:'(

*cries and rocks*

Love this idea... check me in!

*takes a blanket and pillow and heads for the corner for cuddles*

Ugh ugh ugh.

*curls up next to Helen & cries & rocks too*

*cuddles April and Silverflame*

*cuddles April, Helen and silverflame*

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry am not being much of a support at the moment. Am in a really bad spot, am trying to talk myself out of it but it's not working worth diddly-bloody-squat.

Just wrote in my r/v thread... just to warn it's an ed/sui trig probaby, if you want to read. Whatever. Don't bother. I'm not that important.

:(

*cuddles oliver, helen, april, silverflame, and quiet1*

Dont remember much of my evening. Gave that speech i guess... i dont remember... apparently it went well so says ppl in my class. Have a massive headache now.

april - you are that important. hang in there hun.

April you are important babe. We all are.

*cuddles everyone*

Want my feet to stop hurting/itching/whatever, I can't stop crying about it (and everything else). I feel like I'm being driven up the walls......

April you are important. *cuddles*

*cuddles Laurastar* I'm glad you did the speech and people said it went ok.

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry your foot is hurting and things are getting to you.

*hands out some of his happiness, in the hope it might help a bit* I'm here if anyone wants to talk, or anything.

April... I read your thread, I want to hug you so much right now! There's not a lot I can do, but I wish I could.
MammaMia I hope your foot calms down and you're okay

*cuddles everyone*

*hugs and cuddles everyone*
didn't read most of what was posted since i was last here... sorry just not that focusable right now...
april- i read your vent because you are important... and well because it makes me feel less alone in the thinking way... um if that makes any sense at all...
helen- how's the foot doing love?

My feet are giving painful pins&needles now, still feels like a really bad itch. I just want my feet to get better now please?? Also, can everything else get better too please? :'(

*cuddles everyone*

i went to my therapy appt. she kinda helped me get through til now without cutting. that's good. however, i want to cut now. and i don't really have any reason not to. i have so much reason to do it.

we talked about this eval appt for IOP and i could reschedule it if i want to. and i am not sure i want to. i am not sure what i want. most of the time i think i want to be healthy and i just can't. other times i want to be sick and destructive and let myself implode.

right now i am overwhelmed and numbed out. cutting would help. it would help me feel real. getting myself prepared for another night of horribly violent dreams. yay me.


enough about me.
*hugs everyone*
April- so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. honey, school is tough under any circumstances, not to mention when you have other things going on. you cannot beat yourself up about it because you are comparing yourself to other people who do not have the same struggles as you. you are a good student who works harder than others have to. it sounds like all of this is bringing on your ed thoughts. that's a slippery slope that will be hard to climb back up from. you know that. and as hard as it is to keep your head above water with it, it is best to try.

Laura, good for you for doing your presentation! that's awesome. i know exactly how you feel when the word presentation is attached to an assignment. instant panic. i have actually dropped classes upon seeing the syllabus. One class required a short drive to an elementary school nearby and I dropped it right away. I am impressed that you are able to trudge forward even though you were terrified. it builds character and self-esteem even if you don't remember it!


i have run out of useful things to say.
*head desk*

*cuddles everyone who wants or needs a cuddle then disappears into a dark corner*

Kahlia1981: Don't disappear into a dark corner. Come into the corner of love and cuddles :)
Bring your duvet and pillow!
*cuddles pre-emptively*

Yah, i'm well thx's ppl :-)

How is everybody one doing there?

*gives Kahlia lots of warm hugs*

*cuddles everyone*

Spent 5 hours at A&E today with my housemate. Now really not doing well, but I can't go to hospital until the results of my complaints come through ....

Man, someone just take my head off for a while ... please ???????

*cuddles Kahlia, Laura, quiet1, Crimson, Helen, Jet, SilverFlame, and anyone else I missed (sorry!!)*

Thanks for the support, guys. I still feel crappy about being, well, so dumb about everything. Crimson, I'm glad that you don't feel so alone. And quiet1, you're right in that I oughtn't compare myself to other students who aren't struggling with the same stuff. It's just that it's so difficult... I compare myself constantly, physically & emotionally, & I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to stop, basically. :(

Jarrod (hubby) stayed home from work today, which was nice... pleasant to have him here. He needed a break from the "idiocy there," as he put it. Lol. Sounds like an ideal workplace... *rolls eyes*

I am exhausted. Got up at 4:30am today. :(

*facepalm*

* Hugs to all who need them *
Back in the real world after having my wedding head on . I got put in charge of the rings! That responsibility plus Lithium meant I was shaking when I gave the rings to the Bride( My lil Sis) and groom . Apart from being nervous I had a good time and am only 3 days away from being 1 month S.I. free , I've bought my bracelet in readiness:) It' will be a milestone for me . I'm feeling really positive :) I hope you are all doing well :D

*cuddles everyone*

Feeling bit better this afternoon. I think..

