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She's busy all this week but she offered me the 25th of May but I have an exam that day... God knows when I'll see her.
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Hmmm , I'm sorry to hear that KitKat, Could you ask to be seen earlier? *HUG*
Helen , It's good that you got to speak to one of your best mates for a bit :) ? I hate feeling alone too *HUG* *HUGS Kat* I'm sorry , it must be so confusing for you with all your alters , I wish I knew the right words of advice :S it's good Rosie and Amy are playing nice though . |
*Hugs Hels, both Kats & Mark*
I want to let it all out, I want to write it out, play it out on the piano but all I can see is death, violence and rape. The only thing shutting up my mind is work but afterwards it comes back twice as bad. |
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i just dont deserve to be on here. i just dont deserve all your kind support. edit: *cuddles lynx* i feel your feelings hun. i wish i could help. but i dont know where i am right now |
*HUGS KAT* You totally deserve our support as much as everyone else , don't tell your self anything different :-) < * Thought a smile might cheer you up a little*
Oh Tineke I'm sorry you're having such a hard time too *Hugs* could you try just writing how you are feeling down , just to get it out of your mind onto paper then rip up the paper , throw it away ? Just an Idea , maybe it would help :-)Smile for Tineke too . |
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Still really want to OD :( For ****'s sake >.> I promised I'd be 'good' lol :( But yeah, doesn't make the urges/screaming any better =[ Sorry, you don't need this. I know everyone's struggling :'( |
mark: i dont know what i'm telling myself, am i telling myself i'm not worthy of help and support? or am i just trying to convince myself of the truth? i'm so confused i can only be certain of things that are physical, you know?
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*Hugs Kat and Helen* Please don't OD either of you guys , you could really do some damage and no-one here wants any harm to come to you .
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i do mark, i want harm to come to me, because i want the people around me to see what is going on in my head. i want them to see the pain and confusion. but i cant.
*cuddles helen back tightly* we'll make it. right? |
*HUGS Kat*
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*hugs mark* i could do with a real one of those. but jacks at work and my parents, well they just dont know. and they're ignoring me any way.
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Sorry in my delay in posting back to you Kat, I'm cooking and the P.C. isn't in the kitchen but there's an idea ! Why do you say your parents are ignoreing you? I'm sorry if that is the case :( Here have another virtual *HUG* it's the best type of hug I can offer .
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it's alright, delays are allowed. its just they seem to pick and choose when it is convienent to 'not know' i needed them. my mother is very controlling and manipulative. she plays mind games. always has. which is why im so messed up. *huggles*
edit: right, i just rang her and told her i had the ambulance out here last night again cos of gallstone pain and that i'm still in a lot of discomfort and struggling with hazel. she claims as it's tuesday she thought i had company, now i've not had companyon a tuesday for about a year and a half and she knows that. but apparently it's my fault im alone and struggling because i should have rung her at 1am this morning when the amublance was called....? and i wonder why nothing makes sense. |
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Sorry for delay in posting, keep getting distracted. |
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*GROUP HUGS*
Lucky you having patience, I don't have a lot sometimes. LOL. I'm glad you've contacted people for help, hope they don't take too long to reply :) It's not pathetic, it's great!!! Hahaha soooooo dizzy >_> Can't do anything about it though until I get those stupid pills. |
Kat , It's not your fault , It really isn't. I've e-mailed the Samaritens before now , I don't know if yo've e-mailed them before but give them 24 hours to get back to you ok, don't be upset if you don't get an instant reply ok:) and it's NOT a pathetic effort , It shows you are trying really hard to get help .*Hugs*
Helen , what pills are you getting ? Sorry did I miss a page , sorry . Are you good dizzy or bad dizzy ? |
wow that's a lot of posts, would love to help make everyone feel better but I'm afraid I can't *sits down with a bump* bloody useless sorry
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*Hugs Hannah* I'm sure you're not useless . The posts here do fly by a LOT of the time , it's hard to keep up .Oh and try not to *Bump* too hard , especially whilst sitting down , you could bang yourself unpleasent :)
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*cuddles mark* yeah, i've mailed them before, so i know how it goes, it kinda takes the edge off, but i know it's not going to actually solve anything.
*huggles wildly insane* what's your name hunny? Edit: ok, hannah :P *cuddles helen* i can't remember what you posted..*cries* damn head *bangs head on ward table*. But i remember something about pills.. and dizzyness, so if it's bad dizzy i hope it gets better soon. |
i spy an oliver and an angelic_monster (name gone, sorry love. damn head again)
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hello Kat, I'm Hannah :) I've never actually managed to get up the courage to email the Samaritans, so good on you.
thanks Mark, I "bumped" okay, nothing hurt I'm in a pickle, I've been offered another job interview a week on Friday, still recovering from the last one which I haven't heard from yet and I have to write a 10 minute presentation, that and apply for a PhD by Monday and go to Copenhagen for a weeks worth of meetings next week and I don't feel capable of putting myself through it again and yet I can't stay here, I'm holding myself together with a thread and all I want to do is cry and yet I have to pull myself together and try and make things better. I don't have any strength left. |
*huggles hannah* that does sound like a predicament. have a good safe cry on someone's shoulder. let it all out of you and you might find it easier to face. *shrugs* i dunno, my advice is probably a bit out at the mo.
