*is massively proud of Helen for going*

*hugs for Carole and Kit*

hope you are all doing well

*goes back to Denial Tent*

*hugs Helen, Carole, Kit, and Callie*

Good job for going Helen, I'm proud of you :-) Please take care sweetie. It sucks, I know. *warm snuggles*

*hands Kit a cup of peppermint tea*
Good stuff when you're not feeling well.

*offers around a tray with tea, coffee, cocoa, and biscuts, then retreats to her corner for a nap*

I slep for something like 10 hours (which I never do, I'm lucky if I get 6 and it's never good) last night and I am STILL so exhausted. Not very conducive to the take home exam (complete with essays) that I have to do tonight :(. *sigh* Ah well, last one for the term.

*cries quietly in her corner*

*offers Alyssa one of the big blankets in the Denial Tent*

*hugs for Alyssa, Kit, Carole, and Emma*

gah i am falling asleep at work no good no good
MUST STAY AWAKE

*storms in*
GAH!! MY DOCTOR SUCKS!!
I reallly really needed to see him ASAP because these meds are making me feel awful....kinda suicidal all the time and really paranoid and to make it worse....i find the idea of killing myself AMUSING
and his secretary was like "he can only see you at the [inserts long surgery name here] tomorrow morning.."
"I cant make that though :/"
"well then he cant see you til the 25th as arranged..."



WTF?!?!?!
I'LL BE DEAD BY THEN!!!!
*cries*

Alexx honey go tomorrow morning!
why can't you make it then? this is more imp than classes or work
make it happen!
take care sweetie
*opens flap of Denial Tent for you if you want to come hide with us and be safe and sound for a bit*

Thanks Callie:hop:

Thanks....it does suck. I still want death meh :(

Oh well, actually looking forward to ONE lesson tomorrow, but dont wanna be there the rest of the time, seriously :crying:

I dont have a class til the afternoon...
But I dont know where the surgery is...
and have no way of getting there because my parents are on holiday :crying:
*crawls in*
*curls up*
*dies*

Thank you for the cup of tea i am keeping myself destracted by watching movies

*accepts blanket from Callie*
Mmm big, cozy blanket...

*offers Callie some coffee to help wake her up*
There's pleanty of stuff to put in it in case you don't actually like the taste of coffee.

*wraps Alexx up in a warm, cuddly blanket and snuggles her gently*
Please don't die, we love you too much.

*hugs Helen and Carole*
Glad you're looking forward to one class at least Helen, that makes it a little nicer at least (though not necessarily nice).

*Moves over next to Kit to see what she's watching... Brings some popcorn*
Glad you've got something to keep you distracted hun. Hope you are feeling better soon.

*sigh* being this tired is making me feel SO damn low... I hate it... I'm having some graphic thoughts (along the lines of suicide), and wishing I could OD. Hope it passes soon...

*looks up,wipes tears away and sniffles*
*Whispers* Thankyou
*hugs*

Alexx, CALL THEM or GO ONLINE and get directions please!
you can take a taxi? public transport? a friend can drive you?

*huggles Alexx*
either way, it will be okay

*sits with Kit and Alyssa and downs lots of coffee*
gah i feel so messed up

Helen tomorrow will be okay. take it one day at a time sweetie.

eep

I'm really paranoid that I'll get lost...I dont know the area that well...and there's no guarentee i'll even get an appointment.

I have no money for taxi/public transport and i cant get anyone to drive me...
but thanks for the suggestions...

I'm just gonna have to ride it out ><
xx

*huggggs* Yeah it helps me, and I think I might tell a teacher at college tomorrow....about how I feel. :blink:

I'm trying....just wanna be dead, oh well that can wait a few days I guess :notsure:

Yay...Helen tell them, seriously it would be amazing for you to have someone in regular contact to talk to and who would help *proudly shows off Helen* *hugs* xx

Alexx- your doctor sucks hun! Is there definitely no way whatsoever that you could get to them tomorrow? No money hidden in jeans etc for the bus? *hugs you too and scares away your scary thoughts with a stick*

*offers mini cadbury cream eggs around*

Good Luck with your exams Ally :)

*hugs Callie and sends warm extra hugs for her incase she needs them tomorrow at her appointment*

*hugs anyone I missed out*

And as for me...apparently I have BPD. Well, yes. What a surprise that is eh? hmmm And also I apparently self medicate with alcohol which makes things worse and my drinking may perhaps be out of control along with the self harm. His solution: refer me to The Olive Tree (apparently a special unit for people with personality disorders), psychology, double my AD and offer me anti anxiety medication. Problem: 12 month waiting list for psychology, AD makes me feel spacy, he's not sure how long Olive Tree waiting list is and I don't think I suffer from anxiety.

