*cuddles*

*cuddles Arwen, Kahlia, I agree with what Arwen has said :) I'm not doing so well, infact I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY struggling and on a very long low (Y) Sorry you';re not doing so well

Hope you find out soon sweetie for both things *cuddles*

Tired... tempted to cut again, just because... ugh...
Wanting something baked... Don't really care what.

I was very drunk last night.
So what's new?

*cuddles everybody in the ward and leaves some kit kat chocolate for u guys to eat*

hope u r alrite ppl xx

*Sleeps*

*leaves hugs for all on the ward*

*hugs people* take care of yourselves, don't let those bad thoughts win.

dammit triggered again why wont my head just give me a break :P

I was thinking about my mom's MS today... It makes me want to cry...
She just seems so tired lately, and I feel like it's partially my fault,
what with her driving me to rehearsals and school and everything,
I wish that she wasn't sick.
I wish that I wasn't sick!
I wish that everything was easier...

Scared. Hate will consume me. Though I am built on hate right now. I hate. I am hate. Hate hate hate. Hate is my life now. What am I to do? What IS there to do?

Nothing.

I was born to be a nice person turn bad, and turn into complete hate. And my life goal has been fulfilled.

*hugs Katrica, Ashley & Hannah*

*finds everyone in the ward and offers them hugs*

I feel like cutting. I have 18 days to go till I reach 9 months free but feel like there's no other way out of what is going on in my head. I can feel the knife dragging down my wrist and it''s driving me crazier. And I can go from hyperactive to just standing and staring and don't know what to do. I totally suck.

Keep hanging in ther Kahlia!! Ur doing very well atm :-)

9 months - aim for it, go Kahlia you can do it *hugs*

*hugs Ashley* don't we all,, \i'm sure your mum doesn't mind driving you anywhere hun, it's a horrible disease.

*hugs jem, kat, gil, dayna, hannahbanana, arwen, helen*

anybody heard from steelmaiden?

*hugs for everyone* it seems quite quiet in here at the moment.

woke up triggered and I was so lookig forward to this bank holiday :(

Damn...lucky u Hannah..u got a bank holiday!! At least it's a day off but :-( that u got triggered *cuddles* I hope u feel better by the end of the day.

thanks jem *cuddles back* I need a real hug and there's no-one here.

It's ok

*squishes u even more* :-)

Oh.. hun, I know exactly how you feel. My mum had MS. It sure is horrible. I'm always here to PM ok. Trust me, I know what this is like :( Hang in there ok.

Hugs to everyone else. I know I've been a bit 'absent' lately. I do apologise. I'm around though... just not fully here :eyeroll: If you know what I mean. always up for a chat if anyone feels like PMing though. Hope your all ok, huge hugs. I'm off to bed soon as I've been sick all arvo blah. Take care.

Hugs to all, sorry I'm really behind on everything but I'm thinking of and praying for you all.

I'm really scared, told my mum about my bulimic tendencies last night and now a hallucination that I haven't had since I was very young has come back which means big bad things :sad:

*Hugs Jem and Dayna*

*Hugs Hannah* Sorry to hear you feel triggered, how has your bank holiday gone?

*Hugs Eclectic*a* It's hard when the hate feels so strong, but after time (provided nothing else triggers it) it does ease.

*Hugs Kahlia* You don't suck. You've done so well to almost make it to nine months, and I know what it's like to have mood swings like that. It's really annoying, but try not to beat yourself up about it - It's not your fault.

*Hugs Katie back* Nice to see you hun. And urgh, I hate being sick. Hope you feel better when you wake up.

*Hugs HannahBanana* Well done for telling your mum, it's a great step to take admitting to the people who care about you that you have a problem. What bad things does the hallucination mean? Maybe you'd feel more comfortable writing about it in the Psychosis Thread - I haven't had a look at it yet.


I had a nice weekend. Mostly because of alcohol.
My sister's coming over to drink wine with me in a bit. She phoned to make sure our little sister isn't going to be around, which is a shame - but the youngest really does wind her up.
Apparently the Hollyoaks lads came to a nightclub in my town where someone I know works. And apparently they're all dicks. Don't know why I mentioned that. I hate Hollyoaks, and I want everyone else to hate it too :P

*Leaves hugs and cookies for people who stop by*
xxx

Thanks zowie. I do feel better now :D Hope it stays that way!
PMSL! If you want everyone to hate Hollyoaks.. well I suppose I can hate it for you ;) glad you had a nice weekend *cuddles*

Banana- So glad you told your mum. Such a hard thing to do. I could never tell them. In fact, with my ED and SI then my counselor told my parents. Hope your going ok. *cuddles*

Hope everyone is ok or as ok as can be ;) *cuddles for all*

Descending into hell.

Giving up mentally. MPD as active as ever. And the psychosis people come over tomorrow and diagnose me as a full blown liar. They konw everything about everybody! Even me! So what they say is obviously true, and that will be that I am a liar!

*hugs* for everyone, sorry it's not more, keeping hanging in there.

Thanks Snuffles, it's hard but I'm glad I'm telling them.

Eclectic*a poor you, it sounds terrifying. Have you told anyone that this is happening? *Big safe hugs*

Last night The Hands made me SI really badly so now I'm on double sedatives and watching children's TV while my parents worry - for the first time ever I let them see. Sigh.

hey sorry i aint been about in a while - just coming to check in after getting beat up last night all becasue of football!!!!

