The "what ifs" are so annoying. What would you like to happen at the appointment?

I'm ok. I've almost saved up enough meds to overdose on so i'll get a break from life soon. I saw my psychologist today and he said he'll speak to my psychiatrist about the fact that it seems to be written in stone that i'm never allowed to be admitted to a psych ward again. I just want to know that I will be kept safe if I am a danger to myself.

You have the right to be kept safe Lindsay , Please be careful.
I'd like the Dr to say "You are going to stay on your currents meds , all of them , at the same dose and keep getting support in the community" Because thats what I want , maybe 200mg more Lithium to try and find out if I can get shot of my Depressed days but basically stay the same. I NEED the meds I'm on and am taking them as prescribed so I hope I get what I want:S

Do you think you could say what you want?

I don't know , I'm so nervous , my social worker will be there but she is new too , (To me) , so I am just wary , Really wary .

Thanks for talking with me Lindsay *Hugs* 18 minutes and I'm on my way out the door:S

Right off I go........

I hope everything goes well, Mark.

*Hugs Lindsay*
I met Dr Starskun, He was very different from my usual Dr much more forthright , He Bouoght up an old Dr whom I saw once And I said I hated him and he said he wanted to kill him , this old Dr asked inappropriate sexual questions of me , but.......water under the bridge I guess , Just bought stuff up . He Prescribed me Olanzapine 2.5mg (I'm already on 10mg) As needed .

*hugs Mark and Lindsay and Laura (cuz I spy you!) and anyone else who wanders in*

*Hugs Crimson* How are you hun?

Getting fed up... last night I couldn't find a paper from the VA so I was going to call and have a copy faxed to me but every time I call I either get automated bs or when they try to connect me to a real person I get a message that my call can't be completed at this time...over one freaking piece of paper. They want me to use an online service to get info on my benefits but I can't get a log on until I talk to someone and its a circle of stupid bullshit!
/rant
the va just tends to make everything difficult because if they jerk you around for long enough most people just give up.
and the AHFC has an issue with the house so I need to fix a few things before I can finish getting the house
*sigh*
so frustrated!

How are you, Mark?

I'm so glad the uisness and of today is over.
I'm sorry you are struggling Crimson hun *Hugs* What are VA and AHFC?
You are an awesome person Crimson and you can do this just take a moment and breathe :)

VA - Veteran's Affairs
AHFC- Alaska Housing Finance Corporation

The paper I need from the VA is to show my income from service connected disability so I can get my loan for my house and AHFC is part of the people giving the loan.

*hugs* Thanks but I think you're the awesome one :)

I live in supported housing Crimson so this is way over my head , But I hate buerocracy *Hugs* You're awesome too :)

Progress! after finally getting a person (albeit in the wrong department) and getting put on hold for 20 minutes or so I got someone and got the page faxed to me! i've been working on getting one sheet of paper for 50 minutes now just to clarify my point on the VA trying to get people to just give up.

YAY! Crimson! I knew you would do it! Go you!

*huggles all*

Well, I finally made my 2 1/2 years - 30 months if you prefer - SI free.

woot!!!

By the way Mark - thanks for the FB message, sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. :D

*Hugs Kahlia* WOOT! way to go you!!!

Thanks Mark :D *huggles back*
I'm sending you a P.M. by the way - have something I want to raise with you if thats okay :)

Very well done, Kahlia!

Thanks Lindsay :D

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you today hun?

I'm just trying to stay distracted but it's really hard. I'm feeling so low.

How are you, Mark?

*Huggles Lindsay* I'm feeling a bit numb but thats about it , a bit tired .

hugs everyone

*hugs everyone*
*throws confetti for Kahlia* Splendid job!

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Crimson*

How are you both?

*curls up in a corner*

What's up, Crimson?

I'm trying not to burst into tears at work while I feel like I'm dying inside... I got another email from my father. My gran isn't expected to make it through the night.

I lost my Grandma in November Crimson hun , Here if you want a ear to type to that sort of understands *HUGE Hugs*

*hugs Mark* thanks i dont think i can right now but i might later on

Anytime Crimson Hun , PM me if you need to *Hugs*

*huggles all*

*holds Crimson* - Not good sweet. Here for you with a box of tissues if required.

Sitting here waiting for a phone call from the Clinical Nurse Consultant (CNC) from the private psych hospital in Cairns to tell me when to pack my bags for my hospital trip to Cairns. Nervous, excited and really scared I'm going to forget something!!

*Hugs everyone*

I remember when I was losing my nanna. My mum thought she wouldn't survive the night one time (she's s nurse) but she hung on for another month. I know how you feel. It's the worst when they're so ill and you're just waiting for the inevitable. But as awful as it sounds, I felt better after she passed. I knew it was going to happen and the waiting was the worst. I'm here if you need me. *Hugs*

I'm going up to the ward in Cairns on monday morning by coach (bus).
Sitting here now with my brain running the "what ifs" as if it had nothing better to do.
I really wish it would stop.
I did all my laundry today so I have clothes to pack tomorrow, and am organising everything else that I need to pack.
Getting really nervous because I am trying to arrange transport to the bus terminal early in the morning on monday and no-one seems to want to get back to me. :-(
Meep.

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Kahlia*I wish you the best of luck with your hospital stay hun , I am going to message you on FB right about now :)

*Hugs Lia*

Wow quiet ward. I guess there will be no one around to hear me then but I'm going to speak anyway. I'm used to it.

What's wrong with me? I am suddenly so near tears and my head is hurting. I'm scared all of a sudden and have an urge to hurt myself but I don't even know why. I had a good day, nothing bad happend. I don't understand it and I am so so tired of it being this way. Why do I just want to cry half the time? When I don't want to cry I'm either really down or tired or actually crying. I don't understand. I just know that my whole world is falling apart and everyone who ever said they'd be there is leaving me. But I'm safe here right? Not every one of you can leave me.

huggles you tightly and gently, im sorry you are having a crap night, please stay hon, i care about u, and dont want anything to happen to you.

*Hugs Jill* Thanks :) I didn't think anyone was going to respond. It's not a night. It's been this way since the beginning of the year. Things went downhill on new year's eve. That bodes well.

You alright?

hugs you back, im sorry this year so far has sucked. keep yourself safe, it going to get better girly, not sure how or when but it has too for both of us. hmm im not great but doent matter, you matter right now my pm box is always open if you need to talk, im mean that okay. huggles

Thanks Jill :) And you always matter.

cheers lia, hmm this sucks im in a bit of pain, cant take tablets and cant sleep.

Why can't you take tablets or sleep? If it's women's trouble pains, hot water bottles help.

*HUGE Hugs Lia*

*Massive Hugs Jill*

thanks mark, hugs back. hmm no i keep getting really weird pain in my chest on the right side, been to dr, he said there was noithing they could do. i cant take tablets as im a bit of a wimp and i end up being sick when i try.

hugs everyone.

*Hugs Jill, Louise and Mark*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Jill again*

Oops Dual post *Hugs Lia* too :)

hey mark and lia and everyoneeee :)