*cuddles those in the psych ward*

Hope u guys feel better soon xx

*cuddles Jem*

*leaves hugs for anyone who wants and or needs them*

*cuddles Jem & Kahlia*

How are you both?

I'm surviving thanks Helen. Coming back up a little from the "hole". That's why my GP refers to my depressed state as. Also not as tired as I was yesterday yet which is good - and I spent most of today awake. I'm up a little bit but definitely not manic and not rapid-cycling both of which is good news. Sorry, shouldn't talk about myself so much. How are you?

*offers hugs to everyone*
*walks to all the hidden corners of the ward and the "hidden" places like the denial tent to check on everyone and offer them hugs*
*leaves behind a pile of cushions and some treats for Puppy SinClair*

*Sets up camp in the denial tent*

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been MIA for a bit, work is crazy just now and I don't want to look at a computer when I get home.

Nevertheless you are all in my thoughts
*hugs everyone tight*

my news - had my first date last night!!!!!!!
told him all about my mental issues and SI and he was very good about it (none of the you can't do that stuff I normally get from people)

*leaves hugs*

x

That's really nice to hear Mary Anne :) x

@__@

And yay Mary-Anne!

Kahlia, I'm glad you're doing a litter better. I'm struggling but having to hide it completlyat the moment. Fun times. For past few days my mum been really nice to me, which means she's more worried about me than usual. But...I think that's settling down, as she doesn't know my state of mind but it's worried about it I bet....Also it seems everywhere has stopped selling the only painkillers I can take, well ok, it's not the ONLY one, but I prefer to not have one type which lots of types have...

Arwen, you okay? Welcome back to the denial tent ;)

Mary Anne, that's great news sweetie *cuddles*

Dayna *massive cuddles* What's up?

*Big cuddles back* Spaaaaaceyyyyy

*cuddles* Do you know what set it off hun?

Sorry I have been away for a while. I havent been too good the past week. I still feel like I am sinking in quick sand, battling my own demons.

I have missed everyone so much.

Big Hugs to everyone xxx

Love Jade xxx
PS I dont know how much longer I can keep fighting

Those dark thoughts keep creeping into my mind.
The ideas of how to make this so much easier.
The endless ways I could end it all.
Escape all the pain inside...

I'm terrified...
I don't want to be here inside my head!
I can't keep thinking like this...
It's poisoning me.
I'm getting sick from it.
I'm scared...
I'm so scared...

I have two rehearsals today, and I am not ready for festival this week. I don't have ANY of my speech arts stuff memorized... and I'm performing on Tuesday...
I'm so dead...
I can't fail at this stuff.
I can't do it.
I don't want to fail at another thing in mylife...

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry it's not more :(

*offers hugs and cuddles to everyone*

*clings on Kahlia*

*packs a bag and crawls into denial tent*

*cuddles Helen*
*offers supplies for denial tent to Ashley*
*offers apologies to anyone she might have offended .... *

*Screams her ****ing head off*

PEOPLE NEED TO GET THE **** OVER ****. People need to stop acting like a ****ing child.

Guess what, honey? I've changed. I'm NOT who you used to know! I am darker, more horrible, I am not me any more. I am not 'Däyna', because she's dead. UNDERSTAND THAT? SHE'S ****ING DEAD.

I am sick and ****ing tired of trying to work myself up to talk to someone, and then have stupid, narrow minded **** like 'LOL I'M NOT GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT' thrown back at me. And then when I get awkward, and realise that the ****er in question isn't who I should be talking to and try and change the subject? Just a 'whatever', followed by a hasty ****ing departure.

FINE. **** OFF THEN. ****ING WASTE OF SPACE. YOU TWO FACED DAMNED ****. YOU ONLY PRETEND TO GIVE A **** WHEN IT SUITS YOU, WHEN IT MAKES YOU LOOK GOOD. YOU ONLY PRETEND TO GIVE A DAMN WHEN WE'RE TALKING IN A PUBLIC THREAD; SO LONG AS EVERYONE ELSE THINKS YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, YOU DON'T ****ING CARE.

