I meant the phone , Yes I am releived the van is gone . *Hugs*
Should I delete that post do you think?

*cuddles Hels* What's going on, sweetheart? ♥

*cuddles Taz* Don't worry too much about keeping up, it can definitely get crazy here on the ward, no pun intended!! We're a busy bunch. :P I'm sorry that nighttime is so bad for you... lying awake for 2 hours before falling asleep sucks. :( Especially if you're thinking about "things." :( Oh, and I love your sig. :D Superchick rocks.

*cuddles Mark* I don't think that anyone is spying on you or listening to you, love. Stress can make us all think funny things, and I think that's what's happening with you. Maybe talk with your pdoc about it? sorry if that's a dense thing to say, it's just that you might need a med switch/change-up or something. How's WoW going for ya? what level is your warrior now? :D

*cuddles Kat* How was your vacation? Glad to have you back... :) I hope that you got some relaxation in during it, and that you didn't switch too much.

*hugs Steel Maiden, if that's okay? (sorry, don't know your name)* How are you??

What's rock? (besides a thing made out of minerals that lies on the ground... lol)

I just got back from my eye doctor's appt and it was a waste of my time really, didn't do much at all. He just looked at my eyes, didn't even make me take out my contacts which was VERY unusual. My left eye has gotten a bit worse, oh yey... :(

My bestie was supposed to come over tonight but had to cancel... :'( I really need to talk with her, about MM/residential treatment and what she thinks, etc. I don't know. I really feel adrift here, I don't know what's best for me, and I just want to curl up and die. So over this life.

:crying:

EDIT: Mark, sorry if it sounded like I was downtalking you or your feelings... I know what it's like to be paranoid and it is really scary. I'm sorry. :(

April , you weren't downtalking my feelings, I'm glad to have you talk to me ,
My Warrior is level 9 and a half now , I need to level up for a quest :S WoW works as a disraction , someone dueled me and I lost and they give me some armour "just because" which was really nice .

I'm sorry your friend coulden't come over , my Friend coulden't come to meet me yesterday as planned and I felt bad , It sucks.

Oh and rock is long tubes of pink and white , mint flavoured hard candy with the name of the place you get it from written allthrough it :) Rots your teeth though but Is nice.

*huggles mark* I went to butlins bognor with baby, hubby and my parents.

*huggles april* not too bad with the switches. hubby was very understanding that the girls were likely to be about, what with it being a holiday park full of funfair rides and stuff! Somebody unpleasant popped up a few times, but we havn't had the chance to discuss it yet so can't work out who. Miel was quiet as always, though I think i spotted him once in the spa.

I so feel i need to catch up in here, but i've missed so much stuff i don't know where to start.

*cuddles everyone*

Taz, call me Helen or Hells or Hels :)
Hi there Oly (I think that's your name?)
Thanks for the offer of hand holding Mark :)
*cuddles April back*

I'm just being pathetic :'( I've been on my own since this afternoon when a friend went to bed, as she's in Aus. So yeah, alone with all the thoughts & urges. Tried to play on Sims 3 as I love it but couldn't get into it. I texted both of my besties earlier. Hardly heard a thing all day. Oh well, my feelings aren't a worry clearly. *cries* I know they can't be there for me 24/7 even if they do try their best to :S But to tell me you're going to text me later & then only text because I called, just ugh, I don't know. I ended up going to sleep...

I just feel so empty & alone :'( Plus just makes me feel the pain of losing Katie even more tonight. Don't know why. Just being pathetic. Ignore me :D

*cuddles hels* i'm sorry you're having a 'bad contact' day. sometimes it happens just when you don't need it. I hope that you feel a little less alone with us here.

*hugs April* Thanks... I just feel bad leaving people out or not replying to everything :( But everyone should know that I do read all the posts :)

*hugs Mark* One of my best friends plays WoW... tried to get me into it, but I just couldn't grasp it at all. As long as it works as a distraction for you that's great :)

*hugs Kat*

*squishes Helen & hugs her tightly* Sorry, I kinda got lost with all the names back there >< Sucks when your friends make promises like that (okay, not actual promises, but same idea)

So true Kat. Always happens on my bad days usually. *cuddles* I feel a little less alone with you guys I guess :(

Taz, it does suck. *squishes tightly back* Hoping one will come online after she's had her sleep, but who knows right now :'( Feels like they don't care. Which is stupid because I know they do & I know they're really worried :'( :'(

*Hugs Helen* You're not being pathetic , anything but . I hope you can stick around here and that we will make you feel less alone , if only in a virtual way :)

well here are the pictures, just got back from my concert, so still in my DJ, I'm off to get food because I'm too lazy and tired to cook, will reply properly later.

