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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

CrazyHayley 12-05-2009 08:59 PM

oh zowie, try not to purge. Was it really too much or does it just feel that way? I know that my binges now aren't even what you could class as a binge anymore really, but If I eat a 'normal' meal I can feel the need to purge sometimes. *huggles*

wildly insane 13-05-2009 12:20 AM

Hiya peeps *hugs all round*

Yay SteelMaiden welcome back, how are you *big hugs*

*huggles Hayley back* I'm Hannah :)

*hugs Arwen* sorry to here that hun, hope you don't

*hugs Secrets* don't worry, I just hope things get better

*hugs Ashley* I don't believe that for a minute, you might be surprised at how many people would be absolutely devastated. How did school go?

*hugs Dayna, Kahlia and Helen* how are you doing my dears?

*hugs anyone else popping by*

My dog died. The vets opened him up and found a load of tumours and a chest full of blood and didn't wake him back up. Mum just says she wishes they'd have known before and she'd just have taken him home and put him to sleep in his bed, which I agree with her. I'm okay, animals die, I would have loved to have said goodbye properly though I'd have gone home this evening if he was still around, apparently our other dog doesn't understand.

*leaves some homemade rhubarb crumble for people to help themselves to, there's plenty*

MammaMia 13-05-2009 01:23 AM

Hey thanks for the hugs Hannah, Hayley & Dayana

I wasn't feeling better, despite the fact I'd sorted things with my two best friends because there's still **** going on on top of other things and it's dragging me down badly. If that makes much sense?

:(

Cry helped though. But I did sobbed myself to sleep, like REALLY majorly hard.

I'm still really poorly and getting worse. Going to try and get a doctors appointment first thing in the morning.

MammaMia 13-05-2009 01:24 AM

So sorry to hear about your dog Hannah *squishes*

Long*Past 13-05-2009 05:51 AM

Thanks Hayley and Wildly.

School was crap.
She skipped first block.
Completely ignored me in third.
I tried to make peace with her,
but she just ignored me some more.
She won't even hug me!

I just talked to her on facebook...
she told me why she was mad.
Because I was mad on facebook.
I was hurt and put it in my status
and said I had a suspicion it had to do with her bf
why she missed my show,
and apparently that's worth our friendship.

I'm so ready to just kill myself right now!
Throw myself off a ****ing bridge!
This isn't fair!
Am I not allowed to have feelings!?
Am I not allowed to be hurt?!
Why are my problems always less important than hers?
Why are my NEEDS always less important than hers?

It isn't fair!
It isn't fair!
It isn't fair!

*curls up on floor and cries*

Kahlia1981 13-05-2009 10:18 AM

Arwen - it's laxatives that make you poop not purging ... just joking. Neither is a good idea.

Hannah - I'm sorry about your dog

Everyone else - I'm afraid I've only been skimming today because it's been a full on day. So I'm sorry

*offers hugs to everyone*

zowie 13-05-2009 03:34 PM

I'm getting that old familiar feeling where I feel guilty everytime I eat, whether it's a binge or not. Even eating a light lunch made me feel like I'm not even trying to lose this weight.

realflifefaerie 13-05-2009 07:29 PM

*hugs wildly insane* thanks for making me feel welcome again. Im sorry about your dog.
*hugs hayley* I dont think we have met, I kinda come and go, times get so busy I have very little time to sleep so Im afriad ryl gets neglected, sorry guys.
*hug Helen* everyone seems to be ill now, I hope you feel better soon.
*hugs Zowie* I know the feeling with food, try eating small amounts and often.

Things are starting to calm, I've come home which is better because it means that I get food in front of me every day rather than not eating for lengths of time however revision has stopped. Cant have everything I suppose.

*leaves homemade curry for all*

Damnation. 13-05-2009 10:13 PM

Aside from a bit of self induced stomach ache, I think I might be...okay o_o;

*Hugs all* <3

Kahlia1981 14-05-2009 08:48 AM

*leaves hugs for all who want them*

I feel like crap. Seeing my niece today was good but it was also bad. I don't want her to end up f*cked up like me. So I get sad. And now I'm on my own my mood has plummeted again. *sigh*

Damnation. 14-05-2009 11:55 AM

D: *Hugs Kahlia*

And haaay...insomnia strikes back

Kahlia1981 14-05-2009 12:33 PM

Dayna ~ ahhhh the dreaded insomnia.

