Lia ! Look at your avatar! Lol :P

*hugs mark and lia*
Julies actually a bit of a bitch. I'm better off not telling her.
I love you guys. I think we should just all buy a house and live together :P
On another note-has anyone heard how April is latley?

I caught April breifly a few days ago Nicole on FB , she has a new job so has less time to come in here , A few weeks back I got her on FB and suggested she pop in but I'm not sure if she did, She may not have had the time but from her Livejournal I think she still has issues but is getting on okay at her new job as a peer counsellor , I bet she is great as a peer counsellor , she was always good with me , listening and talking :) Thats all I know though , I do wish she would stick her head into the ward sometimes too , I miss her :S

Thanks mark :) i know she has been busy, i was just wondering if she was ok. Can you let her know I am thinking of her and miss her please?

I'll post a message to her on FB now Nicole :)

Right I'm bushed
*Night Night Ward mates all but especially Lia and Nicole for being about with me today*

Thanks mark :) *night time hugs mark*

Night night Mark, *HUgs* I miss her too, I dropped her a PM, but I don't think she's read it yet. And I know right, isn't it great?! (my avatar that is).

Hmm...well is there anyone else you can tell Nicole? Anyone nice?

I don't know lia......maybe my tutor? I will think about it over the weekend.......

I'm such a hard faced bitch.

You are not, Lia. I love you *hugs*

*Spots Ian* *Hugs*

I'm... not well, at all. This sucks. I'm sick of dealing with voices, and panic, and SI. I want so badly to be well, but I'm afraid of people leaving me once I am well. Make sense?

Hey everyone *hugs for all* how you all doing? Sorry your not good Kitty.

Yeah Felcia, it does. No one will leave you, we'll still be here, either if you want to support others, if you ever need help again yourself, or if you just fancy a chat. Friends don't desert each other. Ever. And we're just basically one messed up, dysfunctional, diverse, geogrpahically challenged friendship group.

Thanks :) It's just I had a fight with my friend and she played the guilt card and instead of backing down and reassuring her I basically just told her where to go. I really can be a cow in arguments because that's when I go into total 'I'm not going to let you hurt me' mode. It's not what I say, more my tone and refusal to show I care at all which tends to lead people to think I don't care about the friendship. Oh, and I love you too :)

*Hugs Ian* Other than that, which I am actually loling over now, I'm alright. You?

*Hugs Lia* I'm ok thanks. Thanks for the hugs :)

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Mark*

*hugs wardies*

I spoke to April the other day, she said she was going to pop in. I just know she's busy busy busy!!

*Hugs Helen* How are you?

*Spots and hugs Crimson* You alright?

Heya Helen :) *Hugs Helen* You ok Helen?

Lol, overuse of Helen's name there Ian :)

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Ian*

*hugs everyone*

I phoned the voluntary crisis team last night but as soon as someone answered they seemed to want to hang up as quickly as possible. They just told me to go and do a jigsaw which wasn't very helpful. I don't know who to turn to for help.

Oh Lindsay *Hugs* I guess they were just trying to get you to focus on something else but a jigsaw sounds pretty ridiculous when you feel like you do. Could you call someone in your support team? Social Worker , professional Crisis team , Therapist ? Etc . I'l always listen if you just want to talk on here it's fine too :)

Lia & Ian - sorry I never replied, fell asleep after posting lol. I'm ill and absolutely exhausted, I ache everywhere >.<

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Helen* are you okay? other than your aches I mean .

Yeah, just feel so ill and yuck.

Awh I'm sorry Helen :( *Hugs*

*hugs everyone*

*hugs Mark and Nicole* Howa re you both?

*hugs helen* I'm not good :( I Hate the christmassy atmosphere, my mum has christmas music on really loud and is putting the tree up and making mince pies. It's really triggering me. You?

Why is it triggering you honey? *hugs*

*hugs helen* It's just making me think about my plans. I mean, I know I don't wanna do it anymore, but it's still on my mind, and i just want christmas to be over. :(

That sounds really difficult, Nicole. Can you get out of the house for a while?

I'm feeling okay thanks Helen . I would like to be less numb but I've not been anxious so far today even though I slip slideded all over the place on the local ice this morning . heh . I almost fell but didn't :)

*hugs mark and linsay*
Lindsay-I might go for a walk, but i'm not sure, the christmassy mood is everywhere :( how are you today?
Mark-^^lol. sorry, that cheered me up :P

I've been slipping all over the ice, even hurt my baxck the other day, so can feel your pain on that one Mark *hugs*

Nicole, I'm sorry sweetheart. I have nothing useful to say to help :( But I care *hugs* Try to distract yourself?

I haven't fallen or almost fallen, yet. I'll say that and take one step outside and fall flat on my back! I don't know if I should try and get a bus into Glasgow to do some Christmas shopping. I'd only be able to spend 3 hours there before the last bus home. I don't know if it's worth it.

*Tries to work up the motivation to play the game he bought for his birthday a month ago for the first time but is daunted by learning new controls :S*

Edit:- sorry that doesn't even qualify as a problem , I just want motivation Darn it.

Don't force motivation Mark. It'll come to you when it's ready xx

Lindsay, lucky for some :p I've almost fallen plenty of times & have actually fell once.

I fell last tuesday when we had that tiny bit of snow, it hurt.

I bet it did!! *hugs*

Uhuh, and my mum stood and laughed at me :/ lol. *hugs*

That's not nice *hugs* Although my mum would have probably laughed at me too, but not in a horrible way...

lol. I don't think she was laughing in a nasty way.....i mean, i must've looked funny, i fell right on my ass XD

Just realised Kahlia hasn't been on RYL since last Friday (26th), really hope she's okay =/

I might see if I can get hold of her through facebook and/or msn hmmmm.

Bless you honey *hugs*

*hugs* I'm trying to make a healthy eating plan for my diet, and i have no idea what to have for dinner later. :/

Hmmm *worries about Kahlia*

Erp Nicole , You coukd have a stew , Thats warming and has lots of vegetables in it ?

lol mark. absolutley no veg in the house :/ used it all for the cauliflour cheese (with every other vegetable possible) on wednesday :/ I suppose i should look in the fridge and see what we have got.

Lol, I've managed not to fall over yet XD

I really hate myself sometimes. Well, 99% of the time actually, but ya noooo. Last night, I was having a fight with my best friend over msn, and she said 'do you know how hard it is to stand by someone when you know they wouldn't care if they just walked away?' and instead of telling her I would care, like I should have done, I told her to just go if that's what she wanted. I said it shouldn't be too hard for her, she's even had practise.

So there I was to her acting like a hard faced bitch, I was talking to my other friend about it and told her it was almost laughable because we'd had the same fight loads of times before, and I came on here and vented my self hatred. And inside, I was scared that it really would be the end, that she'd decide she'd had enough. 4 different reactions. Why can't I just tell people how I really feel? What is it with me that I have to shut everyone out? One day, they really are all going to just leave me and it will be all my fault because I'm the one that pushes people out. Grrr.

/Rant.

*Hugs Lia*

I have decided I am having half a tin of tomato soup with a slice of bread :)