*hugs all*

*huggles Taz* hi, nice to meet you, especially with a huggle

Hels: I wonder if that's because it contributes towards making it a bad day, so it feels worse and on good days we just dont notice?

EDIT: oliver: great pics, and cute DJ. Fancy a virtual dinner?! *winks and smiles*

Hey Oliver you look great , it really suits you :) How went the Concert ? Enjoy your food !!

Well I have to get to bed , I hope my meds will kick in and I'll sleep , catch up with you all tomorrow , *Hugs Ward*

Thanks Mark. *hugs back* I am being pathetic. One of my best friends has come online :tongue2: Hope you sleep well.

Think you're right there :(

Oliver, I am loving your new haircut & you look very smart =]

*hugs Helen* I don't think you're pathetic :)
*hugs Mark* Sleep tight :)
*hugs Oliver* Lookin' good :D

Thanks Taz :) How you doing>?

I spy a Hels!! *cuddles*

Sleep well, Mark. *cuddles and tucks you up*

*hides in a dark corner* :'(

Helen - I'm alright at the moment since it's still daytime. Trying to keep my mind occupied. Yourself?
*hugs April* What's wrong? :(

thank you guys, I actually love my hair, first time I've actually got it how I want it.

*hugs April* I'm sorry your friend cancelled on you, how are you doing now?

*hugs Helen* your not pathetic.

*hugs Taz and Kat*

*hugs Mark* hope you have a good nights sleep.

*hugs everyone*

My dr gave me a few sleeping pills today to try and get me back into a rountine of sleeping through at night, but I just dont want to go to seep yet, it feels way too early for me.

Oh Oliver, did forget to say that I like your hair. Glad you got it the way you wanted it. :) *hugs*

Am not doing too well. :(

*hides again*

thanks April, *cuddles* sorry your not doing well, anything you want to talk about?

I don't know, it's like... I know I need to get treatment, but I don't feel "sick enough" ... but I know that I need residential or else I won't take it seriously enough. And 6-12 months away from Jarrod would be so hard on both of us. The free programs I'm looking into are far enough away that he'd only be able to see me a few times during my stay there. I don't know. It's so hard. And I'm terrified. I don't even want to start applying in case I get turned down for some reason or other - biggest fear being that I am truly not ill enough to get free tx. I don't know. I'm pathetic, I'm a coward, but.......... do I NEED treatment badly enough? and can I WANT it badly enough to get it?

:crying:

*huggles April* I don't know what to tell you about the treatment... I know being away from my family would make me feel worse and resist the treatment more. I guess its mostly about knowing yourself in that regard...
I'm starting a night elf on Silvermoon I'll let you guys know what I name it soon. :)

Love the haircut Oliver. It suits you very well. Glad you like it.

*cuddles April* I dont know what to say about it, yeah it will be very hard to be away from your family and hard for them too, but it could be worth a few months to then be able to be with them constantly and being better, I just dont know what to suggest to help you, sorry.

*hugs Crimson* thanks. how are you?

I'm watching some Tim Minchin at the moment, comedian who does most of his stuff through songs, he is a genius and an amazing composer and pianist, love him, so funny as well.

*curls up*

April, I think you do whatever's best for you. I know you feel you're not sick enough, but if they thought that, would they want to be offering it to you?

*cuddles everyone* i have a very annoying but very sweet 3 year old boy trying to make me play on the wii with him right now lol

"walks in and hides in the corner"

*hugs those who can accept them and waves at the others*

If I had a car I would just get in it now and just keep driving south . . .

I want it all to stop. And if it doesn't, I think I'm going to crack . . .

It's so tempting to just cut the rope. :crying:

"cuddles Kahlia1981* Why do you feel like doing that? Here to listen if you'd like to talk babe.

*squishes April* Hope you're feeling better <3

*hugs Oliver, Helen, Crimson, Nicole, Hannah and Kalia*

It's nighttime. I wish my doctor would've just given me sleeping pills, but of course he refused knowing my OD habits :crying: I hate my mind at night.

