*cuddles everyone*

Taz, sorry you felt like you had to take an OD darling.
Nicole, hey darling, how you doing?
Crimson, lots of huggles for you.
Lia, is it toight you'r having a sleepover thing?

I can't stand being so ill and in agony :'(

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Oliver*

Phew ! I have had 2 conversations of and hour or more about my S.I. being ridiculous and me desperatly needing to numb the thoughts in my head with S.I. or drink .I'm emotionally exausted . Rang home to see when my dad was going to come this afternoon only to be told he had been by and I wasn't in heh , nevermind , my Mum said I sounded shaky on the phone andI am shaking :S

*cuddles lia and helen*
lia-ok hun, but remember im always here.x
helen-yeah im fine thanks hun, aaw, whats up? do you know why you're ill? (sorry if you've said before, my memorys awful.. :/)
*cuddles mark* we must've been writing at the same time, sorry to hear your exhausted, but i suppose its a good thing that you can talk about it? do you think it might be wise to see a doctor about the shaking? im getting quite worried about you :(

Nicole, all I know is that I have an awful cough, insane amounts of pain in my head & legs (everything hurts), my temperature keeps changing pretty fast, I'm so weak and sleepy. Keep crying on/off but that's not helping the pain...

*Hugs Nicole back* Thanks for being worried about me , the shaking is a side effect of Lithium and me having an emotional afternoon just makes me shakier . I will think about the dr tomorrow , I got out of my last appointment at 4.55pm so too late to go to the dr . sorry my mind is RACING , I had so much to talk about and my mind is going over it again and again . Hmmmmm

Oh Helen I'm sorry you feel so crappy *Hugs* It sounds like you have a fever . Please go to the Dr's tomorrow , Or if it gets to bad go to the hospital tonight .

*hugs Lia* Somewhat. I'm not even sure what I wanted... I just know I wanted to shut everything out.

*hugs Nicole*

*hugs Crimson*

*hugs Hels*

*hugs Mark*

Sorry... am not able to focus more on individuals at the moment, and feel really crappy about that ><

*leaves extra care packages for everyone*

If they put a pace maker in i'll just save the trouble and say goodbye now. The trouble with pace makers is that they have a habit of bad reactions in some populations and causing horrible lung problems. My grandfather had one and he had to go repeatedly to get the fluid drained from his lungs and then one night he died because the fluid in his lungs drowned him.
*hugs* Sorry to be miss-negative-pants and I appreciate you trying to make me feel better but I have a lot of reasons not to have faith in doctors and pacemakers.