I ended up going out for coffee with a friend of mine. He bikes there and I catch the bus. It takes me a lot longer than it takes him. Unfortunately he can't afford to do anymore coffee's until he gets paid (about 2 weeks) but it made me feel better and allowed him to talk about stuff that is bothering him.

We are both looking forward to the start of semester at uni with trepidation. Him because he is starting a completely new degree (Law) and me because I'm hoping to add to my started degree with a degree in Business so I have a joint degree Business/IT. I don't find out for a week or so whether I have been accepted into the business components though.

I'm looking at a house tomorrow with the hope of moving out of this dungeon and closer to both my friend and the uni. It would make things a lot easier. Except for if I need to keep getting injections once a week. (My doctor is on the other side of town and my mother has been driving me there - but mum and dad are going on a round Australia trip and won't be here for like 12 months.)

I actually feel semi-calm. And I got off the bus at the correct bus stop. A big plus for me as I normally get off at the one before it. But oh well.

Kahlia1981 14-05-2009 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1615571)
I'm getting that old familiar feeling where I feel guilty everytime I eat, whether it's a binge or not. Even eating a light lunch made me feel like I'm not even trying to lose this weight.

Arwen ~ I get this all the time. If you find a solution let me know. *offers hugs*

*offers hugs to all she can find in the ward and leaves blankets for those who find the air-conditioning a bit much and food for those who want it*

Damnation. 15-05-2009 03:33 AM

*Curls up in a blanket*

Kahlia1981 15-05-2009 07:01 AM

*cuddles Dayna*

Well I'm moving this weekend. Start living in my new place either tomorrow or Monday. *runs excitedly around the room*

Jetforce 15-05-2009 09:42 AM

*pops in and waves hello to everybody*

sorry, 4 not being around..just busy cramming in assignments and what not....ugh

Hope everybody is alrite there..*places chocolate cake on the table* xx

zowie 15-05-2009 10:24 AM

Quitting smoking's not going very well. I managed half of Wednesday and then most of Thursday. But on Thursday evening I got so desperate I phoned a friend and asked her to bring some baccy round.
Stupid.

CrazyHayley 15-05-2009 12:41 PM

Sorry I've been quiet the last few days....I think I got stuck in the smoking shelter?! Anyhoo have just read through what I've missed and my brain is so so crap that I can't retain anything, so for fear of upsetting or missing anyone one out......"GROUP HUGGLE!!!!"
*gathers everyone for a lovely squishy comforting group huggle*

ahh thats better....

Arwen, don't punish yourself for struggling giving up smoking. I am the biggest idiot going and didn't start smoking until I was 25!! That was done intentionally for all the reasons they tell you not to smoke.....now thats stupid! Then when I met my partner, his dad had died of lung cancer when he was a teenager, and so I felt very guilty and insensitive smoking around him. I gave up for a bit with the aid of patches....until he went to afghan and then I smoked again.....then I tried giving up again when he returned, but I got so desperately unhappy with my weight gain that I told him in January that I'd rather smoke and be slimmer than not smoke and be a chubalub. I really hope that when I start my therapies and am not quite so unstable I'll be able to quit again as logically I know its not good for me and a waste of money.....but at the moment logic doesn't prevail. Anyhoo, I don't know if any of this waffle makes sense, but I wanted you to know you're not alone in your struggle, don't beat yourself up over it.

*goes into corner and bangs head on pot plant*

CrazyHayley 15-05-2009 03:22 PM

Oh my goodness, just spoken to my supposed best mate who I've only seen twice this year and not spoken to properly since march. I'd emailed her explaining why I've withdrawn and am finding things so difficult on monday just gone. So I thought maybe this was her phoning to see how I was doing, apologise for not putting in any effort with me and finding out what was wrong sooner. Silly me, it was of course to see if I wanted to go out drinking tonight!!! She then told me I'm not as nuts as I think I am and to pull myself together. I told her she's not inside my head!!!! I don't tell everyone how I'm feeling. So she then told me off saying I should, and I was like, hello?! I'm trying, hence going to dr and psychologist. She then said yeah ok cos I guess you can't talk to Eoghan (pronounced Ewan - my partner) cos he's not that deep. OH MY ****ING GOODNESS!!! How dare she say that about him?! Raaaaa!!!!!!

