I know you won't let me.

From 19th June to 27th June is gonna be awesome :)

19th- Pinic in the park with mates.
20th- Your 21st
21st- Your 21st party
22nd- Will still be at yours til we leave :O
23rd-27th = DIVERSITY WEEK :D

*Hugs everyone and sobs*
Beth's really shouting at me. She keeps pulling my fingers away from the keyboard and screaming.
She's being so nasty. Calling me horrible things and threatening to strangle me.

SHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!
Why did I come back :blink:
Dilusions that she would welcome me with open arms...sit down...have a discussion and meet each other half way.
HA I wish.



Because it'll make me feel better...and isnt for attention...as she claims ><

*Hugs Alexx*
I binged yesterday and today's been hell. I know how you feel hun xxx

NONONO!! **** THIS ><
I'm not going to...
yes I am...
No I'm not....

I dont WANT to hurt myself....
but I'm trying so hard not to show THEM that they hurt me.

I DONT GIVE A **** ANYMORE!!!
ITS NOT MY FAULT IM NOT A FAMILY-ORIENTATED PERSON!!!!!
IT DOESNT MAKE ME EVIL!!!!

Just...not the same as them :(

*hugs Zowie* Beth is a bitch sweetie, I'm sorry but she is. Can you call someone? The crisis team or someone and maybe they can give you something to control her?

*hugs Alexx* Please be careful sweetheart. Do you want to talk about what happened? I will be around on and off for a while xx

*hugs all round*
they took my laptop but i am back for a bit, but i can hear his voice and it won't stop and i have really had enough now, sorry to be negative but i really feel like there is nothing left worth living for

The crisis team have stopped seeing me, and the person I see from EIP finishes at 5. There's no one I can call, I have emergency medication - olanzapine - to take in situations like this, but she wont let me.

I dont even know what happened tbh...I came home from a meet. Told my dad I was going out for the night and would probably be staying out. He went "right" and went back to sleep.
I get loads of missed calls, texts and a nasty voicemail at about midnight. Text them and explain AGAIN. then they call me and tell me they are coming to pick me up. But I refused to tell them where i was. Got home yesterday and they told me to get out. So I spent three hours...sat in the rain, trying to find somewhere to stay.
Decided I should come home and get completely ignored or when they DO speak to me....its like they are talking to the dirt on the dirt on the crap on the bottom of their shoe....
I give up.
I'm gonna...try get some money behind me and leave.
I cant take this anymore.

Sounds like maybe you are better off out of there Alexx hun *hugs*. I am sorry they are being like this though. Please PM/text me if I can help at all or if you just want to chat/rant. (Cant text back atm but should be fixed soonish)

Zowie I think you do need to take them. Remember Beth can threaten but she can't physically hurt you. Ultimately you are in control, tell her that. Just take the olanzapine quickly, we won't let her hurt you. *hugs* could you not just call the crisis team even though you aren't under them and ask to talk?

I never liked the crisis team anyway, they never helped and made me feel like they didn't care much.
She can hurt me. She can. She's able to pull my hands away from the keyboard and the other day she choked me, I could feel her choking me.

Zowie how do you think the Olanzapine stops her or quietens her? I understand not liking the crisis team (i don't like them either) but I am worried about you. Please will you take the olanzapine? Fight Beth.

Zowie, Emma's right...even if it just quietens her...it'll help...you are in control of her hun. Its YOUR body. YOU say what you do and dont do.
She's just a pest...and you can beat her.
Please stay strong and try take the Olanzapine?
xxx

I've taken it. Now she's really screaming at me. I'm so scared.

It's ok...we're here hun.
She'll stop soon.
I bet she's only screaming at you because SHE is scared.
You've been really brave. You took control over her and that is amazing.
*hugs*

Thank you. I don't know what to do, I think I'm going to hurt myself.

:( I'm sorry hun *hugs*

How easy is it to break a bone?
I had a dream last night.
Just...curiosity...

^ I imagine it's not the easiest thing in the world.
How come hun?
And hi...
I don't post in vets ever but I figured I've been here long enough, so I'd come say ello =)

Its just a really weird dream I had last night...It left me....thinking about it.
I would tell you..but...I wont bore you all haha :P
Hello btw :]
Nice of you to join us ^_^

Cheers =)
Believe me, I couldn't possibly be any more bored than I am now. So go ahead!

I hurt myself :(

*hugs zowie*
what's on your mind hun?

Ouch.
That sounds like a horrible dream to have =(
You're not thinking of doing anything in that dream are you hun?
*hugs*

That dream sounds nasty hun *hugs*

Everything's too much for me right now. I don't know how I'm going to get through the night.

Noooo....
Just...wondered...

Keep talking to us Zowie hun (sorry don't know names in vets!)
What's been happening?

And I'm glad about that Alexx hun.
I have dreams like that sometimes.
Not nice.

Heya everyone,

I'm not going away tonight now :( my friend didn't come and get me even tho he said he was going to but in a way i'm glad but in another way i'm not if that makes sence, i wanted to go away just cause to get away from everything but now it don't look like i'm going anywhere, i don't feel good at all right now i want to cut :( and i've got very strong urges aswell, so i might just sit in the corner and cry for a little while untill i fall asleep.

xxx

That's really rubbish!
You should do fun stuff instead for the next few days - that way it'll still be a break.
You can fight the urges hun. Go on f&d, keep talking on here, anything that helps really.
*hugs*

Wow.:blink: y'all have been busy...will talk later, have therapy soon. Love you guys, stay safe

Hey
Hope therapy goes well!