Parents are now here. luckily. and i have a date for my operation, so now i've got to prepare hazel for being without me for a day and myself for the recovery time afterwards. i just dont want anything else to deal with right now. i dont think i can take much more. i spy an april |
yep i'm here, kind of........ sooo anxious. :crying:
updated r/v thread......... :'( *cuddles for everyone who is struggling* |
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*cuddles april then wonders off to read april's thread*
Edit: *cuddles helen* I lived on iron tablets during pregnancy. I take it you're anemic then? *sighs* my back hurts. damn stones. *curls up in a ball* I dont want to hurt any more, physically or mentally. I think hazel will be alright, though she's really mummyfied. |
*Hugs* Kat , good luck preparing Hazel and I'm glad your folks showed up for you :)
Hmmm Hannah I wish I had some good advice for you :S I Love your name , My sister is a Hannah as is my Best friend , I know that doesen't help you but you're in good company :) |
*huggles everybody*
Hi Helen, I hope you feel better soon That's okay Kat, I know the answer - it's get off my arse and get it in gear although right now I haven't even managed to get myself to eat any dinner and I'm off dancing in half an hour *shrugs* |
Well I read 6 pages of posts and didn't retain much... though if I remember right Hels was referring to Iron tabs for anemia.
Oliver, that sucks about your situation. Have you pulled the teacher aside after class and talked about it? It's ok Kat. I totally understand. I'm Crimson. :) Last night was infuriating but I WoWed my way through. This morning my MIL was supposed to bring me to work since she doesn't come to work much later then she screwed it up. Apparently her curling her hair was more important than getting me to work on time. She finally left the house with me when I was supposed to be getting to work. *face/palm* So I decided to say **** it and take the bus to and from work so I don't have to deal with the stress and b.s. and be late all the time. |
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*Hugs April* I read your thread , You don't need to die ,I know I've felt that way sometimes but you will get through this , YOU WILL. Having anxiety really sucks though :(
*Hugs Helen* Oh right I remember you saying about the iron pills! When are you due to get them ? Soon I hope . |
Sigh that post took way longer than it should have...
*anywho... *huggles everyone and leaves waves and huggles for all not present* |
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Helen , surely if you are anemic you could go to your GP and get them prescribed? or is the GP not an option? sorry
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*hugs kahlia* I really hope that your psychologist can help with you DID.
*hugs kat* I'm sorry about your gallstones. I know they are horrible, my dad is a surgeon, and he often operates on gallbladders, so while i've never experienced them, I've heard some stories. Luckily, gallbladder operations are fairly routine so I'm sure if you need one it'll go okay. *hugs helen* I hope that you get your iron tablets soon! No fun being dizzy all the time. I'm also glad that you got to talk to one of your best friends, it's always nice to hear from friends, plus i know that you are worried about them. *hugs crimson* wow that would be really annoying... I hate when people dont seem to care if you are gonna be late for something important, like work. *hugs mark* How r u doing? *hugs april, julie, hannah, lynx, heather, and taz* *waves at owen* *hugs everyone else* sorry if i missed you.... As i said before, I know i'm being crappy at replying lately. I have literally nothing to do today, so i think i might clean my whole apartment. That'll waste some time... and hopefully keep me distracted. |
Your WHOLE apartment? Wow!
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lol yes lindsay, my whole apartment... its not as impressive sounding when i say its just a one bedroom tho.. haha
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have fun cleaning Laura, it's definitely a good distraction
I have to go dancing, didn't get around to dinner, just want to give up Leaves cuddles for all who want them and ginger cake :) |
I'm doing ok thanx Laura , Don't know what to do this evening , I want to harm grrrrr . I don't know if I've got the patience for a movie , I tend to "Zone out" a third of the way into them ,heh not had concentration for quite some time , , just ran onto a neighbour and he told me a graphic story that involved him sl*shing his face , Ugh , maybe thats why I'm triggered , I just said hi to be polite . ALL my neighbours were out front , I got mini crowd anxiety :( and came back in ........
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Trying to eat my dinner, can't be bothered :( |
ejoy your dancing Hannah :) What sort of dancing do you dance?
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Yeah ,ugh , sorry I forgot about prescription charges Helen , My bad :(
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mark: I can only prepare her if jack and mum and dad work with me, jack especially. though i havn't quite figured out how to work it all yet. *cuddles* yes, i guess i'm glad too, slightly bitter that my mother would rather go to her church group (nothing religious about it at all...) than stay with with her daughter, but at least my dad seems to care. I'm sorry that you want to harm, your neighbour wasn't very thoughtful. I'm always zoning out, what you need are a few short things to watch. like cartoons, or comedies. I like M.A.S.H.
laura: *huggles* yeah, i'm having the whole thing whipped out keyhole june 15th. you wanna come clean my place too? lol. alright it's 8 rooms, nine if you include the loft.. so plenty of distractions :P ;) lindsay: *hugs* didn't see you sneak in there, how are you? hannah: *hugs* it'll get better. can you eat something when you get back? Dancing eh? what kind? I used to dance...once upon a time. *munches on ginger cake* might help sort my tummy ache Helen: *cuddles* just to let you know i'm thinking of you *thinks to self* i bet there's more posts already.... EDIT: i was correct! helen, if you're on low income have you filled in a prescription charge exemption form??? |
Ugh that doesn't sound like what you want to hear from a neighbour *hugs* hope the triggeredness lessens and you find something to distract you
tonight I am ballroom and latin dancing but I also modern jive *hugs Helen* they both know you're there for them and that they mean the world to you, try not to worry too much. Feeling alone is tough, I hope you are okay. |
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I feel even more sick, feel like giving it helping hand lol. Pathetic. Still really want to OD :'( *curls up and hides* |
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