I know you feel, not being able to believe anyone who tells you good things about yourself, but you have done something to be proud of, and although you have those urges, you aren't giving into them. We're proud of you, even if you can't be proud of yourself :)

*hugs everyone* helen, you are not any of those things you said! and well done to you and kahlia for your milestones!

*Hugs Nicole* How are you?

*hugs lia* i'm.....i dunno, fed up, and tired, i think i might get a bath soon, relax...:(

*Hugs Nicole* :) A bath sounds like a nice idea

Baths are cool :) Like fez hats and bow ties. I'm reading Harry Potter and I think I am becoming re-addicted. I love them so much, and still manage to get hooked into reading late into the night, although I know exactly what happens in every one.

Are fez hats and bow ties in Harry Potter Lia? I watched some of the movies in a non, ummm I can't think of the word , I mean not in the order in which they were intended :)

No, that was a Doctor Who referance :) I'm a confusing person, I rarely stick to one topic. I might do some more work, I'm feeling lazy again. I got a few paragraphs of my English done earlier.

Non chronological order? I don't know the exact term. I love it, it's like, the fail safe haven. If I'm feeling ****, or am just bored.

Hey guys *cuddles* I'm having more issues being touched today, feeling edgy and such. Is strange. My rash still sucks too. Bleh. Just want to hide in the world of sims some more.

^^^^^That's it , Thanks Lia :) I don't really know Dr Who reference's , care for a star trek reference ?:)

*Hugs Sarah only if okay*

If you like Mark :) I'm always making random references.

*Makes heart shape with hands at Sarah*

Today, I asked what time I was meant to be meeting my friends for the cinema tomorrow. I got the response 'you're coming with us?' That's the exact same response I got from my other friends when I was meant to be going to see this film with them last week. Rejected much?

*Hugs Lia* I'm sorry you feel rejected :(

Now my mum's guilt tripping me about going. I was meant to be going out with my mum and sister tomorrow, but instead I'm going out with my friends and she's just told me 'one day you will need me and I won't be here, so you bugger off to the pictures'. I will never need her. Ever.

I dont have much time, just read through things quick and will reply properly later, but *throws around lots of confetti for helen and kahlia* So proud of both of you! *cuddles you both*

*hugs mark, lia, felicia, nicole, and oliver*
*offers to hold sarah's hand if you does not want to be hugged*

Off to class now, sorry for the quick replies.

I guess so Lia. Thank you *cuddles*

*hugs Nicole* Thanks xx

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs everyone*

Picture this. A family of four round the dinner table.

Mother (to me): Why are your hands shaking?

Me: I'm on drugs.

Real answer: Because, mum, I am trying not to show emotion while you all sit there and viciously snarl at me what a freak I am.

*HUgs Lindsey* How are you today?

x

Oh Lia :( *Hugs*

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you tonight ?

*cuddles for everyone* I'm okay for e-hugs, just no in real life touching is nice right now :(

Lia - your mum sounds so much like mine. She forced me to stay off uni today because of the rash (which has now gone) and now she's complaining that I didn't go in to uni and its a wasted day but I shouldn't have gone out. Ugh. I know what you mean about not needing her ever, I feel the same about my mother too. She's forever trying to guilt trip me into what she wants me to do. I've slowly become less affected by her...strange...ways but she still gets to me. I know how it feels hun *huggles up tightly*

*hugs Lia*

I'm...blah. I don't want to be alive and I wouldn't be if my brother wasn't around. I'm fed up with life, it means nothing to me and I don't enjoy it.

How are you, Mark?

I'm not sure Lindsay , you made me think with what you said the other day , about how you feel Mental Health issues are what your life revolves around , I just feel the same way , Depression , S.I. and drink ( or the lack of it) are all my life is about , It's what I think about and has to do with what I do everyday,all day ,and I hate it

*hugs lia* wish i could do something to help =[
*e-hugs sarah*
mark =] *waves*

*leaves cuddles and care packages for everyone*
love you guys <3
even if im not online, all of you are in my heart and on my mind :)

*Hugs Heather* :)

*hugs Heather* Thanks :) thats really sweet

*cuddles Mark*

*cuddles Lindsay*

Sorry, hugs are all I have right now :(

*Night Time Hugs Sarah, Lia , Heather , Nicole , Lindsay, Helen and all my other wardies :)*

Night Mark *cuddles*

My family keep making me jump tonight, my chest hurts :(

*Hugs all*

Thanks for understanding and hugs guys. I don't know what I would do without my wardies :) I'm going to the cinema tomorrow, and screw what my mum says. Screw her altogether, I'll do this my own way, she doesn't get an input. If I wanna go to university in Newcastle (which I do) I will go.

*cuddles Lia* Exactly! I just wish I'd realised that before I got stuck in a degree I don't want to do. Hope you have a good day tomorrow :)

Thanks Sarah :) It's a shame you ended up doing what she wanted you to do rather than what you wanted. What is the course you're taking? Maybe you could go back to college and do what you wanted when you've finished uni.

x

*hugs everyone and hides*

Doing a maths degree currently Lia but wanted to go work as a veterinary nurse, or in some way with animals. I mean I know the pay is dire and the work is hard but I wanted to either work with animals or study animal psychology. *cuddles*

*cuddles Crimson* You okay hun?

