hey guys. i have read all your posts and im sorry everyone seems to be having such a **** time of things. im not doing very well so all i can say right now is: ally, the thing about people not caring, cos they'd be dead, this is how i feel, and what i say a lot to people when they get me to talk when i'm suicidal. last night for example. haha. but hey. im still here, wat more can u ask

I'm not doing too great atm ppl...

feeling like rubbish, oh well, i'll manage somehow

How is every1 else? *hugs all who needs them*

*hugs Ally* How are you feeling sweetheart? You're not pathetic or flawed or any other bad name under this damm sun. You're an amazing girl who's just unfortnately struggling pretty badly but deep down you're coping, even just a little bit. You're still breathing and trying to get through this. That takes courage hunnie.

Alex, how are you doing sweetheart? *big huggles* I did text you last night but I couldn't remember if you could text back or not. So I hope you're okay :)

Jemery, wanna talk? *huggles*

Carole, how are you feeling today hun? Hopefully a little bit better. xx

*hugs Emma* How are you feeling hunnie?? I hope today will be better for you than yesterday. I know times are hard, but you CAN and WILL get through this. I believe in you hun. Yeah maybe you've cut or whatever but at least you're trying to cope. I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents, but you are NOT a **** granddaughter hun. No way. I hope you won't OD hun, cus we all know it's not the true answer. Though it's hard to realise that when you're so low etc.

Zowie, how you feeling hun?

*hugs for everyone else*
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I still feel shitty and stressed. I feel really tired even though I'm FINALLY slowly sleeping better for the first time in a long time. I need as much sleep as I can over next few weeks with exams.

I think I've made a final decision on Psychology. Friday will be my last lesson. It's sad and I feel like I've let myself down. But everything that I was good at is decreasing at a massive rate (life has taken over) and just recently I get triggered in Psychology now. Espically when we keep saying the words "psychological harm" HA.

I hate the word harm >.< Just makes me wanna smash the **** up on my hand or whatever. I'm trying so hard not to cut anywhere. But if I really have, my hand has to take the brunt right now. I refuse to cut my legs espically, I'm going on holiday in just under 12 weeks...so gotta let those scars get healing with some help of course ;)

I know I need to get my blood test sorted out, gonna ring tomorrow and hopefully they'll answer. Meh meh meh. I don't want to see my gp as it is >.< Oh well. Least he won't try shove any support on me this time hahahaha cus he knows my appointment has been confirmed, so that will make him happy hopefully. Do I have to tell him I od'd just to get that test? Hmmm hopefully not. >.<

I hate coursework. But least by friday it'll be handed in. Supossed to get my net back tomorrow wheeeeee!

I hate life. One of my friends just had to have an abortion because otherwise she's risking losing her life (which was already at risk) and the baby's. It's such a shame. I'm trying not to get upset about it, but as harsh as it is to say it....it's not my problem. So I know I have to try and not get my emotions about it. I know it sounds harsh :(

I've heard from the other Emma (lil-princess) incase anyone was wondering. Without telling you what's happened, she's not doing too good and has no net either. I know she'll get through her ****...she has me for one....

*wishes she could cry and cut so muchh and so hard*

Oh, my toe is okay today :) Not broken after all! My hand still hurts every now and then. My headache has gone, it'll be back probs later....

Another thing that's really doing my head in, is the fact everyone seems to be ignoring my emotions lately haha. Maybe our one2one is the ONLY time I'm allowed to tell you how stressed I am?

Ohhhh I nearly forgot to say....in Psychology today. One of the girls was saying how she had a 8 day old headache (tension one, like I had a few months back probs) and Sophie told her to take some parcoteomal and our teacher turned around and said "be careful. it's not good for you to take too many"

I could have cried. Those words stabbed me so hard. But never mind. Just like he doesn't know what the word harm does to me. Thank god I'm probs leaving after friday's lesson....

*Hugs everyone*
Still feeling ****. I'm scared what I might do.
Luckily I have an appointment with the EIP tomorrow, so I might hold out until then.

ick

*hides in Denial Tent*

we're all a bit of a mess atm arent we
i vote we all huddle together in the tent and never leave
if we don't come out the badness can't find us

I wanna huddle too :(
I've just spoke to a crisis team woman...
I feel...ok...but at the same time...I feel like
I'm just surviving. Getting by. Acting.

