*squishes tight* wish i had some amazing wisdom to bestow, but just know i'm ALWAYS here <3

*cuddles april* I'm sorry that your parents were being like that and that jared is not very supportive. Wish I could do more but I am around if you need to vent.

*hugs lia, jill, and heather*

I don't want to be here anymore. Can I please give up?

Cuddles all, erm last night was so crazy, may have done somthing stuiped once again. hey what's new there. It all seamed to fall apart last night. Curls up in corner under a blanket hopping now one see her.

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs everyone else on the ward*

I finally crawled out of bed (almost literally) a little while ago. Why is it SO hard to get up? Depression and meds I know :S argg!! Maybe I'm just lazy :(

I don't know if I even exist anymore .... I think I may not. My birthday is next Sunday and I had to chase my mother to see if we were doing anything (just as a note my sisters birthday is the day after so we usually get together for one celebration for both birthdays and nothing had even been mentioned nor planned until I mentioned it .... and I suggested making it compatible with my sisters schedule as she's the hardest of the two of us to suit and then there's been nothing since!!).

Maybe I'm just invisible .... or maybe I'm a figment of someone's imagination. Or maybe just a crash-test dummy torture device to see how much a human mind can stand being ignored.

I don't know. Is it even worth it. Is any of it worth it. Maybe it's just time to give in

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you are being ignored :( You are most definatley not invisible . Please don't give in , that last sentance has worried me quite a bit , you are worth tons and don't deserve to be treated like this *Squishes*


I have to go out to pay my water bill now , *sigh* I don't really want to leave the flat I'm mentally drained despite not being up long .

*curls up and grumbles frowning*

Whats up Julie? *Hugs*

G'morning all... *cuddles*

Thanks for the support, Heather & Laura. Thing is, Jarrod IS being supportive, but not in the ways that my parents could be if they only OPENED THEIR EYES and saw what's going on with their daughter. Or thought to ask the right questions. I had a good ol' bawlfest last night about it. :( So when I went to bed my eyes felt swollen and dry. Ugh.

Kahlia, hon, you're not invisible here, I promise. *hugs gently* You're gonna be okay... things will get better. Remember, it can't rain all the time. I'm sorry that you feel invisible & ignored though... that has got to bite. :( <3

Jill... what's up, sweetie? what "something stupid"? :( *cuddles*

What's up, Julie, love? *cuddles*

Mark, how are you doing today? <3 *cuddles*

And for everyone whom I didn't mention... *CUDDLES!!!* :P

:notsure: just stuff *yawns and rubs my lower back*

thats how my eyes feel

I'm drained still April *Hugs* I don't know what to do with myself , I've got to figure out what to eat for dinner and even that seems like a chore , probably end having pasta , that takes the least efforst to cook . LAZY!. I just wan't to sleep:S A wheel just came off my chair , now I'm balancing on 4 wheels . Nuts .

What kind of stuff Julie?

cuddles all. april its noithing to worry about, all is good.

afternoon/morning/evening all

I had a brilliant day yesterday, except the homophobic attack, me and my friend got at about 5.30am while walking to the coach station.
But London was awesome, it was my first ever protest march and can't wait for my next, also especially getting to see and hear Richard Dawkins and Peter Tatchell speak was so amazing.

*cuddles you all*
will do replies when my friend has gone home

Today I have no idea what to say, but I wanted to post and leave hugs. *hugs*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Oliver* I'm glad you had such a cool time , shame about the Homophobes though :S

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs all*

April, I know how you feel. No one IRL has any idea. They see a cheerful, sarcastic girl with a good sense of humour and a laid back approach. These are the things that no one knows.

I've been a self harmer on and off for three years.

I feel ucomfortable typing this with the door open, so shall go and shut it.

I'm still a harmer.

I carry a bottle of 82 pills with me and blade at all times, just in case.

Someone told me I was the happiest person they had ever met and I almost cried.

I tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago.

I cry when no one's watching.

I take comfort in the people that live inside my head, even though I know they aren't real.

There's only one person who has ever made me feel like I'm good enough.

I feel so worthless I often want to die just to be free from myself.

I am good for nothing.

I push people out but sometimes wish they'd push back.

I believe in God because sometimes my faith is all I have.

I laugh so I won't cry.

I have a past that I can't talk about.

I feel so pathetic for letting it get to me so.

I'm scared of the ice queen becoming me.

If I told anyone all of that, they would laugh in my face. They'd think I was joking. They have no idea. Here though, I feel safe admitting 'me'. That's who I am, the person above. The one I keep hidden. But I'm also the one I display to the rest of the world. I'm the happy person- sometimes.

big bear hugs lia, wish i could do more. cuddle everbody else.
im so scared right now, please make monday go away please. curls up in a tight ball and trys to stop shaking. =[

*Hugs Jill* What's going on Monday?

*Hugs Lia* You're NOT worthless Lia , far from it.
I too carry a blade with me in my wallet "just in Case"
What really worries me is that you attempted to kill yourself recently , Have you talked to anyone IRL ? A Dr or nurse? Maybe even phone the Samaritans they will always talk to you .
Here if you need :)