*jumps on emma and clings*

whats up hells hun?

Happy Birthday Alex. :D I hope you have a great day.

just thought i would pop in to say goodnight. i am off to bed here in my little corner. hugs everyone.
*curls up in a ball and cries self to sleep*

Feeling low :notsure: and was feeling quite implusive earlier but yeah didn't do anything....plus my head really kills and I still feel sick :pinch:

Ugh.
My neighbor is giving me a new kitty. He was born a couple of days ago, when he's a bit stronger I'll take him home. Still haven't picked out a name. I haven't been able to sleep well enough. I feel shitty.

It's 8.15am.
From 7.53am i've been trying to phone my doctors, only to be directed to some crappy emergency doctors, i don't WANT them for **** sake.

So i phone at 8.05am and i wait for 10 minutes, with a stupid woman with a horrid voice saying on the other end "Our receptionists are busy at the moment, as soon as we're free we will answer your call", with some ridiculous opera music playing, then a "Thankyou for holding, your call is very important to us" blablabla SHUT UP.

So i sat here, rocking back and fourth after spending an hour in dissociation, i'm completely disorientated with my arms in a state. Praying they'll let me have a phone consultation with him.

The receptionist says he has none, and i won't beable to talk to him, what do i want another doctor to phone me.
No i do NOT want another ****ing doctor, if i wanted another i wouldn't have specified for MY doctor.
So i burst into tears, litrali, for the first time in weeks, and i cry "I need help, i suffer with severe depression, i'm not doing well, and i need to speak to him because i've been seeing him for a year and i don't trust anyone else", that is the first time in my LIFE i have admitted that to a stranger - THAT is how ****ing desperate i am.

So she says "Right you're on the system he'll phone you later this morning as he's not getting in until 11.30am" - well, why couldn't you ****ing do that in the first place??????? It would have stopped this huge panic attack i'm now suffering from DAMN YOU to hell.

Ignorant people.
It seems all i have to say is i'm suicidal and they feel all "sympathetic" and get me in on the system.
Jesus christ.

It shouldn't need to be like that. Damnit. Damn people.

I've not slept.
I'm so exhausted. Tired. So tired. But can't sleep.

Does anyone know if there's something he can give me just for today/tonight?? To calm me down/knock me out? I'm not talking about something like temazepam or crappy diazepam, i NEED something STRONG to work.
Please tell me there's something out there for this? PLEASE?
Just to get me through today until i see Denise (CPN) tomorrow..just..just until then, then..i can tell her how awful i am.

God.
Can't do this.

Ieana - lack of sleep sucks majorly. *hugs*

I really want to cut, but I don't have the energy. Sounds like just about everything in my life at the moment .... no matter what I want to do there just ain't enough energy in the system to allow it.

Still waiting on a hospital bed. Not even sure that I care right at the moment. Meh.

*hugs everyonee*

*walks in to say ....

I cooked dinner tonight. I fried four sausages (for me and my friend) and made a greek salad.

... and then collapsed into bed because I'm fricking exhausted*

*cuddles everyone including Laura lots*

Have had about four hours sleep, feel really tired but awake which is good for me considering. Just got to muster up all the strength I can to get through today, absloutely caking myself about seeing my friend. No idea why. Just nerves I suposse......

Helen - good luck *hugs*

Thanks darling, much appericated. :)

*cuddles*

*drops by with some alcohol hehe*

Hope everybody is well :-) *squishes ppl*

xxx

Arrrgghhh I have a stalker! He keeps messaging me on myspace and coming round my house to give me things.
He actually baked me a cake!
He came round last night and asked if I wanna go for a drink today so I said I'd think about it. Phoned my friend and asked if she'd come with me, and then I can tell him to leave me alone. She said yes, so I phoned him and said I would and then my friend cancelled.
So I'm all alone with this creepy guy and I have to tell him to leave me alone.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*hugs zowie* just be tactful and tell him to f* off

get another friend to cal you so you can leave! :-D

I think I'm just going to go meet him and tell him nothing will ever happen between us. He's sweet enough but very very annoying.
My dad says going to meet him for a drink is leading him on, but I'm doing it to let him down. I'm not getting his hopes up am I?

*hugs everyone*

Dont have words right now. Today's been pretty horrible. Woke up feeling bad, and it's just gotten worse throughout the day. Wanna cut... but I can't cause I gotta go out tomorrow night. *sigh*

*leaves hugs for everyone*