*walks in and sits, offering an ear to anyone that needs to be listened to*

*hugs*

*waits until everyone is okay.. then disappears*

*cuddles LauraStar* How you doing, love?

*cuddles vicki, april, and helen*

... no point in talking about how i am, its not going to change. Im fine. I always am.

*cuddles everyone*

LauraStar, love, you're not "always fine." No one is. Even if you're fine now (which I doubt, from the tone of your post), it's okay, fine, lovely to talk about how you're doing. Why? Because WE CARE. *cuddles*

Aw Helen, sorry your period is so icky & painful. I hope the GP appt goes okay... do you know when you're going? *cuddles*

I am soo tired... :(

Laura, I agree with April. *big cuddles*

April, thanks sweet. No I don't know yet, going to try make it on Monday. Ow :( I hate hate hate this time >_> *cuddles*

No its really true. its not like i ever do anything thats super final... i mean, even when i OD'd, it still wasnt enough to do anything really bad. So.. see, it doesnt really matter how i am b/c i wont do anything that bad. I talk and talk about anxiety and how hard it can be for me to function on a daily basis, it can be hard for me to leave my house sometimes.. but its not like i can get any of that to change. Ive been to counseling, been on meds.. it didnt help. So, i obviously either have to learn to be fine or figure out a way to make things more final... and im kinda scared of attempting again so... im peachy.

helen - sorry to hear that your "lady friend" (as you put it lol) is a literal pain.

april - that sucks that you're tired. hopefully u get a good nights sleep tonight.

Why won't it stop? :(

*cuddles LauraStar* It DOES matter how you feel, though. We can learn coping mechanisms for anxiety together... because I'm on meds & in counseling and I STILL have a terrible time with anxiety, social & otherwise. My husband gets annoyed with me since I don't cope very well, and I want that to stop. So we can post about it and figure out ways to deal with our anxiety. And anyway, it really does matter how you feel. You may not feel like OD'ing or doing anything "stupid" but that doesn't mean that your low feelings don't matter. I hope I'm making sense... getting ready for bed and am soo tired.

*cuddles Helen* What's up, love? friends again? or something else?

I'm not doing too great myself tonight. Anxiety is awful... I'm trying to cut down on the Klonopin that I take, so I don't HAVE to take 4mg/day, cutting it down to 3mg when possible, but it's not working too well. I mean, I'm doing it, but my anxiety is through the ****ing roof. :(

Plus

*sigh*

Well, I'm going to check a few other threads, then off to bed. Nighty night, loves...

I meant the pain, seems to have settled down finally at last :) Wanted to try have an early night because the pain was too bad to even bother attempting.

o.O why on earth were you up so early april? lol.
unless you're not in est in which case ignore me ><

*hugs everyone*

I'm just going to disappear into a dark corner of the denial tent so that nothing further bad can happen to me.

*cuddles kahlia*

*curls up in corner hiding*

ive never been so drunk in my entire life.. hope all are okay.. bye

I'm in EST, Heather. :P Up so early? when?... lots of people think that 5:15ish is early, but that's nothing compared to the days when I get up at 3:30am!! lol. Anyway, sorry, no, not making fun of you. But yes, I am in EST. :) How're you doing? *hugs*

*cuddles Kahlia and tiptoes into the denial tent with her* What's up, love?

*huggles Helen* I'm sorry that the pain is so bad... do any meds help with that? Over here there's a bunch of different PMS/period OTC meds that can help... but yours might be too bad for that, probably I'm just being dense & stupid. >_<

*cuddles LauraStar* Sweetie, why'd you get so drunk? Talking is better than drinking, & we're here for you. ♥

I'm really tired... lol. We went to bed at 9pm, got upat 6:20am, so a decent amount of sleep... it's just that I'm ALWAYS tired. And I do mean always. >_< Poopy.

I has a kitty in my lap again!! and he wants snuggles - anyone want to share kitty snuggles? :P

Gonna go target shooting again today at my parents' if the weather is cooperative. :)

*hides*

Can't offer much more thann cuddles right now. Sorry

Don;t feel good. Creeps into denial tent for a long stay...

Aw, what's up, Joc? *gentle cuddles*

I'm doing okay... feeling a little worse than earlier, mentally, just want to curl up & hide forever. I am so sick of uni and work and deadlines and it's just the end of the first week!!! (or beginning of the second week, however you want to look at it)

:crying:

*cries because she can't in real life*

Just when you think things are on the up, life comes back and gives a huge bite in the arse. (Y)

*hugs Helen and April*

I know what u mean Helen. Life can be mean :'(

April, I'm sorry u feel crap. Are you trying to pace urself, workwise?