I've just arranged to see my auntie on thursday for the full day so i guess that's something to look forward to with my 2 little cousins we'll they will prob be at school so knowing my auntie it will be all about me having anorexia this is going to be a fun day.

I cant fight these urges, the voice is getting louder and the urges are getting stronger *cries* i need to do something x

Sounds like fun. Could you maybe just tell her you're working on getting better and ask her not to talk about it?
You can fight hun. Is there anyway you can get rid of whatever you'd use to hurt yourself, or that you can get away from it?

Yeah i think i might do that i don't know, even if i do she'll still ask about it she's just worried and i haven't seen her since i was diagnosed with having anorexia :(

It's next to me :( i don't wanna touch it and i'm trying not to look at it either but it's in the corner of my eye and it's driving me mad :( i so shouldn't be posting but i have to. xx

Hello there and welcome, Kuwairo.
Thanks but therapy was lousy. I told him about being frusterated (read:mad) after last sessions big waste of time and all that got into 'feelings' like, pretty , much throughout the entire session and I HATE that:crying: I SERIOUSLY almost cried, and I never cry, especially not there. Ugh. Every cell in my body is anxious, if that makes sense, like, I am totally aware of them. I can't really tell you exactly what was said by either of us because I forgot most of it as soon as it was said (which made me feel stupid when I had to tell him I couldn't remember or ask him to repeat a question). But it sucked. Big time.
*cowers in her corner and wishes she had a blade*
Damn

*snuggles Zowie and Alexx*
Zowie, sweetie, you're stronger then Beth love, you are. I hope you took th meds to shut that (insert explitave here). *gentel snuggles*

Oh. My. Goodness. Alexx you must have felt pretty lousy after such a scarry dream hun *cuddles and holds you* I'm so sorry sweetie.

*hugs every one else*

Sorry guys, guess I mostly had time to come and bitch :pinch: I suck, I know... but I've got exams this week and I am in desperate need of some studying.

*retreats to her corner with her books until she has to go to work*

I'm around if anyone wants to chat :) *hugs everyone*


I still feel pretty down and deciding on whether i want to do something or not :( ok i feel really bad and the girls want to meet me the one's that threatened me around my way and i think i should go and see them but i don't know on that either *cries* x

sorry to hear therapy was so lousy - hope the exams are going ok. Goog luck from your Auntie Katch who is sorry she hasn't been around for you xx

Please try not to do something hun you are doing well.
I'm not sure it's such a good idea you meeting these girls - they can't be very nice people to have threatened you so much and made you feel so scared. Maybe it would be better to just leave be. Hugs xxx

I'm trying not to but it's just becoming harder and harder :( and i don't know i can keep on fighting these urges tonight.

I don't know what to do about them girls yeah a part of me wants to go and see them but another part of me don't so i don't think i will i'm still deciding as there waiting for me somewhere out there :( xx

well - you know what i think - but if you did decide to see them it should be an arranged meeting in a place of safety - with a teacher or some sort of mediator there - it's not worth putting yourself at risk.

hi there little sis Emma - how are you

I ache for it. Everything seems so surreal. How am I supposed to know whats real? I keep thinking what if there are messages, secret messages that I am missing but someone wants me to see and I'm not. I think maybe things are not as they seem. I want, no, think I need to hurt myself. I don't want to cut, my body is aching for other methods. Cutting just doesn't seem enough.

Lil Sis Emma - please try not to hun, you are an amazing person and so much help to have around - I know it not 'All about me' but - i can't cope with everyone hurting themsleves right now - so please try not to.
I don't know what to say about the messages - i think maybe you are looking for reasons that you can't find, to try and make sense of the way that you feel - I really beleive that you will make sense of it one day - you should start by listening to some of your own advice as it really is pretty darn good. Hugs xxx

I'm sorry i haven't been around for you lately Em and Katch :( i don't mean to keep being a moany cow, i wanted this week to just refresh but now i'm not going away as my friend changed his mind :( which i think oh he doesn't like my company etc etc but who does these days i've been useless to everyone. I haven't slept in like 48 hours so maybe that's why.

Please don't do anything Em *hugs* i'm around if you wanna talk, i'm not really with it but i'm always here for you lot :)

How are you doing Katch?? *huggles*

cries and cries and cries some more in the corner - how else can yo tell people how bad you feel

*sending loads of hugs your way hun*

I don't know hun, that is something i ask myself every day but if you feel up to talking i'll be here :) xx

I wish I knew what to say that would make anyone feel better. I feel so ineffective to help anyone.

It is difficult to break a bone. I did my ankle by falling down two stairs and landing sitting (all way too much of me) on my foot at a 90 degree angle under me.

To everyone who is in exams; You will get through it. I'm not blowing nonsense. Been there done that. I forget where the diploma is.

Zowie, I hope Beth isn't bothering you so much.

*hugs Emma Louise* *Hugs Katch and hands her a hand made bandanna to wipe tears.*

Welcome Kuwairo.

Time zone difference I don't know that I'm able to help anyone.

What is it about me and food? Hospitality?......

*offers cans of raspberry diet rite and diet pepsi and passes around a jar of sunflower seed kernels.*

*snuggles her Auntie Katch*
No worries Auntie Katch, I understand hun... Everyone seems to be in a lousy spot at the moment. How are you sweetie? *massive snuggles* I'm sorry sweetie, that you're feeling so bad.

*snuggles everyone*
I'm sorry guys, I've got nothing, I'm so flat...