*hugs Oliver*

Bouncing around, feel quite ambivalent right now about everything and anything

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Matt*

Ok... I guess it's ironic that I am here. Just recently had Psych clinicals... most definitely one of my favorite types of clinicals for school so far. Maybe because I am so vested in it? Idk. It was a great experience, but I just kept thinking to myself that I had no right to be trying to coach psych inpatients when I still haven't figured my own stuff out. I kept thinking that, by every right, I should be locked up in there too. THat if someone were to see through me, they wouldn't have let me leave the building. I just go on hoping that I find a way out of my life, and that I didn't mess up any of theirs. It was therapeutic in a way, to talk to the patients, and help them work out treatment plans, and goals, to separate myself for a while, but in the end, did I have the right to be a fake, to wear my mask, and tell them not to hide, not to keep their emotions closed in, to help them heal, while I cannot?
Now I am just overly anxious. I felt like I was going to explode while I was there, but at the same time, I was so calm outside. It was comfortable to be there with them, to try and make a difference, to see the people who were healing. It was beautiful.
And now I am rambling. sorry

You are not a fake Mousie *Huggles*

*hugs Mousie*

I keep coming so close to losing it... its like looking at the precipice and not falling... I am tired of standing on the edge. Eventually, I guess I will have to let go and see where it takes me I guess. I am tired of being pushed around, told to do stuff like I am a little kid at work (I am one of the youngest at where I work, so that's why lol. Most of the staff is older than me.) I am tired of having to bail people out, and stuff at home is making me rage. I don't have anywhere to go with it. I have resisted so far turning it against myself, but that won't last much longer >.<

*hugs Mousie* You are actually the perfect person to help them if you think about it. You know more of what they are going through than most people who see them. Not a fake. Not at all.

*hugs Mark and everyone else who's been in of late*

excuse me while i have a total meltdown *hides in a corner and lets go of the rest of my mind*

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Mousie*

*Hugs Crimson*

hugs everyone

*Squishes Louise*

*hugs everyone*

I really can't be bothered with life any more.

*Smurks Lindsay*

seeking shelter from myself. Since I can't check into my local ward at this time, here will do for now.

*curls up in a ball on the bed, hides under the covers*
*prays to stay safe*

could someone hum so I can drown out my head please?

*Hugs Mousie*

Feeling suicidal 2nite :( I just cant be bothered with anything anymore

*Hugs Aura*

thankyou x

How is everyone this Sunday?

on a trip for nursing school.... trying to figure out if this is going to be beneficial or not.... I feel more alone than I ever have been, away from my routines and habits... not so much that I am homesick, just that my OCD is really in high gear right now, but I can't clean other peoples stuff.
idk. Maybe it will be a good time away from everyone at home to reset my mind, or maybe I will really go off the deep end this time. Who knows.
*curls up in the corner*

*Hugs Mousie*

hugs everyone. oh crap the pressure keeps piling on. cant cope and i have only myself to blame.trally want to curl up and die.

hugs everyone

*Hugs Jill and Louise.* The two of your should join our fb group. Do you have it? We talk a lot on there now.

*Hugs Jill* Yes you should get with our Facebook group. :)

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Lia*

hugs lia, mark and jill

*Glomps Louise*

hugs mark - how are you

*hugs you all*

I saw the dr today and he said they will give me a 2 night leave some point this week, I had one night leave on saturday and it was a mixture of good and bad. I'm really scared about 2 nights though, scared I won't be able to cope and I'll cut or OD.

*hugs*
*passing around strawberry shortcake and fuzzy feelings to everyone*
I've been kept distracted all day and witnessed two miracles today! (I am at a birthing center for school) SO today has been a good day, one in the midst of a lot of bad ones. I am trying to savor this moment, just in case everything goes wrong again. For the first time in a while, I feel like I have a little hope. SO I will pass it around to everyone!!!!

Best wishes!

*Hugs Louise* I'm tired , nightmares :(

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Mousie*

Hugs all. Ugh can't do this next 2 weeks, it's all going to go
To ****. There is no way I'm going to pull this off. Not a hope
In hell. Ffs

*hugs everyone*

Sorry I haven't been around, i'm finding it hard to organise my thoughts to put them into words.

*hugs all*

I had 4 hours leave today and I went into Manchester centre which was a mistake as it was busy and I ended up having a panic attack and completely freaking out. I have the same amount of leave tomorrow but going to go to a park which will hopefully be quite quiet. Then I have 3 nights leave friday-monday, which I'm scared about but my sister will be there with me which will help and we are going to do lots of cooking.

sorry I'm not around much, hope everyone is doing ok.

*passing out a healthy dose of hope and hugs* my secret recipe!

best wishes everyone, hang in there!
Even if all we get is a few moments of light, it's better to work forever for those few moments than to never have them at all! Hopefully these moments pass more slowly than the dark ones.
Wish me luck

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Mousie*

I think I skipped a page , sorry :/

*Hugs Y'all*

love you guys <3

(liking this idea of a virtual psych ward)

Tiptoeing in, grabbing a soft pink blanket and heading to a place I saw that looked safe with a super comfy bed for me and my elephant stuffy. (I keep one in my purse so I always have one, to help with my anxiety) Opting for chips and dip instead of chocolates. :)

*Hugs Heather* <3 You too :)

*Hugs Celticwings* Hi , I'm Mark :)

hugging back. hi mark, thanks.

one more day of work this week and then off to a friend's place for the weekend. should be able to post again on monday. will get to ride roller coasters saturday. i really like roller coasters and am glad i'll get to go, but don't feel as exited as usual.

*Hugs Celticwings*

check in
 

Checks in... It's been a few years... Life has had a good few more things to throw my way

*Waves to Raining* Hi I'm Mark :)

*Checks in, pulls hoodie over head, and sits in corner

*Waves to Brackish* Hi , I'm Mark . How are you? (Kittie fan?)

hugs everyone - how is everyone

Avergage Louise , How are you hun? *Hugs*

*hugs mark* I am not great today.

Whats Up Louise?

*sneaks in and give hugs to everyone who wants them*

I know I never officially left... but I seem to have lost time to post a lot on here. I think of you all lots though :-)

Stay safe everyone!

Hey Matt, I'm Brad. Just been a rough week. How are you?

I guess my username is a play off my name.

*walks in and sits down quietly*