Sorry to rant in here, I don't really want advice or anything on it, so no point starting a thread, but I'm just so.......Argghhhh.......that I thought I should come in here and stay safe.

Eclectica 15-05-2009 04:29 PM

Dad's birthday today...

We miss him...

zowie 15-05-2009 05:08 PM

*Hugs Hayley and Eclectic*a*

Thanks Hayley, I haven't really got any reason to quit other than my health and lack of money. My dad's an ex-smoker and now really hates smoking. So I guess quitting is partially for him too. I'm also really scared about the weight gain that sometimes follows when you quit smoking, when I managed to go a week I had a serious craving for sugary foods!

I want to go to the pub. Now.

Eclectica 15-05-2009 05:27 PM

*Hugs zowie*

My friend and I are quitting for our birthdays. Her's is 8 days after mine. Just got to keep thinking... You'll have much better health!

Steel Maiden 15-05-2009 05:34 PM

*hugs all*

I'm on six hour leave, and on the internet again. Just went shopping for stuff to take back to the hospital.

Hm.

Keep going all of you.

I'm struggling -.-

The Fantastical 15-05-2009 11:52 PM

Keep me safe guys. I'm scared of what I might do. I can't control my mind. I feel like I'm losing the battle. :-(

Damnation. 16-05-2009 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyHayley (Post 1620104)
She then told me I'm not as nuts as I think I am and to pull myself together. I told her she's not inside my head!!!! I don't tell everyone how I'm feeling.

She then said yeah ok cos I guess you can't talk to Eoghan (pronounced Ewan - my partner) cos he's not that deep. OH MY ****ING GOODNESS!!! How dare she say that about him?! Raaaaa!!!!!!

Sorry to rant in here, I don't really want advice or anything on it, so no point starting a thread, but I'm just so.......Argghhhh.......that I thought I should come in here and stay safe.

Ugh, what the ****?! Talk about bloody insensitive! *Hugs* And as for ranting in here, don't apologise, tis what's the place is for!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eclectic*a (Post 1620251)
Dad's birthday today...

We miss him...

*Cuddles* Not sure what to say tbh

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steel Maiden (Post 1620401)
*hugs all*

I'm on six hour leave, and on the internet again. Just went shopping for stuff to take back to the hospital.

Hm.

Keep going all of you.

I'm struggling -.-

*Hugs* You keep going as well, Oly. I mean it when I say that you're a strong and brave woman

* * *

@__@ Triggered here, and keep going spacey again. Was alright to begin with, but mood dropped for now reason

Biba 16-05-2009 05:28 AM

sits by the window looking out.. i dont care if i never come out.. in here im in a world within a deeper world i close the door on you to.. i dont want to see or hear any one.. i just want to sleep and look out the window when i wake.. thats not much to ask for.. just peace away on my own.. maybe il feel stronger.. and leave when i know .. that the door beyond these walls will close behind me and i can return to were i should be.

Steel Maiden 16-05-2009 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Damnation. (Post 1621440)
*Hugs* You keep going as well, Oly. I mean it when I say that you're a strong and brave woman

* * *


@__@ Triggered here, and keep going spacey again. Was alright to begin with, but mood dropped for now reason

Thanks so much Damnation (sorry I forgot your name -.- ), I do try to keep going.

Nearly got my leave taken away for telling a nurse I wanted to buy solvents. Me = idiot with a big fat mouth ~_~

Hugs to you Damnation, depressed moods suck and spaceyness sucks too, but I know you can get through it.

wildly insane 16-05-2009 11:20 AM

wow, busy friday night in the ward as usual

*jumps on Jem and SteelMaiden for big hugs* look after yourselves

Hiya Lucy, there's a nice view from the window here, and the seat is very comfy

*hugs Dayna* hoped the spaciness passed without causing too many problems

*hugs Myself* keep fighting, do you want to talk about it?

*hugs Kat* god luck trying to give up smoking and hope you are ok.

*hugs Arwen* we all know how difficult it is to stop smoking especially with our own self-destructive tendancies, but keep trying cos each one you don't smoke helps.

