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hope.is.overrated 18-07-2010 06:42 PM

I relapsed again last night :( *curls up into a dark corner and cries in shame*

Doikers 18-07-2010 07:05 PM

*Hugs Jill* Are these texts at all inapropriate? Could you ask him to stop sending you messages ?

*Hugs Hope.is.overated* There is no shame in slipping up , I know how hard it is , but you can get though this :)

one_step_closer 18-07-2010 07:36 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'm so scared about what the men in my head are going to do to me and no one is taking me seriously.

shadowedsoul 18-07-2010 08:41 PM

Hugs everybody.
Mark yeah all the Txts are inaporate, have asked but he thinks it's funny =(.my mum seams to think that being on here and other sites are killing me, I really can't win

SoMuchMore 18-07-2010 08:50 PM

*hugs lindsay* we take you seriously... although I know that isn't what you mean. I'm sorry that the mh workers you've seen aren't doing anything to help. Have you given any more thought to having someone advocate for you?

*hugs hope.is.overrated* I'm sorry that you relapsed, but try not to dwell on it. Its just a slip up... Try to move forward from here.

*hugs jill* i agree with mark, maybe you should ask him to stop texting. And if you are uncomfortable definitely don't respond, maybe then he will eventually stop. Have you tried to talk to your mom about what you like about using sites like ryl?

*hugs lia* how r u doing today?

*hugs kat* Are you okay hun? I know i haven't been replying much in here but you have been in my thoughts.

*hugs mark* I understand what you mean about getting jealous, I sometimes do too... Its not petty though. Its just how you feel. Someday you'll find someone b/c you are a great guy, and then you'll never have to feel jealous of anyone again lol. Just try to have patience. Its hard, but its what you have to do.

*hugs jess* hey. How r u doing?

*hugs april* i'm sorry that you haven't been sleeping well. Sometimes weird dreams can really throw a person off. Oh, and while jarrod may have said that about your empathy... I'd have to disagree. I think you have a great deal of empathy for people, its shows in here all the time, and I think that you will make a good therapist someday.

*hugs julie* its okay that you can't read all the pages. Its really hard to keep up in here sometimes. How have you been lately?

*hugs felicia* I hope that you managed to stay safe after you were triggered last night.

*hugs kahlia* i'm sorry things have not gotten any better for you. At least you are getting out a little bit and trying to not shut down completely. I wish there was something someone could say to take your anxiety away :-/ Its okay that you've been quiet, we understand. We like to know how you are doing though.

*hugs oliver* I'm glad that things turned out a little better with you bf's dad. I bet that was a huge relief. I'm sorry that you are depressed and suicidal right now. I know that you feel like you have to be strong for Alex, but please don't just bottle things up and pretend you are fine if you're not. From experience, that never really works out well. Try to talk to someone. And i'm sure Alex would want to know how you are feeling as well.

*hugs everyone that i missed* I tried to reply to everyone that had posted since i last did, but if i missed you, I'm sorry.

Well my anxiety went through the roof last night, but I managed to go over to that guys house and talk to him. It went okay. Very awkward, but okay. Anyway, I just feel bad about it b/c he tries so hard and is very sweet, but its just not going to happen. And I think it was more mature to tell him than just not respond to his messages/phone calls anymore.

In other news.. I keep breaking down. I hate crying and I feel like I am crying all the time now. And the images that pop up in my head seem to be getting more and more frequent, which not only scares me, but also kinda triggers me. I haven't SI'd in a few days.. I'm trying not too.. too bad i'm a huge failure at it. *sigh* maybe i should tell someone irl, take my own advice, but I probably wont. Everyone thinks i'm happier now so... yea. Sometimes I wonder if I just have an unrealistic expectation for what a happy person feels like.

