Ok, so, it has been a stressful couple days, but somehow I have survived with minimal damage. Wish I could say I was SI free, but I can't lie. Looks like lots of activities going on for everyone, please stay safe.

Leaves a tray of cookies and heads to corner to hide.

*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Ian*
*Hugs Angel* I hope you're safe hun :)
*Hugs Mors Certa*

Thankyou to everyone for being so kind :)

Hello all. I'm apologising in advance for not doing everyone in individuals as I'm still not that good myself.

Oliver - I had almost this exact same experience last year. They put me in with a new doctor and she freaked out and overreacted (yes I was extremely depressed and suicidal and only gave her the facts). This doctor immediately ordered me to go to the hospital. If that wasn't enough (could have been ignored) she fought with the director of the practice to get me an ambulance!!! Not that the psych ward here did anything much, but I do have some understanding of the situation. Whatever you reply, I hope that you get what you need.

Okay, I know that I'm seconding the opinion of many others but Mark, you are definitely not ugly inside. Being "ugly inside" can be said to also refer to your personality. You have shown compassion to many of us in here and you are trying to improve your situation. You are not an ugly person. I'm not going to start on "unlovable" because I'll end up quoting my mother and my fiance and they might someday find out I actually listened. :tongue2:

Crimson: 1) I hope you manage to find a new GP that is okay with your insurance, and 2) I hope you can find a new job easily that severely reduces your stress! You've been fighting for so long with the housing situation and work especially. I am really hoping that you can finally get some relief. Really seriously crossing my fingers for you hun.

We are moving. We got approved for a place $20 a week cheaper and it has just been renovated to boot! We take possession on the 5th of May and are trying to find people to help us move (given that my R shoulder has nerves that are damaged and keeps cutting out my R hand).

I got a phone call from the psych ward (which really freaked me out to be honest) saying that my psychiatrist had organised scripts for two of my meds I wouldn't otherwise have been able to afford. We had to catch the bus to the hospital and wait about an hour before they were ready but $11.20 per month versus $200 per month. Whatever currency you use that is so much better.

It looks like things might be finally looking up for us, but I would not like to say that too loud at the moment! Really missing you all and very sorry that I've been pretty distant since I got home from hospital. :-)

Yay Kahlia Hun , *Very quietly whispers that I'm happy things are looking up for you* And Thanks Too :) *Hugs*

hugs everyone

*Hugs Louise* How are you hun?

soso, How are you?

Numb from Lithium I think , It stops me being upset to much but it stops me being happy , *Dusts off my happy mask for the weekend*

hugs mark, i know this is a bit late, but i second what other people are saying. you are no way shape or from ugly inside. you are amazing, caring guy. who even when he is struggling still helps people. i think the world of you mark. you will find the right person mark. huggles

*hugs everyone*

Mark - I echo what everyone else has said. You are in no way ugly.

Sorry. That's all I can do right now. I have really not been myself the past few days. I need to SI.

*Hugs Jill* Thanks Hun :)

*Hugs Laura* Thankyou too hun ,please stay safe .

Thanks Kahlia. I think I found a doctor office that is decent and seems to take both insurances... Their hours are the same as my work hours though :( I suppose missing a couple hours of work for it is okay though. I have the leave time and at least they'll take my insurance.

Glad you found a more affordable snazzy new place and hope you can find someone to help out/ And I'm especially happy for you getting your meds in a way you can afford to be on them.*hugs*

*hugs Mors* We may all have stuff going on but we're all here if you wanna talk to us. *turns into ward mum* Now be sure to keep those wounds cleaned and cared for! *snags a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie*

*hugs Louise, Laura and Jill*

*hugs Mark* I got your PM and will reply properly a little later today (have to clean up my office and such from yesterday and don't have time right now) but I said to PM if you need so it is not dumping it on me. *extra hugs*

P.S.~ I may be a bit hyper later... I had already been drinking a soda and Kelley insisted (actually said she wouldn't leave me alone till I agreed) on getting me a coffee as a thank you for her file the other day... I finally gave in and told her what drink I'd like and she got me a 20 oz latte... seriously... 20 oz. Oy vey. But the Milano Chocolate is delicious.

*waves to everyone*

*Hugs Crimson* Thanks Hun :)

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you hun?

