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-   -   It keeps happening over and over. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256489)

Fire Fly 11-10-2019 09:39 PM

It keeps happening over and over.
I feel so hopeless about whatís going on. I hate how things in my life are.

I donít like to use the word assaulted. To be more fair. I donít like the terminology sexually as I wasnít penetrated. But...

The guy at work is not hearing NO and continues. I try to shout and scream but I donít know if I am or if Iím loud enough. Iím finding things really hard. My nightmares and flashbacks are really bad and this stuff is making it worse.

I donít want to go to work. I want to stay and hide. I canít do this anymore. Why do I keep bringing this on. Why do I some hurt end up like this? What am I doing wrong?

DarkHorse19 13-10-2019 09:55 AM

Hey, it's been a few days since your post, how are you today?
Things sound tough for you, do you have anyone you can talk to about this? If not do post here.
On the topic of assault, it's common for you to feel like it's your fault in some way, but it's not true. It sounds like they ought to be reported to the police. Who could you tell that can help you with this? Could someone have a word with the guy and ask him to back off, or would it help for a colleague to know and not leave you alone with him. Could your supervisor or HR team be told? I don't see why you should avoid work and potentially lose your job because someone else is intimidating and assaulting you at work - they are the one that's in the wrong, they should be sacked/reported. It's in no way your fault.

nonperson 13-10-2019 10:19 AM

I don't know if I'm understanding correctly but I think you really need to speak to your employers about this. They will be able to help.

Fire Fly 15-10-2019 03:46 AM

Every time I see him I want to puke. I remember where he touches and the fact he does it when people are not around.

The police want to take a full on statement once I told work. I managed to kill two things today. I managed to see and tell my CC as well as talk to work. My cc said she has to raise safeguarding even if I don’t want it because he’s a lead clinical nurse of the ward I work on.

I’m so scared now. There three investigations: police, safeguarding and also work.

It’s his against mine and no one will believe me. He’s clinical lead so why would he do all of this to me? What’s his motives. I’m **** stirring. I’m fake and just plain disgusting.

DarkHorse19 17-10-2019 07:24 AM

You are not fake or **** stirring. What he did to you was wrong and I'm sorry this is all so raw and painful for you right now. You had no choice in telling your cc or people at work, he put you in a position where you had to tell someone, it was for your own sanity. He has serious issues. Right now you need to focus on your needs and give yourself a bit of slack - it's his actions have contributed to/caused how terrible you're feeling about everything including yourself. Do you have a therapist and access to a GP or someone who can discuss whether you need some medication (or a change in meds if you're already on something) just to see you through this? Well done for reaching out, both to the people in irl and here, it takes a lot of guts and shows how strong you really are, even when you don't feel it.

one_step_closer 17-10-2019 01:54 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are not disgusting at all, he is. I'm glad you have managed to tell people, I know it must be really scary having all of this out in the open but hopefully it will lead to things being resolved. Keep talking to your CC if she is a safe person for you. Take very good care of yourself.

Fire Fly 21-10-2019 08:22 PM

I was so silly for putting myself in this place. I went to see my go on the Thursday and I litrally just cried. I cried so much and she was so worried she rang my cc straight away. I spoke to my cc and in the end I had to go with the ambulance she had called or she would arrange a MHa. So I went along. And got assessed and I said I wanted to work with HTT but because I’m out of borough they said my cc would have to arrange it the next day.

The next day came and I went there. The CMHT wouldn’t let me leave from levave from 09:30-14:30. I saw my cc and a different dr who then spoke to my consultant and in the end they decided to do a med rec for mha.

Mha happened on Saturday and I got detained. I feel so sad and tired. I just don’t have energy anymore. I can’t keep plodding.

one_step_closer 23-10-2019 04:10 PM

I'm sorry things are really awful right now. I hope you are getting the support that you need and start to feel stonier soon. Take care.

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