*hugs quiet1* hope that you didnt have horrible dreams. I think maybe you should try to reschedule ur appt. I know its hard when ur torn between ur illness and wanting to be healthy.. but maybe the IOP would help u sort some of it out.

Thanks for your words of encouragement about my speech yesterday. i really appreciate it.

*hugs helen* sorry about your foot. I hope you can get it checked out soon. Glad that you are feeling a bit better today

*hugs kahlia* i dont think taking ur head off is a good idea heh. Sorry you had to go to the a&e with your housemate. U alright?

*hugs april* glad your having a nice time with ur hubby. Your not dumb though at all. Maybe you should try to take a nap... 4:30am is crazy early to be waking up.. sometimes i dont even go to bed until that late lol.

*hugs mark* yay im so glad u feel positive and are almost 1 month free. thats fantastic!!

*hugs jet, silverflame, and oliver*

Hm.. I know that i have a lot to do this weekend but i kinda just want to curl up in a ball and barely move. I'm tired all the frickin time. i'll be alone most of the weekend b/c pretty much everyone i know is going out of town.. so thats really gonna suck.
Maybe ill bake some no-calorie cookies for the ward here :-)

jst wrote stuff. deleted it. can't be arsed. i think.... oh i don't know.

*hides in corner to be safe*

*cuddles Laura and Hayley*

Here if you wnt to talk hun xx

*comes in curls up and cries*

*cuddles everyone*

It's rough without my housemate here... I just want to curl up into a little ball and disappear ... really not feeling at all well ... Struggling with the urge to go to the hardware shop on the corner and buy a couple of dangerous things ...

*sigh* *curls self into little ball*

whoo hoo! Diet pills and slimming patches arrived this morning... feeling tad moren hopeful....

am I even allowed to write that?! not wanting it to be advocating it or anything, jst stating a fact....

*shuts up in fear of saying wrong thing*

I need to be in a constant state of overdose, I don't know how else to cope with life.

I was just shopping in the supermarket and everything wasfine but I ran into a guy who takes pottery classes at the hospital and it reminded me of being in hospital and sent me into anxiety/panic attack I put back some bannanas but left the rest of my shopping on the floor and walked fast strait back to my flat where I took a Diaz which I hope calms me soon . I just have to wait for it to kick in . I'm shaking , god its pathetic I REALLY want to cut but I am so close to 1 month and I'd be SO pissed off at myself if I did , 20 more minutes and the Diaz should kick in .
*Crosses fingers and hopes it will all calm down soon *

* hugs to allthat need them *

Sorry to ramble/rant ....

*cuddles all*

Please try & stay safe everyone. I know how hard it is :(

I just want to know what's going to happen to my best friend & her daughter :'( Please hurry up and decide. Please :/ Last night was awful enough.

Heya everyone... sorry to hear that people are having a hard time right now... :(

LauraStar, well done on getting your talk done. I would be scared, too... geez. In fact, a story about my social anxiety - I was supposed to be going over to a friend's apartment last night but got so freaking anxious - from 2:30pm until 8pm-ish - that I had to cancel. I bet that they had a great time watching DVDs and everything... but funnily enough, I don't feel left out. *shrug* But the anxiety was terrible. I couldn't control it; I did everything I could, including taking 3mg Klonopin and doing all of the relaxing things I could, minus a hot bath - but even all of that didn't work. :( Anyway. That's my recentest bit of social anxiety... and it SUCKS. *cuddles LauraStar*

*cuddles Kahlia* How you doing, love?

*cuddles Hayley & Crimson* How're things going today with you?

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry that you got so panicked. :( Are you feeling better now? I hope so... and I also hope that you got through it without SI'ing. A month is amazing!! and even if you did slip up, almost a month is still amazing, especially when you struggle with the urges so much. :)

*cuddles Helen* How you doing, sweetie? how's your foot?

