Some hospitals provide reimbursement forms for transport costs

Maybe call and ask if they do - and if they don't ask how do you get to the appointment when you cannot afford the travel.

I've found a form online a bit like a HC1 form that I've ordered.

I have to have a graft.

And now they're saying they don't know if I need an operation or not. I have to come back on Tuesday and the consultant will see me then. Which begs the question why did I bother coming today.

That's quite frustrating, were there no consultants working today? I hope you get whatever treatment you need.

Nope. Just a registrar who called the consultant. I got frustrated and said they better not be treating me differently because of my mental health. He said they need to take it into consideration. Fuck them.

And now I'm waiting for a train. And I'll have to wait over an hour for a bus at the other end and then it takes the bus an hour. What a pointless day. I'm so fed up.

Are you sure they meant it in a negative way that they would be taking your MH into consideration? I'm sorry you've had such a wasted day. Will the journey be the same during the week or are there more regular trains etc? Can you do something nice this evening?

I'm sorry things are so difficult, Lillie. I can see how hard you're trying and I'm proud of you.

I am broken and I can't fix myself. And no one can fix me. And I am beyond repair. Beyond salvation. I have nothing left but a cat.

Could you ask the CAB tomorrow to help you write to your local MP, and the DoH.

You are trying and asking for help and being told no without a reason why. That isn't acceptable in NHS care. At all.

That's not your fault. That's the blame on the people who are failing in their duty of care to you and who knows else. But I know it's hard to want to fight something like this, especially when you're feeling shit.

They've just cancelled my 3pm cmht appointment. There's been an emergency apparently. Bull shit. No one ever EVER make me their priority or put me first.

I can understand how hurtful that must be. :( Have they given you another appointment?

Nope.

My mum just defended my old employer. That hurt.

Scared about going to Bristol tomorrow.

If they don't contact you soon will you get in touch with them?

What makes you scared about going to Bristol?

Dunno.

It's a long and difficult journey. And worried the consulrant won't be nice and will treat me badly because it's self harm.

I don't really know what to say, but I wish you luck on your journey!

Are there things you can take on your journey to distract you a bit but not so much that you miss stops etc? Maybe some music that you enjoy? I'd hope the consultant wouldn't treat you badly but I understand your worries. I really hope everything goes ok for you today.

Feel sick and panicky but am on the bus.

I wish I could listen to music but I have nothing to play it on.

You can do this. Does it help to look out the window and notice different things (nice things) and point them out to yourself in your head? Maybe even sing to yourself in your head.

I live in a scenic area so the bus journey was ok.

I feel like I could burst into tears.