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-   -   Relapsing *TW* (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238574)

OmegaWolf86 18-01-2016 12:19 AM

Relapsing *TW*
 
Having a heck of a time lately with self harm. I'm doing it almost daily where I had once had it down to about once every few weeks to once every few months.

It started getting worse when I started having trouble at work with peers and my manager. I have social anxiety, panic attacks , and anger problems and lately I have discovered self harming calms me so much more than anything. I don't know how to keep calm otherwise... To keep the fear at bay which triggers the panic attacks or anger.

I feel like such a failure.

Accidentally Abstract 18-01-2016 01:35 AM

Hiya

It sounds like you've been having a really stressful time lately & as you pointed out, that's probably a big reason that your self harm has gotten worse.

Self harm can sometimes have the effect that it makes you feel calmer temporarily - do you have anything else which you could use to self-soothe in this way? Sometimes doing little pampering things like having a nice bubble bath or watching a movie you love could calm you down as well. Have you got any of your own distractions which help you when you feel like self harming?

If you managed to minimise your self harm to every few weeks or months, then you can get there again - I'm sure you will once your stress level goes down.

Would you like to talk about the problems you've had at work? Work can be difficult enough when you have mental health difficulties, but when you have trouble with colleagues too, it can feel somewhat unbearable. Do you have anyone you can talk to in 'real life' about what's been going on for you? Maybe a friend, family member or some professional support?

It sounds like you could do with some support in managing the anxiety which triggers the feelings which lead to your self harm - do you have any tricks which might have helped in the past which you could re-visit?

Also, you're not a failure at all, we all struggle in our own ways & it sounds like you're doing the best you can to try to manage.

Look after yourself.

OmegaWolf86 18-01-2016 02:03 AM

I work two jobs, one daytime and one third shift-ish, I fall prey to urges before the nighttime one when I wake up. I build up stress during the day, self harm at night, and then that way I get through another day.

The trouble at my daytime job pretty much revolves around cutthroat workplace drama and the fact some people don't like me and my wife working in the same office.

I have no close friends really, other than my wife. I talk to her but I don't think she really knows anymore how to help me because I am so stubbornly depressed I just tend to end up pushing her away. I don't really get along with anyone else, I'm either too weird for them or too negative. I'm actually thinking about getting a psychologist appointment sometime in the coming weeks. I want to get out of that workplace but I can't until I have myself figured out and my problems properly diagnosed.

Too Shy 24-01-2016 02:33 AM

That sounds like a really stressful situation to be in job-wise. Is there a manager or someone that you can speak to at your day job about some of the workplace dramas or the issues people are having with you and you wife working in the same office, to see if any of those difficulties can be reduced?

Getting a psychologist appointment sounds like it would be really worthwhile. Can you try to ring this week to get the ball rolling with getting an appointment? It sounds like it would be really helpful to have somewhere that you can try to just talk openly about what's going on for you.

What do you think would be helpful for you with support from your wife? It is difficult to know how to help sometimes, but would it be worth seeing if you can think of some things that she could do to help when you're struggling and pushing her away?

Finally, please remember that you are not a failure. Take care.

OmegaWolf86 03-02-2016 02:06 PM

Saw the therapist, but I didn't do so well. I hid a lot of things because they're things I've been pushing away from but they still effect a lot of things I do. And thinking about them is bringing back more memories and now I'm having flashbacks and sensations that take me over and I lose all sense of place. They trigger me to cut because if I do then maybe it'll make me stop feeling dirty.


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