I don't know really, just feel crap. Had an anxiety attack last night. I've never had one before :-( I think it was because id done too much in the day and was mentally and phsyically exhausted :-/ not sure if that makes sense. And if that was from just having Ethan for a night and day (with a break from my lovely parents) then i don't know how im gonna cope with uni and placement this week.

*wants to curl up in a ball and escape from life for a while*

I'm sorry guys, I can't do individual replies but *hugs all*

I'm struggling so much. :(

*cuddles everyone*

Lemme try and be the strong one for a bit, take the weight off of everyone else's shoulders...

[strong one]

*huggles Jocelyn* I'm so sorry that you had an anxiety attack. I've had those before; they're no fun. :( What you said does make sense. How are you feeling this afternoon/evening?

*squishes Helen* Yer, I come here to cry because I can't IRL as well. It sucks horrifically but it's the best I can do. What's going on? care to talk about it?

*snuggles Vicki* What's going on, love?

[/strong one]

I feel like **** myself. Headache, just want to lie down & go to sleep but my husband is going to want me to go and target shoot with him & my dad. I want to but I also want to lie down & sleep for awhile... sooo ****ing tired!!!!



*hides*

*hugs april* that sucks that your so tired and have a headache. keep fighting the ed urges. Even though i know its hard.

*hugs helen* yea life can really suck sometimes. Sorry its giving you such a crappy time right now. Wanna talk about whats wrong?

*cuddles vicki* you okay?

*hugs jocelyn* anxiety attacks are horrible... ive had them before as well.

sorry about my pointless drunken post... i dont really remember posting on here but whatever i guess. i know getting drunk isnt the best idea always.. but i mean, it was fun and distracting this time. Got a lot to do today, hw wise. My friend wants me to talk to him again tomorrow. Although im still kinda not seeing the point in talking anymore.

*cuddles LauraStar* No worries about your "pointless drunken post," hehe... it's fine. I'm glad that it was fun & distracting this time but be careful, limit it & all of that. I'm sure you know the lectures about the "dangers of alcohol" - lol. :) Is this a friend or a "friend"? and why don't you see the point in talking to him? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, just curious.

I did go target shooting, shot 28 rounds out of my pistol before my arm got too tired. :-X Jarrod's still out there shooting & so is my dad... I feel like a wimp but oh well. :(

I'm really tired & just picked up a piece of (healthy - s/f, l/f) food... stupid me... but I really do FEEL hungry, despite the fact that I was full half an hour ago. Still want to purge. :(

*hides*

April - if your hungry its okay to eat. Your def not stupid. I dont know anything about target shooting.. but i doubt that you are a wimp.

Hes a friend. He's one of my best friends. I just still cant really see why i should talk anymore. I feel like he only initiated it because he feels bad if he doesnt. I dont want to whine to ppl when nothing is going to change. I just feel like i will worry him pointlessly.

*cries and curls up in the denial tent*
Everything's just finnnnne.

No, I'm not ok. I know this is stupid, all over a break-up, but...I can't explain it.

curls up and crys. my mind is in overdrive, keep thinking something happened to my freind, god not now, please dont tell me she died. cant keep that thought out of my head. hides under blanket. crys

*holds Jill, Vicki, Helen, & LauraStar* Group cuddle time... sorry, can't offer any more than that at the mo, am feeling pretty crap myself.

i am officially a horrible person... i hurt everyone around me. Even when i dont mean to

You are NOT a horrible person, Laura. Why do you think you hurt everyone around you? what happened? *gentle cuddles*

well... its kinda a long story... but apparently when i was drunk last night i made a few comments about being gay when i was drunk... (i was like.. o i can be such a lesbian when im drunk.. or something i guess.. i dont remember saying anything at all)... and apparenlty it upset my friend, who just came out to me a few days ago... she thinks im an insensitive bitch and my boyfriend.. he says he agrees and is embarrassed. I sent a message to the girl apologizing but everyone is so mad at me now.... I am horrible.

*cuddles Laura some more* You're not a horrible person... you just said something you oughtn't have when you were drunk. Drinking impairs sense(s). Your friends should realize this & not take what you - or anyone else who is drunk - say to heart. Your boyfriend agrees with you?! that doesn't sound very good... And I'm glad that you wrote a letter apologizing to your friend. That was a wise move, I think.

*cuddles everyone*

*curls up* gotta see a nutritionist tomorrow... she gonna think i too fat to be ill and laugh and :(. blech.