Scarletdreamer 18-07-2010 09:30 PM

Laura, what is your image of a happy person? because from what you say it's hard to tell if it's unrealistic or not... I know that I don't really have an expectation for a happy person, just a fear of what one is (if that makes any sense)... like... I don't want to be what I now realize is (hypo)manic... giddy and "high" feeling (high as in "high & low")... and that's not realistic. I think a lot of people with MH problems struggle with an realistic image of a happy person, if that makes sense, because it's so often not modeled to us properly. So we don't know for what to strive, if that makes sense? *gentle cuddles* Please PM if you want to... I'm glad that the break-up went well and YES it was much more mature of you to go & tell him rather than just not return phone calls etc. Proud of you. :)

Hels, where are you?? you haven't posted in awhile and YES, we MISS YOU!!! *extra big cuddles* :)

Oliver, glad that things are better with your bf. Sorry to hear that you're not feeling so well lately - that really sucks. Being depressed/suicidal is NOT good as I'm sure you know (d'oh) - can you get any help? Sorry if you said that in your post, I don't remember it all that well. But I did want to comment on it & let you know that I read & care. *cuddles*

Lia, love, how are you doing? *gentle hugs* I'm sorry if you feel left out sometimes, and YES, that definitely was a post of epic proportions!! Well done!! :D

Sorry it wasn't more replies - I'll try to do more later, but I wanted to reply to those (few) posts before I got too tired... sorry. :(

I'm... I don't know. It's been a very up-and-down past 24 hours, and things are on the "up" end right now... I don't know. I'm just mixed up inside, and about what I'm not even certain!! :-/ I'm sorry, I know I'm making next to no sense here, so I'll shut up. But I did just take a nap - and had a weird dream during THAT!!! which bites, because naps are usually dream-free for me. :( Ughhhh. Yuck. *shakes head trying to dislodge memories of dream*

And yes, I am still exhausted. :(

Scarletdreamer 18-07-2010 09:32 PM

Oh, & Lia (and those others who care) - things have been going okay without my blades, actually. I guess I really was/am ready to quit cutting? I don't know. But I have only had 1 echo/bare whisper of an urge to cut and it was pretty spare, to be honest - which is good, don't get me wrong!! I haven't cut OR self-harmed since I said I wouldn't, which is also good, and today I exercised pretty hard for the first time in awhile, without a major crash afterwards either. :D So that makes me happy.

Sorry, rambled about myself too much... :-S

Doikers 18-07-2010 09:40 PM

Laura *Hugs* that was the right thing to do , face to face , I bet it wasn't easy so good for you :)

*Hugs April* How did the meeting with the girls Mum/Dad both go?

SoMuchMore 18-07-2010 09:44 PM

hugs april* good job on the exercising! I'm glad things are going okay without the SI so far. Hopefully you can continue to semi-easily fight those urges. Sorry you're feeling mixed up. I think that mixed up is the norm for me now lol, so i at least sorta understand how that feels.

I think my problem is that I dont really know what my image of a happy person is... I can say what I hope its not. I hope that happy people do not feel like people are others are watching/judging them all the time. I hope that they don't wake up in the morning and their first thought is sarcastically "great i'm awake again." And I hope that they don't walk down the street looking for... opportunities... and not the good kind of opportunities if you know what i mean.
What you said did make sense though
Maybe i'm just being stupid today. Thinking too much about this stuff.

*hugs mark* no it wasn't easy, but its over now.. thank goodness lol. How r u doing?

O yea! April: i was wondering about how that went with that girls parents too.. i just forgot momentarily.. sorry..

Scarletdreamer 18-07-2010 09:57 PM

OH, about her parents... well, we skipped church to work on our relationship... and since we had the worship time last night Jarrod was okay with it even though he normally would want to go to church. So, in sum, I didn't see them. Hah. Part of my "desire to work on our relationship" probably stemmed from fear of seeing her mum, but oh well. I really did want to work on our relationship as that is the most important thing on this earth, so we did. :) And as a result of exercising TOGETHER and just having an "us-day," we feel a lot better than we did last night, that's for sure. :) But thanks for remembering... I'm sure it'll all go topsy-turvy next Sunday though, because we don't have Rooted then and Jarrod will want to go to church... but at least my bestie is (almost) guaranteed to be there to smooth things over if I get in over my head and need someone to cry/moan to. :-/ Heh. :-S

I'm pretty sure that those are things that a happy person would not do. Because that's not truly being happy. (I'm guessing those are things you do now?... *cuddles gently*) Truly being happy means being at peace with the world - including yourself & how you feel & behave... it means having joy... it means being able to face anything that can, will, or should come up... it means being GLAD that you're alive... it means no more masks, pretenses, or hiding... it means all of these things & so much more. Well, I guess included in that "happy" thing is also being healthy. But I guess that's pretty obvious, lol.

