Abusive ex friend (warning long)
So back story:
I’ve known my ex bff since 7th grade
I’ve known my husband the same amount of time even though I met him face to face when I was 17.
Ex bff and him dated long term for a while.
I was close with both of them and then it became they used me as a sounding board because they were both unhappy and wanted to bitch about each other.
Fast forward: ex bff gets pregnant (I honestly think she planned this) when we were teenagers.
Thinks that because now they have a baby hubs will stay with her and it will “fix” things.
Ex bff becomes insanely manipulative threatening suicide, using self harm as manipulation, threatening to take husbands first kid away. Claims to struggle with an ED and a pill addiction (she didn’t have either)
Husband becomes super depressed relies on me and our friendship for support to get him through. Thus we became really close.
(Should probably mention I met husband through ex bff)
I moved in with husband when I was in college. I was going to be kicked out of my house and asked to stay with him. We at this point had feelings but never spoke on them. Ex bff is FINE with this living arrangement.
Two weeks go by ex bff is pissy I can’t “just stop” my eating disorder, addiction to pills or my self harm, hubs is understanding and tries to help. Ex bff tries to make me asking for support about her then claim she’s being supportive
Hubs and I admit our feelings for each other shortly after this as he confesses to ex bff that he can’t be with her, he’s unhappy, and wants to be with someone else but will still be in SK (step kids) life. Ex bff flips ****, tells him he’s not allowed to leave etc.
He does anyway and starts dating me.
Things are fine we had a good relationship ex bff starts blowing up his phone and getting into his social media accounts.
I’m 1 1/2 months pregnant with my first daughter around the time she loses her absolute **** and orders him to come home where she’s at with their kid.
We go home and she attacks him accusing him of cheating hitting him etc. (can’t cheat if you broke up with the person)
She flips out on me trying to convince people that my breakdown I had 4 days earlier was proof I was “evil” she attacks me and physically assaulted me while begging me to hit her (I didn’t)
She gets me kicked out of the house and is the reason I miscarried.
She keeps tabs on hubs social media for 6 years controlling it so he can’t talk to me. (He does anyway) in those 6 years she makes him choose between being happy with me and having SK in his life. He chooses SK (which I understand)
He calls me in like 2012 to apologize but it was brief and I told him I couldn’t have anything to do with him if she was still controlling him (the drama happened a year prior)
We talk here and there in 2013 but it’s mostly negative, he’s unhappy, I’m pissed off. She’s still pulling puppet strings etc.
Fast forward to like 2015 she cheats on him and sleeps with someone else because he’s not attractive to her anymore, denies it when he asks and tells him to leave.
He does. No custody plan is drawn up or thought to be for SK because she swore he’d still be able to see him. He sees SK a handful of times from 2015-2016 each time she makes excuses or rushes him out the door.
She tried to contact me around the time they broke up and asked me if she had ptsd (she doesn’t) and made some ominous remark about “if you only knew what he did to me” when everything she blasts on social media paints her as she “tried” to help me. (She was very abusive actually) she never elaborated on what she meant and I asked.
That same year I write her off as psycho because shes notorious for using people and she’s already done so twice with me. Hubs and I reconnect again. Set things straight and start back where we were (basically in a relationship but not saying anything about it while still seeing others)
She starts telling people he raped and abused her (not true) she has zero proof of this she has zero proof of any of it from the time she says it started etc. she takes him to court for harassment and he wins because she has no evidence, hearsay and lies and he has evidence of her and her family making death threats against him, her talking about how much sex they have to his mother, and generally being a creepy bitch.
Now hubs and I are married with a daughter, ex bff is “married” I can’t confirm or deny this but if she’s married she got married when hubs and her were still “together” (ie she forced him to stay with her in order to see his kid)
Ex bff is telling people she’s
Suffered from an eating disorder
Is a rape/DV survivor
And all of these are things I’ve told her that she never brought up once about happening to her in the years we were friends. She would WAIT til I told her something confidential about my life, warp it to fit her story and then claim it as hers.
She thinks she legitimately has a restraining order against hubs when she doesn’t and when any of us try to see SK or do a welfare check she ignores us and claims “I said no contact”
She’s infiltrated DV support groups where we live so she can get more ideas to flesh out her tragic sob story
She has zero interest in actual therapy because it “doesn’t help” (she doesn’t like to hear the problem is her) but prefers group therapy because that’s more ammo.
She socially stalks both me and hubs and makes posts about how she’s still in love with him and how I’m evil for “stealing” him from her. (I very obviously didn’t) all while trying way to hard to seem in love with the guy she cheated with. She also reproduced with said guy (running theme here)
And now we’re gearing up to file for joint custody because we’ve tried to see SK several times and she keeps play the victim. To a point where she’s directly abusing SK (mental/emotional abuse so there’s no physical proof)
I’m just pissed off because she keeps doing this.
Like she’s not moved on and has this “only I can” bullshit it’s creepy.
Also SHES ****ING 27 years old. Like. She needs to grow up
There’s zero way I can have nothing to do with her as I’m married to the father of her first child.
It’s to a point where we have to take legal action to even go forward with anything and I’ve considered the possibility of taking legal action and sending her a C&D because literally everything she’s doing is abuse and slander and defamation of character and not caring.
She’s abusing her child. She’s taking trauma that’s not hers and she gets in a tantrum when people call her out on it.
Edit: I should add that we have to go out of our way to shop 30 minutes away because of the risk of running into her and her causing a scene it is THAT bad
Oh gosh, what a difficult and messy situation. I hope that the custody can get sorted by a court and hopefully once that is done things can start to settle and she will start to get used to the arrangement. I know you can't have nothing to do with her, but I can only suggest that you have as little to do with her as possible on social media etc. Have you received any legal advice with regards to the C&D?
No not yet during tax time we plan on sitting down with a lawyer and seeing what we can do/how we can go about this as she’s very high conflict and everything I’ve compiled against her (screenshots and such) prove she’s mentally unwell and a liar. She’s not married either as I just found out today which it doesn’t affect the custody choices in my state but I really believe that if someone has 2 kids from 2 separate fathers and has never been married and can be proven that she’s just using men to abuse them that they shouldn’t have custody.
Right now we’re doing everything we can to avoid her.
I hope you are successful with avoiding her and that discussions with a lawyer go well.
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