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*Hugs Mark* That's great about your Grandma :)
*Hugs Heather* Thanks :) I less than three you too <3 How are you? |
So quiet...
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*hugs ward*
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Woo, a person. How are you Nicole? *Hugs*
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lol lia, yesh i am a person....at least i think so :/ but you never know with me, i could quite easily be an alien.
sorry, i'm in a weird mood today :/ but i'm happy :D and also kinda bored :/ *hugs* how're you? |
*Hugs Lia*
*Hugs Nicole* Sorry I've offline , we had my Aunt and Uncle up here at my parents. I am Meeting Hannah L for coffee at 3pm !!!!!!Yey , I so love her , it's the one thing I'm looking forward to these next few days :) |
Yay, have fun with that Mark :)
Lol Nicole, well I'm glad you're in a good mood. I don't know what mood I am in, sort of a bit of everything and it's all a little jumbled up. See above post (right at the top) for explanation. But I'm not unhappy as such, and I have a party and a Christmas weekend to look forward to :) |
*hugs mark* have fun :D
*hugs lia* lol. heh, i'm just in a random mood, although it is starting to dissappear as my sister has just come in and started having a go at me :/ gah. sorry you're feeling all jumbled up, thats crappy :( but at least you have things to look forward too :D. |
:O lia, i was just looking at your FB page, you are actually only 15 days older than me :D lol
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Ha. I'm the oldest :P
Sorry, that was inmature. I'm an April fool baby, funny story actually. No one believed my mum when she rung them up to tell them she had had me, my brother and sister because not only were we 3 months early, but it was April fools' day. I've got quite a lot to get done today and should really work on my English essay...oh the joys. |
lol, damn it, does that make me the youngest in the ward then? i think it does :/ ahh, fun, i have retail homework to do :/ but i dont think dolores will mind if i dont do it because she knows how much i've been struggling latley.
omfg, i dont know what to do. i wanna hurt myself! i dont wanna be here anymore :( why does he have to do this? |
*Hugs Nicole* What's the matter?
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*hugs lia*
*TRIGGER SA!* my step brother (the one that sexually abused me when we were younger) just messaged me on facebook with a load of pictures of girls private parts and then right at the end a picture of him with his trousers round his ankles :'( it really triggerd me (sorry if this triggers anyone, i dunno how to do a hide box.) |
*Holds Nicole tight* I'm so sorry. Can't you block him, or delete him or something? Report him on fb so they ban his account? For now, please try not to give into those urges. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry.
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i'm not friends with him, but i might be able to block his profile, although at the same time i wanna keep an eye on him, i dont want him to hurt anybody else, and there is no way i am reporting him incase it gets out that it was me and it would just cause more trouble with my family :( *hugs* i've deleted the message though.
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Do your family know what he did? I know you want to keep an eye, but you're not responsible for him and it's not your fault if he does hurt anyone else. Plus, he's not likely to post it on fb if he does, so I don't think being able to see his profile is going to make a difference. I'm pretty sure you can block people on fb, but I don't know how.
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*hugs lia* yeah my family know, but it caused a lot of trouble and we are just starting to re-build a relationship, i dont wanna ruin that. And i know he wouldnt post it on FB, but there might be some signs, i know im not responsible but i cant let him hurt anyone else if i can help it. :(
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You can block people on FB, let me know if you decide to and don't know how to do it Nicole. Same goes to everyone else. I've got quite a few people blocked. Nicole, I think Lia's right, if he was to hurt anyone else or give any signs, he wouldn't brag on facebook. I know you feel responsible that he doesn't hurt anyone else, but it's NOT your responsibility sweetheart. It really isn't. *cuddles tight*
*hugs ward* |
*hugs helen* i know.... :( just looked at his profile and the pictures that he sent me are also in an album on his profile, he has a picture, of a womans private parts. on his facebook. he is 13. that isnt right. is it? i'm not just being over sensitive am i? :(
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*hugs Nicole* You're not being oversensitive. It's against the rules to post those type of photos over facebook anyway. So I'd recommend reporting them if you feel comfortable in doing so. Also he really shouldn't be doing that, at any age, especially at 13!!
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*hugs helen* thankyou. i blocked his profile, but i cant report him, im not risking my relationship with my family over him, he's not worth it.
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*Hugs Nicole* Oh thats terrible , please try and be safe . I know you want to keep an eye on him but you perhaps get the police invovled?
*Hugs Lia* How are you , sorry if you said but this is a fly by post :S I had coffee with my friend and she said I could ring her on the 9th , it's great I can be honest with her , but I got home and a car was missing and I knew I was right and I was , My parents are back at A&E , my Grandma has been re-admitted :( |
*hugs mark* i'm so sorry you're grandmas been re-admitted, but at least shes being cared for in the hospital *hugs* and its great that your friend is so supportive!
i'm just trying to forget it now. idk. i give up.... |
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i know you meant report it on facebook, but i have had friends that have done that and the person has found out, i dont wanna risk it *hugs*
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Mark, i'm sorry to hear about your Gran. *hugs*
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*Hugs Lindsay*Hows you?
*Hugs Helen*How are you too? *Hugs Nicole* Thanks guys :) |
*hugs mark and lindsay*
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I just want to overdose. *cries*
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*hugs lindsay* i wish i could give you some more support, but i just had exactly the same urge. i dont wanna wait till the 24th. i wanna do it now! :Emoticon(14):
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*Hugs Lindsay* Please try and stay safe hun :S
*Hugs Nicole* You please be safe as well Nicole :S I'm worried about my wardies tonight :S |
cries
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*Hugs Louise* Whats happening hun?
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had a really hard day, get shouted at etc. how are you
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*Hugs Louise , I'm sorry you've been shouted at :(
I'm worried about my birthday and worried about my grandma.sorry to moan on:( |
*hides*
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*wishes ward mates goodnight*
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*Late night squish for Nicole*:P
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*cuddles ward*
So over being low although am feeling better than I have been :S |
i dont want to try anymore.
i dont want to get better. but i dont want to die. not really. i want to hurt myself. and keep hurting myself. forever... and ever.. and ever.. why do i do this to myself? :'( |
Helen - I'm glad that you are feeling a wee bit better *hugs*
Nicole - I'm sorry that your feeling this, why do you not want to get better? |
Louise - thank you *hugs*
Nicole - Why do you feel right now that you don't want to get better? Is it the fear of what will happen?? *hugs tightly* |
*hugs louise and helen* i dont know :'( it's just so safe here in my own little world. just me and my self harm, what will i do without it?! and also, what if i get better....and then... and then my therapist discharges me from DBT..and i have no support and i would be alone. i can't be alone, i need the support, self harm brings me help. i NEED it....
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It is a scary feeling wondering what it is like without self harm when it comes the way of coping with things.
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*huggles all*
I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place ... Perhaps I should explain the current situation. I'll chuck the majority behind a hide because it talks about my suicidal ideation and the way I've let myself become such a menace to myself and practically destroyed every chance I have of keeping the peace in my household. The following content has been hidden - Reason : Talks of suicide
I'm sorry. You guys deserve better than this. I'm just so sorry. :crying: I feel like such a bad person, a bad wardie and such a failure. I hope that you can forgive me, although it's more than I deserve. |
Nicole, I know what it feels like to wonder how you'd cope without self harm. Especially when times are tough. God these last 8 months have been absolute hell at times and I've wanted to cut so badly. Hell I feel like that right now. However I just try to talk to people I trust more and find better ways of coping. It is so scary, I know. But you can do it sweetheart. You've had periods of times without it. Yes, it is easier when things aren't bad, but recovery is full of challenges. Hopefully they wouldn't discharge you unless they felt you were completely able to cope without their support and you could always go back if things were to go downhill massively again I'm sure. I know it's so scary, the unknown IS scary. But you just have to give it a go sometimes and see what happens. I'm probably talking **** now but hopefully this will help somehow. *hugs*
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Oh Kahlia :( I can see how you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Could you not tell your psych and have them help you at home instead?? Please please please talk to your house mate. Chances are he'll know you've lied already. There's nothing to forgive sweetie. We all lie when we're suicidal and want our plans to be carried out. God knows I've lied to my family and best friends about it at times. Yes they may be angry with me to start with but they'd rather I told the truth & helped me instead of me coming to serious harm. *cuddles so tight* Please consider what I've said at least? You're not a bad wardie.. I promise xx
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*hugs helen and louise* i know. i know i should be trying harder, i should want to recover, but i just cant seem to feel it. self harm is all i've had for 4 years, it's been there for me whenever i needed it, it's like my best friend. how can something so evil feel so good? how has it managed to keep me alive, whilst slowly destroying my life? i love it, but i hate it, and i can't live without it.
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Don't force recovery onto yourself Nicole. The feeling of wanting to recover for good. I've self harmed on/off since I was 12/13 and I'm 20 now. It's taken me til this year to REALLY want to give up. Although there's times I still wish I wasn't so I could be cutting myself to cope. Also it's understandable to not to want to recover when you've spent so long using it as a coping method and feels like your only friend. But it's not really a friend to you. You CAN live without it Nicole. You just feel that you can;t. *cuddles*
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*cuddles helen* i suppose. i know i need to slow down with my recovery, because even though i'm not self harming so much its not really recovery when i'm planning suicide instead is it? but i dont know how to tell my therapist that she is pushing me too hard :(
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