*waves at Ella*

Jay, if the music makes you down have you tried other music?

Mark, I'm pretty sure you qualify to visit with only a passport... this is the linky though to the info i was looking at -specific to the uk even:) - hope that makes you less nervous. *hugs*

I totally understand that, Matt. *sits with*

*hugs Matt and Jay*

Yeah,....I have now...but its already done its job you know?

*cuddles laura and anyone else who wants*
love you guys <3

*Hugs Jay*

*Hugs Crimson* I have Never travelled internationally since childhood and never alone.

*Waves to Ella*

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Heather*

I have an update from Oliver , I guess I'll just type out the texts
"I'm not good ,saw the Doctor yesterday and she wasn' happyas I ran away again yesterday and she said if I do it again they will put me on a secure unit. Then I got angrywith her over a different matter and she told me to leave so I did then I was punching walls and she told all the staff to just leave me and not intervene. I've just been lying on my bedever since crying and scared cos now my name isn't on the board with the other patients so I'm scared they are moving me. But no one is telling me anything . Sorry for the ramble"
and
"I know the urge to run away is so strong but I'm trying not too. Trouble is I have shower gel etc in my room and want to do stuff with that just want to die but I'm too scared to talk to the staff cos I'm convinced they all hate me"

I'm sorry I'm not the bearer of better news :(

Oliver Sends cuddles and says he misses the ward :)

*Night time hugs my wardies*

*sends cuddles back* tell him we miss him too!

curls up small, cant do this today crying my eyes out right now. just really suicidal and extremely low.

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Jill* What happened hun?

*hugs Mark and Jill and anyone else wandering around in here*

I'm starting to feel like a yoyo. It's dizzying. I think I actually prefer all being low or all being ok. This up and down and up and down is driving me crazy.

*runs off to write while I'm not feeling thoroughly uninspired* 27750 words btw :) more than half way through my word goal for a month of working on my novel (it's day 21 of 30, goal is 50k words)

Want to cut ...really not so good right now

hugs everyone

*hugs Louise and sits with Ella*

Wanna talk about it?

50k word , wow thats a lot but you can do it crimson hun *Hugs*

Thanks!
I probably could have already if I just didn't get so low periodically that i can hardly think... I've skipped writing 11 days of the 21 so far. :( It helps that I know where I want this part of the story to go and wrote myself out prompts so if I forget what's going on I can look at my notes...
*hugs* How are you tonight?

*update* up to 28882 words.

Just To Let y'all know , Lindsay is inpatient for her exsema and is thinking of us all :)

Hi guys....
don't know what to say but...*hugs*

*Hugs Jay*

Gave in today...
feel so worthless..

*Hugs Jay* You're not worthless hun :)

*hugs everyone* sorry I'm not on here much right now. I've been so busy getting ready for my graduate program to start next week. Sorry to hear that so many of you are struggling. Always here if you need an ear, or shoulder, or hand lol.

*Hugs Laura*

Worthless: without worth
Jay:without worth
therefore Jay=worthless

*Hugs Jay* Not Worthless :/

Hello Morpheous :) Nice to meet you :)

Hello Ella and Jay, I don't think we've met. I'm Lia :)

I just wanted to sit in here tonight. It hurts. It just really ****ing hurts, like all of the time. Daily, even if it's not all day. I want it to stop hurting. I hurt and feel empty all the time, does that make sense? And angry. I'm so angry.

*Hugs Lia* I'm sorry you feel that way Hun :( Anything I can do to help?

*curls up in a ball* can i die now please?

*hugs lia* what happened hun? Sorry you are feeling so poorly. Around if you need to talk.

*hugs mark* how r u doing?

*hugs crimson* no, hun. you can't die. what's wrong?

i hurt on a physical and an emotional level. i am now on an rx to block acid production in my stomach and if it doesn't work i'll have ulcers. i can't have caffeine, alcohol, anything (food or drink) that's acidic at all, milk or fruit for 2 weeks. i have to keep going to work and doing my job when all i wanna do is lay here and cry.
*hugs Laura*

*hugs everyone in here tightly*

*puts some goodies on the table*

I give up. Ffs, I don't care. Why should anyone care? All my "friends" now just want and tell me to be back on my meds that I stopped taking long ago. Whatevr. I can handle it. I hope.

*Hugs Crimson* I'm here if you need me :)

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Laura, Crimson, Matt and Mark*

Nothing happened exactly, I was just sitting in a B&B in Wales with my friend, we were on our laptops and chatting and BAM! I was hit by a bus. I joke. But a really **** mood came on. For no good reason. It's every day. For three years.

The best way I can think to describe what it feels like it you know when Ron Weasley wears that horcrux in the Harry Potter books/films, and it makes him see the whole world in such a dark and twisted way. Everything that someone says, every glance is a jeer, a criticism and he just gets so angry, for no rational reason. And at the same time it talks to me, makes him believe all his worst fears and hate himself. And there's a dementor there too, following me around. It's always lurking in the corner, so even when I'm happy I can't fully just BE happy. There's always the weight on my shoulders. Half the time, I feel like I'm being eaten up from the inside out, so I am getting gradually emptier, but it still hurts. And I'm just so tired, of everything. I don't think it's normal.

Hi how is everyone? I'v not been in here for a while, although i have still been on ryl.

*Hugs Morpheus*

*Hugs Mark*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Jay*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Ian* Hey, I explained up there ^ How are you? I haven't been here in ages either, I technically left, but I'm crap at leaving. I hate goodbyes too much, I always end up returning. Bodes well for uni. Anyway, ramble over.

*Squishes Lia* I know the feeling Hun ( although not the HP reference :P ) I'm here should you need to talk :)

*Hugs Matt*

Feelings so alone n scared...

I knew i was enough so y try n make me feel like i was, just to drop me from a greater height when u decide that im not enough...

Scared of myself and what i want to do

Sorry

*cuddles lia and anyone else who wants*

*Hugs Needhelp*

*Hugs Heather* How're you?

*shrug*
how're u mark?

Coping Heather , Just about *Hugs*

*Hugs Heather, Mark and Needhelp*

Needhelp, I don't know what happened, so I don't know what advice to give, but I do know the feeling. Try and do something distracting that you like. Reading perhaps, or watching something pointless on TV.

*hugs all*

*hugs all and puts brownies on the table*

Things haven't gotten any better... in fact they feel like they are getting worse again. I would like to give up, but I can't. Sigh. So everyday I get to go through all of this in my head... oh so fun it is XD

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Matt*

*Night Time Hugs My Wardies*

As the above post *Hugs* :)