*Glomps Lindsay*

thanks, ye hugs are good thanks :(

I give up, I am so tired of this.

I am tired of the family issues, being left alone, and being run over and pulled in every direction. I joked with one of my coworkers (he knows some of what I go through) that I wanted to trash a room for fun... now I kinda want to. And the idea of me being back on meds is raising its ugly head again... fook that. I just want to give up. I dint want this at all.

*Hugs Matt* I'm so sorry you feel crap mate :/

any hugs going spare? :(

hugs everyone

I have not been about recently not been that great was in hospital for a over night stay.

checks in :( things are so bad right now

*hugs wendy, louise, and styled wrong*

I'm Matt btw

So much tension and stuff... I just want it all to stop. Make it go away! *cries*

*Hugs Wendy*

*Hugs Louise*

Hugs Styled Wrong*

Hugs Matt*

Sorry for posting so much *hides*

I just need to emotionally detach... badly. I am emotionally unstable and I can't do much about it

*Huggles Matt*

*hugs all*

*Hugs Laura* How are you ?

-hugs everyone-

*Hugs Tim*

*hugs Tim*
*hugs Mark*
how are you ??

I've been at the Circus for about 2 weeks. The first week was bad. I had a bad dissociation while I was in the room with 30 others, the next day I was in a really bad state (throwing things, screaming, crying, hyperventilating) then on dec. 31st I was so stressed that I got physically sick and had to throw up (I didn't tell anyone though, because I felt fine after).
The second week was very cool though. I'm participating at a youth circus-theater project and we are 12 participants only. The general athmosphere and the instructor were relaxed and I had a great time. First I thought that I couldn't participate, because the first week was so bad, but then I decided that I'll try and see how it goes.
I'm back at home now, writing applications to schools for physical therapy (dunno what it's callen in England, but here in Germany we have schools for physiotherapy where you do all the training etc.)

*Hugs Laura* Glad you enjoyed yourself , I have had at times the possibly worst day of my life :/

Heya :waving:

*hugs mark*

*Hugs Laura* im pleased you had a good time :)

*Hugs Ian* How are you ?

*Hug mark* Not my usual self to be honest. How are you doing Mark?

Awful Ian If I'm Honest *Hugs*

*hugs Mark* if it was the worst day ever, then things can only improve, right?
*hugs Ian* don't know what to say.
I hope things are getting better for both of you.

I didn't have a good day today. Did some straining exercises in therapy today.

Thank you Mark and Laura :) im better now.

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry your feeling awful :-( do you want to talk about it?

*Hugs Laura* I'm sorry you didnt have a good day, im here if you want to talk.

im not well. my life feels like its falling apart and there is NOTHING i can do to change it.
I want to disapear. vanish, and no one to miss me or be sad or even remember me at all.

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs hiding me if okay?*

*hugs Ian* how are you today?
*hugs hiding* how are things now? I'm here if you want to talk or pm...
*hugs Mark* how are you today?

I am getting tired of this... being quite emotionally vulnerable and emotionally unstable. I hate myself cause I know I should be back on meds, but I am fighting everyone every step o the way. I have had enough of the frightening hospital dreams. I just have had enough of everything. I mean yesterday it snowed and I was like hooray and all happy - today I am fighting a battle with the Voices. I hate this and myself. Make it stop

ty laura .*hugs back*

i guess things are ok so far.. idk really.. mom is at hospital today getting her first dose of the stronger chemo =/ and her blood clot in her neck is still there and ..it really worries me..
so far husband still has his job..
worried about that alot too.
slept horrible last night.. was awake along time and then kept waking up all night long.. so have a headache and feel crappy and cramps arent helping.. just..idk.. i guess im ok for now tho..
cried to hubby about everything last night esp his job.. didnt help telling him made me feel worse cuz he suffers with depression too and well i dont wanna make his worse cuzi NEED him to work. =(

idk sorry.. prolly saying too much.. but well you asked how i am today and well honestly im not sure..
ty for asking tho and ty for caring.

sorry I havn't been around for ages but I was getting triggered by coming on RYL, so stayed clear for a while.

how is everyone?

*hugs hidingme*

OLIVER!!! *hugs*

Hey Matt *hugs* how are you doing?

*hugs Matt*
*hugs hiding* that's a lot of things going on for you. I hope things are getting better.
*hugs Oliver*

*hugs Laura and Oliver*

I can't fight not doing something that I shouldn't do... but the Dark Lords forces approach and the are much bigger than what I have :(

*Hugs Mark* How are you doing?

*Hugs Laura* I'm ok thanks.

*Hugs Oliver* You are you mate?

Just to let you know everyone that i wont be around as much as i have decided to cut back the amount of time im on here due to reasons that i dont want to go into on the forums. Didnt see the point in making a brand new thread about it as nobody reads it.

*Hugs Wardies* I'm awaiting my Social worker.

ty for all the hugs everyone..
it is a whole lot going on, laura. but im trying to ignore the bad and go past it but well its like standing in the rain getting soaked and tryin to pretend its sunny. =/

hard as hell.
hope everybody here is doing ok..
L

*hugs all*

*Hugs Hiding*

*Hugs Oliver*

*glomps Mark*

Hi everyone, I hope you're all ok. I'm feeling very distant from everything in the world right now so sorry that I haven't been around much. Please still get in touch if you need anything.

*hugs Lindsay*

*hugs all*

*leaves some goodies on the table for all*

*hides in the corner*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Hidingme*

*hugs everyone*

I had a small bump in my car this morning and am feeling really bad about it. I feel even worse about the fact that I have just thrown 1 year and 4 months self harm free away.

*cuddles Lindsay*
*hugs everyone else, too* sorry... I'm not in the mood to type all the names. I did read your posts though.

*Huge Hugs Lindsay* I'm so sorry you slipped up but you should be SO PROUD of acheiving a year and 4 months free :) Remember this is a slip up , not a relapse .

*Hugs Laura* How are you hun?

Thanks, Mark.

How is everyone today?