I'm sorry, Helen. :( wish I could fix that.

*curls up shaking on floor*

are you ok, Oliver? *hugs*

Me too Kelly :(

Oliver, are you ok?

no.... I ,I dont know. sorry

no need to apologize, oliver. I don't think any of us can help much how we feel. *hugs tight* just know you are among friends who care deeply about you! <3

No need to apologise Oliver, we're here for you no matter what *offers hugs*

Guess who has their fourth migraine in about 7/8 weeks? =/ ****'s sake. Least I went 2 weeks & a day between this & last one. Compared to a week & half.

Thanks *hugs*



*hides because he doesn't deserve to be near people*

I'm fightine one too, Helen. I think I tend to get them more frequently when I'm fightin the depression :(

Oliver, you DO deserve to be around ppl. You DESERVE to be loved and accepted and cared about. You DESERVE to be safe. *hugs tight* I wish I could make your pain go away... unfortunately I can't even do that for myself :(

*creeps out of hiding place* i sorry, being a bad stupid wardie. just so scared, feel young and stupid, feel like the freak i've always been.

I understand hun and ur not being stupid. :) I was hiding in the ward earlier today too, oliver. this morning was really bad for me... i'm just sorry i can't fix things for you.

*takes teddy, thanks Owen*

*smiles at the teddy exchange* :) so much love in here... makes me feel a little better

*takes teddy* thanks... you can call me kelly :)

*snuggles teddy and curls up to on nearest couch*

-walks back into the ward after quite a long absence due to the holidays and looks at erryone here-

Hi erryone..

-shuffles over to her corner and curls up with her fuzzy blankies and pillows and tries to warm up and escape-

Nice to meet you, Owen. :)

-offers owen a fuzzy blankie and pillow- sorry I didn't see your post sayin you saw me at first. how you be?

-waves to kelly- hi I be kitty.

Hi, kitty. :)

how you be, kelly?

ok... tired... i didn't sleep well last night. You?

Sorry to hear you didn't sleep well last night. I know the feeling all too well. It sucks. :/

I'm...I don't know. I'm tired as well, mainly because I have spent a week sleeping in an uncomfortable bed and my back is killing me. I'm cold - while my husband and I were away we turned the heat down to 55 and then a cold front came in and we just got home a couple hours ago and we turned the heat up to 70 but we are still freezing. I have been wanting to SI really badly this past week but couldn't. Now that I am home, I can...and I still really want to, but I'm trying not to.. I'm also frustrated because tomorrow is New Years Eve and we don't have any money to buy anything to celebrate. We don't know anyone around the area so we are just going to be sitting at home doing nothing. -sigh- And my mind won't stop...Amara won't shut up. I just want to escape, but there's nowhere to go. Blah. Sorry for the mini rant.

it's ok... who is Amara? if you don't mind me asking. I've been dealing with kids running around all night... so i know about the noise issue. Thankfully mine are all finally in bed. Thank God! I love them all dearly, but I was lossing my last bit of sanity.

I'm sorry you feel like SIing... I was fighting it yesterday really bad and ended up giving in this morning... :( Wish I knew how to be stronger.

Amara is my worst nightmare, really. She's this little girl that I see and hear and nobody else can see or hear her. She follows me around everywhere. Really, it feels like I have a ball and chain attached to me. o.O

I'm sorry you ended up SI'ing this morning. I wish I knew how to be stronger, too. And better. I just keep thinking I should die. Hardly anyone in my life (not online so to speak) would care. In fact, I know it would be better in the long run for them. But at this point I am too chicken to do anything to cause my death...I just pray to the gods every night to take me in my sleep.. =/

I'm sorry about Amara... that really sux... and I would care if you died... I would miss you. I know that sounds weird being as I just met you. But I'm just that kind of person. ppl in general matter to me. Caring about others is just a part of who i am...

So forgive me, but I'm glad you're too chicken to cause death. <3

Meh, don't feel bad. I am the same way. I will always worry about and look after other people before worrying about or looking after myself.

I don't know why I am too chicken, really. I know exactly where I am going to go when I die, hell I've been there before. And I want to go there. It would finally end my pain and suffering. I'd finally be at peace. But I don't know. For starters, and probably my main reason, I might be pregnant. I have to find out for sure if I am or not before I make any decisions but have to wait until the 5th to do so. I'm not sure about other reasons, though.

well possibly being pregnant is a very good reason to hold off any rash decisions. I have 3 children and they are my world... my reason for living.

