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-   -   Back again *may contain triggers* (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=255594)

Epsilon1 19-02-2019 01:02 PM

Back again *may contain triggers*
I stopped cutting for over a month and then last week i went back to drinking heavily and when i do that. I cut. Except for the last 3 days i didnít get the chance to drink and itís been like hell. I feel disconnected and anxious all the time. I canít stand staying home nor going to school. I canít talk to anyone about it because, well, no one knows and most people i know are pretty judgemental or will ask me whatís been bothering me latelywhich is a question i donít have the answer to because i really donít know. I really donít know what to do.

Pi.R^2 25-02-2019 10:18 PM

Sorry to hear that you're back in a bad place. What helped you to stop cutting the last time?

Even if you feel like you don't know what's been bothering you it could still be worth trying to to talk with someone who you feel wouldn't be judgemental. You could say that you're struggling to put everything into words but that you feel anxious and disconnected and could do with some support.

Did anything in particular happen that led to you drinking heavily again?

Epsilon1 27-02-2019 01:06 PM

Nothing major, but sometimes there are moods where i just want to isolate from everybody. When every small little thing irritates me in everyday life. Dealing with incomprehension. Towards feelings. Towards differences. But last year was a rough year. I had an episode. And i thought after all this time i could be fine again. And I did. For a little while. And then all hell broke loose.

Pi.R^2 02-03-2019 11:12 AM

That sounds really difficult. Do you have any professional help with your mental health difficulties?

Epsilon1 02-03-2019 01:51 PM

Yes I've seen like 2 psychiatrists, and i'm seeing a 3rd one next week.

Pi.R^2 09-03-2019 04:01 PM

How did it go with the 3rd psychiatrist? Have any of them offered anything helpful?

Epsilon1 12-03-2019 01:45 PM

The first two didn't work for me, the first one didn't understand so he kept giving this medication which i didn't tolerate, the second one saw me twice and said i was bipolar... but this one seems okay so i'm seeing how it'll go.

Pi.R^2 16-03-2019 10:36 PM

Glad to hear that the current one seems OK, I hope that they will be helpful.

How are you getting on?

Epsilon1 17-03-2019 02:52 PM

Well, the disconnection is always there. But for now they gave me a technique for handling my anger attacks which cause me to drift off and eventually drink and cut. Although the last 2 days were so violent i couldn't fight it.

Pi.R^2 23-03-2019 05:42 PM

Sorry you couldn't fight it; do you need to get checked out for your injuries?

How are you feeling now?

Epsilon1 24-03-2019 03:09 PM

They’re fine. They always end up healing. I mean i hope so, otherwise i wouldn’t know what to do about it.
I guess i’m feeling a little lost.

Stellata 24-03-2019 09:38 PM

Lost in what way?

Epsilon1 25-03-2019 07:36 AM

Lost as in thinking not going to the therapist anymore, because i don’t have anything to say. Lost as in i know i’m getting worse and more isolated everyday and more more intolerant to everyone around me and idk why thus not knowing what to do.

Stellata 25-03-2019 10:17 AM

It sounds like you're feeling very low at the moment. Could you tell your therapist this?

Epsilon1 25-03-2019 12:35 PM

I told them that, they said we should work on controlling my anger attacks first so we can dig deeper in the why part later.

Stellata 25-03-2019 07:56 PM

I'm glad they know.
Living with anger and low mood all together is very tough, I know from my own experience.

Epsilon1 26-03-2019 07:15 AM

Yes it can.
Anyways, thank you for letting me share. It helped.

Stellata 26-03-2019 10:07 AM

I'm glad that sharing helped you.

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