*spies Mark & Laura & glomps them* :)

Doikers 18-07-2010 10:46 PM

*Hugs Laura* I'm just Numb . Still . Sick of it . Lunch with my parents tommorow should go ok . I am VERY anxious about telling my SW my suicide plan on tuesday morning but I told my nurse but it just came out I wasn't intending too tell her hmmm .

*Glomps April back*

Scarletdreamer 18-07-2010 11:04 PM

Guhhh I'm so exhausted... and have no reason to be. x_x

Mark, I'm sorry to hear that you're still numb... that sucks. :( Good luck talking with your SW & please let us know what comes of that talk... hopefully not hospital but if it's the best thing & it's helped you in the past, then, well, that's good I guess. *gentle cuddles*

*spies Hels & glomps her* :D

*hides in a hole* :(

MammaMia 19-07-2010 12:19 AM

*cuddles everyone and then sits down*

risenfromperdition 19-07-2010 12:26 AM

*curls up in corner of ward and sighs*
dad grabbed at my arm and sayed that i needa exercise my arms... and exercise in general but ergh. see... am fat and icky and meh :(

time to change 19-07-2010 12:26 AM

thought i might as well "admit" myself. not doing to well atm. have spent the last two days in bed, and none of my family or friends really know whats going on. can feel a mega relapse coming on, and a possible admission. not what i want. i'm meant to be proving to college that i am stable enough to go back (got kicked out in october for being off sick). until about a week ago i was doing great. hadn't felt so good in ages, then all of a sudden BANG! and i'm heading for rock bottom. dont really know if there was a trigger or not, still trying to work that one out. i just feel scared and alone. my mind is constantly racing, and when i sleep, i just have nightmares constantly. haven't even got the energy to take care of my personal hygiene... really didn't see this coming, which has made it 100x worse... oh well... just gonna curl up in a ball and try and let the tears fall

wolfos3d 19-07-2010 12:35 AM

I'm... yeah. I don't think I can really answer that one. I'm late for class at any rate.
I managed not to chicken out on my doctors appointment. I was so scared that I thought I was gonna pass out at one point. I have another one on Thursday too. Urg.

I shall have to run off to class now. I shall read everyone's posts properly when I return this evening.

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 01:30 AM

Heather- You're beautiful. Don't put yourself down sweetie *Hugs*

Jess- Glad you managed to go to the doctor's appointment and I hope you're OK :)

Steph- I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much right now. Do you have any support outside of here? Anyone you can talk to? There's always going to be slip ups and relapses, try not to beat yourself up about it and we're all here for you as long as you want us to be. *Hugs if you want them*

April and Laura- I don't know how to answer that. In a way I am because I have some things to look forward to and a part of me keeps believing things will be ok, but idk. I can't explain. It's stupid anyway. Just doubts, thoughts...scary ones. I'm being stupid but at the same time, I can't help the doubt and it scares me. I can't post it here either. I can't tell everyone, I just can't. Partly cos it's stupid. Anyway.

I'm so glad you're doing well with your blades April, I knew you were strong enough for it. Really well done, it's cheerful to hear something like that. You mention you're not really sleeping though. Try my Winnie the Pooh idea :)

Laura- I have actually forgotten what you said. Total mind blank. I'll look and get back to you.

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 01:33 AM

Laura- Don't feel bad about slipping and urges, we all here get them and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You should tell somone in real life if you feel it would help. I always regret it later, but if it would help you go for it. Don't worry about living up to other's expectations, it can only get worse if you go unhelped. *HUgs*

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 01:38 AM

Oh and Helen- How was London? How are you? x

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 01:45 AM

Oh and I forgot to say, Laura, epic reply earlier. :)

Ah yes, Hels, I forgot that you were in London... bad April, bad!!! Did you enjoy being away??

How was your London trip, Lia??

