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FlyingNy 28-09-2010 10:10 PM

*Hugs Nicole* that's brilliant that you managed to stop yourself Nicole. Even if you didn't manage to beat the urges all day, it shows you can beat this and you can resist them. You should feel proud of yourself.

*Hugs Jill* We're here for you if you want to talk honey.

*Hugs April* Lol, that did make me laugh actually. Here I was feeling all **** because I have tiny chickens disease (aka the common cold, don't ask) and then I read that and it made me giggle.

I'm not too bad tonight aside from being slightly ill and tired because I kept waking up last night unable to breathe. Other than that, I am OK. School was good, and I had an argument with the woman in Sainsbury's who wouldn't let my buy cold relief tablets. Still, I have a mug of Horlicks (or at least will when I can be arsed to go and make it) and some English homework that needs doing...Yes, English homework to me is considered a good thing because I am really, really cool.

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:14 PM

*hugs lia* i suppose hun, aaw sorry you've not been well, glad school went ok. and i know the feeling about not being allowed to buy tablets, when i was ODing they were happy to sell stuff to me, but now if i'm ill its like its a major criminal offence :/
can i just give up now? please...............?

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:17 PM

cuddles all, its messed up how many stuiped thoughts that are runnimg through my head, and im actualy looking for something to hurt myself with. im loosing the plot tonight. help, please help.

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 10:21 PM

*Hugs Jill tightly and refuses to let go so she can't continue her quest* I don't know what to say really, just that you deserve so much more than this and you shouldn't hurt yourself, I know I can't talk, but you deserve better than that. You all do. Please try to resist the urges.

*Hugs Nicole* No, I am afraid you can't. You've come this far, survived OD's, surely you're meant to be here? We'd all miss you too much here if you gave up. Think of something to look forward to everyday and focus on that. What is there to look forward to about tomorrow? It can be anything, a lesson you like, seeing someone you have a crush on, being able to curl up with a movie and a hot chocolate. Find something and everyday remind yourself you have to carry on living just to do that one thing. Same for you Jill and anyone else feeling that low.

*Spies Helen and glomps her* Hey, how are you tonight?

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:25 PM

*hugs lia* i know, i've worked so hard to get here, i just can't handle college anymore :( it's too stressful.

misskitty112 28-09-2010 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2508798)
I like the quote "Outside of a dog a book is a mans best friend , inside of a dog it's too dark to read" That would be fun on a T-shirt :)
I hope it's not neccesary for you to teleport over here Felicia but I will make extra tea for you :)

I may have to take you up on that offer and teleport even if it's not necessary :) I love it when people make tea for me!
Also, your quote made me giggle, I may have to get it put on a t-shirt.

April, that scenario you made up totally sounds like something I would do. I'm not necessarily strong or anything, but I can yell... and threaten to beat people up. Or... I can trip them. Yes.

*Hugs Helen* I'm glad you get to see your bestie soon!
*Hugs Nicole* You can't give up dear. It can't rain forever. It's gonna get better <3
*Hugs Jill*

I just want everyone to know that I finished my paper, minus a few revisions which I am putting off cause I'd rather read stuff. yay!
And... I'm really tired, from working Banned Books stuff... but at least my actual work today consisted of talking to and watching youtube vids with the professor I work for.

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:31 PM

clings tightly to lia, im kind of scared of what i might do tonight, allready tried to do this one thing once before. fu7k my head so messed up tonight. sorry

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 10:36 PM

Try and keep yourself safe Jill. Go bug somebody for company, even if you don't tell them why or say anything at all. Did you know, a normal conversation can also reduce suicidal urges by 50%? Is there anything you can do that makes you happy and provides a distraction? For me, it's writing. That never fails to make me feel better. I love you, please don't hurt yourself.

I thought you love college Nicole? I know it's hard and stressful, I'm doing 5 A-levels and it's pretty murderous, but at the end of the day, it beats being at home :)

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:38 PM

heh lia-i do love college. but i love my sanity just a tiny bit more :( i don't wanna go back to the old me, i wanna stay where i am now, happy and stable and (almost) normal. I love college but i can't handle it :(

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:39 PM

im trying lia really hard not to. feels like im fighting a loosing battle, and i feel **** for worrying you. just dont go away please, sorry being pathetic. curls up

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 11:17 PM

I'm not gone, I'm still here. I've been hanging and just taken a peek.

