*hugs nicole*

*hugs kat*

*curls up in the corner under a duvet and shakes*

*joins kat in corner and hugs*

I'm going to bed . I've so had about enough of today .
Bad day.
Over.
Start afresh ( With a brand new scar ) tommorow .

"It will all be happy in the end , if it's not happy it's not the end"

Night night ward mates
* hopes it's not too early for bed , was up early so hopefully I'll sleep*

*hugs mark and tucks him in* no sweetie, its not too early for bed if you feel like it, sorry you've had a bad day

*walks up to the tucked in Mark and gives him a super soft plushie to cuddle* It's never to early for bed if you need it.

*huggles everyone and sets timer then runs off for another 15 minute work session*

*hugs back* I'm tired too. *curls up to sleep*

*tucks kat in and hands teddy* night night

*creeps in and hugs everyone quietly*

Hayley, Helen, Laura, thanks heaps for your individual comments, tbh 10 days didn't feel like any achievement until you gals said what you did. And I guess you're right, its the first 10 days of 2 months, or 20 months or....11 days ;)

*hugs Crimson back tight*

April, right now you'll be doing your talk, so I am sending you strength and courage and I bet you're doing great x

To everyone else, keep looking after each other in here, you guys are doing a good job.

*hugs and wanders off aimlessly*

Ohhhh I missed commenting back on the 10 days! *throws confetti and twirls noise maker* YAY! Congrats!

*hugs everyone*

Sorry it isn't more.

*sits down in a dark corner and starts crying*

*comes over to corner, offers Kahlia a tissue, hug and a listening ear*
whats up?

*cuddles everyone and then curls up in a hidden space* :(

*cuddles Oliver* Just really not doing well right now. Bad SI urges and suicidal ideation and thoughts. So sick of fighting to live.

*cuddles Helen*

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles everyone* I made it through my presentation!!! and I only said "ummm" 61 or 62 times in 10 minutes... :-/ Not good. But oh well, at least it's over!! *bounces* I also got the most questions from professors etc. than anyone else did (there were three other presenters) :( boo hiss, I don't know if I handled that well. I also SI'd because I was so anxious, so another ugly misshapen scar from scratching. :'(

Oh well. At least it's OVER. And I am practically DONE with senior sem. :) Sorry no individual replies, am just popping on and popping off to let you all know that it went okay. :) And everyone, thanks for the prayers/good wishes/thoughts that you sent my way!!

*more cuddles for everyone*

*huggles April* I'm sure you did a good job, anxious or not. Proud of you for getting through it :D

YAY FOR APRIL =D

nice one on making it through April, I'm sure you will have done really well. *cuddles*

*cuddles Kahlia lots* awww hun, you can be strong and make it through, have you got any distractions, or anyone you can talk to?

*cuddles Crimson and Helen* how are you both?

*hugs Oliver* I dunno I made it through the day so far in 15 minute increments...
I redid my desk... half of it looks kinda cluttered I imagine but now stuff is more accessible and I got rid of stuff I didn't need... The other half shows the evidence of removing things since it's empty lol.

How are you doing Oliver?

lol, I need to desperatly tidy my room, its really bad, just music and paper everywhere.
I'm really stressing over my essays, need to do a load of reading and get quotes for my class on wed, but got 7 hours of rehearsal tomorrow, so going to print it off in a break and probs end up doing it in rehearsal, or late at night after youth group.
I'm not doing so great, lesson today I was so tense, my knuckles were going white I was gripping the horn so hard, teacher tried to get me to relax.
counselling appointment was ok, bit shorted cos he had to dash off somewhere, but started to look at the roles i have in my life and whether they are fixed or not, quite scary that like only 2 are fixed.
then horn class after, been out at uni now for at least a month, but just complete name and pronoun fail with my teacher and the 2 other students, I'm going to start correcting people soon, its been enough time.

*gives everyone hugs and flowers and then goes and pretends to be invisable in a corner*

*hugs everyone then sits down in a corner and cries*

awww Kahlia hun, come here *hugs and cries a little too* what's up hun?

*hugs Helen too* we always find you when you hiding hun, you ok?

Crimson, thanks sweetheart, but its really not worth confetti and stuff, it kinda just happened and it might be a bit early to start the celebrations. That sounds really negative, sorry.....*starts again* thanks sweetheart, that's awesome confetti and oh, what a noise those noise makers make. *hugs tight* 15 minute intervals are good *nods*

*breathes a huge sigh of relief* glad you got through the talk April, and I know how hard you are on yourself so I'm sure you done AWESOME. SI not so awesome, but I understand and I hug you.

*cuddles Oliver* cos he's around

*finds Julie, hugs her, and pops her back*

I not great, but will survive another day. I had a bit of a miscommunication with a friend and she's real upset and I didn't really mean it and now its all messy, but tomorrow's another day and I'll just have to try again. Maybe.

*hugs everyone lovingly*
I real appreciate you all here you know
x

*cuddles JK* yeah tomorrow is another day, I hope you can sort things out with your friend.