*goes and hides in cornor to lick her wounds*

The psychosis team came over this morning. Had to fight extremely hard to keep Kat D quiet ad stop her from surfacing, though she did at some points. Had to keep her quiet cause she would just rage, like at a few moments when she broke free, and wouldn't tell them anything 'cept yell abuse and swear n yell. Plan failed anyways when Zai n Vetis started playing around and I couldn't think straight at all and ended up not telling them anything.

I give up.

*hugs Kat* sorry you're struggling, keep fighting though, you can do this.

*hugs Gil* good to hear from you. Why'd you get beat up? How's the job going?

*hugs Hannahbanana* sorry to hear that hun, but I'm so glad you have your parents, they sound like they're doing their best to help and understand.

*hugs Katie* how are you doing?

*hugs Arwen* are things still okay? Hollyoaks, makes me laugh, they're so rubbish.

*hugs Helen* how are you? keep up the fight.

*hugs Kahlia* hope you're feeling okay

*hugs Jem* hope you're okay too

*hugs anyone else dropping by*

I'm feeling slightly more positive today, am aiming to get to bed before 1am today and have found a job I really want to apply for.

I've applied for a course that helps you get back into work. It involves voluntary work, a free team building camping holiday, work experience and certificates for health and safety, food hygeine etc.
I thought I wanted it, but I really don't. I'm really hoping they don't pick me as I'm just not feeling up to it. I don't want to have to go to Brighton every weekday and have to meet new people. I mean, maybe I'm being lazy, but I can only do part time work because of my MH so I really don't think I'd be able to do a full time course for three months...Without getting paid.
What do you guys think? Should I go for it if they offer me a place or should I just stick to my crap ways and give up? xx

*dusts self off as she comes out from spending 8months under the floorboards*

Damn it, I'm still here.

Hello fellow inmates who remember me.

Hello new inmates who don't have a clue who I am.

*snuggles those who need/want them*

*goes outside to smoking shelter*

*crawls into her window sill*

Life feels very empty right now.

*presses her forehead to the glass*
I'm not very good at this recovery thing...

*hugs peeps* keep going, offers homemade ginger cake and rhubarb crumble

Just spent 2.5 days in hospital. They were going to discharge me yesterday without even talking to me ... and the night before I went so manic that I tried to climb onto the roof so I could jump off and then dropped into a deep depression where I broke a spoon ready to hurt myself. I don't think they take me seriously.

*hugs all who she can find*

*holds Kahlia*

I'm sorry hun.

*Cuddles Kahlia*

*Hugs Kahlia*

I didn't get on to the course. i don't really care to be honest.

Thanks for the hugs and cuddles all.

*offers hugs to anyone who wants them and can accept them*

@_@ The void is baaaaack. With the spaciness of my mind trying to go void, and the tell tale pressure in my chest signalling that I'm triggered, and me trying to resist both, it feels as though there's a freakin' war going on inside me

Oh God help. Headache. Daren't take painkillers. Wanna cut. Wanna OD. There's no one there to talk to. Housemate's in bed. Only person online who I could talk to has problems of her own. Don't wanna burden her.

Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone. God I need a drink

*hugs Dayna* sorry your feeling so alone hun, did you make it okay?

*hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear you're having a tough time, are you feeling any better?

*hugs Arwen* sorry to hear you didn't get on the course, don't give up though

Am not doing too badly, fingers crossed

*hugs everyone else*

Arghh. Hungover.

*Gives Arwen coffee*

Hannah: Just about. I went into a thread about personality disorders on another forum (even though I don't actually know that I have one, but it seemed like the most relevant place that was actually moving), and talked a bit about the void. The people there were really nice and supportive, so thankfully it calmed me down. It didn't help get rid of the depression, but it stopped that 'oh my God, I've got to die' manic *****

I hurt.
I feel guilty.
But I can't get away from the need to do it again!
I won't be able to until later tonight, at least.
May be it will pass...
doubt it...
*curls up in window sill and stares blankly out*

May I just crawl up in the corner for a little while until I can try and sort my head out?

Today has been what you would probably call horrible.

I've felt emotionless, felt nothing, empty, blank. I am just not here. Dissociated you could say.

I've not smiled once. I am just blank and existing.

I've begun to realize why I'm feeling so depressed.
After the 28th of this month...
I have nothing to do.
I have nothing to work or live for.
I feel like it is more like tomorrow though...

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. It's been a really shitty time and I guess I was so into dealing with it, that I idn't even come to RYL much.

HAYLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY *gives you a massive hug* Remember me? :P Though I've had a name change now...

*cuddles eveeryone else lots and lots*

*hugs Helen* hope things are a bit better now

*hugs Ashley* I know it's hard I've been job hunting for 6 months but there is a point, I still want a job I enjoy, you'll find more work, more life.

*hugs Kat* that sucks hun, hope it gets better soon

*hugs fallenprincess* offers cake

*hugs Dayna* glad it got rid of the *****, keep fighting that depression and you'll get rid of that too. Hope your weekend is going ok

*hugs Arwen* offers ibuprofen

I need to get out today it's gorgeous

*hugs everyone else*

Might try to quit smoking again. Hoping I can do it this time!

You've decided that you want to...that's always a good start :)