It's not pathetic to need someone, I sometimes want to beg people not to leave, but then they would want a reason that I can't give.

I'm sorry you're finding college so hard Nicole. What is it you're taking? I know you said, but I can't remember. I have a crap memory. Now, I could go into the science of that and how I could remember things better, but I'm sure none of you want a psychology lesson.

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 11:35 PM

Now you're gone without having said anything else and I feel awful. ****. Sorry, I'm sorry.

Scarletdreamer 28-09-2010 11:46 PM

Oooh psychology lesson. ;) April <3s psychology. :) Hehe. And Lia, writing = life for me too, pretty much. *cuddles* I write all the time. I have an online journal PLUS the r/v thread on here PLUS a paper journal (in which I wrote freaking TEN PAGES [and not small ones with big handwriting, either >_<] on Sunday...)... and I used to write poetry even though I don't really anymore... should try to do that soon. :-/ Blehhhh!!! Sorry for the rant, it's just really annoying that my Muse decided to take a vacation for so long. :( Anyway, sorry!!...

I second what Lia asked, Nicole - what about college is so difficult? Not asking that in a condescending manner, just curious... because it is probably good to have somewhere to go and a feeling of purpose in your life, and maybe if you can figure out what is so hard about it, then you could get some more help/support? Just a thought, I don't know how college works in the UK, so yeah. Sorry if it were a dense suggestion... *hugs*

Jill, please keep hanging on, hon. We'll be here, someone will be here if not us... and if you don't want to/can't be online, try & find someone offline to chat to, even if you don't talk about what's really bothering you (although it would be awesome if you could...). *hugs gently*

Bleh. Just... bleh. :(

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 11:54 PM

hugs lia and april, no need to feel awfull lia. thanks the both of you. curls up
wish i could april, not even sure what brought me to this stage, all i know is how much i want to be stuiped tonight. sorry

RYUU 29-09-2010 12:04 AM

The devil keeps telling me to kill myself i dont feel safe

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 12:48 AM

*cuddles Jill & Ryuu* Please stay safe, the both of you... try to stay distracted on here, maybe? listen to some music kinda loud but not too loud since it's getting late? read a book if you've got the concentration? journal some or start a r/v (ranting/venting) thread? and if you really really feel unsafe, maybe call the Samaritans or a similar group just so you have someone to talk with, or go to A&E? Sorry if those are crap suggestions, just stuff I could come up with off the top of my head. *extra cuddles for both of you*

shadowedsoul 29-09-2010 12:58 AM

thanks april, cheers, im trying really hard not to,but when you get stuiped thoughts into your head, its hard to get rid of them. trying tho. cuddles you back

needhelp 29-09-2010 01:19 AM

Sorry I haven't been around much lately been in a bad place and thought I should be on my own when all I've really wanted is someone anyone sorry

RYUU 29-09-2010 02:00 AM

I called the crisis team they told me to take an extra 50mg of my meds
I need to cut maybe it will keep the devil quiet for a while

Doikers 29-09-2010 10:51 AM

Sorry for lack of individual hugs but here's a *HUGE group hug*
It was a busy night in here, which is good I guess , just hard to fall out of bed anbd keep up with .

Oh and April I havn't played WoW in yonks! like 2 months , I swear I've forgotten many of the controls hmmm.

xflutterbyex 29-09-2010 10:55 AM

*curls up in atiny ball* thanks for the hugs, im KJ im sorry im late replying i couldnt use internet, really triggered and struggling right now and not coping. Its the anniversary of all the crap coming out and my flashbacka are bad. Really need support

Doikers 29-09-2010 11:26 AM

*Hugs KJ* Hi I forgot if I've introduced myself so , I'm Mark :)

RYUU 29-09-2010 12:15 PM

went to my drs got an extra 50mg of my meds to take just in case i need it them

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 12:20 PM

Needhelp, I hope that you got through the night okay last night. :-/ I'm sorry that no one was around to help. Sometimes this place gets really busy then really quiet, it's rather odd actually. *gentle hugs if okay?* How are you doing this morning?