*hugs Kahlia*

I have 9 continuous hours of rehearsal, with only an hour break in the middle today, really not in the mood.

^^ it's like 8:15 at night
lol
how r u all?
*hugs everyone*

Ah the magic of timezones.

Oliver: I have that logged at 18:04 (24hr time) so that must have been fairly early in the morning. It can be a royal pain having a long rehearsal when you aren't in the mood, just take it easy on yourself. I hope you get "lost in the music" and find yourself enjoying it. *big hugs*

*cuddles up to JK*: I'm just really feeling like crap. I feeling like doing something really stupid. My whole mind is set in that direction and I'm trying hard to find some distractions for myself. I don't know how I'm doing. :S Just ... the champix knocked me right back into the depression and I can't work out how to get out. *hugs you again because you sound like you need it*

Julie: Sorry, I haven't meant to be rude. How are you doing? You've been playing invisible in the ward. Is everything okay? *big hugs*

*hugs everyone* - Sorry I haven't mentioned names because I didn't want to leave anyone out or make them feel that they don't matter.

*sits back down in the corner and rocks back and forward until she can cry again*

its 9.30 here now, so it was at 09.04

*sits with Kahlia, hugs and comforts her*

*cuddles JK and Julie*
*cuddles all his amazing ward friends*

I'm so depressed and confused I wish this place was real. I need to run away from reality for a while.

*beings visiable* Kahlia1981 ur not rude
*being inviable*

I shouldn't be awake at 5 am, yet I am. I didn't go to class tomorrow and I don't think I'll go today. I have a ton of stuff I need to pack and move to my new place...yet I can't find the will to do it, I can't find the will to do anything. I'm ****ed and I don't even care anymore.

i love ur colour pencials icon Ileana

*hugs Kahlia tight* I haven't been on Champix, but sounds like something to avoid :/ Please hang in there hun, you've done so well and whilst I know exactly how you feel, I'd real like it if you didn't do anything "stupid" *hugs again* Wish I could stop you crying.

Thanks Oliver, will take time with my friend as its pretty complicated, but hope she'll come round.9 hours of rehearsal sounds FUN! for those who don't do it *hugs*

*cuddles Helen tight*

*admires the coloured pencils in the ward*

Thanx julie

Way to go on your presentation April , Go you ! *Hugs*
*Hugs Ileana*
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs JK*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs Julie*
*Hugs Katnovia*
I hope I didn't miss anyone , sorry if I did *Hugs everyone*

*hugs Mark back* how was your sleep? Really hope you're feeling better today. I off to bed now. Strange time-zoned ward x

Oliver: Ah, at least it wasn't too early in the morning. Timezone difference can be a major headache. Thank-you for the hugs. *hugs back*

Ileana: I can't offer an escape from reality, is it okay if I offer you a hug and a listening ear? *offers hug*

*hugs Julie*

JK: The Champix is a Quit-Smoking aid. Apparently not good if you have a mental illness. My GP prescribed it anyway. I managed three days, but already was suicidal and right back in the middle of the depression. If you know someone that has a mental illness (especially a mood disorder) and wants to quit smoking, please advise them not to go on Chantix/Champix. I don't know if it has any other names. *cuddles in tight to you*

*walks around the ward and through the garden and smoking area to find and offer hugs to everyone then slips into her hidden space to sit down and cry again*

Mark: Sorry I must have been typing while you were. *hugs you back*

hey Kahlia, Champix sounds like a bad call from your doc. Hoping that you're off it now and things will return to "normal" soon. *hugs*

I gave up smoking using nicotine patches about 15 years ago, not sure if they would be any better for you?

depression =not good
suicide = worse

Please take care hun, we are here for you, and happy for you to slink off into the garden for a while if it helps you get through.

*stays cuddling tight*

Thanks JK. My housemate and I were both on it, and are now both off it, for the same reason. He's pretty much back to normal .... I'm not. I'm going to ask about nicotine patches, I'm just a bit worried they won't stick and may contain traces of latex - which would mean they will burn me. But yeah. *cuddles into JK*

Ugh , well my nights sleep started with me lying there feeling very tired and achey but not sleeping for about 3-4 hours . then I slept for about 11 - 12 hours.
Today , well it's too early to tell how today will be , my Sister and brother in law are coming over to use my P.C. as theirs won't play a disc or something , They will probably bring Mariama my 4 month old neice .

* Hopes toady will be nice and I get nice post *
*Hugs JK goodnight*
*Hugs Kahlia back again :)*
I feel in the need for hugs

*crawls under my blanky*

*hugs Mark* I hope your day turns out okay.

*gives Julie a cuddle before letting her go under her blanky*

*sits back down in her spot and curls up because the tears have dried up ... for now*

Hello everyone.

Hey Lindsay :) (I hope I got your name correct)

How are you ?

*peeps out from under the blanky*

Thanx kahlia and Doikers for the hugs. I need them :)

I want to cuddle! *grabs a blanket and some pillows and throws them on the floor* come on!

You're welcome Ileana , My name is Mark ,so you can call me that if you like , I answer to Doikers too though :)