*hugs helen* how're you tonight?

*hugs Nicole* Pretty low. But never mind. How are you?

*hugs helen* aww, do you wanna talk about it? i'm ok thanks, really struggled with going back to college today but think i'm ok now :/

I went back to college today, was good, but struggled in a way. Sorry you struggled, want to talk about it? *hugs*

*hugs, i'm ok thanks, yeah, it's hard going back after having a break, and i was in college 9-5 today :/ stupid long days! what course are you doing helen?

It sure is hard after breaks. I'm doing Early Years =) (It's a childcare course). I have to be there from 9.00-4.30 on Mondays so can feel your pain.

ohohoh :D i'm doing childcare too! (along with a lot of other things.) i love it! we spend most of our lessons painting or doing puzzles :D lol

Awesome =)

:) so, what are you up to tonight?
i'm making myself jealous looking at tattoos and wishing i could have one :/ XD but my mum wont let me :(

I've been crying, talking to you, had a shower, talking to you some more yay and now I'm just writing this post LOL. Was supposed to be having a conversation with my best friend but er, that didn't work out too great. Nobody's fault though. No arguments or anything. Just bad time of year for her :(

aaaw *hugs* not such a great night then. i'm sure your friends ok though, sometimes you just need time on your own!

*cuddles up with helen*

She's not okay though Nicole. It's breaking my heart seeing her like this =[ I just pray that she'll start feeling better once this period has passed (which it will this week). Just wish I could do more, I feel such a useless best friend. I feel so selfish for needing her so much right now :'(

*cuddles Julie* How you feeling?

i'm sore but not to bad

*cuddles helen tight* i know hun, but she will get better, she just needs to keep fighting, we all do, it will get better in the end.

Julie, I'm glad you're not too bad, hope the pain goes away soon. Sorry it took so long that they could only do one :(

*cuddles Nicole tightly* I know she'll get better. I won't ever let her stop fighting. But I do agree that we all need to keep fighting because it does get better.

*hugs helen* uhuh. although, i still struggle to beleive that for myself. :/ idk.
ugh, i wish i could just say things......

I struggle to believe it sometimes too but we have to try keep that faith *cuddles*

*cuddles* i know, i think half my problem is that i keep things bottled up.....

*hugs everyone*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies but there have been several pages since I was last here and I don't want to miss anyone.

Mark: re the 9th: I understand how you feel about it and am glad that you have thought ahead and made meetings for during the day. For the evening, what about finding an activity to keep you occupied - instead of coming off the Antabuse and drinking?? Maybe watching a movie or making a time to catch up with online friends? I don't know if either of those is a possibility or would even keep you occupied enough. The key, as you said, is to find an activity that will keep your mind occupied. Can you brainstorm and find something that might be a possibility? I'm sure that we'll help if we can. One thing more Mark: you are strong enough to beat this. Never forget that. *hugs*

I had a nightmare last night that managed to jerk my housemate out of bed!! I must have screamed because he came flying into my bedroom to find out what was wrong. This morning my anxiety is so high that I'm uncomfortable when sitting on the balcony with the security screen open. This doesn't bode well for my trip to the doctors surgery this afternoon. :-(

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all wardies on the table*

*hugs Nicole and Kahlia tight*

Nicole, I saw your rant thread, please don't do it :(
Kahlia, I'm sorry you're so anxious

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs Kahlia* I may well be spending quite a bit of time online to keep myself distracted on the 9th , Watching a movie is a tough one as I have so little focus/concentration , I guess I could watch a movie I know and like so it would be okay to float in and out of because I know what happened . Thankyou so much for your reply :)

Oh and my cut stopped bl**ding overnight :):)

Mark, why do you put stars in the word bleeding? I'm assuming it's so you don't trigger people? I'm sorry but if they can't handle the word blood/bleeding, then that's just bit wee stupid and maybe shouldn't come here for support, where that word is going to be used sometimes and not always in reference to self harm. Sorry if this post upsets anyone, it's not my intention.

Helen , It was because I didn't want to trigger anyone , I was just being a bit overly causious (sp?) maybe . Your post didn't upset me .*Hugs Helen* how are you today?

*hugs everyone*

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you? :)

*Hugs Felicia* Whats going on today with you ? :)

My psych changed my medication so hopefully it works

I have counseling today.

and I'm dealing with tons of suicidal thoughts, so I don't really know what's up with me.

*Crosses Fingers for your meds to work Ryuu* *Hugs*

*Hugs Felicia* I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts these last few days too, :( I hope your counselling session go's well and you can get some things off your chest :)

Fair enough Mark :) *hugs* I'm really low but at least college kept me distracted for the majority of the time I was there?

*hugs Lindsay* How you doing honey?

That's good & fingers crossed.

I hope counselling goes well. I'm sorry you're having suicidal thoughts, they suck. But remember you're not alone. Been having them myself aswell. *hugs tight*

RYUU, i'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Felicia, I hope counselling goes well and the thoughts ease.

Today I was asked to come back on the next Prince's Trust team as assistant team leader again. It's nice that I have been asked but I don't know if i'm up for it. I'm struggling through this team. I'd like to go back on residential but the rest would just be boring repetition. Youth work isn't something that I want to do but if I left after this team i'd have nothing to do. I don't know what to do.

*hugs everyone*
I update my r/v (see siggy) if anybody cares/wants to read it... Just figured I'd say so since I rarely bother with my r/v (or much else) these days...

*wanders off*

*Hugs Crimson* I read your R/V first paragraph , and am sorry to hear your Mil issues :( .I'm sorry I didn't read more but I cannot focus/concentrate on reading , really sorry. My heads all over the shop :S

*hugs mark and everyone*
felicia, hope the thoughts go away and counseling goes kay <3

*Hugs Heather* How are you ?

*hugs Mark* It's ok Mark :) Just had to get at least some of it out, ya know?

I know how it can all get pent up inside Crimson yes. *Hugs*

It's early but I'm mentally exausted with urges and craving and suicidal fantasys all day and I'm not asking for them they're coming of their own accord :S
*Hugs Wardmates goodnight*
Tomorrow might be better it's the 3rd right , 3rd time lucky :)

*tucks Mark in* G'night hun. Hope tomorrow is lots better :)

Hey guys *cuddles*

Sorry for being a bad wardie recently. My pain is getting worse and I broke down hysterically crying and shaking today. Feeling a little better but feeling pretty crappy. :( I'll be here for you all as much as I can when I feel better. Sorry guys x

*cuddles sarah* you are not a bad wardie... not at all.

*huggles all*

So damn anxious. Scored 46 on a test (K10) which is an indicator of anxiety and depression/suicide distress. The "highest" score is 50. :-(

Meh. So.damn.over.this.

*hugs wardies lots*

I'm sorry that so many of us are struggling :-/ wish there was something I could do for you all.

*bakes some no calorie cookies and places them out for everyone to snack on*

I'm probably gonna be a bad/ absent wardie for a little bit... at least the rest of this week. I have uni, plus I've gotta do something about these suicidal thoughts.
I'll read and think of you guys, but I'm not feeling so conversational and such.
*hugs everyone*

*cuddles felicia* you are not a bad wardie. You have to take care of yourself first. Hope that the suicidal thoughts lessen. We are here if you need us.

That goes for everyone, nobody is a bad wardie... even if i say it of myself sometimes... its not true

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs all my other wardmates*

*yawns* evening... well morning really

*hugs all*

I feel so lousy ... :-(