*Super Hugs For Everyone who wants them*

*Waves towards Owen*

I'm sorry , there have been 5 or 6 pages since I went to bed last night , I've read some but I can't keep up with it all . SO Sorry
The stress of everything caused me to cut yesterday afternoon , I just have had enough.
Energy company bills,
E-mail breaking,
Benefits medical,
Phone bill weirdness,
Dr refusing to prescribe me my meds,
and on top of all that I feel down and have no energy.

Sorry to moan , I could cut again so easily now . I don't feel I deserve your support here .

Of course you deserve our support Mark. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you right now, you must be feeling so overwhelmed by it all. You don't have to use self harm to cope though, we are all here for you. Please keep talking to us.

*hugs Mark*

Lindsay is right Mark. You do deserve our support. We'll always be here for you if and when you need us. There is a lot going on in your life right now, but self harm doesn't have to be the coping mechanism you choose.

I overdosed yesterday, want to do it again today but I don't have enough medication. I don't know how else to get away from life.

Yes I do feel overwhelmed by it all , My SW has gone and set up an appointment with the volunteer bureau without my prior knowledge or consent so am not happy about that , I went to try and find the place today but coulden't .:(
All this stuff thats happening is freaking me out but I also am feeling Low apart from it all , I struggle to get out of bed , I'm just ........depressed right now , I have depression and know when I'm in a depressive slump and I'm heading into one now . I'm also getting Suicidal urges along with the S.I. urges :( They come and go, I don't see the point in life right now
*Hugs Kahlia,Lindsay,JK,Amy*

*Extra Hugs for Lindsay* I'm sorry to hear you took an OD , please be very careful , perhaps it's a good thing you don't have enough meds, but I understand you being frustrated at not having them , please take good care ok?

*hugs evryone that likes hugs*

*hugs Julie*

hey mark *wriggles* man my back is itchy

*hugs everyone who can accept them & then curls up tight*

Has anyone heard from April since her last post here last night, getting worried...

*Hands Julie a scratching stick*
*Hugs Helen*

*hugs Mark* How you feeling?

no sorry....

How am I feeling ? Man thats a tough question , I'm flat , empty and depressed , sorry to bring the mood down.

How are you feeling Helen? any better?

oooo scratchy stich *use it to itch my back*

I'm sorry I missed Aprils last post do you know what page it's on? I'll check it out , there were so many posts last night that I coulden't keep up when I logged back on .....

*offers scratching stick around*

Julie, that's okay. How you feeling honey??

Mark, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I'm feeling pretty bad too. Feeling pretty anxious & still feeling bit suicidal and really drained. So you're not alone. We'll get through all this somehow. She last posted on page 1233 I think. As Laura replied to me after my replies to April.

I read Aprils latest post on her R/V Thread , I'm worried now too . She will probably come back here this evening , I THINK she is 5 hours behind us in the UK and could be at her parents so maybe can't get online so easily.

I spot an Oliver !! *Hugs* how are you?

*hugs knees and shakes head* i'm fine

Mark, that's a good point.

Julie, you sure you're fine? :(

*hugs knees tighter and shakes head* um....

*Shuffles up to Julies side and Hugs*

We're here if you want to talk :)

*yawns* morning all. (and yes, i know for us in the UK its 5.10pm, i have no idea how i managed to sleep this late :/

"Morning" Nicole , how are you ?

EDIT: I Spot a Kat *Waves*

*ambles in and spots a mark* hullo. hows you.
*cuddles nicole* i wanna sleep. 'morning' hun. hows you?

*hugs mark and kat* im feeling.......ok..today. how about you? and kat, my mum has just gone to bed for a nap :/

Hi guys , I'm strugging to some extent , been thinking of a suicide plan , I'ts been .......I mean I feel that I'm falling into another depression and I don't know how to stop it . My plan has been rattleing around my head for a couple of months . sorry.

I'm gald you two are feeling ok , could you take a nap Kat?

a nap is a tempting idea, but hazel has to go down for one first, she was up for 7 hours straight earlier so is extremely tired. then I have to cook dinner and pack for our 'family holiday'..*rolls eyes*

I know the feeling mark...not that i'd tell anyone here...because of hazel...i know i wont do anything about it...but it still makes me feel pretty crap. What you need to do is look at how the plan WONT work.

*hugs mark* please dont carry out that suicide plan? is there anyone IRL that you can talk to and tell that you're struggling?

I'm trying to force myself to think that way but it is SO hard sometimes . I'm sorry your feeling that same way Kat *Supportive Hugs*

I don't want to end up back in hospital , I am just hoping these feeling go away . soon. If I told any of my supprt team they might want me to go back to hospital, I'll just keep on smiling on the outside , it'll get better right ? It has too .......

*cuddles mark tightly* please dont act on any of the plans. If you feel like you are please tell someone or go to the a&e... You are an amazing guy. Please try to stay safe. You don't have to fake being happy.. thats how things get bottled up.. then you might explode all over the place. And yes, things will get better eventually, it just takes time. So hang in there hun.

*cuddles helen* how r u doing today?

*hugs JK* I really appreciate your reply hun. I'm sorry that you are struggling so much atm. I know its really hard to get caught up in here sometimes when the posts come so fast. But remember, if you ever need to talk I'm just a PM away.

*hugs kat, nicole, kahlia, julie, and lindsay*

I spy Oliver!

