Not really sure what I'm rambling about........ at uni, feeling miserable...
 

Okay, well guess I should start with a "hi" to everyone.

I've been a member of RYL since it was "Ruin" and posted when I was in my teens, but have only recently (over the past year or so) logged back in and have been reading posts here and there but haven't posted until now. I'll be 26 this year. I have been SI free for about 6years ish (I can't actually remember exactly, I threw all my old diaries away), but still think about it and get very miserable.

Not really sure what I am trying to achieve by posting on here, just need a bit of a release I guess so it probably won't make much sense. But basically, long and short is that I am in my first year at Uni, didn't go straight after A-levels as I messed them up and pulled out all my uni applications at the time. Anyway, always regretted it so started doing some OU courses in 2010, then when all the talk started about raising tuition fees I decided to give it a go and put in some applications. Suprisingly got accepted by 4 of my 5 choices!

So I'm here, thought it would be great and meet new friends and all that jazz that everyone goes on about.......... there are some nice people on my course but I only see them in lectures, been out on two nights out and that's it. I haven't really managed to meet anyone new, I intended to join clubs and stuff but never managed to and now it's second semester and I just spend all my time in my room or in lectures. I feel so lonely but I just seem to have lost all my communication and social skills and all I want to do is hide in bed. I feel exactly like I did when I was 14 and first started SI'ing. There are only 4 1/2 weeks until the Easter break and I have loads of deadlines and have barely started anything, I have lost all motivation for study and when I do try I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall. It's like deja vu of college, my first year of AS level went really well then messed up A-level. Last semester I was getting grades 65% or above, I am not going to pass anything the way I am going at the minute. I feel like a kid again and I'm nearly 26 for goodness sake, it's pathetic.

I am not a huge clubbing/going out person so it's not that I want to be out drinking all the time, but would have been nice to have a few people who I could message and say "fancy popping out for lunch/quick drink/shopping" etc.......... I don't even really know what the issue is now because I've got to the point where it's easier to be on my own cos I don't know what to say to anyone cos all that meet and greet stuff should have been done back in sept.

Anyway, second factor is I have a bf who I've been with 7 years and lived with, so things bit strained there although actually it's not too bad. Thing is I thought that getting away might actually separate us a bit as I don't think the relationship is going anywhere (that's a whole other issue in itself and can't even deal with that at the mo) but he's pretty much the only person I speak to and I actually miss him, or at least his presence, more than I thought I would.

I'm just annoyed at myself, I really wanted to make a go of this and was so geared up for it, I think I had too much of an idealistic view of what I was expecting and it's not like that so I've just deflated and feel like a teenager again. I liked my prev job and, it sounds really stupid as I say I have no social skills, but at work I got on really well with people and was good at the job, it just wasn't something I could make a career of and was only supposed to be a stop gap even though I was there 5years. Part of me was tempted to go back as I helped out over xmas as they are extremely busy, but it would just be too embarassing to do that.

I just really want to pass this year with good results, it's a foundation year and I have applied to a local uni which I will hopefully get into so next year I can be back home with my (although limited) friends and old work collegues close by so I will feel like I have a bit of a life again.

Just read this back and it doesn't make a lot of sense, considering not posting but guess I have nothing to lose. Just want to sit and cry all day. I just end up wasting time playing about on the internet. I hate my life right now, thought I would have got over feeling like this :crying:

Standard. This was pretty much my uni experience. At least you have the right instinct - not to isolate yourself.
Suggestions:
after a lecture, stop some of the people you like and ask if they want to go out at the weekend. Perhaps suggest a place noone would normally go - an unusual bar or restaurant, and mention you'd like to try something new but your 'other friends' aren't up for it so would they be interested.

or, go to your union and see what clubs are available. I got through uni by joining the drama society. without that it would have been unbearable. it is completely normal to join clubs half way through. Loads of people joined the club i was in well after the beginning of the year.

or, go to the gym and join an exercise class. you may meet friends at the class and exercise will make you feel more positive and motivated in general.

you will have ups and downs at uni. use the easter break to meet your deadlines and meet up with some of your old work buddies.

as for the relationship, all i can say is don't place all your social eggs in your boyfriend's basket - work on the friendships with people on your course.

if you are living in halls i would suggest you would be happier taking a room in a shared house - halls are so impersonal and depressing if you are a more mature student.

take care, sv

That is basically what I am currently going through right now.
Uni gets pretty boring, very quickly, especially when one is at a different maturity level than the rest of the people in your hall. Everyone in my uni was all "gun-ho" about going to parties, drinking, and the likes... And I could never get into it.