Totally understandable. *huggles back*

*hugs back*

~~~~~~~~~~~~
*hugs everyone*
Sorry you're so drained Mark. That's a lot of conversation.
*hopes Taz is feeling better*
*hands Hels some cough drops with honey centers*

*hugs helen, mark, taz and crimson*
helen and mark-please go to the doctors tomorrow?
oh dear, i've just realised something that confused me/made me feel like a slut :(

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sure you are not a slut. You certanly don't come across as such , You are a very likeable girl :) I'm sorry you feel confused :(

Heads up and attention people .
With regards to Hayleys New home card I have the following names for

Lia,
April,
Nicole,
Oliver,
Taz,
Lindsay,
Helen,
Laura,
Heather,
Kahlia,
Crimson,
Becca with a <3
and myself of course .

Should anyone else want me to sign their name please PM me and let me know , I should get the card in the next day or two and don't want to accidently miss a name should you post in the thread so PLEASE PM me.

Thankyou .

Mark.

*hugs Crimson* I hope everything turns out alright with your grandma <3

*hugs Nicole* I agree with Mark. You definitely don't come across as a slut.

*hugs Mark* I hope everything starts to work itself out soon with the possible lithium toxicity and whatnot.

Hi Jess<3 I saw your profile pic , made me smile , thankyou

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry, I can't do individuals right now.

Huggles all.

**** Jill , Get to a Doctor right this minute .Go to accident and emergency if you have too! A stroke is very serious , I'd HATE to see anything bad happen to you :(

*cuddles helen* its ok to not do individuals. whats wrong hun?

*hugs jill* should you go to the doctor to see if there is anything wrong that is making it numb?

*hugs nicole* i agree with the others, you do not seem like a slut.

*hugs crimson* im sorry about your nan. i wish i could think of more words.. *extra hugs*

*hugs mark*

*hugs taz* im glad that you didnt die from the pills. I hope you are alright. you know you can always talk to us if you are feeling the need to OD again... :-/

*hugs lia* im sorry your family is giving you are hard time, but you are not worthless or a cow.

*hugs everyone else i missed*

I'm gonna be okay... i'll just keep repeating that until i believe it.

*Hugs Laura* You WILL be okay in the end . It does get better , I promise , I've been in the shitty place and I've gotten out of it eventually , and so will you .
To quote the prophet spongebob " It'll all be happy in the end , if it's not happy it's not the end.

Cuddles mark, I'm okay Hun. Don't worry okay. I shouldn't have posted that, going to delet it now. I'm okay and safe. Sorry to worry you.

Jill , If you think you've had a stroke , even minor please see a Dr .Don't worry if you should have posted it , Sorry , I'm just very worried about you.

Laura, I feel so ill and in a lot of pain still :( Trying to drink as I haven't all day and everytime I do, I feel like I'm gonna be sick. Great (Y)

Jill, please go to hospital darling. I didn't see the post but from what Mark & Laura have said, it could be really serious. Phone an ambulance if you need x

great, the one place I thought I could feel safe I get bullied at and flashbacks as a result

awww Oliver *hugs* what happened hun?

anyone know if Jill went or not?

Feeling numb at the moment want to cut

*hugs reaper*
sorry i'm kinda useless atm but i'm around if you wanna talk.

people bullied me, swearing at me, calling me names and accusing me of cheating at my LGBT youth group

Jill, hope your ok, like the others have said you need to see a doctor/go to hospital

Reaper, please don't cut, sorry your feeling numb, is there someone there with you

also just wanted to say to those who asked if I went to my pride group party I did, and Alex was there,the reason I didn't want to go, we ended up talking because he text me from across the room and it would have been rude to ignore the text when he could see me reading it, so I went and talked to him, about the most awkward thing ever and I really don't want to have to talk to him again, but he is at my uni

I'm sorry things didn't go well Oliver.

Helen, have you heard anything?

Has anyone heard from April today? I'm worried about her.

The movie scared the crap out of me. I need to try and sleep now. At least I have company.

Do you ever stop missing someone? Doe it ever get any easier?

Xx

Is it sad that I cant wait for hoodie season

No, it's not sad. Neither can I?

Can I die now? Someone. Let me. Head hurts. Am sleepy. Urgh.

*waves to everyone*

Still having a tough time. :( I thinking that I need help and to get back on meds

im only allowed on for 15 bloody minutes so annoyingly no individuals but will hopeuflly be able to tomorrow when im stuck at stupid uni from 8 [class isnt til 10:30 ><] til 5 ><

*hugs Laura* I wish I could, but it's so damn hard... I can't help but feel like an attention seeker... it's a mindset that's been deeply engrained since 9th grade when I got called an attention seeker in gym class because of my cuts :( And now I feel like I can never tell anyone. And like Mark said... it will be okay in the end <33

*hugs Mark*

*hugs Lia* I'm still not sure. Every person I've missed, it still hurts to think of them... but I guess it depends too whether the person is still alive or not? I think it does get easier to an extent... :/ And I thought April had posted earlier... =/ Maybe not, maybe I'm just so used to her posting that I assume she has done so...

*wanders around the ward looking for April*

*hugs Jill* I didn't see your original post, but as a nursing student, PLEASE see a doctor if you think you've had a stroke. Even minor ones can be fatal if left unchecked, and if it WAS a stroke, you need to have your brain scanned ASAP. I hope you're okay <33

