Worried
 

Wasn't sure where to post this

I'm getting thoughts about the contamination again and although I don't believe it right now, I'm scared that I'm going to end up going fully psychotic/delusional about it again and not have any insight which is terrifying.
I don't want to have to go into hospital again and I'm scared of telling my CC in case she thinks I need to go IP which I don't need
And last time was so scary and so many things happned against my will and just wasn't pleasant
I'm not sure what to do

Hmmm. It sounds like at the moment you DO have insight though. So that in itself is currently different! If you talk about things now, I don't think they would have any reason to suggest IP. At least not at this point. I think it's more likely they could try to put things in place to avoid the thoughts hopefully getting stronger/more believable and also avoid IP if you mention it.

I can understand your fears though. Would it be at all helpful to try to write something out, like a letter to yourself for if things do get worse? Like a, hey self we've been through this before and this is what happened last time, the thoughts turned out to be false, and some pretty horrible stuff occurred. Then if they get worse you have evidence for maybe like, what is true versus delusion?

That might have made more sense in my head.

I guess I was thinking also if you wrote a letter you could write one to your CC or psychiatrist or have them help you make something saying your wishes if this situation does happen again. I forget the word for it- sort of like a will but only with regards to medical treatment/psychiatric treatment. There's a proper term for it but I'm blanking.

Thinking of you, and I really hope the thoughts lessen in intensity for you soon.

Thanks for your reply Camden

Writing things out is a good idea

I'm seeing my CC tomorrow so could mention it
I think you're right about not having a reason to send me IP at the moment

I think you mean an advanced directive? Or advanced statement. Its one of those!

Yes I think it is an advanced directive that I was thinking of!! (unsure the difference between directive and statement though) You could also mention the idea of wanting to make one to your CC if it is something you think could be good?

I hope you get through tonight okay and things go well with your CC tomorrow. :)

I'm not sure of the difference but I know what you mean!
I will mention it to my CC

Thank you :)

Sounds like you've already decided to do the right thing and talk to your CC but just wanted to say that it's better to address it now while you do have insight BEFORE it becomes a worse problem. Be proactive (hate using that word) about this! You know what you don't want to happen (IP) so think about what can you do now to avoid that happening.

Thanks np
You are right
It would be best to speak to my CC first

I hope you can speak to your CPN and get the right sort of support to stay well. I think calling it 'the contamination' is kind of making it seem like it is a real thing, if that makes any sense. I don't really know how to explain this but I think the words you use to yourself at this moment could be important in helping yourself to continue to realise this stuff isn't happening. I'm not sure of a term you could maybe try using instead, but something that reinforces that it was a delusion? Sorry if I haven't explained that well.

My CC didn't turn up which is rather annoying seeing as I coukd actually have done with seeing her today

I see what you mean Lindsay
I'm not sure what I could say instead but I'll have a think

Did she contact you or have you contacted her? I hope she can see you soon.

Does 'worries about contamination' feel any better? I think that taking 'the' away gives it less power, because it's not 'the actual thing.' Of course it's up to you whatever feels helpful.

No
She will probably text me tomorrow when she's realised

That does sound better

It's annoying when people don't show up especially when you need them. If she doesn't text you tomorrow will you be able to get in touch with her?

Yes I'll text her tomorrow if she doesn't contact me

That's super frustrating. I hope you figure out what happened and get in touch with her. How are you doing otherwise? Changing the way you think about/word things related to stuff is definitely worth a shot. Sometimes just putting a bit of space between the thoughts can help lessen their hold and intensity.

I'm doing ok
I have a friend here for the week so he is distracting me from the thoughts so hopefully I won't be able to dwell on it so much
I'll text my CC if she doesn't contact me before midday I think

Please do text your CC if she doesn't get in touch. I hope you have a nice week with your friend.

Thank you

Any news?

No
I did text her but no reply so I'm guessing she's off sick or something

I hope you hear from her soon.