*hugs Hayley* I can't believe your friend said that I think I'd have put the phone down on her, hope you are okay, rant rant away, best place for it :)

*hugs Kahlia* good luck moving am excited for you, hope things are going ok.

*hugs secrets* hope you are ok.

*hugs anyone else needing one*

I'm ok, need to get my arse in gear today, get things done so I can enjoy a day out tomorrow. Thought I wanted a night in last night and I think it would have all been fine if it hadn't been for half a bottle of wine and talking on msn with a friend of mine who wants to have sex with me but as a bit of fun with no intention on leaving his girlfriend. I am worth more than that, I am :( Anyway like I said, I'm okay, just a bit blue, and tired.

*hugs again*

zowie 16-05-2009 12:31 PM

Thank you for the hugs eclectic*a :)

*Hugs Oly back* Hope you enjoyed your leave. Are you still struggling?

*Hugs Myself* (Hah. That sounds like I'm hugging me :P) You can stay in here as long as you want. Rant as much as you like, that's what this place is here for :)

*Prepares a bed for Dayna* I find when I'm spacey that it really helps to just lie down and close my eyes. Don't know what works for you though...

What's up Lucy? You're obviously having a hard time, want to explain and talk about it?

*Hugs Hannah* You definately are worth more than that and I'm glad you know that. Alcohol + MSN isn't always a good idea really, I can see why you feel a bit blue.


I'm going up to a pub close to my house to ask about bar work. My gran's friend recommended me and he said I'm welcome to come in for a chat about a possible job. This feels good, I'm good at interviews, but I think I have a good personality (at times) and an informal chat will be easy. I really hope this leads to something, I want to work behind a bar and this pub isn't too far away (nor is it a dump!)
Okay, wish me luck guys :) xxx

Steel Maiden 16-05-2009 01:03 PM

Wildly Insane and Zowie (sorry forgot your names =_= ) thanks for the hugs. I am actually still on leave and will be until 4pm. I am still struggling but my doctor is very liberal on leave as she wants me to integrate back into society.

*hugs wildly insane and zowie* and good luck zowie on the interview.

Biba 16-05-2009 02:14 PM

Iv mothing in me and worth saying.. hopefully tommorrow will be a better day.

Biba 16-05-2009 02:20 PM

Im finding it hard to sleep, i cant settle and go, sleep is important im awear of that.. every nite i try to aime for around 12.. sometimes the enviroment around takes till 2am to settle, i cant settle till i know everything is ok,.. by the time 2am/3 even.. i bounce back and feel very much awake again, this is going on nite after nite.. i feel if i dont get my sleeping in order il crash.. cus im already crushed.

zowie 16-05-2009 03:13 PM

Oly, my name's Arwen :)

I phoned the pub and asked what time would be good for me to come in, and he said there's no point as he's already got the maximum ammount of staff.
Damn.

Steel Maiden 16-05-2009 03:35 PM

Arwen - nice name - damn that's annoying. I'm sorry that happened.

Damnation. 16-05-2009 08:54 PM

Spaciness passed alright. Triggeredness, not so. I ended up in a bit of a state in bed this morning, horrible thoughts going round my head, mental images of suicide, a load of different methods and **** x_x. Spaciness is back again right now, so I needs to deploy diversionary tactics methinks

*Hugs to all*

Oh, and Oly: call me Tödlich ^_^. And from what you said, I presume that while you nearly got leave taken away, you still actually have it? Hope so

[Fog] 16-05-2009 09:13 PM

On leave until Mon morning. Finding it great to see family and my boyfriend but also very unsafe and I'm struggling.

Big cuddles to all xxxxxxxxx

The Fantastical 16-05-2009 10:37 PM

I cut on two different occassions at work today. Things keep going round and round in my head. I am trying so hard to resist. I want to keep fighting... but I don't know if I have the strength.

Biba 16-05-2009 11:10 PM

i think im ready to leave this ward.. i feel stronger.

Long*Past 17-05-2009 12:59 AM

*offers hugs to all*

I'm starting to feel a bit better.
A guy asked me out this week who I've kind had my eye on a little bit, so that's nice.
Brittany still isn't talking to me, but I'll live without her...
Even though it's hard and it still hurts.

I may be ready to leave soon, but I'm sticking around for a little while til I'm sure.