My counter solution because I am oh so responsible and capable lol= go out and get very drunk.

*hugs Carole* I'm sorry I can't offer more hun but thinking of you x

*hugs for everyone again*

Im back

I only just woken up, am so tired its untrue (i missed college again today (****) )

Is really proud of Helen for going in *huggs*
hows everyone doing?

*crawls back under blanket and hides from the world*
xx

*hugs back*
no..I've checked....its stupid...how can i NOT have money for crying out loud?
its stupid..:crying:

Hun I know how you are feeling, I got diagnosed with BPD yesterday and was told that I self medicate with alcohol (which is out of hand) and self harm.

I been referred to someone to, but god knows how long the wating list is tho I did start some form of DBT yesterday and all it did was make me feel stupidly tired.

I hope you are ok *big big huggles*

*feels safer in the denial tent then have done all week*

xx

I'm so scared. Might bottle out. I wish my old tutor wasn't off, otherwise....he would have been told from me =[

*big big hugs* My thoughts are with you hun. I hope you are doing relatively ok xxx

*wakes up and crawls out from under a blanket in the corner of the denial tent*
morning peoples. i missed uni this morning. heeheehee.....what a slippery slope i am on! it is FINALLY thursday so am finally getting to see my new counsellor. i have made it to today :D now im terrified!! what do i say??

*screams*

Now my life is falling apart.
WORST WEEK EVER!

Now I have found out my mum needs me so so so much.
AND I have to move
*sobs*

*hugs emma and helen*
I'm sorry y'all I can't offer much.

I'm drunk, tired, and still feel like ****. Damn it! I hate seeing my suicide in my mind, be it by the razor or a pill bottle! I just want it to go away! For crying out loud is that too much to ask?

*curls up in her corner of the denial tent for a nap*

*lies with blanket and cries and screams and looks after Ally*

oh helen *hugs* i hate moving, you poor thing! are u ok with helping your mum? is it something you can cope with or do you need to tell someone else who can help you handle it?

carole! come back! you are just as important as everyone else here. you can throw things if you like, stuff that wont break, like throwing pillows at the walls, if it makes you feel better. im sorry he left you and you're hurting so much you dont deserve to hurt so much becasue of someone else's actions

Dn't honey, you mean the world to me and I know I haven't been the best person last couple of days....

I hate moving even more today. Moved FIVE times already. This is my home and why shold we have to ****ing leve. I wanted to make it to ten years of living here and it gonna happen now :crying: Emma is right in what she said in our phone call, I can't look after her until I'm looking after me...**** it. Even more stress on me now. *cries* I wanna cut but I promised her I wouldnt and I wanna show my mum that I can handle this without resorting to cutting. I'm so ****ing pissed off at my dad, seriously. How on earth am I gonna react tomorrow when I see him. :-( I wish I could throw things in my room but it's already a bomb site!!!

*hugs Helen and cries with her*
Thanks luv, very much. I'm sorry you've got to move... I understand. I hate moving as well (what normal person likes it? Makes sense that us 'abnormal' folk wouldn't like it either)... And I've got to go home and pack over term break (next week) because my mom and her husband are moving too...
*offers Helen some cocoa and another good hug*

*grabs Carole before she can fade into the background*
Carole hunni, don't go. I'm sorry, I haven't been the bes of support recently either... But we all love you too much for you to fade away on us.
*big snuggles*

Take care all.

Thanks sweetie.
*hugs and cries with you and anyone else*
I'm so sorry too, but Emma told me to look it as a new start for me & my mum.
I dont think anyone likes it.
It's so stressful.
That really sucks sweetie thanks.

Haha Em just rang me again (can't leave me alone aye and she's drunk hehe)

So here's my answer to your task hun...

1. Tina being nice with my honesty.
2. Actually managing to get myself to college.
3. My hearing aids working and having my radio aid fixed.
4. Staying at college all day.
5. Not going to that bridge.