As for the social part - as the person above stated - try asking some people from your lecture if they'd like to go out. Try bowling or something - for some reason the people in my uni REALLY loved to bowl. It was insane. But other than that - don't really place all your behaviors into your bf - that typically only results in you almost becoming more secluded due to spending all of your time with him solely.

Try not to give up - Uni is a rough experience - but once you complete it, I'm sure many doors for your future will open up even more, and you will be able to find even more enjoyment in the career of your choice. Because, this is YOUR choice, not anyone else's. That was what got me through it - I'm on my last semester right now - was the thought that after the grueling coursework, my life was going to get better after learning so much. I know it's incredibly cliche - but hang in there.

Apartments tend to go well - or one could just try to find an apartment that is open with someone looking for a roommate. That way, you can connect with that person who seems to be in the same situation as you.

I have seemingly rambled... a lot... But I do hope this is at least somewhat helpful for you.

My best wishes for you,
D

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear other people have been in similar situations.

I did try out for the netball and basketball teams when I first started but most of the other people there took it too seriously and looked at me as if to say "wtf are you doing here" so that kind of knocked my ideas about joining sports clubs on the head really! I did used to go to the gym regularly at home but for didn't join straight away here and it's now going to work out too expensive to join cos I've only really got about 7 weeks left with a 2 week break in between, but I am going to start trying to go for jogs. This time last year I could run 5K quite easily so hopefully if I can get into the swing of that it might help me concentrate better when I attempt my work.

I will see if I can get a couple of people to come out somewhere different, people just seem to only want to go clubbing whereas I'm more of a pub and a game of pool kind of person which is a dying cause it would seem!

I only speak to my bf on skype though he did come down to visit this weekend which actually was quite nice and took my mind off all the work for a couple of days. I just need to keep plugging away at it and get the pass grade I need, then hopefully if I get into my local uni in sept then I'll be happier. If I end up having to stay here then I will def look for a room in a house, my flatmates are postgrad but international and I don't have much in common with them, they have formed their own little 'click' and I'm not part of it.

It's just nice to get things off my chest, I don't really have anyone to talk to as such, though my friends know I'm not very happy I just keep it to a more "it's not great but I'm fine" kind of thing.

Hey

I went through the same when at uni and like you i wasnt a huge clubber or anything but eventually i made some friends and we did just go to the pub together. Do you have any group assignments to do? that was how i made my friends we were put in groups but all agreed it would be more relaxed if we wentfor coffee to discuss work rather than stay at uni. Maybe you could suggest to a classmate to get coffee and go over stuff together?

Or pretend you dont understand a certain bit and ask someone to go through it with you and get chatting that way? or say to someone why dont we meet up and do some work together to keep each other motivated.

Apart from sports clubs is there anything else you may like to do? such as drama or music maybe?

Things will get easier and if you really want to go to a uni nearer home-focus on getting the work done and grades you want so that its possible for you to do that :).

Uni isnt as great as everyone says but its an experience. Sorry its not much help really im sure you'll meet people. Have confidence in yourself and be yourself people will talk to you and im sure you have got social skills xxx

I think there's so much pressure on university to be "some of the best years of your life!!!", sort of thing, that it's almost easy for it to be a let down and be unenjoyable in comparison.
Not that the comparison is the only thing/problem, but it definitely doesn't help. You have to remember that it's a heck of a lot more common than you'll ever know, for uni to be much harder (in numerous senses) than people like to make it seem.

Some sports teams are really full-on and take themselves seriously, others not so much. Maybe do a bit of 'research' into them, and find one that sounds a little bit more laidback. For example, my uni has less competitive sports teams, and more casual sports activities like aerobics classes.

I hope everything picks up! I'm sure there are many more people like you than you realise around you, and honestly not everyone's always having a fantastic time, no matter what they might say :)

xx

hi I know this is slightly old now but I just wanted to say I remember you from ruin, sorry things aren't great for you
As others have said this is pretty standard, I went through the same at uni as well, clubs were all that kept me going
Hope you manage to get things sorted.