*hugs all* sorry I can't manage more, I have a horrible headache from the heat, but know I have lots of cuddles for you all

*Hugs Oliver*

*hugs Crimson*
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Oliver* headaches suck, maybe take a nap?

My brother and stepbrother ate my pizza. We only have cereal left, and I already had that 3 nights for dinner in the last 2 weeks. It's too easy to develop and ED here. I'm already funny around food and everytime I'm actually hungry and in the mood of eating there's nothing left. My mom wants to send me to a nutritionist, but she's the one who keeps promising me that she'll safe food for me and then there's nothing left. wtf

*hugs Lindsay, Oliver, Mark, Laura*

*Hugs My Wardies*
I'll respond tomorow Crimson

*hugs Mark good night*

Not safe... scared :crying: no hugs please

*offers Angel a plushie to cuddle and sits near by*

Thank you ... my husband called the crisis team..took an extra med ...i give it an hour if it don't work i have to call and make an appointment with them.
Good Friday is hard ...because of abuse in the past ...No hugs please

*Hugs Crimson*
*Waves to Angel*

How are you guys this Morning?

Today is starting out okay, I guess, would rather be in bed with covers pulled over my head, but I have to work through my time left so that I can get a final paycheck. Urges have subsided for the moment, but the day is still young (only 8:15am here) Hope that others in here are doing ok as well.

***returns to corner to hide from the day***

I'm so depressed and itchy. I can't stand to be alive any more.

*Hugs Mors Certa*

*Hugs Lindsay*

Okay, the day is officially going downhill, I am now hiding at my desk with my headphones in, trying to drown out the sound of my heart pounding out of my chest. Gotta love anxiety attacks, thinking about hiding in the bathroom for a while to try and get away from this feeling. I know that I can make this go away, but I really fight to avoid SI while I am at work, hard enough to hide the evidence of what I do away from the office.

*lays on the floor in corpse pose* Vinyasa yoga is way more leg intensive than what I'm used to... I could only do 21 minutes out of a 36 minute sequence... Then my knees protesting reached critical mass... I do feel good about doing it though. It's been forever since I did yoga.

How is everyone? *hugs all my wardies*

Hmmmm... Quiet day.
*hugs all*
Have a good day/ weekend/holiday everyone! I'll see you all Monday!

*Hugs Crimson*

*Spots and Hugs Kahlia*

So I'm off to my folks this afternoon so am sorry if my usage gets sporadic :S I can't sleep there and my digestion gets thrown out of wack *Sigh*

Hope your visit is bearable, Mark.

I'm going to see my brother in Edinburgh today. It's going to involve a lot of travel to different train stations, I hope I don't get lost.

Good Luck Lindsay Hun and have a good time :) *Hugs*

*huggles anyone who needs/wants them*

Had another jam-packed day today. We helped my fiance's parents with packing and taking two loads of green waste to the dump and finally managed to do our groceries. Then I found out that a friend of mine, a director of a lot of shows in the theatre, passed away last night from a stroke. And I found out that I could do my IT course through Monash, a university I have done two subjects with and found exceptional.

Life just never seems to stand still.

hugs everyone

*Hugs Louise* How are you hun?

*hugs to those who want hugs* *waves to others*

I hope the time at your parents was bearable Mark.

I'm moving into my new flat tomorrow, I'm excited and nervous, but then Monday I have the crisis team coming round :( not sure how I feel about that, cos they will stop me going through with my plan and I want to go through with my plan, I need to be dead.

all i have to say right now is love sucks! I really don't even know why I keep trying if all hubby's ever gonna do is let me down... *curls into ball and cries*

*Hugs Oliver* I hope your move go's smoothly :)

*Hugs Kelly Tons*

*huggles Kelly* I'm sorry things are difficult.

*hugs Mark* thank you. how are you?

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Laura* how are you?

*hugs everyone and leaves some treats on the table*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs YodaBear*

I'm low and suicidal(ish) but having such fun skyping with Felicia :) :(

*hugs matt and grabs some treats*

*hugs Mark* please stay safe and ooo that sounds fun :)

*hugs Mark* stay safe and have some treats :)

*hugs matt* how are you?

I am doing okay I guess... kinda sorta upset and tbh a bit wishing to do something that I shouldn't do...