Mehhhhhh :crying: I really wish I belivied that I can get through this.

Oh, I don't think I'm going to kill myself, I still am quite low but I'll get through this and I know you guys will be here for me every step of the way? I know Em will espically haha, she keeps ringing me, but I'm totally cool with it XD

hmmm....I keep ringing you Helen because I am worried about you :) and in my opinionm I am doing a famn fine jobn of appearing sober! lol And I mean every word I said. Remember to text or call if you need anything :) xx

*hugs everyone who needs it, especiallU Carole

I am quite drunk lol, I sparked a lighter under a friend of our house mates, Jpohn and he started screwing at me. Why am I so retarded? wHY dont I deal with hitngs like a normal human being>??? *cries in a ball under balnket* xx

Btw....I like your task results :)P Helen x

*curls in a ball and screams, just a bit*

I hate this! For heaven sake why can't it just go away?!
I want to cut, I want to burn, I want to OD. To put my fist through the living room window. To take my razor to my arm one last time... To take the rest of those pills...
F**kn A! :(

Hamlet had it right... I knew that was my favourite play.

"To die, to sleep-- No more--and by a sleep to say we end The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep-- To sleep--perchance to dream"

If only...

And if not, at least let these urges die :crying:

*cries quietly in her corner*

*curls up and sighs* i seriously hate people in my life right now can i say that?

here
 

*locks self in the padded room away from the sharp things*

*hugs everyone*

Emma, I wasn't being horrible. I love you calling me =]
Carole had a go at me last night, not sure why yet *shrugs*

I'm sooooo let rip at my dad tonight, I think =\

Not looking forward to today, its gonna be hard :(

*hugs everbody*

Anybody want some of my sleep? i hate sleeping, slept 15hrs today ugh...stupid me...go away sleep!

*opens eyes*
*ses its morning..*
*cries*
*accepts some of Jetforces sleep*

*hugs Alexx*

Wat's up? y r u crying? :-(

good morning lovely people
*squishes Alexx and Jeremy*

hope everybody is okay today
i'm well terrified - first meeting with person today for DBT and whatnot
i shall be hiding in a teeny corner of the Denial Tent covered in a fortress of blankets and pillows until further notice pretending this isnt happening

before i go into hiding, there are lovely smores and tea and popcorn and treats by the campfire if anybody wants them

i hope everybody has a safe day at Uni and work and at whatever scary appts they have

*hugs Alexx, Jeremy, Chloe, Emm, Helen, Kit, Alyssa, Carole, and whoever else is wandering around in here*

love and courage and loveliness to all

*scuttles to Denial Tent*

I'm crying because its morning....
and i dont want it to be morning...
and Ive just realised ive lost MORE weight and im scared..
*curls up*

Good Luck Callie!!!!!*hugs*

Yeh...i didnt manage to get an appointment with my doctor at the other surgery...
because i fail ><

*crawls to a very dark corner with her doggie and her meds*

*peeks out of her blankety fortress in the Denial Tent to offer Alexx hugs and sympathy*

so sorry sweetie - but hey who needs docs when they can have the Denial Tent and cute doggies? be strong sweetie we're here for you

*hugs Callie and Alexx* Thx's for tea and popcorn :-D

Good luck DBT..hope it goes well for u!

I think u lovely Alexx...so dw about the weight gain ;) well try not too

I am so Urgy why am i so urgy :| Argh i so am not safe by myself i just wish the world would give me a freaking break....

*Hugs Emo-Fairy*

Try keep urself occupied with something to keep ur minds off hurtful things

Hope that helps a tad xx

Kit honey you need to distract yourself and keep busy
when we are alone with our thoughts is when we are most vulnerable
keep busy busy!
think distracting thoughts
ooh! i know! i can distract you with humor!!
want to know something funny?
i just tripped on the power cord under my desk at work in front of a room full of people and fell into a large floor lamp
(it actually wasnt funny at the time but i'm trying out the whole laugh with them so you wont be laughed at thing)

Heehee you sound as bad as me my boss says Kit is Klutzy and he is afraid one day im gonna hurt myself badly with how Klutzy i am Im doing like five things at once im watching a tv show on hbo and listening to music chatting and browsing the board hoping that i can keep myself busy... Busy is the key... Right?

Yep...i assume so :-)

*hugs Kit*