Biba 17-05-2009 03:55 AM

i can on longer communicate in my world or this world, i dont want to be any were... whats the point.

Biba 17-05-2009 03:55 AM

i feel like a totally failure.

Kahlia1981 17-05-2009 06:25 AM

*offers hugs to all*

Sorry haven't been around so much cause I've been moving. Went for one day without one of my meds and am paying for it now. Almost time to take another one so will keep this short. Just hoping everyone's okay.

wildly insane 17-05-2009 11:17 AM

Hey peeps, can't stay long my Dad is visiting with my one remaining dog in less than half an hour and I'm not dressed yet :P Just wanted to give anybody who wanted them *huge sunday huggles* and hope that you're all okay.

Oly, my name's Hannah

HannahBanana hope you have a lovely weekend on leave, and stay safe

good luck moving Kahlia

glad you're feeling a bit better Ashley

Lucy, stay as long as you want, you're safe here and keep fighting

Sorry to hear the pub job fell through Arwen, sounds ****, you ok about it?

Todlich - sorry keep wanting to call you dayna :) did you mange to get rid of the spaciness again? sounds tough to deal with

Myself don't beat yourself up over it, are you getting help to work out why you are thinking these thoughts?

*hugs again and leaves jammy doughnuts for you to enjoy* arrgghh 15 minutes gotta get dressed

realflifefaerie 17-05-2009 05:45 PM

*offers hugs to all* I have scanned posts and am thinking of you but feel as though I have nothing constructive to offer.

Im having one of those days, thing are awkard with my boyfriend, I don't know whether to head back to uni because I jave exams and I know I won't bother eating if i do.

~*Rainbow*~ 17-05-2009 07:55 PM

Sorry I havent been around much - Things at the new Job are going great - however my life aint going so great! Broke down last night on the phone to my other half, after keeping things to myself again for a long time, got to the stage that he is now really worried about me!!!

I've spent today spring cleaning (which is the only way i can concentrate and get things of my chest and outta my head) my mam and dad havent noticed the fact that my eyes are blood shot and puffy from all teh crying i've done today! they cant see the pain in my eyes at all!!!

and all this time things keep building up and i couldnt even tell my other half becasue i am ashamed to admit that i cant cope!!!!!!!!!!

I think im just gonna have to tell him everything!! but i dont want to !!!!!!!


ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGg why cant i just tell him things are getting my down!!!!!!!!!

Eclectica 17-05-2009 08:07 PM

I hate him. So damned much. I read his old posts directed at me. I've read them hundreds of times. He thinks I'm a freaking liar. He's the deceitful, using, lying bastard. Not me. I actually want to make him suffer for his actions and words.

Switchy with Kat D today.

Biba 17-05-2009 08:48 PM

still my mood hasnt got any better. i thought it would, i feel really down. i dont want to be on my own. i dont want to speak either

Strawberry.Bananas 17-05-2009 09:38 PM

I vanished again...sorry guys...hope you're all doing ok...

As for me...

I dared to think that things were going well with my life...that maybe I would get better.

But I was wrong.

And something that, on Tuesday, was an achievement is now very, very dangerous for me.

So I'll curl up on a bed, ask somebody to tie me down, and not let me out until all of this is over...

Damnation. 17-05-2009 09:47 PM

Lucy: x_O I know how that feels, not pleasant, is it? *Hugs*

Gils: Can't you just show him your posts here on RYL? Send an email, or something? Tell him without physically speaking?

Hannah: XD. The spaciness passed alright, but it's back again, ugh x_x. I seem to be going back to when I was getting spacy and trying to fight the void on a daily basis

*Hugs Secrets*

Sorcha: I'm glad you're feeling better <3

Kahlia: Gah D: bleh *hugs*

Ratchet: He's a ****ing prick. He's nothing more than a stupid asshole who gets off on making himself look like he's all at and making others look like complete retards. Ugh. I hate the **** too. He's not worth our thoughts, but I know it can be easier said than done to get him out of our heads

*Hugs anyone she missed*

~*Rainbow*~ 17-05-2009 10:26 PM

I've tried that but the posts on here dont make much sense to him, and i just cant seem to write an email with everything in it! he said he's phone at half past 8 and he still hasnt!! maybe he's not going to phone?


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