Just updated my r/v... sorry for the lack of more individual replies, am not feeling all that great mentally. :(

MammaMia 19-07-2010 01:51 AM

Ha, I got forgotten about as always :P

Lia, April, my trip to London was soooooooooooooo good. Just what I needed :) I got to see Mamma Mia. It was SO ****ing awesome. I love Mamma Mia more than life itself. Not as much as my best friends though, they beat it :P But have wanted to see it in theatre ever since seeing the movie. Did lots of other fun stuff too :D

Lia, I'm tired but ok.

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 01:57 AM

*hugs/waves at all*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm just struggling to keep up at the moment.

Finally managed to write the email I've been trying to write all week yesterday. Hopefully she will get back to me this week.

Tomorrow I have to go to an Education Day *shakes head* for Pain Management Clinic. Sorry, but I'm only going to it because I have to. I'm pretty much expecting it to be a waste of time. They are going to tell me "All about Pain". Considering I studied OT up to third year so did anatomy and physiology as well as neuroanatomy ... I think I know about the neuro-stimulus for pain .... and I know exactly where my pain (in my shoulder) is coming from. *sigh* But it's compulsory for them to waste my time . . .

On Wednesday my housemate is having an Echo and a Stress Test and I'm going to sit up at the hospital and wait with him. I'm not going to enjoy it, but I'll do it.

That makes two days where I'll be swallowing Xanax like M&Ms. . .

Oh well. What does not kill us, right?

time to change 19-07-2010 02:00 AM

I'mjustme: i have a cpn and 2 support workers who i see weekly, my cpn i have just started seeing though, because my old one left about 4 weeks ago. and i love hugs :D they make the world seem better :D . i dont really have a lot of friends, and the girl who was my best friend said some vry hurtful things to me last week... my family live 70 miles away, so dont really see anyone, my other close friend lives about 40 miles away, and have only seen her once in 2 years, we ring each other regularly, but it isnt the same... just wish i lived closer to people.
hope everyone else is doing ok, pm me anytime xx

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 02:09 AM

Hey Steph, my name's Lia. :)

Bummer when people live so far away. The one person I can talk to who is quite possibly the best friend I ever had lives in Cheshire and I'm in Kent, so that's like 5 hours apart. Glad that you have the support. There's no shame in struggling, if you're not in the best place, no one would want you to bottle up and pretend to be happy, therefore making yourself worse to live up to their expectations. *Extra hugs and a jarful for later*

Glad you're ok Helen :)

April- London was great. I got loads of new clothes and had a laugh with my friend Lauren, especially when we realised our ex phyiscs teacher (we're dropping it next year) was on the train well within earshot when we were bitching about the other phyiscs teacher and having an extreamly inappropriate conversation. I read your R/V and I'm sorry your anxiety is so bad right now. You're right though, God will give you the strength to get through this. He won't give you anything you can't handle. I was wondering...is it ok if I PM you? There's something I just need to...well I don't know what I want, I guess I just want to get it out when I am calm and rational so won't go off on one. Don't worry if you're, like, not in the right mental place right now though. It's not going anywhere.

xx

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 02:12 AM

Lia, sweetie, it's fine if you PM me. As I said, my inbox is always open. :) *hugs gently* And I'm doing better now that I typed all of that out.

Kahlia *cuddles* Sorry, don't have any advice or anything, but I do think that it's brave of you to venture out of the flat to do those things. (Sorry if that was a dense thing to say... :-S)

*cuddles everyone else* Sorry for no other individual replies...

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 02:21 AM

April: (cuddles) It's okay. The hospital is a big trigger place for me - especially because of the mistreatment I've received there and the case with the HQCC - so it's hard to go there anyway. Plus there's bustrips, which are bad in this town. And with my anxiety up so high it kind of compounds things.

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 03:34 AM

*cuddles all then hides in a corner & cries*

risenfromperdition 19-07-2010 04:38 AM

*sits next to april and offers hugs*

PoisonedApple 19-07-2010 06:17 AM

Quote:

Does this make me jealous ? or just petty? I'm also acutley aware that my online Lil Sis April is Married and Hayley and Crimson and Oliver , all in couples hmmm I think it does make me jeolous , sorry .
No need to be sorry Mark. And it's not petty. Even I get jealous over things I myself think are kinda dumb... I get jealous of my husband because he has close family and friends and I have like 1-2 friends that I rarely see or get to talk to... It happens and you have a right to feel the way you feel...

