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-   -   Harming daily (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260417)

raggygirl 09-07-2020 12:56 AM

Harming daily
 
Had such a **** time, let's have a pity party for me, my partners mam got sick in February last year, I took her to Dr apointments, walked her dogs and did her shopping, in August she was diagnosed with anal cancer we then waited until December for her treatment to start, I took and sat with her through her chemo for a week when she suffered a massive stroke (I found her in the kitchen) she then died slowly in hospital on the 21st December, I have stayed strong ft for my partner and his family and now I just don't want to live, I can put things in boxes but I think a lot. I am now harming every couple of days, I plan it I don't do it under stress, I'm as calm as anything. My ex mother in law is dying, so I can not kill myself, I have my kids birthdays, I have a great niece I am yet to meet (corinavirus lockdown) so it seems 14 Jan is the day I will die I will try to hold out till then, but I don't know if I can. I don't want to be me.

RaeNoctem 09-07-2020 05:30 AM

Please hun. Stay strong. Keep reaching out and talking to us. I truly don't know if we can help. But perhaps you can reach out to some sort of professional help. There seems to be an overwhelming amount happening in your life, and if you are planning these thoughts, you may need to talk to a professional.

But I am always here for support. Message me please

RaeNoctem 09-07-2020 05:38 AM

My issues still lay there, under the surface. The pain is there every damn day. Sometimes, it feels like you can no longer fight, that there is nothing left. Just blackness, that is welcoming. But that isn't the end. We are more. We deserve more. We can't let it win!

raggygirl 09-07-2020 05:15 PM

Trying to not sh today, need to go one day at a time, I'm seeing a doctor on the 20th so see what happens then.
Thanks for listening.

RaeNoctem 12-07-2020 03:51 AM

Exactly. Take every day as it comes. May not be easy, but you can keep pushing. Always here to listen.


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