Thanks for the hug Seraph :) I've got all the windows open and it's cooled down a bit. I'm English too - Not used to it being so hot!
It's been so humid, I just hope there's a thunder storm tonight to stop it feeling so muggy! xx

thanks jazz. and zowie for the hugs. argh!!! i feel god awfull, have felt this way sence the morning. had insane day, im not sure what was wrong but i was up in our work staff room, and i just burst into tears, no idea why. the rest of the night hasnt got better, i manged to upset someone, another freind isnt talking to me. hmm im just going to hide and not say another word. i suck so much, argh i hate me

*more hugs for shadowedsoul* I know exactly what you mean. I quite often find myself in tears while i'm on break in the work staff room and never know why i'm crying. I have two friends whom i care deeply for who just broke up after a 2 year relationship, and they've stuck me in the middle of it. not fun. =(

and you don't suck love! you're just having a rough time of it, and that's okay. Do yourself a favour and take some time for you. Maybe make some tea and run a nice warm bubble bath? Relax, I'm sending you love and positive energies my friend <3

*hugs to everyone else*

It's Canada Day today, which means that at work (i'm doing the closing shift again, it's all i ever do) I'm going to have to deal with a lot of drunken, drugged-up people, and I can almost guarentee that at least one customer will decide i'm not doing things fast/well enough and pull out a knife and threaten to kill me. It happens every single time I work on a statuatory holiday. Ick.

*hugs zowie* i totally agree, bring on the rain!

*hugs shadowedsoul* you dont suck we all have crappy days now and again

*hugs jazz* you poor thing, no one deserves that at work

Wish me luck! I'm heading off to work. Got my bullet-proof vest (that I wear when i do more dangerous horseback riding activities such as cross country) on just incase. O.o

*hugs everyone*

Hey there peeps, I'm well chuffed I did everything on my list to do today :) I went for a run and a horse ride and went dancing and started another job application (which I haven't managed to do for weeks) and worked on my legal secretary course as well, went to my job centre meeting and bought a swim suit. I must admit I go against the grain in here and love the heat :) sorry :P supposed to end soon though guys.

*hugs ya all*

*hugs Jazz* good luck at work, doesn't sound much fun, hope you're okay though

*hugs Shadowedseraph* hope you are okay

*hugs Shadowedsoul* don't beat yourself up hun, we all have days when we feel like that, you have to look after yourself *cuddles*

*hugs Arwen* I hope you have a lovely time with your friend. I hope you managed not to purge, I've been eating too much recently too, I know it sucks but I'm sure it doesn't warrant purging

*hugs Katie* I know how difficult it can be wanting to talk to someone, but really it could be better for you just not to, can you talk with someone else, what about your boyfriend? Don't go back hun, it's not worth it.

*hugs Cheryl* please don't give up hun

*hugs Secrets* I hope your headache went and your day was okay

*hugs Kahlia* any luck calming those voices down?

*hugs Dayna back* I'm actually not bad, I surprise myself :) 9 weeks free, but the biggest thing is that I've managed to get another job application started which is the first one in three weeks, because I've just been thinking what's the point, so that's good. Glad you're doing okay, despite the heat, lol.

*hugs hayley* how you doing?

*hugs HannahBanana* you okay?

*hugs Helen* you're being quiet hun, hope you're okay.

*hugs anyone else relishing the air conditioning, unless of course you are inhabiting the southern hemisphere in which case there is probably a roaring fire in here, lol*

I had an evening in with my dad. We drank wine and watched the Dave channel.
But then he went to bed and I watched a film, and it really triggered me. For so many reasons. I don't want to go to bed feeling like this, so I'm going to keep drinking until it passes.

I just wish it wasn't so damn difficult.

I thought I was starting to get over him. Now the pain's returning >_<

Yeah it sucks. Although just to clarify (and my bad if I did make it sound like this) we never did go out. We are just really good friends. That's all. I mean him being in another country makes it next to impossible of anything happening anyway. And I would have talked to my boyfriend last night if he wasn't in bed with a migraine =[ But it's ok. I feel ok now. Had a good sleep, I think that's what I needed. Perhaps being over tired doesn't help :P

Take care Zowie, always horrible when a movie triggers you. I went to the movies last night to see The Hangover and it triggered me a bit :/ Was just not expecting a few of those scenes *hugs* and thanks for chatting last night :)

*cuddles dayna* take care too ok... i hate the pain =[

Hannah- good job with what you did :D *claps* *cuddles*

*hugs Katie* all my best friends are guys and so I totally get you if you wanted to talk to him but can't cos he's in another country, glad you're feeling better though and had a good sleep.

*hugs Arwen* I hope the triggeredness passed quickly so you could go to bed, I hate it when that happens, even the most incongruous film can do it. Hope you slept ok.

*hugs Dayna* the pain will ease again, I know it's not much help at the moment, but it will and you'll find someone so much better :)

*hugs all*

Voices are still bad and my doc (GP) is on holidays for the next two weeks, so no chance of a med review until she gets back. Just have to hang in there until then.

*hugs wildlyinsane* well done on doing so much!

*hugs zowie* hope you managed to get through your triggeredness, it sucks when that happens

*hugs Damnation* hope your ok

*hugs BigBear* wether you went out or not doesnt stop the hurt sometimes

*hugs Kahalia* your strong you'll hang in there until she gets back and we're here for you! :)

----

i want to have a real good cry but the tears just wont come :( what is wrong with me that i can't seem to be happy

Went to bed and slept for ages. The feelings have passed. Thanks xx

There's way too many posts to answer too individually.

*hugs for all*

I'm also loving the heat wildly insane you aren't alone.

*hugs Shadowedseraph back* thanks :) I know what it's like to want to cry and can't. I think maybe sometimes we find it so hard to let go of the sadness because it's all we've known for so long.

*hugs Secrets* hope you're okay

*hugs Kat* sorry to hear you're struggling *cuddles*

*hugs Arwen* glad the feelings passed, hope you had a good day

*hugs Kahlia* hang in there

*hugs to everyone else*

Am rather busy at the moment, hope I cope with it all okay, don't know how much internet I'll get over the next few days so I just want to say I hope the weekend goes well and take care of yourselves *hugs all round*

Sorry I haven't ben around. Would do indvidual replies but there's far too many to try and do. Hope everyone's doing a bit better today/soon :)

Not doing well my end. So much crap happening that I'm totally losing track lol. Had two round of flashback today, was awful. Need them to **** off again for a while. Visitng a best friend next week and stopping over (she used to be on RYL), would rather they didn't happen there. Though I know she would be fab in helping mind you. Think I may have infected cuts hahaha (ok not funny) so keeping an eye on them. Just found out one of my best friends has been telling a few lies, am SO angry. Oh well get to punish myself again for that, because it's clearly something I've done.

Is everyone going to abandon me sooner or later?

*hugs all*

I go to see a gp about getting some more pain meds today... A bit worried as its not my normal gp cause she's on holidays. Voices are bad am currently taking 10 mgs olanzapine as prn meds. My housemate od'd last night and has asked me to hang onto his meds until he's more in control. Or at least the med that he od'd on. Got to leave home in an hour to catch the bus. Yay .... not. I have a 20 minute walk to the bus stop that allows me to catch the bus I want. Coming home, my sister-in-law will pick me up after 3 pm. S I may have somee waiting to do. But oh well.

Sorry excuse me for rambling about myself. I hope everyone has had a better time of things, and/or that things get better soon. *hugs to yoiu all*

I'm like.. so over everything at the moment.

Uh huh..

*hugs Katie*