*hugs everyone*
I did read everything but I'm not up for an epic style reply...
but... Oliver, glad things are going okay with Alex's parents.
*cuddles to those in need*
*calming thoughts to those with anxiety*

misskitty112 19-07-2010 07:15 AM

I feel like I shouldn't post right now, cause I'm just so unable to do individual replies.
I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm not resisting my urges anymore. I SI more than I ever have, I'm letting my ED rule my life. And I'm not to the point where I can care.
I've debated seeking out someplace I can go once I'm done with my play... 7 more days, just 7. Surely, I can survive. Then maybe I'll let myself seek help.

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 11:20 AM

It's 5:15am and I'm awake. Up, because of "the dreams." They were bad last night... scary AND weird. :crying: I can't get away from them. I tried praying, but that didn't work. I tried going to bed later than usual, but that didn't work. I tried talking to people about them, but that didn't work. I don't know what to do next. I'm lost. And I can't keep having these dreams. They make me terrified to go to bed... :crying:

I don't know what else to say...

OH, and Felicia, it's fine if you come here just to let us know how you're doing. If you feel guilty about not doing epic replies, well, toss us a few hugs or something... :) You don't have to do epic replies, I totally understand why you aren't. *gentle hugs*

Doikers 19-07-2010 11:47 AM

Morning /afternoon/Night Wardies :)

I crawled out of bed a little while ago . Such an effort and it really shoulden't be. I am Numb , numb and anxious and I know that doesn't make sense , How can I be Numb AND anxious surly they would cancel each other out but no . I'm not super anxious its just .. there. Still I'm doing .... how am I doing? Not sure *sigh*

Thanks for your reply Kahlia and to everyone else who replyed.

*Group Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 11:51 AM

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you're numb & anxious... that sucks. No matter what it "should" do, cancel each other out or whatever... it still is awful feeling that way. Is there anything that I can do??

Still kind of uptight about the dreams. It's Tegretol/Equetro, I swear. I didn't have THIS much of a problem with dreams prior to starting the med about a week & a half ago. :crying: I HATE dreams. Why can't I dream good dreams for once? I HATE THEM!!!! :crying:

Anyway. Umm yeah, I've got it all together, totally...................

MammaMia 19-07-2010 12:04 PM

*cuddles all*

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 12:11 PM

*cuddles all*

My housemate and I just watched Dogma. It was really funny. I have to go to Pain Management Clinic tomorrow morning and I'm anxious about it already - and I've got residual anxiety from today. Also, our neighbour asked us to look after her son for a couple of hours and didn't even so much as thank us.

I was standing in my room staring out my window (third floor and no flyscreens or anything) and I think I freaked my housemate out 'cause the next time I was in there he walked in and shut the window. :-(

Sorry for the lack of replies.

*cuddles Helen* - Glad you got to see Mamma Mia.

*cuddles everybody*

Doikers 19-07-2010 12:14 PM

*Cuddles April* I don't think there is much you can do but Thanks for the cuddles :) Very much appreciated :) Can you talk to someone about your Meds/Dreams link ? , A Dr or Text your NP.

*Hugs Helen*

Doikers 19-07-2010 12:20 PM

*Hugs Kahlia* Dogma is funny heh :)
Sometimes people can be really inconsidderate like your neighbour was hmmm. Obviously your flatmate is concerned for your wellfare , It's nice to have people who care but it's not nice to think you are freaking them out .
*Hands over Camomille tea to help with your anxiety*

shadowedsoul 19-07-2010 12:36 PM

Hugs Helen and lia, glad you both had a good time in london.
Damn it I feel so stressed out already, getting worked up over stuff. Damn I really want today to go away. =(

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 02:01 PM

It's awfully quiet in here...

*cuddles Hels & Mark back*

Am still feeling low from the dreams. :-/ This bites. It really does. I HATE NIGHTMARES... and WTF is with me having them every night for a week?! :crying: Sorry, the feelings from the dreams are still being acutely felt and I feel so awful right now.....