I feel sh*t atm
No reason other than the last few days but...:crying:
good lord, I really AM pathetic, despite what y'all are saying... goodness I need to just get my act together

*crawls in the denial tent and sobs*
sorry, can't support atm... but I love you all*hugs*

*huddles with Alexx and Ally and shudders in fear*

theycantmakemeleavethetenti'mnotleavingthetentnote veri'mnot

Zowie and Helen and Emma and Jeremy and Chloe and everybody you can hide with us to in the huddle in the Denial Tent if you want

that's pretty much all i can offer right now

i have therapy tomorrow and i have this stuff i should tell the therapist that i dont want to and i dont see this working anyway nothing has happened and my job is supposedly a joke job that is way below what i am capable of but it is really hard right now like them just asking me to photo copy a report and bind it and overnight it to somebody is really overwhelming and stressful and i keep worrrying that i will mail it wrong or photocopy it wrong and for ****s sake if the mail and a photocopier that all you do is press start on is too much for me what the hell can i be expected to do with my life how the hell am i supposed to go back to school or have a real job? and i cant even take care of myself my room is a huge pile of laundry and just the idea of it is so exhausting that i cant do laundry and the door to my closet wont close and the door to my room wont close because there are huge piles of dirty clothes and piles of clean clothes because for the last two months or so when i do do laundry it is too exhausting to put the clean clothes away so i just have a pile of clean clothes on the floor i am such a lazy ****up and i have been soooo bad lately like the worst ever i swear therapy is a conspiracy it accomplishes nothing nothing is different

*hides in tent and throws chocolate candies at people because she is too lazy to get up and hand it out*

*snuggles her RYL twin*
Love you Callie. I am sorry you are having such a time of it. I understand when simple things just seem too overwhelming. I wish I had something for you but I'm a wreak atm:pinch: I would suggest telling the therapist what it is you've got to say... It is always more helpful to be honest and open. *massive hugs*
---------------
I just want to die. To go to sleep tonight and not wake up. I've got a therapy session tomorrow and I DON'T want to go:crying:. I think maybe I'll just not say anything. I tend to be too honest and at the moment honesty is not going to get me anything but trouble. I want to OD, I want to cut, I want to get completely sh*t faced... All things that are not allowed right now. And I want to cut my wrist:pinch:... I want to die... And that TOTALLY wouldn't go well for me if I were to fess up to it:crying:
*hides in the Denial Tent under her blanket, clutching her stuffed lamb*
:crying:Please... Make it stop:crying:

*Crawls into the denial tent and hugs everybody*
Sob

*hides and huddles in the denial tent*

Arrrrgh I am so stressed, it's unbeliveable. >.< They HAVE to get us our net (and phone and cable) back today or I swear I'll be so ****ing mad.

I need it for my coursework tonight chances will be >.<

I HATE COURSEWORK TODAY!!!!!!!!!

Yaaaaaay My Net Is Back!!!!!!!!!

So I'll be online bowt 5pm when I'm home XD

It's nearly 3 and I finish at 4pm :D

I have a certain number of my meds which I'm considering taking. They aren't enough to kill me, but they'll probably knock me out.

I'm scared and feel so awful.

*hugs Zowie lots* Wanna talk?

OMG I HAVE MY NET BACK <3333333

I've taken an OD :(

*lots of hugs*

Will you get checked out? :( xxx

I ended up in A&E and I'm being admitted to a psych hospital. Again. I've been out 9 days, and I'm going back.
****.

Hun, I don't know what to say other than surely it's for the best in the long run?

*lots of hugs*

I'm struggling so bad. Not that most people in my everyday life seem to care. Obviously my mum, dad and sister keep talking to me but there's just stuff I can't talk to them about. :( *cries and hides*

*hugs Zowie and Helen*
Zowie I am sorry to hear you are going back to hospital but I am glad that you got checked out and are safe hun *massive hugs*

Helen, hun, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it, what's up luv? *snuggles*

I'm feeling crap and yet rather relieved at the same time. I had my additional (well, second additional) therapy session this afternoon and it went better than I had anticipated. AND I get my Tylenol back AND I can drink :-D I've already bought new blades (actually I was bad and bought them Tuesday:pinch:)... I'm going to cut tonight, and get compleately trashed, it will be lovely. AND I'll have my Tylenol should I want to OD one of these days in the future.
:hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop: :hop:
Now if only I felt better:notsure: