I dunno if I'm coping or just bottling it up... Scared I'm bottling it up... Bad things happen when I do...

I've been pushing current events away from me but now need to come full circle and allow myself to feel. Here I can be safe and let both my feelings and my inners show. And yet, I can't. Right now I'm just going to curl up in the corner with my blankets and pillows and allow the tears to fall.

Depression is almost physically painful. I can't actually feel anything, but I can barely function for the need to curl up wimpering on the floor or hunch up gasping as though I've been stabbed. I'd give anything to be able to cry right now.

And I'd give anything to know how I felt on this day. Because now I'm here, I don't know what to do. I'm all alone, and the only blood on my carpet is real.

my gf lost or misplaced her necklace. im about to implode my brain out of sadness. ;;(

found it!!!!!! :D:D

is the wardies doing ok?

Haven't been here for a few years. Hope I'm still welcome.

*grabs duvet curls up in corner*

Everything is spinning out of control... all sorts of urges I've not felt like this for a while...

Feeling safer here *whimpers*

Housemate had a bad night and locked himself out, came home a little while ago, snapped at me, and ...hurt... himself after I went upstairs. We've just had a long chat and I've cleaned him up, but I don't know what to do now?

Just got back from another two week stint in hospital. Now I just want to curl up into a tight ball and cry myself to sleep.

*curls up in the corner with my teddy bear*

'checks in and hides' hope I'm still welcome, haven't been here for a couple of years.

don't feel safe. can't. stop. thinking about cutting.

'hides under blanket'. :crying: :crying: :crying:

silentgirl: You are always welcome here. *offers safe hugs*

Really not going well at the moment. Seriously suicidal and very depressed. Thinking I'm going to have to head back to hospital or that my husband is going to admit me to the public hospital here... really not good.

*curling up in a corner with my teddy bear and some pillows*

'hugs you'

sorry not good with advice ATM.

really really bad urges but is scared of letting my parents down :(

silentgirl: Thanks for the hugs. *hugs back*

My husband and I ended up being awake all night because of my suicide plans and self harm urges. The only way I made it through the night was by distracting myself as much as possible and taking sedatives. My urges aren't settling down.

*curls up in the corner crying*

*hugs Kahlia*
*hugs silentgirl*

Mind if I join you two in here? Really not doing well right now at all :(

Maybe we could make a fort and have goodies?

Mat: A fort sounds great. *huggles*

I don't know how much more I can take. Every day I become more suicidal and less able to hide it. Now I don't even know if I can be bothered to hide what's going on. Maybe I'd be better off once it all is over. *sigh*

this is not to make anything harder on all you cutters like i am too. but. if you walk into a room with no errors you yourself have to be free of errors but how can you do that if you are a castle of glass. first free your mind of errors drink a glass of water, let yourself rest. sleeping is not a sin. you need it more than anything else to be able to do anything else. i cant start to remember how much sleep i used when i was comitted when i was 15 that year. full of cuts and bruises started to loose friends cause they got too hysterical about it. atleast you people are in here because you actually try.. they didnt.. im proud how much you actually stick together in this. dont try to hurt yourselves cause you try to be. dont die and love will find you.

My head is so screwed right now.
I can't stop thinking about the urges.

I feel empty numb *curls up * my brain won't stop ... Please make it stop..

*crawls into a corner and tries to disappear*

I can't take being me any more. I have to let one of my alters out to take control for awhile... Maybe they can be happy.

slowly giving up on life :( not feeling all that great fed up

I just want to disappear. The pain is more than I can cope with. Think it's time to crash out in a corner and make myself invisible.

*hugs all in here*

I need to hide here for a lil while... its getting very rough and bad... trying to hold on but its difficult

*safe hugs to all*

My easter weekend looking after my nanna has almost killed me, but now I am sitting here with my arm in a brace just wanting out of this life.

*crawls into a blanket fort*

*hugs Kahlia*

I am going to hide in here for right now... things arent going well even with the new meds

I feel bloody awful! Struggling to cope

Really depressed and anxious right now. Heading in for surgery in the morning and am hoping like hell the surgeon gets it right this time...

*curls up in a corner*

Feeling really bad right now. I'm not safe at home because of the cameras and poisoned water and im not safe in the community because the curse is hurting people.

I don't know where to turn or what to do. Help!

I am disappointed in myself because I know that very soon I will cave in to the urges it's disappointment for the future.

Matt: *hugs* I hope things are improving

Cazki: *safe hugs* How are things going?

Kate: It sounds like things are really difficult right now. Do you have a safe person you can talk to or a safe place you can go?

Nebula: I can understand why you feel disappointed in yourself but beating yourself up over something that hasn't happened yet won't help. Maybe you can look instead at how long you go/went without giving in - if it was an hour, a day, a week doesn't matter. You have managed to fight off the urges for that time and every little bit counts. Sorry, I realise that's not what you probably wanted to hear but it's something we all need to remember as it is so easy to only see the negatives. *safe hugs if okay"

I'm getting closer to being able to remove the restrictive brace and getting my arm back. The last few weeks have been hard for both me and my husband. Because it is my dominant arm that cannot move my poor husband has been forced to do pretty much everything that has to be done. I have nurses attending three times a week to shower and dress me. To be perfectly honest the inability to do even the simplest tasks has left me feeling depressed and frustrated. So my suicidal side has returned strongly and my suicide plans are becoming more detailed. I'm just going to curl up in a blanket fort until either my mood improves or I'm dead *disappears into blanket fort*

*hides in here so that they wont take me to the real psych ward*

think i'll be here for a while

I am going to sit in here for a lil while until I get it through my head that I am tired of being betrayed and lied to... which causes me to lose control some and end up unsafe and doing bad things.

Matt: *very safe hugs*

Needing to disappear for a while

Need.to.hide.in.here.... damn it trying so hard to resist but whats the point its in my head anyway.... falling falling falling :-(

*sighs* hey everyone
'm back
i was stupid the other day
so i thought i should check in,
see you in the morning unless i'm sleeping. and then i'll see u after i sleep.

The world is black and the only way that I can see out of it I can't take because I don't want my husband to be faced with my no longer being here. Just going to disappear and hide

*Glomps Kahlia Tight*

Julie: thanx

Mark: thanks big brother

Really not doing so well right now. Suicidal as hell and in massive amounts of pain. I don't think I can take much more. I don't even know that I want to live. Fighting to stay alive is more than I can handle right now. It might just be better if I gave in now...

decides enough is enough i can't take this anymore, I am going to bed and watching skins.

tag your it :D

*goes to hide*

im a bit bored. been having a headache for the past days. cant sleep cause when i wake up i always have a headache

This just has been a nightmare week... I am going to stay in here for a while so that my emotional state can deescalate some to a more manageable level... Also struggling with doing more bad stuff than I already have as well as protecting my base again XD

Really not feeling great this evening as my cpn wants to dscharge me but I am rather 50/50 as although she is crap, useless and is like talking to a wall i still need help as my situation regarding mental health and eating is getting uncontrollable.

Mind if I join? I can make a wicked fort :)

I just want to get away. My head is a jumbled mess and nobody understands because I can't get anything out. I'm just struggling right now.

Hope everyone in the fort is doing okay *hugs to all in here*

I am going to hide in here. I am tired of all of this.

*finds bun,bun and a beanbag and curls up* I have returned I am a failure I cant do this alone