*cuddles everyone tight*

Awh Heather, I'm sure it will go okay. I saw a nutritionist from July 2006 to this past December, and he never told me I was "too fat to be ill." They're professionals, they should know better than anyone that you can't tell from a person's weight whether or not s/he has an ED. Hope that helps some... & good luck!! *cuddles*

*cuddles Helen* Hope you're doing okay, love...

Bedtime for me... think I'm going to see about reading a bit before bed though. That ought to relax me a bit as I'm pretty uptight right now, back is in knots. :(

night april <3
:)

Does anyone else shake uncontrollably when stressed? just wondering... b/c ive been shaking for hours, but im not cold, except for my hands so i'm figuring it is stressed related...

Hi all,

I am currently in the Psych Ward and it looks like I will be there for quite some time.

This message was posted by a friend of mine.

*cuddles kahlia*
Im sorry you are in the psych ward, but im glad that you are getting some help now. Stay strong hun.

*cuddles Kahlia* I hope they help this time, I really do.
Laura, my hands sometimes shake, not sure it's related to stress or not
April, hope you had a good sleep

Thanks Heather. *hugs* :) How you doing this morning?

*cuddles Kahlia* I hope that you get the help that you need in there... I'm so glad that you got a bed before things had a chance to get any worse. Take care of yourself & know that we are thinking of you!! ♥

*squishes Laura* I shake sometimes when I'm stressed AND cold but not usually just when I'm stressed. However, I think I've heard of that possibly being a "side effect" of stress. Hope you're feeling a bit better now, sweetie... what's stressing you out so much? ♥

*huggles Helen* How're you doing this morning? BESIDES doing a prime job of evading the question. ;) We don't mind if you say how you're feeling/what's going on in your head/life... so please feel free if you want to. If you don't want to that's okay. ♥

I'm really tired... slept in until 7.10am!! so that was marvelous... and I feel all spiffy in the clothes I'm wearing, so that's kind of a good feeling, you know? :)

It's going to be a long day today... therapy this morning, tutoring this morning/afternoon (it overlaps), classes this afternoon, & then violin lessons (I teach) at 6pm. GRRRR. I'm going to be uber exhausted after all of that... :(

*more cuddles for everyone*

I should stop avoiding that question. I'm really sleepy and feeling quite ****. Promised myself today that I'd stop avoiding my calls and make my appointments but failing miserably at that. Sorry I didn't really answer the question of how my best friends were, it wasn't the best of days yesterday. But today seems to be better :)

Don't worry about evading the question. *hugs* It's just something that after awhile I "confront" people on... only because I care about you - please understand that. :) I'm glad that today is looking a little better for you - you've had such a rough time lately with life in general!! *cuddles gently*

I don't want to eat breakfast... because I told myself that I'd purge if I did... and I don't want to purge, damnit, because I know how bad it is for you!! But at the same time I really DO want to purge... argh. I need to talk with my therapist about this... good thing I'm seeing her this morning, I guess. :-/

:(

Oh believe me, I have and obviously I don't post about everything that's **** (contary to popular belief :p). I know it's only because you care :) It's sweet. I care about everyone in here. :) Please try not to purge hun anf glad you're seeing your therpist today :) *cuddles*

OMG :/ I have two job interviews all of the sudden :O :D

I didn't purge... woohoo... :-/

Had a very upsetting therapy appt. Going to write about it in my venting spot if anyone would care to read as I don't want to have to repeat myself in a lot of different threads.

:(

*cuddles April* I'll have a look. Glad you haven't purged :)

Thanks, Helen. *cuddles back* I just posted it a bit ago so hopefully you managed to get to it after I wrote it... How're you doing? ♥

*hugs helen* good luck with your job interviews.. they can be so scary. but ultimately a good thing :-)

*hugs april* I'm sorry your therapy session was upsetting.. i read your venting page and can def see why... it would be confusing to hear what she said about you being better. Good job on not purging.

Stressing over everything... Now i'm extra worried about how people are percieving me b/c of the thing with my friend and then my other friend is coming over tonight to talk to me/get me to talk to him... so i'm worried about that... and then there is just everyday life stress, classes and whatnot, which can already be at a high level...
I'm still shaking this morning.. i managed to relax for a few and fell asleep last night but as soon as i woke up i went right back into it.

April, I couldn't find your thread when I went into the R/V forums, but came back here and went to it from your link :) I can understand why it was upsetting, it might help though? I don't know obviously. *cuddles*

Laura, sorry everything's so stressful at the moment sweetheart. *cuddles* Thank you for the good luck, they are immensely scary :(

To answer your question April..I'm feeling quite low. Bleh, I'll get over it. I really hope I get one job interview in particular. Really scared. ****ing loser...