*hugs if ok* You're doing this. How are you now?

I'm pissed off and barely holding it together.

Had to remind them I was here to see a dr about an operation not just a shitty dressing change. Then basically demanded the dr does a skin graft. So now he's gone to speak to his boss.

It's a shame you're having to fight for things so much. Did they get back to you about what the plan is?

Well done for asking for a graft. Did they get back to you?

So the consultant was lovely but very frank with me. I get 1 chance and they will discharge me to the community if I tamper with anything etc. The operation is on Friday. I explained to the cosultant that it'd help me. It kind of wipes the slate clean if you get what I mean? I'm not explaining well. But he got it.

The hospital called my psych team and basically demanded they see me before Friday and regularly after the operation. And I am to call the hospital and they will push the issue further if they don't.

In the process of telling my mum :-/

Well my mum is charming. Not. Told me I'm not good enough at looking at my cat and it's not fair on him.

I see what you mean about wiping the slate clean, it makes sense. I hope it helps, and it's also great that the hospital will make sure you finally get help. I'm sorry things didn't go as well with your mum, though.


As far as I can see, you're an amazing loving cat mum and your mum isn't being fair on you.

It sounds like some good progress is being made, I hope everything works out for you.

Your Mum seems to just put you down most of the time like she's picking random things to get onto you about. I also think you're a very good cat Mum.

Thank you. I feel a bit more positive today.

And thanks. My boy thinks I'm the worst mum in the world cos I'm not giving him second breakfast :-P

And yes. My mum has always been like it. But when I lived further away I forgot how bad it was. We used to work at the same place, that sacked me last month. She told them not to speak to her about me when I was off and didn't tell them where I was. And now she's saying to me that it's my fault because I didn't tell them the night I was extremely delusional and in a and e and getting sectioned that I wouldn't be at work. And she is defending works actions in sacking me. It hurts.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit more positive, try to hold on to that.

Isn't it cat lunch time yet?! Terrible not giving food on demand. :tongue2: That's my cats' complaint too!

I'm sorry your Mum is causing you so much hurt. I hope you understand that the things she blames you for aren't actually your fault.

He doesn't get lunch.

It's very hard as it confirms that I'm a bad person. And people keep telling me she loves me and is a good person. Therefore it's hard not to believe it.

Maybe people don't see what your Mum is like with you, so that she seems to be a good and caring person. What she says doesn't confirm anything other than that is her opinion and she's not being very supportive. It must be very hard to hear all that stuff though.

And my dad who is usually much better has just been not nice when I told him about the operation. Shouldn't have said anything but then he'd have kicked off too. I can't win.

People can love and care about you and still be awful or say awful things. Just because someone loves you unfortunately doesn't always make them a good support person.

Is there anyone else you can go to for support that would be nicer to you? You deserve that.

That is very true, and sometimes when people say hurtful things it has a lot to do with them more than it has to do with you. I hope you do have some kinder people in your life.

Thank you. That does make sense camden.

Cmht rang and said they'd put an appointment in the post for me. But that way I won get it before Friday when I wi be away between 3 and 5 days.

Did you say that to the CMHT Lillie, or did they just leave a message on your phone? I hope you don't miss the appointment.

It was a voicemail cos I was napping.

My mum is a lovely caring person to a lot of people. Some of her actions as a mother are far from that. Just as few people are purely bad, few people are purely good too and it is often their closest relatives that bare the brunt. I'm sorry that both your parents are being unhelpful to put it mildly! Please know this. It reflects more on their character and not on yours.

Thinking of you

Are you going to phone the CMHT to let them know you'll be away? I'd hate for you to miss the appointment and then they use that against you somehow.

Thanks tiptoes. That makes a lot of sense.

I'll just ask mum to open the post when she's feeding bertie and let me know if there's an apoint ment .

I feel really horrible today. And I don't know why. Edgy and anxious and irritable. And I cant shift the feeling.

That sounds like a good plan.

Is it mostly physical stuff you're feeling today or is there emotional stuff behind the feelings that you are aware of? Do you have any soothing activities or could you do something like go for a walk so that your body feels like it's just exercising instead of being anxious etc?

Suppose there's anxiety behind tomorrow.

I do need to go to town but I'm meant to be going with someone but she said probably later this afternoon. Might go soon by myself as I think getting out the house would help.

Are there specific things you're anxious about that maybe we could try to help you feel less anxious about?

Getting out of the house does sound like a good idea, would you maybe be able to meet the person in town when they're about?

That the surgeon will change his mind and refuse to do it mainly. And then there's travelling there in rush hour.

Yeah I will send them a message and set off myself soon.

Will you be able to take some music or something with you this time? You've managed the journey before, you can do it again. I hope the surgeon will stick to his decision.

Just dug out my ipod and put it on charge. Also will take a book as I'll be in at least a day.

Good plan. I hope everything goes ok.

Had the operation. Not straight into a skin graft. I don't know why but I gave a wound vacuum dressing on. Don't know for how long. Arm is like jelly due to having a nerve block.

Glad you had the operation and I hope it helps. Hopefully they will explain to you what they did and why? How long will you have to stay in hospital?

It'll be because they need tissue to grow over tendons. That's what it was when I had one before

I have no idea.

I don't understand it, but it sounds like you do? Are you okay with what they did?

Skin doesn't stick to tendons. They need my arm to grow a covering. The dressing helps that. I knew it was a possibility but I hoped it'd not be needed.

Ohhh so that might increase the healing time required? But hopefully it will heal better this way than if you had not had the operation?

I'm hoping the surgeon will come round this morning so j can ask questions. The feeling is slowly coming back to my arm and it's weird and horrible

That does sound really uncomfortable. I hope you can get your questions answered and also maybe get some relief from the physical feelings. Are the staff ok?

I'm trying tramadol now as oxycodon didn't help. The staff are lovely.

As I thought the burn went down to the tendons so that's why I have the vacuum dressing on. It's getting changed or checked on monday with a view to more surgery skin graft on Wednesday. As Wednesday is the next surgery day. Thankfully have no nerve damage yet.

I'm glad people are being supportive. I hope the rest of your treatment goes well. Are you managing to occupy yourself?

I wish my family cared. They haven't even asked what hospital I'm in.
But it's nice that they staff are good.
I'm watching the tv. Simpson is on.

Anyone want to come visit me? I'm lonely.

If I were not across the ocean I would visit. I'm glad that staff are being nice.

I'm actually not that far away (well, one massive long road away) but I am working tomorrow. =(

Dunno if you do this sort of thing but could you facetime a friend or something? Might be less lonely than typing messages?

How long are you likely to be in for? *sends love*

My friend was home for the weekend visiting her mum as she normally lives in Liverpool and came to see me. Really improved my mood and pain level. And she brought me lots of treats and took me for costa. :)

They are checking the wound on monday. Then it depends on that. Potentially the second surgery is on wednesday.

I'm so glad you had a nice visit from your friend. I wish you could have more things like that. Are you able to treat yourself/get a Costa yourself? I know it's not the same on your own but doing little things like that might make things feel a bit better.

I hope your treatment goes well.

Yep I can apparently so I will try to get off the ward most days.

That's a really good idea. :-)

The friend and her mum are being so lovely it's making me sad because my own family aren't showing that much care.

I can understand your sadness, I'm sorry you aren't getting much care from your family. I am glad you have your friend and her Mum though, that's something at least.

The consulrant has been around. They're not checking the wound today after all. And I'll probably need longer with the vacuum on so no graft on Wednesday most likely. The registrar was in the initial surgery and said that it was an utter mess under the injury and there was significant tendon exposure.
I feel like I could cry now.