How to stop your old self preservation techniques?
 

What I mean is that when I was young and had to go through loads of emotional abuse and neglect and later on when I witnessed a lot of physical between my father and his girlfriend, I learned to build walls around me so I wouldn't feel. (if that makes sense?)

Now in therapy I really have to try and start talking about it again ... problem is I'm way too scared that when I'll finally start feeling something aroung this again I'll break down completly.
I can talk it perfectly without feeling anything, like I'm reading a story ... but how do you start and feel stuff again? In a safe, non-overwhelming way...

I've been trying for 5 years now and only happend a few times IP after which I broke down and fell back on blocking the feelings ...

I'm not sure, having the same problem right now, but maybe breaking down in therapy is actually ok? Maybe it gets easier feeling things after the first time?.. I dunno.. good luck with it though xx

This is something I'm working on constantly myself. In fact I shut down in my therapy session last Monday, it was like being sedated and not in a good way - I couldn't even feel or think.

I built walls around me too. I was bullied for over a decade every day. I was at the receiving end of my father's instability and iritability and hatred of women. I witnessed dad hurt mum, emotionally and at times physically. I went away into myself. I retreated into a fantasy world.

But I am starting to feel. It takes time. And is multi-layered, the way things are with multiple traumas and cumulative abuse. Emotional abuse and neglect over many years can be like water that slowly breaks down a stone.
Journalling can help. And reading books by abuse survivors - that can really break through feeling gradually and gently.
Your therapist can tell, I expect, like mine can, that things are delicate and needs sensitive, slow and gentle support and guidance.

Thanks for the comments! Any advice on good books about this?