KJ, I'm sorry that you're really triggered & struggling. :( I understand the whole anniversary/triggeryness/flashbacks, if that's at all a comfort. I mean, I don't have an anniversary myself, since I can't remember when (what dates) all of the stuff that happened to me, happened (repressed memories suck...), but I do at least understand why it would be upsetting. Geez. I am definitely rambling, heh. But anyway. I'm here if you need to talk, as are, well, most of us. :) *gentle hugs* Do you have any specific plans on how you'll handle today without cutting, if you can? 'cause sometimes that helps.

Mark, how are you, love? *cuddles* Hmm, you probably haven't forgotten most of the controls, but it was a "lol moment" yesterday when I went back to my warrior on one of the servers I play on (I have a level 32 warrior, but this is my level 14 one :P) and was like, "Wait, how do I play her again?!" The same for my death knight (level 80). Heh. That shows just how long it's been... :-/ Kinda sad actually. I should at least do dailies every day on my main so I can get some gold. Bleh. The upcoming expansion will make me want to buy 310% flying (right now I have 250% I think, unless it's 280% but that would make no sense... geez... my brain's not working) but that's 5k gold. So yes. Must. Make. Money. Heh... :-/

Anyway. As I said... I just got up. Jarrod got me up at 7am as I had asked him (otherwise I swear I could've slept for muuuuch longer!! even though I'd debated with myself whether getting up at 6:20am would be a good idea, as I was already half awake...)... bleh. Mind's still kind of sleep-fogged and I've not had my meds yet. Oof. Today's gonna be a "busy" day if I get done all the stuff I want/need to get done. :( Gotta do dishes (and there's a lot to do, yuck yuck), go to the library and reserve a book for Jarrod, and go to Walmart to pick up a few things. Gurk. I don't want to do ANYTHING either but it will be good for me to force myself out of that "I don't want to/feel like" mode that I've been stuck in for so long. Meh. It's just not gonna be FUN, except for the library part. And maybe Walmart if I can muster up enough excitement about frozen vegetables... :-/

*hides in the warren with her journal, some books, & a magical laptop, away from all of the day-to-day things that are screaming my name*

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 12:21 PM

Oh Ryuu, meant to respond to you as well, sorry!! I'm glad that you got the meds that you (may) need. That's good... well done. :) What med is it that they think it will help? And also hope that you got through last night okay. *hugs if okay*

MammaMia 29-09-2010 12:43 PM

*hugs ward*

We got let out college earlier than usual :D So means I can get some stuff I really need to get done before later this afternoon :) However, it means going back in the pouring rain soon :(

Doikers 29-09-2010 03:30 PM

OOmmff!! Just got back after 3 succsesive appointments , Housing support worker came at 12pm and reassured me about the benefits people assesing me , he said it's easy , Then the Volunteer lady , Anne, Listened to all my issues and even offered to go to the Psych Dr with me tomorrow! How Nice :) She is nice . Then I met with my nurse and told her how I don't think stopping injuring by my 30th was realistic and that I've not set another date to stop by as that would just give me something else to beat myself up over and she knew that I have signed up for this Dual Diagnosis Group to try and use that to help with my injuring , So I feel okay , It's nice to actually be told that I seem better and more positive than 2 months ago when I was super depressed .

Doikers 29-09-2010 03:39 PM

*Hugs Ryuu* It's good that you got the meds just in case you need them :)

*Hugs April*Frozen Vegetables!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEP ;P

*Hugs Helen*I hope you don't get too wet.

SoMuchMore 29-09-2010 05:22 PM

*hugs mark* sounds like your appointments went very well today. I'm glad.

*hugs april* sorry you have such a busy day, but it may be good to be busy... at the very least it can be distracting.

*hugs helen* yay for being out early! hope the rain lets up soon so you dont have to get soaked.

