ED was REALLY bad. The b/p cycle is awful... I still haven't given in, but neither have the urges. I wish that they would just go away... I hate WANTING to stuff my face but not being able to do it. The same with purging. I went out to dinner tonight and I want to purge so desperately... was worse when I was more full... but it still is AWFUL. :( I wish that I could fight better, be better. I'm going to have to work fulltime - if I can find a job - next fall, so I'd better be able to handle stress etc., especially in my career field (psychology/counseling).

Gahhh. I am going to terminate care with my nutritionist next time I see him... because I don't think I'm recovered enough to take his advice. I'm trying, I really am, but it's so hard!! Some people might think that terminating isn't a wise choice, but... if I start taking better care of myself (i.e., exercising regularly) and also if I buy a scale that tells you how much fat/lean muscle you have gained/lost, I know what to do from there. Kind of. And I really don't like how my N and my personal trainer totally disagree with each other. :(

*sigh*

*needs hugs*

Kahlia1981 27-12-2009 12:29 AM

*hugs April* - only you know what is best for you in relation to the nutritionist hun. I wish I could say more .... I just want you to know that I know how hard it is to recover from an ED. And especially the b/p cycle. *hugs you again*

I haven't said anything to anyone except you guys about my flatmates current issues. He's making sense again this morning .... but, yeah idk.

SoMuchMore 27-12-2009 01:00 AM

*hugs kahlia and april and everyone else that needs one* Sounds like both of you are having a hard time. I hope it gets easier... sorry i don't have many words... but I am barely holding it together right now. I just wanted to stop in and say hi and offer hugs.. I can't concentrate very well, i don't know. I'm At family's house "celebrating" christmas... I hate long weekend family get togethers... they are hard to deal with and a tad boring... and I think im depersonalized. Anyway, I know I'm rambling... sorry.

Scarletdreamer 27-12-2009 01:10 AM

Kahlia, I know that only I know what's best... and I really think that I'm not ready for his guidance. I can't follow it. I struggle so much. Maybe if I don't see him and set my own, smaller goals, I will do better? Yet at the same time that sounds like a recipe for disaster, especially now. Oh, I don't know!!! :'(

Laura, love *big hugs* Try to take good care of yourself, as best as you can, anyway, okay? Family get togethers would be hard for me too, too many people and too much food and not enough privacy. Do you have any plans for the week?

*hugs everyone*

xXxDeathDancerxXx 27-12-2009 04:36 AM

*Sits in corner and stares at nothing*

I would cry but I can't cry anymore. I have cried for the last three hours.
The One person I cared for more then life itself Died. I don't know what it will do with out him. He practically freaking raised me and he leaves me =(
I fear I might do something drastic

SoMuchMore 27-12-2009 05:16 AM

*hugs april* You should do what you feel is best. I know it can be confusing. Be sure to talk to someone though and take care.

*hugs deathdancer* I'm so sorry you feel left. Stay strong hun.

I don't have any plans for the week yet... hopefully figuring out new years stuff and getting away time from my family. I havent SI'd yet... even tho i really really want to. Bad things keep happening. One of the people that I care about so much and trusted, no longer cares to even talk to me. It hurt more than i thought it would... i should be used toit by now...

Scarletdreamer 27-12-2009 12:45 PM

*gently hugs Dancer* I'm so sorry to hear that... it must be so difficult!! Is there anyone else in your life that you can rely on for help/support? Please don't do anything drastic... you don't need to. Take care of yourself the best you can... he would've wanted you to.

*gently cuddles Laura* You sound pretty fragile right now, love. Please try not to SI... it's not worth it. You're worth so, so much more than a scar. Is there anyone that you can talk with about how you're feeling? I'm sorry about that friend... what happened? any idea? or did s/he just suddenly quit speaking with you?

I'm not doing too well. Just ate (most) of my breakfast, am working on an Ensure right now. My husband is being more forceful than usual about me "frontloading" - getting a lot of calories in at the beginning of the day - not violent or anything, just a little frustrating, because I thought I had enough food but he "made" me eat more. :( And now - you guessed it - want to purge. But honestly, I think I can do this without my nutritionist. Need to speak with my NP and therapist about this, though... :-/

Today, church maybe, then over to my parents' house for lunch. My aunt - mum's younger sister - is over for a few days, up from Texas, so that should be nice. She is diabetic and has a sweet lovely golden lab that helps tell her when her blood sugar is low. :) I hope that her dog and my parents' dogs are getting along okay... heh. Their dogs are 13 and 11 years old... my aunt's lab is 7ish. So yeh, big difference in age. But the 11 year old dog, a sheltie-black lab cross, acts like a puppy... so they should - should - get along. :)

*cuddles for everyone*

Absynnthe 27-12-2009 05:10 PM

*crawls into ward again in big bubble to protect everyone from chicken pox, waves miserably...*

Hihi again......

Scarletdreamer 27-12-2009 06:25 PM

Aww Franz, you have the chicken pox? *cuddles inside the box, since I've already had it*

So that's why you haven't been around... or have you been avoiding me? :P Hehehe... *hugs*

I'm at my parents' waiting for them to get home. Heh. My aunt is over and they went to church and probably out for coffee... dunno where they are now, though, as my mum told us to come over between noon and 12:30pm. And it's 12:30pm right now, no sign of them. :-/

*hugs everyone*

~Grace~ 27-12-2009 06:36 PM

I dont visit here very often but thought id pop in a wish everyone well
Sprinkles glitter and jelly beans xx

Scarletdreamer 27-12-2009 07:08 PM

*hugs Grace* How you doing today? :) Thanks for the jelly beans, I'll take the sugar-free kind. Hehe.

Family showed up about 2 seconds after I posted that last post... good. They didn't say what took them so long though... hmmmm. But at least they're here now. My dad, husband, and I are going to go target shooting after lunch too... that should be fun. :) I'm still pretty awful with my gun, but I DID hit the target on the first shot I ever took with it. :P

*hugs to everyone*


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