Ugh... studying day. I'm glad that I get done with my finals on Tuesday. Although everyone here is jealous that I dont have any on Wed-Friday. I can't wait to be done!

really? they put you in hospital just like that? can i borrow your support team for a while?? isnt there anyone else like a family member or someone you trust??

thanks for the hugs mark *huggles back* I try not to think on it most of the time. I just remember the story Jack told me about the guy who had THE failsafe suicide plan, and lived to tell the tale of how it failed monumenttally, and now he says he lives because obviously he wasn't meant to go.
I understand you dont want to go to hosp, no one wants to end up in hospital, but if that's where you've gotta be to get better, then isn't it best?

I spy an oliver

edit: Hi Laura *hugs*
edit two: i'm dumb

I'm just scared that they would , I've spent 12 days earlier this year but I was in there 100 days last year , both times I was suicidal .............

ooh hello there my fellow wardies, 15pages since I was last in the common room!! Things have been busy and I seem to have stumbled in on a conversation with Mark having a naughty plan?! Please please please seek whatever help it is that you need Mark, even if it means having to go to hospital. It may not be nice, but its far better than acting on your plans. *super duper huggles Mark*

Ooh you know whats needed?! A super duper group huggle!! Ready?!.....

"GROUP HUGGLES!!!" *huggles all her wardies so tightly*

Gosh I've missed you guys and its only been a day and a half!.....I think.....maybe 48hours now.....anyhoo....

It's okay, I'm here, I'm fine.............

Well no to be honest, I'm not fine. I got offline last night and went to take a bath, had a nice hot one, then went to the bedroom... and had flashbacks of the sexual abuse that happened in high school. It was really, really bad, the worst it's been in awhile. Then Jarrod came in after his shower and calmed me down but my NP didn't respond to any of my texts... so I'm waiting... they were kind of urgent texts. I don't know. I just feel so damn alone. Jarrod gets angry at the guys who abused me when I talk about it so I don't much, and then it just gets bottled up inside... I don't know. :-S

And Mark, I know you're not the only one that cares about me... it might sound weird, but thanks for worrying about me, guys... it means that you care... and that means a lot to me. I'm sorry that I caused worry though.

*cuddles all*

*joins in the group hug, then gets out quickly because she cant breathe*
*hugs mark* i know how you're feeling, but do you think it is best to tell them? i mean if they admit you to hospital it might help you, no matter how bad it is at the time.
*hugs april* sorry you're feeling crap and that you had bad flashbacks, i know how awful they are, just remember we ALL care, and are here if you need to talk *extra tight hugs*

wow. efficiency. I've attempted suicide about eight times , and attempted to kill my hubby once during the third time..i've stayed in hospital...once, for one night, the very first attempt way back when I was 15. The time I tried to kill jack, the police took me up the hospital with him, but only because they were giving me a lift! the hospital sent me home to my parents house with him, even though i'd moved out and they were part of the cause! He's even taken me in on a section 136 (he's a cop), and his collegue said in the car on the way up the hospital, 'they wont section her, she's too lucid, just take her into a&e as suicidal, we wont put this on record'

*joins in group hug* Hi april, hi hayley. I'm sorry you had flashbacks april *huggles tight safe hugs*

Wow busy ward... lots of people looking/reading anyway... *spies a Hayley, Nicole, Oliver, Kat, and Mark* :)

Mark, please get the help you need, reiterating what others have said. I care about you - and all of you - too much to just "let" you attempt. Please, love. Get the help that you need!! *cuddles tight*

I'm so sorry to have caused such concern , I'm feeling suicidal yes , but I am trying SO hard not to act on it . It comes over me in waves , anyone get that?. Thankyou everyone for your supportive words . I'm sorry I don't know what else to say :S

*huggles April* I wish I could take away the flashbacks from you....from all of us who have sufferred sexual abuse, well, any abuse. All I can say is that I understand, but you have to have faith in yourself that you're stronger than the flashbacks, they are horrific memories from the past, but somehow you need to focus on a way to see that you're safe with jarrod in the present. Does that make any sense?! I don't know. I just know that when I have my nightmares now, Eoghan finds a way to calm me and make me feel safe. It wasn't that way when we first got together, I didn't want him any where near me and I just wanted a vodka (or four) and a fag (or ten). Sorry I'm waffling. Its just I want to be helpful cos I care about you, but I don't know how to do it....

*waves fan (pretty oriental style) by nicole* sorry my group huggle made it hard for you to breathe. I'll make sure you can be on the very outside in future, involved but not smothered, ok? I want you to feel cared for, not contained.

*huggles Kat* haha, it seems we're keeping you busy on the editing front this evening. And oh boy thats crappy bout the lack of help when you've been suicidal before. How's baby hazel-gracie bumps? Behaving herself for mummy? I hope so!

Yes April, lots of people busy reading and wandering around the ward, I've about 11pages still to catch up on. Its good to keep my mind occupied.

*hugs mark* we're all just worried about you and want to make sure you're ok, better safe than sorry. it doesnt matter that you've caused concern, we'd rather you told us that sufferd in silence and bottled it all up.

I get that mark, just keep your head up above those waves, and we'll try to be your lifeboat crew.

i spy an oliver again, playing peekaboo

edit: how'd you two sneak in before I got that posted again!? will respond in new message because i can't remember what I wanted to write

*huggles hayley back* yeah, no support down here for mental health issues. i've been to counselling four times in nine years. she's being good, sleeping is getting much better! :)

*hugs hayley* thanks, it was a bit scary in there!
*hugs kat* i know what you mean about of the lack of help for people with MH issues! its the same here.