*hugs RYUU* glad that you got your meds just in case.

*hugs KJ* We are always here to support if you need it. Sorry that your anniversaries are coming up, that has got to be really difficult :-/ please dont hesitate to post if you need to talk or just a distraction.

*hugs needhelp* sorry that you are struggling so much. Here if you need to talk, but as I said to KJ, dont hesitate to post if you need anything.

... what can I say? everything i could say is going to sound really depressing so maybe i should just keep my mouth shut. Oh here, this may not be so bad to say: Managed to get through last night without SI b/c it seems that everyone I know was seemingly freaking out/having a crisis about something or another... so i was dealing with that.. I don't mind really.. im good at dealing with other people's crisis', i just didnt get anything else done last night school wise, which isnt good.

Doikers 29-09-2010 05:33 PM

*Hugs Laura* Well done with going S.I. free last night , Me Too *High fives Laura* It's tough to do I know so even though it wasn't the best of circumstances that led you to do it it's a good thing , Hmmmmm , does that make sense? , To Sum Up , Go you!!

SoMuchMore 29-09-2010 06:10 PM

*high fives mark back* yea i understood what you meant there lol.

I'm off to class for a few hours.. hope everyone has a good day/afternoon/evening!

FlyingNy 29-09-2010 06:22 PM

*Hugs all*

Things seem to be ok here right now in terms of people's moods. I am going to ruin that with a rant.

I swear I hate them all! How come is it I am suddenly a self rightious bitch, stuck up and have my head up my arse just because I stuck up for someone? I don't even know the girl, I have never met her in my life, but I just don't think it's fair to give someone your phone number and lead them along for a joke, but my brother seems to think it's hilarious, and when I told him that it wasn't, he and my sister, and even my mum jumped down my throat.

I know it's not the world's biggest deal, but it just makes me feel as if I can do nothing right. I was only trying to be nice, I don't even know the girl, I just don't think it's very fair on her, but apparenlty, sticking up for people makes me the bitch. It wasn't as if I did it in a nasty way either, I didn't name call, I just said it wasn't fair.

Grr, damn this. I wish I didn't have to live here. Now they've even taking to mocking my writing, and that's just about the only thing I feel there's the slightest chance I may be any good at. Not a lot, I doubt I am, I'm probably ****. But still, I'm not as convinced about that then I am about the rest of me being worthless.

Sorry for that. Feel free to ignore me all you want.

Doikers 29-09-2010 06:36 PM

*Hugs Lia* You did the right thing by that girl and it doesn't seem right that people would attack you for being a good person :( You're not worthless Lia , anything but and the way you write on here makes me beleive you are a good writer .
Don't worry about ranting , we all do it , and we are here for each other.

SparkleKitten 29-09-2010 06:54 PM

*cuddles wardies* Having more mum troubles recently. Mostly about my weight, which is healthy but curvy. I'm already skipping meals because I can't face eating due to the row that will follow... And she refuses to pay me the money she owes me as she's keeping it for board. I can't stand how she bullies my weight, I'm classed as healthy, whats the issue. So why am I being bullied because of how I look? Makes me uneasy, she's supposed to be loving and caring, not a bully. Sorry for ranting guys x

Doikers 29-09-2010 07:04 PM

*Hugs Sarah*You are a healthy weight and thats whats important , I'm sorry you are being bullied by your mum :S

SparkleKitten 29-09-2010 07:18 PM

Has always been the same, really do wish she'd leave my weight alone because I constantly worry about it, I don't need her doing this :( *cuddles Mark*

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 07:20 PM

Lia, hon, you ARE good at writing, and you're good at other stuff too!! Like helping us when we need encouragement (don't worry though, it's fine to rant as well!! - everyone needs to rant now and again), being sweet/kind/thoughtful, and by being willing to learn to trust us. :) I hope that made sense. But anyway, I'm glad that you stuck up for that girl, even though I got a bit confused by the situation. But that doesn't matter... what matters is the fact that 1) you did what was right [yey] and 2) your family were being asshats to you [I'm sorry about that...]. So yes. I hope that made sense!! But you ARE a good person, and I know that it's not just me who thinks that. :) *hugs gently*

