*wanders in* hi everybody *leaves hugs and plushies for all*

*hugs Mark*
*hugs Lindsay* *hopes that is the right name*

good night all

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Laura*

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone *Hugs* I'll be around but pretty sporadically *Festive Hugs*

Hope you all have as nice a Christmas as possible. I'll be online at various times if anyone needs to talk or anything.

*hugs mark*
*hugs lindsay*

I'm going to friends tomorrow and am going to return on jan 2nd. Hope you all had a great time for christmas and are going to have a great time on new years eve.

*hugs to everyone* hi again. just checking in

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Caiden*

Hey

need a hug :( I havnt felt great all day shakey legs feeling like I am going to pass out heartbeat feels like butterflies in my chest and I am so so tired. I dont know what they are symptons of

*Huggles Kymmie*

*Morning waves*

HAPPY NEW YEAR Wardies!!!!!

Happy New Year everyone!

Thanks for your hugs x

That's okay Kymmie *Huggles*

i ended up in the emergency after 24th. but i wasnt sent to the ward for no apparent reason. dkwhy. new years went great. we havent got snow though. only in the mountains but not like last year when we had 30+ cm with it. havent been here in a while. made me think bad things about myself for not posting anything. i really wanted to go to the ward so i could sneak away some sleep pills. then today i met someone that works at the ward and she said i should opportune myself by using the user controlled bed i have. but im not feeling like i want to do anything. i cant even sit in my bed. and i have nothing to do. i wanted to draw something two days ago. but i didnt have any paper. day in day out boooooring. i tried sleeping on the floor like i did last time i was depressed. kinda worked cause its warm and made me feel good.

sometimes i feel like i could cry forever
a river of pain and lifeless blood
i would cry forever
and let the agony flow away

i will cry forev er
the pain doesn't cease; neither will the blood
crying forever
maybe someday, when my tears stop, my soul will too

i am crying forever
my body is racked with the guilty sinking
and as the bright colors swirl around me
i evanesce into my gray world

i cried forever
no one to stop me
my tears never ended
instead of stopping the tears...i stopped my heart.

need to be here for a bit i think :(

*Hugs Monk*

*Hugs Styled wrong if okay?* Hi I'm Mark , welcome to the ward :)

Welcome to the ward, i'm Lindsay.

*Glomps Lindsay*

thanks, ye hugs are good thanks :(

I give up, I am so tired of this.

I am tired of the family issues, being left alone, and being run over and pulled in every direction. I joked with one of my coworkers (he knows some of what I go through) that I wanted to trash a room for fun... now I kinda want to. And the idea of me being back on meds is raising its ugly head again... fook that. I just want to give up. I dint want this at all.

*Hugs Matt* I'm so sorry you feel crap mate :/

any hugs going spare? :(

hugs everyone

I have not been about recently not been that great was in hospital for a over night stay.

checks in :( things are so bad right now

*hugs wendy, louise, and styled wrong*

I'm Matt btw

So much tension and stuff... I just want it all to stop. Make it go away! *cries*

*Hugs Wendy*

*Hugs Louise*

Hugs Styled Wrong*

Hugs Matt*

Sorry for posting so much *hides*

I just need to emotionally detach... badly. I am emotionally unstable and I can't do much about it

*Huggles Matt*

*hugs all*

*Hugs Laura* How are you ?

-hugs everyone-

*Hugs Tim*

*hugs Tim*
*hugs Mark*
how are you ??

I've been at the Circus for about 2 weeks. The first week was bad. I had a bad dissociation while I was in the room with 30 others, the next day I was in a really bad state (throwing things, screaming, crying, hyperventilating) then on dec. 31st I was so stressed that I got physically sick and had to throw up (I didn't tell anyone though, because I felt fine after).
The second week was very cool though. I'm participating at a youth circus-theater project and we are 12 participants only. The general athmosphere and the instructor were relaxed and I had a great time. First I thought that I couldn't participate, because the first week was so bad, but then I decided that I'll try and see how it goes.
I'm back at home now, writing applications to schools for physical therapy (dunno what it's callen in England, but here in Germany we have schools for physiotherapy where you do all the training etc.)

*Hugs Laura* Glad you enjoyed yourself , I have had at times the possibly worst day of my life :/

Heya :waving:

*hugs mark*

*Hugs Laura* im pleased you had a good time :)

*Hugs Ian* How are you ?

*Hug mark* Not my usual self to be honest. How are you doing Mark?

Awful Ian If I'm Honest *Hugs*

*hugs Mark* if it was the worst day ever, then things can only improve, right?
*hugs Ian* don't know what to say.
I hope things are getting better for both of you.

I didn't have a good day today. Did some straining exercises in therapy today.

Thank you Mark and Laura :) im better now.

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry your feeling awful :-( do you want to talk about it?

*Hugs Laura* I'm sorry you didnt have a good day, im here if you want to talk.

im not well. my life feels like its falling apart and there is NOTHING i can do to change it.
I want to disapear. vanish, and no one to miss me or be sad or even remember me at all.

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs hiding me if okay?*

*hugs Ian* how are you today?
*hugs hiding* how are things now? I'm here if you want to talk or pm...
*hugs Mark* how are you today?

I am getting tired of this... being quite emotionally vulnerable and emotionally unstable. I hate myself cause I know I should be back on meds, but I am fighting everyone every step o the way. I have had enough of the frightening hospital dreams. I just have had enough of everything. I mean yesterday it snowed and I was like hooray and all happy - today I am fighting a battle with the Voices. I hate this and myself. Make it stop

ty laura .*hugs back*

i guess things are ok so far.. idk really.. mom is at hospital today getting her first dose of the stronger chemo =/ and her blood clot in her neck is still there and ..it really worries me..
so far husband still has his job..
worried about that alot too.
slept horrible last night.. was awake along time and then kept waking up all night long.. so have a headache and feel crappy and cramps arent helping.. just..idk.. i guess im ok for now tho..
cried to hubby about everything last night esp his job.. didnt help telling him made me feel worse cuz he suffers with depression too and well i dont wanna make his worse cuzi NEED him to work. =(

idk sorry.. prolly saying too much.. but well you asked how i am today and well honestly im not sure..
ty for asking tho and ty for caring.

sorry I havn't been around for ages but I was getting triggered by coming on RYL, so stayed clear for a while.

how is everyone?

*hugs hidingme*

OLIVER!!! *hugs*

Hey Matt *hugs* how are you doing?