I have got to summon up the courage to get you out of my damned ****ing life

*holds Dayna while she screams* ~ let it all out hon ... get rid of all the nasties if you can. *offers you hugs*

I have the start of a migraine, hate this :( Don't mind the pain....but the eyesight thing I cannot stand :(

*offers Helen some strong painkillers for her migraine*

*leaves hugs for all*

*Hugs Helen* x_O Is there nowt you can take for the migraine*

*Hugs Kahlia back* Thankfully, I'm calmer now. Just tired

Painkillers never work when it comes to my headaches anymore, espically my really bad ones. Argh it's so painful today, I'm going to go back to bed now I think for a little while as I've been out today :)

*hugs Helen* - Wish I could Help the Pain Sweetie, but I know how you feel my shoulder's still sore :'(

*Leaves BIG Bags Of Mini egss For Everyone*

Im making chocolate Nests tomorrow thats if my shoulder is better :'(

*Sneaks in quietly and unobtrusively*

*Curls up in corner and clutches her head*

Binged.
Angry.

Zowie - I just binged too, know that feeling of shame on myself all too well.

Helen - I hope you have been hiding under your duvet covers, the migraine aura is horrible (I get them too), hope you feel better soon.

*holds Dayna*

Another Monday done

*leaves hugs for all*

x

*hugs Gil* thanks babe.

Are you okay sweetie? *offers cuddles*

*offers cuddles*

Sadly not, been for a walk && lunch today, was really good actually and then had nearly two hours of sleep when I got home, as one of my sisters went back to her place and my mum and one of my other sisters went out. I hope I'm better soon too..

I've got a funeral to attend tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. It's for my best friend's dad so me, my notetaker and another person from the choir are all attending to give her support and I'd met her Dad once. Don't know how I'll act tomorrow hmm.

Okay. Feeling a bit better now so I can do a few individual replies.


Helen - Hope the migraine passes. Good luck at the funeral tomorrow, it's nice to hear you're there for your friend. *Hugs*

Mary Anne - Ugh. I hate the guilt that follows. Not to mention the fact that I feel completely sick. It's passed now, but I'm going out drinking tonight which means I'll be drinking beer which is just going to add to the fat.

Hello Banana. Don't know if you've ever ventured in here before, but if not, welcome. Make yourself comfortable and post as much as you need.

Gil - Hope your shoulder feels better soon. *Offers painkillers and chocolate*

*hugs Kahlia back*

Dayna - *Hugs* Hope your feeling better now. I'm sorry you were feeling so bad and I wasn't here when you were.

Ashley - What have you packed in your bag for a stay in the denial tent? I've got chocolate and magazines to keep us going :)

Sorry I didn't do the replies in order, I just read each post from bottom to top :P

I'm going to see some old high school friends tonight. The old gang always goes on nights out but never invited me because I was hanging out with cunts. Now I've stopped seeing the **** people they're used to not having me around I guess. They didn't even invite me tonight, I just phoned one of them to see if she wanted to come round and she said I could come out with them. I feel a little unwelcome, but I really want to see some of them so I'm going.
My little sister has a friend round who just pretended to be stupidly hyper on coca cola. It was really annoying, and eventually I had to take the cola away from her. Ugh. Children >.<

Arwen: Yeah, I'm alright now. I did a lot of venting last night, all over the show, and that helped take the edge off my fury =D. I changed my Facebook status to 'Tödlich Axtell is annoyed because she tried to tell someone something that's been on her mind for a while, just for the other person to respond like a child' and the retard in question saw it, 'cause he left a comment. Which he deleted before I got the chance to read it <__<;;

*Walks in* Can I stay here for a while please? I think I need to.

::::::::::::: big hugs to everyone ::::::::::::::::::

Sorry thats all I can manage at the moment xxx

Thanks Zowie - my physio has cleared my ankel injuries which means i can play football on sat but i dont have the heart to play!!! And dont worry im used to children acting stupid im a Brownie Leader (their parents give them Irn Bru just before they come to meets)

*hugs Hells* Aww babez why didnt you tell me you had a funeral to go to!!! *Big Squishes* Here have my lil monkey bear to cuddle till your head feels better *hands Hells Monkey Bear*

*hugs Fairytales* Of course you can stay hun is everything ok?

*hugs Jade* - Thats okay darlin are you ok? *Offers lil foxy bear to cuddle*


I just wanna be back home i am missing Brum and my other half far to much! i just dont know how much longer i can cope being seperated from him!! and the rest of my life in Brum!!!


