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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Doikers 03-07-2010 09:53 PM

-sits with Nicole and Helen-

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 10:02 PM

Hi Nicole, how are you?

*Hugs Mark*- I feel exactly the same. I'm so scared of rejection and dimissal that I keep everyone at arm's length. I don't even really open up on here, and it's a support website. I'm just so scared. I'm tired of being scared. I've said too much. I'll shut up.

Try to do something as a distraction. I just watched a movie. A Cinderella Story, it's not the best movie ever, but it meant I didn't have to think. I also have my writing, that keeps me on this edge. Just. Do you have a hobby that you can do anytime?

Doikers 03-07-2010 10:12 PM

Well Lia *Hugs * First , I used to LOVE to read but I can't even watch much tv I've so little concentration and focus these days , Damn Depression
I HATE having Depression,
I HATE cutting,
I HATE meds and their side effects,
I HATE myself,
HATE HATE HATE:( Sorry

Doikers 03-07-2010 10:31 PM

I'm shutting down the laptop now .
Check back tomorow.
Night Night everyone.
Sweet dreams.

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 10:33 PM

Night night Mark. Don't hate yourself, you're an amazing, strong person. Sweet dreams to you too.
xx

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 10:35 PM

I'm alone in the house and my mum went out almost 5 hours ago with my sister. They should be back by now and I keep hearing things...I know it sounds childish, but I'm kinda scared.

MammaMia 03-07-2010 10:37 PM

Not childish to be scared sweet. Everyone gets scared.

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 10:41 PM

Well I kinda need someone to talk to. Anyone around? I like being home alone, but not like this, not when they should be back. I have a knife beside me, but I'm scared I'll use it for other things.

xxjuliexx 03-07-2010 10:43 PM

-curls up in my sleeping bag-

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 10:51 PM

Hey Julie. You alright?

I'mJustMe 03-07-2010 11:46 PM

*Curls in corner, scared and alone. *

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 12:08 AM

*huggles lia and sits with her if that's okay?*

just checking in... cuddles all 'round to those who want them.

sorry it's not more. :(

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 12:42 AM

Hey April, what's up sweetie?
xx

wildly insane 04-07-2010 01:01 AM

hmm...nothing, absolutely nothing, confirms it I guess

hugs to everyone, I'm gonna go now

leaves a bucket of hugs and hope and tea and calorie free ginger cake

keep fighting

MammaMia 04-07-2010 01:18 AM

*hugs to all if they can accept them*

Sorry I'm so useless right now.

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 01:19 AM

Yay, I love tea! *Comes out of corner to get a cup of tea and speak to others*

Everyone alright?

xx

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 01:26 AM

i'm meh. trying to work on getting the apartment ready for de-flea-ing but i hardly have the energy to put all of the effing stuff that we have (dunno where it all came from!!!) into totes. i think we've filled 10 18-gallon totes so far... :-S

r/v updated awhile ago, forgot to mention that.

how are you doing now, lia?

*cuddles hannah & hels*

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 01:29 AM

I'm fine. As always. I'm smiling, see?

Well have fun with the box packing, and meh's better than ****. It could be worse. :)

x

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 02:40 AM

Mmmhm. I think we "banned" the word "fine" in here awhile ago... :) ...and we all know that smiling doesn't mean that you're okay. We're all experts here at keeping up that mask, remember? *hugs* Wish I could say something that would help you be okay with opening up a bit more... am worried about you.

Meh turned to ****. :( It usually does in the evenings, especially when I'm extra tired. Turns out that a room in our house is particularly flea infested and that just makes me feel ill. I hate this whole shizbang of fleas and medication for the cat and flea-bombs and moving crap... :'( It's a pain in the bum and I just want to call it quits. I've kind of not done my end-of-internship report yet, either. REALLY need to get cracking on that. :'(

At least I get to see my bestie tomorrow, and I texted with her a bit today. Didn't help me feel any better really but at least I managed to give her some support.