*cuddles silentgirl back* - Sorry I don't know your name. Call me Kahlia. I'm having a lot of trouble getting psych help. The full deal is in my thread. I've linked to the page where I've really started talking about it. I have mentioned it before that, but ...

Things really aren't easy here. The public system doesn't want to help and I can't afford private. My mood is really low. I nearly did something incredibly stupid last night, and realistically I don't have anyone that I can call if something goes wrong. I don't have the hospital, I don't have a crisis or intervention team.

I don't really know what to do anymore. Things are just getting so out of control and I'm getting really scared. I just keep wanting to burst into tears. I just want it all to be over. :(

I'm so sorry.

*curls up in a corner to cry*

*offers Taz huggles*

*cuddles everyone and then hides*

*waves her special magical wand that allows her to find people that are hiding and then sneaks over to Helen and just sits with her and holds her for a bit*

*cries into Kahlia* Sorry :'( I'm just sooooooooooooooooo incredibly worried about someone. Waiting to have them text me back. Please let them be okay, alive, safe & fast asleep right now, rather than what my mind is thinking. I hate nights like this, when you think someone's doing/done something & you're so scared when in actual fact, they're thankfully safe.

I'm so sick of all my ****. I'm so sick of swinging between suicidal and low. I'll be okay, I know :'(

*keeps holding Helen* It's okay hun, just let it all out. Nights like that really suck. I've been there more times than I'd care to count. :( And knowing that you'll be okay, doesn't always make it easier to be okay.

It really does suck. I can't let everything out, I'd never stop. Argh :'(

My jaw is so sore :( Damm TMJ really acting up at the moment.

I really should try sleep but am so scared.

*Hugs everyone who wants needs them*

Well another sleepless night. Bugger thought it had finally come to an end. *sighs in frustration*

Had a bad night good thing the workers are pritty clued on about some things when they have mh people about the house.

Spet the night alone locked in the sanctury of my room lost in music. Had to submurge at some point so I did just to chat online when we are allowed too.

Hi Mamamia? I see you. Sorry bad with names, memory is lacking somewhere in the recesses of the house. Offeres *Hugs*

Nicole, it's Helen :) Don't apologise, sure we all have forgotten each other's names. I know I have at times :P Thanks for offer of hugs *hugs back*

Hiya Helen. I have forgotten alot of names since I was last a regular on RYL.

Can't wait to see gp in two days. Hope fully he will let me get a script to get some sleep. Nothing that I have used iin the past is working.

Am so worried to about my youngest housemate.

Ahh bless.

I hope your doctor helps, I've got to go see a doctor next week to get a prescription and to ask questions. Could have done with seeing her today though. Well yesterday now...

Why you worried about your housemate? Sorry if it's private x

She got mobbed by a gang last night and we are unable to get hold of her. All we know is that she was discharged from hospital this morning and hasn't made any contact with us or her boyfriend. For pete sake she is only 15. I kind of have take to her as a little sister. No one let any one in the house know. We only found out because her boyfriend rang and asked after her and told us what had happened.

I spy Taz!

Hello!

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I hope she's okay as can be. Maybe she's gone to a friend's and not thought to contact anyone???

I can stop panicking now. My best friend (the person I was really worrying about) has texted me. Still worried about her anyway, but least she was asleep. *breathes*.....

That is some good news for you. I am glad.

Unfortunatley it was her friend who put her in that predicament and caused the situation. The source of all the information we have was through her boyfriend who like prince charming at least called the paramedics. Am unsure what role he played at this point in time. Am sooooooo worried gotta hope offline for a few going to take a five break to calm down.

Really hope she gets in contact soon. Let us know. Look after yourself too. I'm going to go crash to bed in a few minutes. *hugs lots and leave some for when you're back*

Tahnks, *Hugs back* I hope so too. I am trying just not dealing too well with my head. Am fighting not to go look for her as I can't figure out where to start and if she has traversed towards home.

Am so darn anxious now. Cant even find darn lighter to have smoke. Bugger it. I hope she is ok and hasn't singed herself out of hospital against medical adivice.

i hate work *kicks things*

"huddles in a corner and cries"

Offers *hugs and a blanket to silentgirl*