Laura, glad that you didn't SI last night, even if it were because of other people's crises. That's good - no, not just good, it's VERY good. And congrats to Mark, too, for not SI'ing last night. ^_^ Proud of both of you. <3 *cuddles*

Sarah, sounds like maybe your mum's a bit jealous? I dunno. Seems like she's being a bit off by being mean about your weight. :( Also, maybe edit out the sizes in your post as they could be a bit triggering? (wanted to warn you before the mods did, if I could, because it's no fun having them edit posts for you) I think there are a few of us in here who have disordered eating/EDs, so yeah. Sorry... :-S But you've no cause to be worried about your weight, please try not to. *gentle cuddles* Oh, and sorry, but I forgot when your surgery is? My memory's a sieve, heh. :-/

Well, I did some grocery shopping today, as well as stopping by the library to reserve a book for Jarrod... except they HAD the book in so I just checked it out instead of reserving it!!! He will be pleased. :) And grocery shopping... gurk. I bought some premade (Weight Watchers) chicken & cheese quesadillas but am now a little worried as it said that they had to be heated up to 165'F to be fully cooked and the middle of my first one was cold... but I unthinkingly ate a bite or two before realizing that it was cold. (Yeah, I pay attention to what I eat, why do you ask? lol... :-X) So now I'm freaking out (in my head) about whether or not I'm going to get food poisoning. :( Silly me. Ugh. But it was ONLY a bite or two, and I heated the rest of it up... :-/ I hope I'll be okay. STUPID ME. :-X

Anyway. I also checked out a few (more) books from the library... and while my "internal battery" is recharging, I think I shall go read for a bit. I'm reading this one book called The Ten Year Nap and every time I look at the title I think, "I wish..." Haha. I mean, not really, I wouldn't like to sleep 10 years of my life away, but sleeping long enough that I actually felt rested? That would be pretty freaking amazing. :)

*extra cuddles to all*

misskitty112 29-09-2010 07:34 PM

So... I had a post, then my computer flipped the eff out.
Idk what's up with that.
Anywhoo, I'm so tired and I have to work soon.. joy! then I need to go hijack a professors computer to print out my papers... joy again!
I wore my tie dye shirt today and got SO MANY COMPLIMENTS! It was insane.
I almost harmed last night.. but didn't and settled for throwing one hell of a fit and throwing everything in my possession around the room. So... I couldn't find all of my books today... Oh, well... I'm sure my roomie hates me now for said fit though. Oh, well, I don't really care at the moment.

*Hugs everyone* I'll try to do individuals tonight once I don't have to be everywhere at once.

Doikers 29-09-2010 07:34 PM

*Hugs April*I'm pretty sure you'll be okay with your food , you reheated it after you realised it was cold , you should be fine , I don't think you were being stupid .
Hmmm a ten year nap , I wake up tired too , no matter how much or little sleep I've had , latley I've been just falling/crawling out of bed which takes a LOT of laying there psyching myself up :S

Doikers 29-09-2010 07:36 PM

*Hugs Felicia* I'm glad so many people liked your tye dying efforts :) Well done for not harming :)

SparkleKitten 29-09-2010 07:57 PM

Don't have my consultation until the 21st. :(

However on the upside I bought a hat with kitty ears on it, its so cute :D

Doikers 29-09-2010 08:06 PM

I'm sorry you have to wait for your consultation Sarah :S What is it a consultation for ? sorry if you've said I've forgot.
Cool sounding hat though :)

SparkleKitten 29-09-2010 08:19 PM

I'm seeing them for my stupid gallbladder, they're either going to put me on meds for it or take it out. Only taken 3 months to get to this >:(

Doikers 29-09-2010 08:26 PM

Oh right , I remember about your gallbladder now, I hope it doesn't cause you too much trouble from now until your consultation.