'Kay, gonna see if we can go to bed now... or soon - gotta take showers first. Soooo tired!!!! :'(

SoMuchMore 04-07-2010 02:40 AM

my mom is back in the hospital *sigh* Still waiting for things to turn around.

Sorry for lack of individual replies. Can barely handle this right now.
*hugs everyone*

Kahlia1981 04-07-2010 03:47 AM

*offers hugs and cuddles to all who can accept and safe care and love packages to everyone else*

sorry i'm so crap at everything at the moment. can hardly hold myself together for more than 5 minutes.

spent last night and today upgrading my computer to windows 7 ultimate, office professional plus 2010, visio premium 2010 and various other things, and now am trying to get adove cs5 design premium on subscription so that i can have dreamweaver (education level - full features but not full cost) so i can do my course.

the big catch - i can barely function.

it's all just a damn waste of time. someone please kill me now.

risenfromperdition 04-07-2010 05:36 AM

ugh, ****ing holidays, stupid bloody food =[
*hugs laura* message?

*squishes kahlia and everyone else who wants*
<3

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 10:47 AM

*Hugs for all who want them and low fat cookies for those who don't. Let's have some tea too since it's morning.*

April- Sorry, I will have to look through my thesarus for another word :) I have to be OK, I always have to be because whenever I'm not people just dismiss or ignore me, just like my best friend did last night. Totally ignored my comment about feeling worthless. Either that or they just hurt me in the long run and I can't take it anymore.

I hope you feel better now since it's morning. Maybe you could get rid of the fleas in a fun way. Have a Pied Piper of Hamlin/Enchnaed moment and sing and dance so they follow you out of the house and down the street, but sing 'A Happy Working Song' first and they might clean your house for you.

Laura- I'm sorry about your mum. Things should turn around soon, she must be getting better to be allowed out, and in the meantime, you have us :)

Kahlia- Do you know what happened to make you feel this way? Or is it just life in general? It's OK to fall apart now and again, we aren't going to judge for it. Please don't do anything you can't take back, however bad the badn times are, there are always good times amongst it. Think of those.

Heather- *hugs* I know what you mean, I always eat **** loads in the holidays and really hate it. I also just don't like the holidays in general.

I was not impressed, I typed all this out and accidently deleted it. Oh well, typing it out again gave me something to do.

I'm bang-tidy (that better April?)

Doikers 04-07-2010 12:10 PM

Morning everyone.
*
*Group hugs to all who wants them *
*Waves to everyone else*

We are "Doing" my dads birthday today. I've just taken 23 minutes to check on the computer.

Sorry I'm of no use ,I hope people genuinally feel fine or bang-tidy soon:)

MammaMia 04-07-2010 12:26 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 12:48 PM

Hey guys.

You lot alright?

Have fun today Mark.

xx

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 01:45 PM

Good morning, everyone. :)

Today's the "big day" ... guhhh ... I wish, Lia, that we could have the fleas clean the house for us - that would be so awesome!! :P You actually made me smile with that comment... :) How are you this morning? I'm so sorry that your bestie blew you off when you said you felt worthless... we won't here, though, you've seen how we "take care of our own" and I hope that someday you'll feel comfortable enough to open up. *hugs*

Mark, I hope your dad's birthday goes well. When will you be back at your flat? so you don't have to wear the happy mask all the time? *cuddles*

*cuddles Heather, Kahlia, and Laura* Heather, I eat a lot at holidays too. It sucks. :( Kahlia, love, it's okay to fall apart sometimes, as Lia said... it can be really hard not to. But please take care of yourself the best you can, even if it doesn't feel worth it right now. Laura, what's wrong with your mum? Hopefully she'll get better soon... and how are you?

Hels, Hannah, Oliver, Nicole, JK, Kat, Julie, Kathryn, and everyone I know I'm missing (I'm sorry!!), how are you all doing? *cuddles for all who want them*

I'm really tired. Just played WoW for a bit - wrote about the recent happenings in my r/v I think... heh. I'm really happy about having such high level toons now... :) Well, not "such" - only two more 60s (well, 61s now) and then a level 52. All from just one refer-a-friend toon being leveled to 60. :D We're working on another pair right now, my mage (level 34 now) and a RAF pally (level 36 I think?). Woohoo. :)

Anyway. I really need to work on my end-of-internship report. REALLY REALLY NEED TO. But haven't. GO ME. >_<

*hides in the warren*

MammaMia 04-07-2010 01:48 PM

I'm not too great, but hey.

*cuddles April*

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 02:00 PM

*cuddles Hels* What's up, sweetie?

MammaMia 04-07-2010 02:04 PM

*cuddles April* Just angry at couple people, struggling and worried.Oh well.

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 02:22 PM

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry that you're angry/upset at some people, and that you're struggling. It's never easy especially when those two go hand-in-hand. :( Is there anything I can do to help??

Fighting to get breakfast down this morning... really didn't want to eat it and the only reason I can is because I'm distracting myself online........ :'(

MammaMia 04-07-2010 02:35 PM

Stop people joking about the r word? =(

nicole94 04-07-2010 02:38 PM

*sits* urgh. this is too hard, i cant do it! :(

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 02:44 PM

*Hugs Helen* sorry people made you feel that way. If you're worried about something, it can actually help to tell someone (and this is coming from me) because usually it's an irrational fear and others can see that where as you can't. Only what isn't as reassuring is when someone just goes 'oh ****'.

*Hugs Nicole* what's up sweetie?

April- procastinating, my favourite past time. But look on the brightside, after this it will be over! I hope so too...(that I can open up that is).

I'm worried about my friend. I haven't heard from her in two days, we are email buddies and have this agreement that if we don't hear from the other in three days then we have to assume...and she knows what it's like to worry like that about someone. She wouldn't leave me hanging without good reason.

nicole94 04-07-2010 02:48 PM

*hugs* i REALLY need to cut, but i cant cause im going to butlis next week and i dont wanna be coverd in cuts, and my mums doing my head in and making it worse :(

MammaMia 04-07-2010 03:14 PM

I'mJustMe, I hope your friend is okay sweetheart, could her net broken or something?? The thing, well person, I'm worried about already knows :( She told me not to worry heh. *cuddles*

*cuddles Nicole tight* Try not let your mum get to you sweetheart, I know it's easier said than done though.

nicole94 04-07-2010 03:18 PM

*cuddles helen* im so scared, the suicidal thoughts are coming back and theyre worse that last time and i cant cut and im very aware that im gonna be spending a week near a big stretch of rough water..........

MammaMia 04-07-2010 03:55 PM

*cuddles Nicole* You'll keep safe, I know you will. You can fight the thoughts darling, I know it's oh so hard, but you can. Everything will be okay...

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 05:39 PM

Still not heard from her...

Nicole- You can get past these thoughts. I know how it goes, I went to the vets the other day to be shown around before work experience and I saw a cabinet full of drugs...but you are strong enough to overcome them. I know you are.

xx

nicole94 04-07-2010 06:14 PM

yeah but im not scared anymore. last time i felt like this i was scared, but im not anymore and im worried.

MammaMia 04-07-2010 07:10 PM

Lia(?), I'm sure she'll be in contact asap, how did she seem when you last heard from her??

Nicole, *cuddles tight* Sometimes we all stop being scared when in that state of mind, but we can stay strong..

Not sure I'm even making any sense.

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 08:25 PM

It's alright, I just got a message from her. And yes, I am Lia.

Ah, but at least you're worried that you're not scared when you know you should be. It's when you're not worried you have issues. Does that make sense? Probably not, I rarely do. *Hugs*

xx

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 08:54 PM

Hey howmuchmore (sorry, don't know your name). I'm Lia (pronounced Leah).

Sure, join us! I hope you will feel welcome here. I do, I love this because I feel I really belong. People care.

How are you?

xx

Scarletdreamer 04-07-2010 09:27 PM

I spy a Mark and a Julie!! *glomps*

And welcome, Luke, I'm April. :)

Lia, you make sense more often than you give yourself credit for. :) *huggles*

Nicole, what Lia said is right, and so is what Hels said - it's when you stop worrying about not being scared that you should be worried (paraphrase that makes absolutely no sense, lol) and you can be strong. I know you can.