*cuddles Oliver* Sorry it didn't go so well Oliver, and it really sucks that people bullied you at your group. Could you tell the person in charge? It really doesn't seem right =/

*hugs Reaper* I hope you didn't cut <3

*hugs Crimson*

*hugs Hels* I hope your pain starts to go away soon <3

*hugs Becca* No, it's not bad. I want hoodie season to get here STAT. I'm tired of being questioned about my scars/cuts EVERY single day ><

*waves to Ashley* Can you talk to your doctor maybe to get back on meds?

*hugs Heather* Ouch, that's a long day =( Hope it goes alright for you!

*hugs Jess* I spy you!

I just got back from work, and I'm kind of in an up mood.

I think hoodie /long sleeve season is my fave time of year..

must confess :( i cut I kept holding it in and i just spilled over :( im sorry everyone

*offers gentle hugs to becca*
<3

taz, the annoying part is really i only have classes from 10:30-1:20 and 3-4:30... so im stuck there for 2.5 hours before the class, and then nearly 2 hours between the 2 classes >< blah.

*hugs Becca* Try not to beat yourself up over it... was there anything in particular that pushed you over?

*hugs Heather* Ahhh, I get what you mean. Sucks when that happens :( Only good thing is that at least it gives you time to get work done... which could or couldn't suck, depending on how you look at it.

Thank you, i feel like a faliure though
stress about events coming the state of the house due to said events

here if you wanna talk <3

and taz- yeah but how much work can i possibly have the first day? ><

We have friends coming from out of town who have never seen the house, the house in current state looks like a trash heap. not to mention i have to souly clean the whole place.

*huggles everyone*

Sorry for the lack of individuals, I'm really not keeping up at the moment. :-(

Today I got my uni transcript scanned and I've emailed it to the guy who is dealing with my credit transfer/RPL for my new course. He thinks I might be able to get six (6) subjects credited from the transfer. We were thinking I'd only get three or four so *crosses fingers* hopefully it's worth it.

Hi everyone *Hugs* I'm not up to doing individuals this morning , sorry.
I can't wait for "hoodie season" either although I ALWAYS wear long sleeves / trousers whatever the weather.

I'm a bit worried about April too :S

I just cut myself accidently whilst shaving ,Ug , way to get triggered first thing in the morning .

I'm worried about April too.

*hugs mark* im sry you were triggered. try to not let this set the rest of your day, you can beat any urges that come of it. And thanks for your response to my post earlier about things getting better, it was really helpful.

*hugs everyone*

I should sleep. 2:30am is late enough i think.

*Hugs Laura* I'm glad I was helpful , and yes , 2.30am is most definatley bedtime :) I hope you sleep well .

I just got back from the Dr , He didn't seem to think that I've got Lithium Toxicity which is a releif . My levels are normal , he showed me on his computer. I guess the not being able to get speech out is a side effect of the Lithium and NOT of toxicity .

I only like the winter because the heat and the sun gives me a sore head. I want it to rain again. I don't really wear long sleeves or that, I don't need to.

*hugs for everyone* I'm not feeling too great.

*Hugs Claire* I'm sorry you're not feeling good :S

Sorry i'm not around so much, my modem is broken so I can only get online in the library and most of the pages are filtered. I'm thinking about you all.

April!! I spot you *HUGS*

I have to go to the cyber cafe and go with the manager to the council offices to have a CRB check (Criminal Records Bureuo) . I am going to be volunteering there at the cyber cafe I think , I'm pretty anxious . Meeting new people and such :S

YES!!! I am back.

So sorry to worry you all, I figured I must've been but I had no way to get online. We forgot to pay the internet bill and it got shut off then took forever and ages to come back on. Thank God it's back, though, I've really missed you all and the support I get/give... it's been rough. :(

I have my nutritionist appt this afternoon, ugh ugh ugh... so ****ing terrified. Plus, I don't have anyone that will go with me even though Jarrod's available (I doubt he'd want to go... taboo topic).

BLAHHH.

So sorry that all/a lot of you are doing poorly as well, can't do individuals as there were FIVE freaking pages (yey!!) of posts since the last time I posted... but... thinking of you all and *cuddles all*

*hugs April* I'd go with you if I could :). I hope everything goes well at the nutritionist.
*hugs Mark* I'm glad you don't have toxic Lithium levels and good luck with volunteering :)
*Hugs Lindsay* I'm thinking about you too.

To everyone who said they can't wait for hoodie season, I agree.

*hugs everyone in the ward*

Sooo... I harmed last night. And again this morning. And I *really really really* want to now.... I don't know why I'm not, my roomie's in class, she won't come in, etc etc...
I would update more on my life but it's been an emotionally draining/painful past couple of days and I'm just worn out.

*cuddles Felicia* I'm sorry that you feel like such crap right now... wish that there were something I could do to help. :( I feel so helpless in front of all of your suffering, each and every one of you. :( But I guess just by being here I'm helping? I don't know. But anyway, I'm glad that you're not harming now, please try to stay that way... it's not worth it, it really isn't... even if it may help in the shortterm it won't help longterm. :(

*cuddles all*