Plans for the day: clean up apartment as a prospective buyer is coming... maybe hang out with my bestie (not sure)... fill my script for Klonopin... maaaybe get my hunter on WoW to hit level 66 (:D)... that's about it really. Gonna be a quiet day in this household. Heh. And I might play my cello - am super excited as I ordered (finally!!) a top-end rosin for the bow as well as a new book for me to play out of. I'm nowhere near done with the books I have now, but just having this book optional... can't wait for it to get here. :) It might be a little above my current playing level, but I will get there. :D

*hides in a corner & cries some more*

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 02:19 PM

*cuddles Mark* - Yeah Dogma was great. Thanks for the tea. My housemate is great, he usually doesn't show when I've unnerved him.

Jill: *offers hugs* Sorry it isn't more.

April: *offers gentle hugs* Sorry about the nightmares. I know how bad/disturbing they can be. When I was learning/playing flute I used to love having music that was challenging. When I played in high school the majority of the music I was playing was too easy for me so I would get bored and start to improvise. Sorry, I was going to say that I hope the wait is worthwhile. :-)

one_step_closer 19-07-2010 04:04 PM

*cries*

Doikers 19-07-2010 04:17 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*

time to change 19-07-2010 04:31 PM

first of all *hugs for everyone*
todays not been great. didnt sleep at all last night, feel very week. had to go into town for "lunch group" with cmht, and thought i would go see if i have been paid. no. another thing to bring me down, having no money.
i cant stop shaking, it is really getting to me. i know i should phone my cpn and tell her how i am feeling, but i just cant seem to. i dont see her til thursday, and 3 days seems like an eternity. dont know how much more i can take of it all, im slipping, and its getting faster and faster. there's nothing to hold on to.

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 05:02 PM

*Hugs Lindsey* What's the matter? Is it the men? Just to let you know from your previous post, I take you seriously. I know how scared you must be, and that they do have the power to control you and do things to you. I know what it's like not to be heard, to be brushed aside when you're desperatly seeking help, but we won't brush you aside here and we will listen to you. :)

*Hugs Steph tightly*- I don't really know what to say right now. At least you told us on here, even if you can't call anyone else. I have a tip for holding on. Just think, what do I have to look forward to? And then wait until after that to kill yourself, and when that's past, think of something esle and so on and so on. Like for me, I am totally staying alive until I get my GCSE results. I didn't do those damn things for nothing. Then I might as well take a year of A-level as otherwise the results are just a bit of paper. Then all that would have been for nothing unless I complete my alevels and go to uni, then I need to finish that and at least teach for a couple of years to make that worthwhile. Then I can kill myself if I still want to. But that gives me about 7 years to get better.

*Hugs Mark*- How are you now? I've had the whole 'depressed but numb thing as well and I also have no idea how it works. Strange world we live in. I know how you feel though. It's like you're depressed, but nothing can change your feelings. Nothing makes you feel better or worse, you just stay in the same low.

*Hugs Kahlia* How's the anxiety going? Nice to hear you had some good times with your housemate, sometimes it's the small things that make us happy. Today I saw my English teacher and she seemed really pleased to see me, which made me feel as if I am worth somethings. She's the only one who's ever been able to make me feel like that because she can be cold, cutting and saracastic, but she's nice to me and is sarcastic at me, but never really cutting. She is mean, but it's in a jokey way. We like to fight a lot. Anyway, the point is she makes me feel good about myself and has always encouraged me. Sorry, went off on a tangent there. I think the point was it's the little things that make us smile.

*Climbs in corner with April hands tissues and holds* Try a dream catcher, they are supposed to capture our nightmares and keep them so we have sweet dreams. I don't know if I believe in it or not, but they can be a comfort anyhow. So can Winnie the Pooh :) Thanks for listening to me last night btw, it felt good to tell someone and put it all in perspective like that insted of a jumbled mess in my head.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry if you're struggling. What are you getting worked up over? And that man who's texting you, it's not your fault. You may have given him your number, but you certainly didn't ask for the texts and if you've asked him to stop and he hasn't, it's harrasement and you could take it to the police. At least threaten him with that, see if he stops then. Whether you will or not is beside the point, he doesn't know that.

Hey Helen *cuddles back* How are you?