Plus the longer i stay up here the more i get my urges triggeres and old habits wanting to come back and i dont want them back!!!!

Thanks honey, I'll need that luck!!! *hugs tight*

Sure thing :)

*cuddles tons and tons* Love you Jadey poo :P

*cuddles lots* I told you now why, thanks for the bigh squishes and the monkey bear *cuddles monkey :P* I jnow how much you're missing home but you'll be back soon enough I hope, you better come back :( When you do get back, we're gonna have a blast!!!!!!

*hugs Hells*
Dont worry babe I Will be back and thats a promise - you know where I am if you need me tomorrow

*hugs all* sorry bit out of the loop, had a weekend away and an interview to prepare for, which went okay, I thought I was doing okay, but I think I was kidding myself, will sleep and hope tomorrow is better.

*hugs again* hope you guys are doing okay and if you're not then I hope tomorrow is better and that you find the strength to keep fighting.

Hey everyone, sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier :) I'm Hannah, I'm pretty new to RYL and I stumbled across this thread and you all seem lovely! To give you some background I have clinical depression due to chronic pain and a big loss that I haven't come to terms with, I also have OCD, psychotic symptoms and I SI a lot. I know that's not interesting but I just thought I'd explain for next time I come and say something out of context :D

Hope everyone is doing ok, lots of hugs all round! xx

What a lovely introduction :) I hope you settle down well in here. We're not a scary bunch really, we just post pretty fast in here. But we're a lovely bunch. Hope you're doing okay? *squish*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

omg. I am so ****ed off.

Thanks :) Yeah I'm doing alright actually, normally this time of night is really bad for me but I'm doing well distracting myself. Well. So far anyway... How are you?

*rocks gently forwards and backwards*

*tries to hide in the corner*

Yay..i got discharged from hosp today

woohoo...freedom!!!!! lol

Hope every1 is alrite there *cuddles*

*looks up from her moping*

Well done you!!! :D Congratulations!

*gets out her pillow for bed*

I've got lots of books. Romances and fantasies are abundant. I've also got plenty of orange Mike&Ikes! ^_^ Oh and I have teddies and blankies to cuddle.

Good job!

*goes back to corner and curls up crying*

Hey Jem welcome back, how are you doing? *hugs*

*hugs Hannah* heyup I'm Hannah too, I think I might get confused :)

*hugs Helen* hope the migraine has gone and that you're feeling a bit better

*hugs Ashley* you got everything you need there? what are orange Mike & Ikes?

*hugs Fairytale* what's up? You feeling any better today?

*hugs Gil* are you okay?

*hugs Arwen* How's it going? hope the guilt has gone, you don't deserve that. Did ou have a good time with your friends?

*hugs Dayna* some people just don't get it, sounds like the person in question really isn't worth your trouble, take care of yourself hun.

*hugs Kahlia* glad to hear you're doing a little better

*hugs Jade**hugs Shell**hugs MaryAnne**hugs Kat* (has anyone heard from her recently?)*hugs anyone else hiding in a corner and wanting a hug*

Right must get to work, so looking forward to some days off. Leaves some easter eggs hidden in the garden.

*hugs everyone*

Jem - yay for freedom. Now keep yourself safe.
Helen - oh yucky migraine's .... I hate them.

I put up dark curtains in my room today.... Yay. Hopefully it will be dark enough for me to sleep a bit easier. Fingers crossed.

World War III starts tomorrow with my house-mate && Qld Health. This could be interesting ....

Yah..i know! i better try and keep safe

I'm already have bad thoughts already..ugh..sucks to be me really :-(


But yah..hope u guys have a lovely day or had a lovely day xx

Wooo Jem! Well done for getting out of hospital, I hope your stay helped you.

--------------

I had a good time with my old friends last night. Only a few people who were actually part of the old gang were there but it was nice to talk to them.

My care co ordinator has cancelled our appointment today. Didn't really need to see her, but it was something to do today. Gosh the days are really dragging.

I'm slowly distancing myself from the person in question. Which is quite easy, considering it's me who's putting 99% of the effort into what remains of our friendstil <__<;;.

And she's coming round mine tonight. With any luck, we might have some piccies xD