I'm so tired... got up at 5am today but did have a nommilicious nap today for about an hour and a half, listening to my iPod. Hehe. It was so nice just to curl up under the covers & sleep!! :)

Not much is going on. Really want to cut... and purge... but nothing new there. *sigh*

*more cuddles all 'round, then goes to hide for awhile*

My foot's getting better thank you April :) Well seems to be. Probably jinxed it now haven't I?? :p I'm feeling...overwhelmed & emotional. It's not been an easy few days at all.

*hugs everyone and returns to hiding*

april ~ doing ok today. i got my hair done the other day. i cut 12 inches off to donate to locks of love and then got my hair layered and dyed black and highlighted with purple. i love it :) and yesterday i talked to a new tattoo artist (the last one wanted to butcher my design totally) and he said he'd take pictures i like of real flowers and use them for a stencil rather than stock sketches of flowers and he said my choices in colors was totally doable... i like this one he's knowledgeable and friendly and experienced... i think he'll be my only tattoo artist from now on. anyhow i'm dropping off new pics and my deposit on tuesday and plan to have the tattoo done end of next week. i also got a new piercing done yesterday after work. all in all i was much better after i vented and got the hell out of work.

how is today going for you?

*huggles everyone and skips away*

p.s. glad your foot is doing better helen... it sounded like a pinched nerve.

Thanx April , Luckily the Diazapam 10mg kicked in after 30 or so minutes and I calmed down and got through it without S.I. :) I still have to go to the shops to pay bills and buy grocerys and am all anxious about it now , wondering who I will run into :S .
One more day until I hit the month , I just have to tell myself I can do it.
I just am going to keep checking into this thread all day , I find that helps, you are all so nice in here :)

* Hugs to everyone*

Just wanting to give out some huggles....
*GROUP HUGGLES EVERYONE IN WARD*

I'm up and washed and dressed before midday! Whoohoo! That's the first time in weeks, haha evil M.E, you did not win, I will not have a relapse, just a rough patch. Also on day 3 of period, so PMDD is diminishing and sanity returning for its brief period of time in my cycle. So yeah, think I'll cope better next few days, so huge hugs all round and I hope I can share some positive vibes with you all.

(Sorry for lack of personal replies, but I've been out of it hiding in here for sooo long, I've lost complete track of what's going on with who! My brain just isn't up to going through it all, sorry)

*cuddles everyone*

I feel EXCITED and HYPER!!!

(Wait...I was supossed to be feeling this way today anyway, going to my best friend's tomorrow, but as that's not happening...but anyway :()

...

I'm sorry.

I need to check in.

Not that I deserve to.

I'm sorry.

Hey Vicki, no need to apologise, I'm sure I've seen you in here before and chatted to you and given you huggles, so you know that everyone is always welcome and we're all good listeners in here, even if we're unable to offer advice. Do you wanna share? *huggles*

*huggles Helen* So glad that you're having an excited and hyper day, I hope it lasts!

*huggles Doikers* Sorry don't know your name, I don't believe we've met before! This has been my hang out since I joined, but sometimes I hide for months....I once went out in the smoking shelter and stayed out there for a few weeks, another time I hid under the floor boards for a few months when my councellor wanted me to see if I could cope without RYL...anyhoo, I love it here, hope checking the thread today has been of some use to you.

*huggles all others where ever they may be in the ward*

*waters pot plants*

oh is the psych ward pet dog still around somewhere?! *hangs head in shame that I can't remember his name....*

Hi Hayley , My name is Mark :) Checking into this thread has been really helpful to me today yes . *Hugs back*

No need to apologise Vicki *snuggles*

*snuggles Hayley and everyone else*

Puppy SinClair has been sadly abandoned, Hayley. :( Perhaps you would like to take him for a walk?

Am not doing very well myself... wrote about it some in my r/v thread but really nothing new. :( I hate life, I want to purge, blah blah blah, same old same old.

And uni, ****, I feel like I am drowning in all of the work. :crying:

Can't.

*cuddles Helen* What can't you do, sweetie? *lots more cuddles*

Drowning. Just want to give up.

:(

hojwidhqqb

Need to destruct so much in so many ways
cant stoay safe or majke mch sense
pleas e

Puppy SinClair hasn't been abandoned, I wouldn't do that.

Helen, You can get through this, you're amazing.

sorry feel like a bit of a stranger in here again.

Not amazing but thank you Hannah.

yes you are, I have tremendous respect for you, keep fighting

That means more than you could ever know..

I feel awful.

Want to self destruct. No one IRL understands, and some people online don't either. I feel like they are attacking me with their comments when really they just care. But still. It hurts.

****.