Hels, how are you doing this afternoon/evening?? *cuddles*

Am at my parents' - Jarrod should be along in a bit after doing laundry... Gonna have to keep my happy face on for now, hate that, yuck. Just want to be home and relaxed, but at least here I don't have WoW to distract me from my internship report. :-/

*hides in the warren*

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 10:13 PM

Having to put on a happy mask can be a good thing. It can make you feel better than sitting in your bedroom moping anyway. I've been trying to get out as much as possible, I am actually glad I have work experiacne this week, I need something to do.

*Joins April in warran, gets bored and tempts her out with cookies* What's gwanin' ma fam? How's life in the yard?

Sorry I've gone into gangster lingo. There's something really wrong with me. I will shut up.

Hey Luke. You're always welcome here, and I'm sure you will be at the other hospital if you feel you really need to go back there. But tbh, you're bound to struggle at first. You're adapting to not having others like you around you all the time and having your needs cared for. You're learning to stand on your own two feet again without constant support and that's bound to be hard. It doesn't mean you've failed, or it was all for nothing, it just means you're human. You can talk to us here anytime, someone's pretty much always here.

I'm 'bang-tidy' (I have been banned from use of the word fine. And I predict I will soon be banned from use of the word 'bang-tidy'.)

xx

SoMuchMore 04-07-2010 10:31 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry im not really up for individual replies.

Hi Luke! welcome! I'm Laura

Things are so strange for me right now. Can't really type it all out right now. Will try later.

I'mJustMe 04-07-2010 10:37 PM

*Hugs Luke and Laura.*

Please don't try anything stupid Luke, it might work too well. Are you going back soon then? Or is this permentant?

I hope you're OK Laura, and hope you will open up here soon :)

xx

MammaMia 04-07-2010 11:48 PM

Lia, glad you heard from your friend sweetheart. You did make sense.

Welcome Luke =) I've had many mh type people tell me I'm 'fine' despite my low moods, suicidalness and stuff =/

April, I'm hanging in there darling :)

I'mJustMe 05-07-2010 12:04 AM

It's the oppisite for me, I'm the one telling others I'm word-that-must-not-be-uttered (or typed).

Luke- It's really good that you are being as safe as possible (well that made me sound like a parent giving their teenager the sex talk). Giving someone else the pills is a really huge step and shows you are recovering and really do want to live. It's also good that you regret what you did, what's scary is when you just don't care anymore.

I hope all goes well for you on Thursday and you get the help you need. We're all here for you in the meantime.

Helen? Is that your name?- Thanks. How are you feeling?


I have work experiance tomorrow, I really should sleep...

xx

SoMuchMore 05-07-2010 12:31 AM

*hugs april* hope that you get some work done at your parents place. Sorry about the "happy mask," it can be so hard sometimes.

*hugs lia* bang tidy? haha I've never heard that before. I kinda like it. No lying about how you are though. That's no good. Its okay to be honest here. Hope you get some sleep.

*hugs luke* I'm sorry that the mh people aren't very helpful. Hope that things with your psychologist go okay. I have a hard time talking about how I am too. Hence the reason a lot of times in here I will do replies and give some vague reference to me but not go into details lol.

*hugs helen* Glad to hear you are hanging in there - although i know that was addressed to April. Hope everything is really okay/okay-ish with you.

So my ex is back.. woohoo *sarcasm* Trying to avoid him kinda, although its a little hard to do in this city as he lives like 3 blocks from me. Went out last night, it was really fun. (Finally.. something was fun!) Today, I went to a very awkward lunch... O well I guess. Going to watch fireworks tonight for the 4th of July holiday here in the U.S.

Sometimes I wish I could just leave this city. I cannot wait until I graduate. I really need to start over somewhere. Not that things with me would be different, but things with others might be. Until then, I guess I'll join the ranks of "happy masked" people.


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