Hey Crimson. You alright?

Maths! Urgh! My sympathy grows. I'd die if I had to do maths. I want to do English with creative writing. There's a university in Newcastle called Keele and I can do English and American Literature with modules in creative writing, journalism and gothic novels. May not sound riviting to someone who does a maths degree as they are complete oppisites, but I can't wait! I really hope you get to do what you want. If my mum had her way I would be doing physics, which I hate. I didn't ask to be good at it, I don't see why I should suffer.

*huggles all*

Lia & Sarah: Although it wasn't directed towards me (and I'm sorry for interjecting) I can really empathise & sympathise with doing a degree you hate/dislike - regardless of whether you are good at it or not.

When I was originally starting out towards uni (1999) I wanted to study physiotherapy but my OP score wasn't good enough. - Not surprising considering my circumstances (BF committing suicide etc). So I started out doing Occupational Therapy. Some parts were okay, but I hated every moment of it. I then became sick with my mental illness. Now I'm studying IT and loving it!!

Picture this. A family of four round the dinner table.

Mother (to me): Why are your hands shaking?

Me: I'm on drugs.

Real answer: Because, mum, I am trying not to show emotion while you all sit there and viciously snarl at me what a freak I am.

*HUgs Lindsey* How are you today?

x

^^^
Bugger, my mum wants to take me to the doctor about the shaking.

*cuddles Lia* can you not go on your own or is that not possible? When I went to college I was able to finally go see my doctor on my own, but there's still times where she demands to see them with me. Perhaps you could contact the surgery and tell them you want to be seen alone? I don't know. Sorry.

*cuddles Kahlia* I don't mind with it being maths, I'm blessed with a natural gift for it and I don't mind it, but now I'm doing the degree she's pushing me to do postgrad and then postdoctorate and I don't know if I can. I don't like it *that* much. *sigh* I feel trapped.

Bed for me, feeling crazy. Night x

i tried to od today but i called my husband and told him what i wanted to do
he got a taxi home he then threw the pills out but left the amount for my daily meds

now i am seeing things and voices are loud i called a crisis line and they told me to take more of my meds but so far they havent done anything

This sounds awesome. Minus the journalism. I dropped Journalism from my course list, with the exception of the journalism courses I need for my Creative Writing.
I have an odd fascination with Jacobian drama in my English Literature courses right now.
Anyway, I shall ramble no more.

Also, if anyone wondered what I did during homecoming week:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i0iC4aHPw0[/ame]
dance competition! Ignore that this guy couldn't spell Homecoming. haha.

*Hugs RYUU* I don't have a lot of advice really, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

*Hugs Felicia* I don't know if I will take the modules in journalism or not, it's not what I want to do, it would just be an extra thing. I'm doing Jacobian theatre in English right now for my A-level and it's less than fun. We are studying this play called 'A Spanish Tragdey' which has to be the most boring thing of all time. Still, at least I managed to get an A on my end of term grade sheet, at this level, it's the highest you can get but next year it will go back up to A* being the highest. I'm not sure why it's like that. Anyway, I thought that was pretty good considering I neither understand/like the play nor have I really being paying attention in lessons and pretty much made up the entire essay which those grades were based on. Of course my mum wasn't pleased. I could have got A's in all my subjects apparently.

Still, enough about me.

Morning all, I'm actually awake before afternoon for once. How is everyone this morning?

I've just been woken up by a loud chorus of 'Hark the Herold Angels Sing' I don't even want to know.

x

Lia: Once when I was in hospital in the psych PICU (psychiatric intensive care unit) I had to sleep on one of the couches because they had no beds and was awakened at 4am by two patients singing Eminem's song "Mockinbird" over me ... I used to like that song before then!!

*huggles everyone*

I am feeling so much more human today. I even managed the 5 kilometer round trip to the nearest big shopping centre!! And to do some work for my assignment. I'm pretty exhausted now though.

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Ryuu*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Felicia* OOOhhh cool video :)

*Spots and hugs Helen*

*hugs ward*

How are you Helen?

Not too great. Had a migraine yesterday and it made me really ill yesterday. Still suffering with the pain a little and stuff now, but least I don't feel sick I suposse.

aww :( I'm sorry to hear that Helen .

Thanks Mark

Lia, I confess, I have never heard of The Spanish Tragedy, so I looked it up. So, let me clarify: My instructor for English Lit is a Jacobian scholar specializing in Thomas Middleton. Middleton is pure genius, and I keep finding more and more drama I like that isn't written by Middleton, but looking at the sparknote page, The Spanish Tragedy does not sound fascinating =p.

*hugs Kahlia* Good work!

*hugs Mark* Thanks, it would've been a great dance if I hadn't messed up haha. How are you?

*hugs Helen* I hope you feel 100% better soon!

I don't wanna go to class... Story of my life.

*hides far away in a corner*

*cuddles all* Just got done with most of my assignment but having syntax issues with last 2 questions so I've given up for today. Ehh. Went a bit mad last night, thought I was a cat. :/ *sigh*

Hello everyone. *hugs for those who need them*