SparkleKitten 29-09-2010 08:44 PM

Same or I'm selling it on ebay :p

Doikers 29-09-2010 08:52 PM

Hehe , That made me smile :)

Doikers 29-09-2010 08:59 PM

I'm heading to bed ,I'm a bit tired and I think I actually made progress today or at least i showed when I was talking to my nurse that I really am willing to try stuff to help stop injuring . I've been assesed for a 12 week course that go's through all the bits of different therapys and re-habs and takes the bits that work and has smooshed them all together into this one program so yeah I have hope that it might possibly help me cut back on my S.I.

*Night Night Ward*

FlyingNy 29-09-2010 09:12 PM

*Hugs Mark* Goodnight, hope you sleep well.

*Hugs Sarah* Good luck with the consaltation and I'm sorry about your mum :( Mine's the same, but I'm glad you have the strength to realise there is nothing wrong with your weight and you're fine just the way you are.

*Hugs Felicia* The workload never stops does it? Well done for not harming though :)

*Hugs April* Thanks, my family just wind me up sometimes. Well, all the time actually, but it makes me feel like just a stressy teenager and I don't even know if all this stuff is normal. I've told you about quite a lot of my family stuff. Is that normal to you? That's a general question for everyone, not just April. Woo for you getting stuff done today and I do hope you don't get ill, food poisoning's the worst :S.

MammaMia 29-09-2010 10:20 PM

*hugs everyone*

I did soaked, but oh well =) Didn't get everything I wanted done, going to do it tomorrow :D

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 10:21 PM

Lia, love, to be honest, your family situation (as well as several other people's family situations in here) sounds rather... ummm, well, don't want to say "abnormal" because I really don't know EXACTLY what "normal" is supposed to be, but it's emotionally and verbally abusive and that.is.not.right. Ever. I guess that a family is MEANT to be supportive/loving/caring/kind to its members. My family came pretty close to that... but admittedly I have been having some issues with that lately. :( The "supportive" bit especially. But anywho, this isn't about me. I hope that what I said makes sense though. *cuddles* And I also hope I don't get food poisoning... Jarrod doesn't think I will because it was just a few bites and he said that they only have to put that label ("must reach 165'F blah blah blah") on it for liabilities. I guess so people don't eat them raw? lol... But meh. I will hopefully not get ill. :-/ How has your day been??

Mark, sleep well... *tucks you into your ward bed* Pleasant dreams!!

Sarah, I wish I could hurry time up so the consultation comes sooner!! Ugh. 3+ months of putting up with that... not fun at all. :( I'm sorry. And also, your bit about selling it on eBay made me smile, lol. At least you can have a sense of humor about it all!! *gentle hugs*

Felicia, I'm glad that you got a lot of compliments on your tshirt. :) That's a happy, even if your comp throwing a hissy fit isn't. Heh. So annoying, computers. They can really ruin your day if they decide to be, well, annoying. >_< I'm so glad that they aren't sentient and can't decide at whim to ruin your day if they don't like you or whatever. Now THAT would be a scary world... ;) Sorry, am in a bit of a weird mood (carrying over from yesterday...). *hugs*

*cuddles all who haven't been about in a bit*

Jarrod's gonna make supper. *big happy grin* Lol. He's not the best cook but at least he's trying!! :D If he can learn to cook then... ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. :P But don't tell him I said that. Heehee. Although almost granted, he'd think that it were funny. But still... it was awfully sweet of him. Inspired, methinks, by the fact that I did the dishes, grocery shopping, and picked him up a book from the library that he's been wanting to read for aaaaaaaages now. :) All today, too!!! I've been a busy chickadee. :P

I'm reading this FASCINATING book called Pilgrim by Iforgetwhom. It's basically about Carl Jung's work with a man who is only known as Pilgrim, and who appears to be unable to die. Won't post more than that because it 1) could be triggering and 2) could give away bits of the story I've not read yet. :P But needless to say... psychiatric history + mystery + good writing = EPIC WIN in April's mind. :D Whee. I actually have gotten through about 120 pages of it so far today (maybe more, maybe less, can't remember...) and that in only about an hour's time spent reading. ^_^ I am rediscovering my LOVE for books. <3

Erm yeah. I think I'm going to go write elsewhere so I don't talk your ears off. ;) Er, your eyes... whatever. Hehe.


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