I feel sick AGAIN :'( Arrrgh!

*hides and sobs her heart out*
Sorry to double post.

*cuddles helen tight* i'm sorry that you are feeling sick again. Don't be sorry about the double post, its been a very quiet evening in here. you alright hun?

*hugs mark* yes there was another american football game today. we are looking pretty good this season. Hope you are sleeping well, sorry to hear that you were triggered today.

*hugs reaper* please take care of your wound. I'm sorry that you cut.

*hugs felicia* i'm sorry that you are feeling stranded, but yes sometimes all you can do is resolve to make it through the day. I hope that you are alright. Sorry that you harmed this morning, please try to take good care of it.

*hugs jill* im sorry things arent going well for you right now. we are here to listen if you ever feel like talking.

*hugs lindsay* I hope that you did not OD hun. You ARE strong enough to make it through this though. I really believe that.

*hugs heather* I'm sorry that you have so limited time online right now. I hope you are doing okay hun.

*hugs hayley* good to see you around! Hope the rest of your day went okay. Sorry that you feel you have to keep a brave face on with Eoghan

*cuddles everyone else* sorry if i missed you. I tried to get everyone on the last two pages.

Whew I am exhausted. Had a pretty decent day today, yet I still got triggered on and off for no reason... how stupid is that? damn. O well I suppose. I'm about to head out again. i'll catch up more tomorrow!

never fun to be triggered for no reason =[

ergh am huge... scale says so and clothes all yucky and =[

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Laura*I Hate it when I'm triggered for no apparent reason too , so frustrating:S

*Hugs Helen* I'm sorry you feel ill:(

*Spots Julie and Hugs* How are you today Julie?

I feel so low and hurting. I don't know how to cope over next 3 weeks or so. I'm so so so so worried about one best friend. She's back in hospital and still struggling mentally. I'm trying to help, but I'm struggling to do that. My other best friend isn't going to be round much until I go see her. I would normally turn to her about everything & now I can't. I don't know what to do :'( I just want to harm, run until I can't run and just die :'(

*HUGS Helen*

*hugs Mark* Thank you hun x

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Lindsay* How you doing?

I don't really know. Wanting to cut and overdose and just get out of life for a while.

How are you, Helen?

* hugs everyone *

Voices are loud telling me to kill myself

*Hugs Lindsay* I SO know the feeling of wanting to be out of it but ODing is SO very dangerous as S.I. can be too . Please be safe Lindsay ..

*Hugs Ryuu* Don't listen to those voices , their opinions are worth less than nothing you are stronger than them . Could you do something to distract yourself perhaps?, go for a long walk somewhere safe or listen to music really loud. You certanly don't deserve to die .

*Hugs Helen*

*hugs everyone*

Just got in after my Saturday out, there was a huge row with mum in the morning and in a blind fit of rage I attacked the kitchen units, bruised my arm and hands up. Don't remember doing it so I must have been really angry.

My time out however was the exact opposite of my time in. Lovely and calm, read a book, made a cat out of clay, just general nice things. Bought some sweets today.

Got a meds question, might go see a pharmacist tomorrow, doctor told me to double my dose, so take 2 tablets instead of 1, but I don't know if she meant at once or spaced out like leaflet says for other problems, and I was too bewildered and overwhelmed to ask at the time. *sigh*

Edit - after a glance on Google it turns out that they're made in double strength tablets (so the equivalent of 2 of mine) in other countries but not in the UK. Oh what would I do without the internet :p

Can I die now?
*

*cuddles Helen* No, stay here with us hun, you're amazing x

Sarah's right. No Helen, you can't. *Hugs*

Sorry for lack of other individuals, I just thought I'd come along and tell you all I'm still alive.

Nice to see you again Lia, hope you're feeling okay *hugs*

Mark, how are you now?

RYUU, stay safe.

Sarah, that sounds confusing!

Helen, what's happening?

Lia, how are you?

I'm not amazing. I'm really really not. *cuddles Sarah*

*hugs Lia* Good to see you, was thinking about you earlier because yu hadn't been in....

I wish I could tell you. I just need to go die. That'll fix it all.

*Hugs Sarah* I'd be confused about a meds change too:S

*Hugs Helen* No Helen you can't just die , we would miss you terribly *Squishes*

*Hugs Lia* How have you been ?:)


*Hugs Lindsay* I have gone 3 and a half days S.I. free :S my parents are back so I can't really cut although I really want to , still 3 and a half days is going some for me . soon to be 4 days probably :S

Dying will never fix anything Helen, it'll take away pain, but it will take away all the joy and good times as well.

And me? I've been...well up and down.

Mark, you'd get over me. Everyone does. Everyone else who's walked out all hate me now. Well nearly everyone. *hugs*

Lia, it will fix it. Yeah it'll take away good times, but haven't had many of those in last few years. Without someone, I'd rather not breathe.

I know how that feels Helen. I feel the same thing with every breath. But we can both do it. Losing someone is meant to stop hurting so much after a while. And we wouldn't get over you. I'd never forget.

I know you do and I wish you didn't :( I haven't exactly lost them yet, but I'm scared I will. I just need to know something and I need to know it now. Doubt that decision will be made today. In the meanwhile, I'm just sat here sobbing and sobbing. Wanting to harm and to die. I really know how to **** it all up don't I?

*cuddles helen* I would also miss you terribly and would not get over it. Dying is not a fix for anything hun. Think about how much your best friends would be hurting if you disappeared on them. Think about how some of us in the ward would miss you, because I know we would. PM me if you need to.

*hugs lia* i'm glad to see you around and that you are still alive. Sorry you've been so up and down lately. That can be hard sometimes.

*hugs mark* 3 1/2 days is awesome mark! I can really tell that you are trying to kick SI's butt lol. Keep fighting those urges, you can do this.

*hugs sarah* i'm sorry about the fight with your mom. Hope you are okay. Glad that you had a good rest of the day though. Sounds relaxing. And yes google is amazing lol, i don't know what generations before the internet did without instant knowledge lol. Glad you were able to figure out some of the questions you had about the meds.

*hugs heather* you are not huge or yucky. No matter what the scale or anyone is telling you, you are not yucky. Hang in there hun.

*hugs lindsay* don't cut or od hun. its not worth it at all. Call the crisis team if you really need too or talk to us or anyone.

Wow i slept until almost noon. That's a little ridiculous considering what all i have to get done today, but I was really exhausted all week so i guess I needed it. Anyway, for some reason or another I got home and had a total break down last night. I don't know if it was because I had to keep a happy mask on all day when i was out and tailgating/watching football.... but then later, it was just tears. I did not SI though. Thought about it, even brought out tools, but I didn't. That's good of me right? i mean of course it is... I don't know I'm rambling.

Off to do uni homework and later go to work, but will be around on and off all day if anyone needs to chat

I just lost everything I wrote to you Laura, grr. But you're right I suppose.

Aw, i always get so frustrated when i lose things I am typing on here. I'm sorry that happened. But I know that people would miss you. Things will feel better eventually hun, they have too. Just try to hang in there. I know that you are very strong and you can get past any of these feelings.

Remember I'm always here if you need.

Well everything's going to be okay, after all that. Had to promise not to harm/die. Well it'll take bit time, but least I know what's going to happen. Probably making no sense. Sorry for my outburst :S I still want to harm but I'll manage not to I'm sure.

*Hugs Laura* Way to go on getting out your tools but not harming :)

*Hugs Helen* I would NOT get over it if you died , I'm sorry you feel so wretched :(

*hugs helen* im glad that things are going to be okay. You don't need to be sorry about any outbursts. We are here to listen. Good job on keeping trying not to harm.

*hugs mark* thanks. how r u doing this afternoon/evening?

Well done Laura!

I'm sat with my parents watching a re-run of the Grand Prix that my Dad likes , I could just sneak off upstairs and injure , I could but I shouldn't. I'm a little conflicted :S

Hi everyone. Hope we're all doing okay *hugs*

Please don't, Mark. You're doing so well.

How are you, Claire?

I'm not doing too good right now. I'll be okay though.

Hey Claire *Hugs* How are you today?

Oops we posted together :)

Do you want to talk about it, Claire?

hi everyone

*sends hugs to everyone*

*hugs* It's just general depression really, not much to say about it.

Maybe do something nice for yourself, Claire.

Hi Louise, how are you?

hugs claire and lindsay

I'm not bad thanks

Starting to think that the voices are coming from God and i should listen to them because they have something important to say to me
the ones telling me to die is the devil trying to trick me in to suicide
i must not listen to those voices

*hugs dragon* That must be very hard and upseting for you, but please try not to listen to them though i know that can be hard.

*Sigh* Almost 4 days but I just nipped upstairs and injured , not badly , it's taken care off , I just feel numb:S

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Ryuu* No you mustn't listen to those voices , good for you .

*hugs everybody*

Guess who feels sick AGAIN?!! But I think it's from not eating all day (til now) and then all the crying I've done & stuff *sighs*

Getting anxious about tomorrow =/

Tomorrow is first day of college Helen? You can do it :)

It is Mark :) Thank you!!! Not looking forward to 7am start mind you!!