Yeah, I would love to have a baby. I was pregnant before but had a tubular pregnancy and ended up losing one of my fallopian tubes and the baby. If I was still pregnant, I would be 6 and a half months along by now. That was really hard on me. Then four short months later I lost my brother, who is the second sibling I have lost. I am only 22 years old and I have known a lot more grief and trauma than anyone else that's my age that I know of. :( I just don't know what I am going to do anymore. But I hope I am pregnant. Waiting to find out is really killin me and it's going to get worse as the 5th of January approaches. I hate waiting. >.<

I'm sorry for all your loss. I've never dealt with losing a pregnancy, but I would imagin it would be hell.... as would losing a sibling. I hope that you are blessed with another baby and that it gives you the strength and will to go on <3

Thanks kelly. I hope so too. I will be letting everyone here know when I find out. I'm crossing my fingers. My mom doesn't want me to be pregnant though...if I am she is going to be extremely mad. I can't win for anything with her. -sighs-

I finally warmed up after 3 hours of being bundled up. But now I am bored and down and just want to SI so bad. Ugh I hate me.

-snuggles pillows and fuzzies closer and tighter-

I understand the whole can't please anyone thing. My dad was totally pissed every time I got pregnant (he hates my hubby and always has). I was terrified to tell him, cuz I didn't want to hear it.

Parents, though they often mean well, don't always know what's best. Sometimes it's also hard for them to let go when we grow up and are ready to fly on our own.

I'm glad you're warm now... sorry you're bored and want to SI. I hope you can fight that feeling, but I understand if you end up giving in. :S

Are you going to be ok if I head to bed or would you like me to stay on here and chat a bit with you... keep you distracted?

Yeah, I think my dad would be cool with it. He likes my husband and oddly enough they are so much alike. But my mom doesn't want me having a baby yet because of money issues and stuff. Like when I had my ectopic pregnancy my husband also lost his income and well I can't work and she was like "It's a good thing you aren't pregnant anymore, huh?" -sighs- That's my mom, though. She doesn't understand. And she is 100% in denial.

If you are tired, you should go to bed. I don't want to keep you up if you are tired.

i'm ok with distracting you if you need it... and you should tell your mom that if we all waited to be financially stable we'd all be in our 50's by the time we started having kids... wouldn't that be just great!? A bunch of elderly ppl trying to keep up w/ toddlers and gone b4 they graduate high school o.O

Ya, but my mom is nearly impossible to talk to anymore. She does not understand anything and insists I must do things her way or I'm doing everything wrong. I have to walk on eggshells around her.

And thanks for the offer. I would like if you stayed and helped keep me distracted but I don't want to intrude. Like I said, if you are tired, you should go to bed. I don't mean anything bad by it or anything like that I just don't want to keep you up if you are ready to go to bed. Ugh I don't think I am making any sense. I will just shut up now.

you are making sense... lol. I understand... how 'bout this... a compromise... I'll stay on 'till 11:30pm... it's 11:18pm now where I am. :) I can distract you 'til then and then hit the sack :)

Ok, sounds good. Sorry I ramble so much. I just think I make no sense. I can't make much sense of anything anymore and my memory sucks. I dissociate a lot too. :s

i understand. i don't much mind rambling... do it a lot myself... lol

:doze:

welcome to the ward, Tisha :) <3 ;) ... hey, wardies... this is my bff... :)

Hello, Kelly. :)

Hi Tisha welcome to the ward.

Hey Tisha, I'm the sister Kelly didn't know she had! Welcome!

Happy new years eve loves. Hope you all have a good day and i hope that 2011 is a good year for all of you cuz i love all of you so much and you ALL deserve everything good <3

*Hugs Lia*
*Hugs Solo*
*Hugs Sarah* I hope your procedure go's/went okay
*Hugs Kelly*
*Hugs Nicole*
*Hugs Jill*
*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs Heather*
*Massive Hugs Oliver* You're NOT a freak :S
*Waves at Owen*
*Hugs Kitty*
*Hugs ItzyBitzyspider if okay* I'm Mark , Welcome to the ward :)

Happy New Year's Eve everybody, hope 2011 is a much better year for us all, we all deserve to be happy & free <3

*hugs everybody*