Edit: scared of everything
 

The past couple of months i have had to have my food tasted because the Organisation want my family to poison me. They are trying to get me to hurt myself or kill myself but i don't want to die. Tonight I've got really bad urges to purge to clean out the poison. I think the only way i can feel safe is to stop all food and meds.

Do you honestly think your family would allow anyone to poison you?

Yes, to keep other people safe.

What other people? I really don't think they sacrifice you to save others. You are their family, the most important thing, they wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

Food and meds are what keep you healthy and probably protect you from the organisation.

Thanks. I didn't act on the thoughts last night, i took a zopiclone and went to sleep. Now I've got a whole day to get through. I've decided if i am even more vigilant i won't panic like last night.

Well done for staying safe. Can you speak to anyone at home about the worries?

And vigilant in what way?

So, always getting food tasted, even if i saw it prepared or come out a sealed packet.

Do you think that if I told the police about the Organisation etc they would take me seriously?

probably not.
I've been to the police about similar things and they just refer me back to the crisis team

Do the crisis team help at all?

No, I've seen them a few times. Before i am ready to speak, they discharge me. This has been going on so long, it doesn't really count as a crisis.

Have you said that's been tried before and something else might be helpful? Do you know what might be better for you?

When my CPN suggested Crisis Team a few weeks ago i declined. I don't know what I need or want. Someone to protect me from the Organisation i suppose.

I think you're doing well by yourself. Hopefully things will calm down soon, you're doing a great job. Keep using your self help things.

Could you ask your CPN for other suggestions besides crisis team if they aren't useful? It sounds like he recognised you need some other support, just didn't suggest the right thing.

I'm getting sick of fighting the Organisation. I don't want to kill myself but maybe it would just be easier.

This doesn't make sense, does it? If i truly want to die i can just let them poison me. I'm so confused.

Please help, I'm so confused and scared.

Is it suicide to deliberately let someone kill you?

I spoke to L and she said i didn't need to stop having my food tested.

I'm sorry you've had no replies - and I'm really sorry you're dealing with so much rubbish. I don't really know what to say but wonder if a meds review could help? It seems as though you've been struggling for quite a while - maybe a change would help? I hope things become easier for you.