*Hugs and cups of tea to all others. Also have choclate orange hot chocolate and coffee if you'd prefer.*

xx

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 05:03 PM

*cuddles all, spies Lia, & glomps her* :D

Wishes, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low. I wish that there were something that I/we could do to help... maybe try to get up the energy/focus to call your CPN? because I think that may help... I don't know though, as I don't know her, but it seems like a good idea to me. *gentle hugs*

*gently hugs Lindsay* What's up, sweet?

Kahlia, I'm with you on challenging music. :D I can't play much yet though until my rosin gets here. I have a new bow that I LOVE but I don't have proper rosin (it's 7 years old and is cracked and just icky...)... blah. I hope I ordered the right type of rosin... GRRRR if I didn't. :( But the music... I can't wait to see what it's like. It has a (dummed down) version of my favorite piece of classical music (it's all classical - this book I mean) - the Pachelbel Canon. :D Anyway... sorry for the ramble... I hope the time you spend at the hospital isn't too awfully triggering for you. :( *gentle cuddles*

Mark, thanks for responding to my post about the dreams/meds. I'm going to mention it to my NP when I see her (tomorrow afternoon). Ugh. :( I hate this so much. It truly sucks. I wish I could sleep without nightmares, even just nap, then I'd be happy. I really took peaceful sleep for granted. :-S How are you doing, love? *cuddles*

Hels, how are you? Crimson, Hayley, Kat, Laura, Oliver, Kathryn, Taz, Julie, Nicole, Felicia, Luke, everyone I've forgot (sorry!!! :o) - how are you all doing today?? *gentle hugs for all*

*goes back to hiding in her hole* :'(

time to change 19-07-2010 05:12 PM

itsjustme and scarletdreamer, you are helping me, just knowing people are there, it means a lot :,) . and orange hot chocolate for me please!!! i know i will get there at some point, but its just the time in between... i would call my cpn, but i just dont know what to say, she goes home in 45 mins as well, and im all alone again for another night. i dont want to be alone...
*cuddles everyone, and hands out toffee crisps before she eats them all*
xx

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 05:27 PM

Steph, why don't you call her and tell her you don't know what to say, but just needed someone there? I do that to people. As April knows when I started off yesterday with 'I'm not used to this. Erm...' So yeah, just tell her what you're feeling. At least that will be 45 where you're not alone. And you have us for the rest of the night.

*Glomps April back* I'm still with you in that hole of yours. Sorry if I dall asleep though, I am so tired...I don't even know why, I slept ok last night, all I seem to want to do now a days is sleep, but of course at night I can't. Sod's law really isn't it?

I've just thought. Am I overly cheerful at times? Cos I know that can be annoying. I don't always feel cheerful, I'm just odd I guess. Perhaps my mask works too well, maybe it'll get stuck to my face like in that Goosebumps book and I'll be forced to smile forever more, wondering the land of the cheerful, doomed to spend my days with the likes of happy people who always insist on looking on the bright side to a point where you want to punch them! Happy land seems like a nice place to be though. Sorry, off on one again. I have an over active imagination, so tend to come up with some sort of weird story for everything. Nothing can ever just be with me.


xx

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 05:27 PM

My name's Lia by the way, and Scarletdreamer is April :)

P.S thanks for the toffee crisp, I'll dunk it in my tea :D

PoisonedApple 19-07-2010 05:58 PM

How is it the last 2 desktop computers I've had I've killed the Harddrive? The first was second hand (my husband had had it for ages before putting it in a comp he built me) and the second we bought new last October... And both of them just one day up and keel over! seriously... WTF?
On the upside my brother in law had just given us a tower he couldn't keep (we got him a laptop for his deployment and he sent us his desktop) so we just used his... But I had hardly put anything on my last harddrive... this one I don't want to put anything on it since I've a feeling I'll lose it all anyway so why bother?
And sorry for the itsy bitsy reply last night... I was having trouble getting the comp to read my vid card right so I was stuck at that moment viewing everything in the lowest res possible... :(
*huggles everyone*
How is everybody today?

misskitty112 19-07-2010 06:47 PM

*hugs everybody*

I really have nothing to say, I just wanted to come in and offer love


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