ok so i went and cut myself again. ****ing thoughts are too much. ppl stressing me out. thoughts that arent mine are in my vicinity and is bothering me.

Don't let my smile fool you,
It's only a diguise.
My life is like lightning,
and rained filled skies.

Don't let my laugh fool you,
I just am scared to tell the truth.
Don't assume my life is perfect,
Until you have your proof.

Don't let my expression fool you,
I just can't show you how I feel.
My heart has always been broken,
And I doubt it will ever heal.

Don't let my easygoing spirit fool you,
Don't think that I won't care.
Because when I need you the most,
I'm expecting you to be there.

I cant deal with this **** anymore. I keep thinking about him and it makes me sad. It makes me mad. I cant cope with the money. I dont knwo i cant do this. I have a brand new blade just waiting sat there waiting for me.

*Huggles Faye* Can you throw the blade away , Please be careful hun .

*hugs Faye* here if you want to talk. Can you get rid of your blade?

*hugs Mark* how are you today?

I've had a first aid course today and it was really informative. I'm still tired and dizzy, because I had to take calming medication yesterday evening/night twice and being dizzy the next day seems to be a side effect.

*snuggles mark* i cant get rid of the blade. I havent cut i just need it for comfort for now ill try to put it away later

*hugs faye* it's ok honey, just try not to use it okay? please keep yourself safe - if you can't, could you go and be somewhere around other people where you can't hurt cut?

*hugs Laura* apart from the side effects, how you doing honey?

Nope all my friends are out well the 2 that i have near me, my bro has gone and my mums at work til later. I feel rubbish i want to do damage. Im trying not to. I distracted myself as much as possible but im running out of ideas.

Hope your feeling better laura *hugs*

How are you katie? x

bath? or go for a run? don't know what the weather's like for you, but in Scotland *whispers* it's actually sunny! (if you don't whisper the sun might hear you and leave, lol) i used to find knitting really soothing when i wanted to harm, because it's cathartic and keeps your hands busy while you watch tv or something :)

I'm... as always. doesn't matter much.

I just had a shower but due to my leg(its broken) cant run or drive or anything. Its raining here. The cat is sat with me which is nice and i just dont know im online doing things but i just dont know how much more i can take.

Do you want to talk?

Nah, it's nothing important. so sick of how whiny I get on here, lol, so resolution to stop boring people with my sh*t and save it for R&V or journal.

Sorry to hear about your leg :( that sucks. do you bake? I always like baking, plus yummy cookies after! Glad your cat is sitting with you - good kitty * won't stroke - allergies - but waves at kitty* Are there online games you play? Or maybe write a story or poem about how you're feeling?

*hugs faye*
*hugs Katie*

I feel fat, I ate too much today but my mom is a good cook so I couldn't resist and ate until there wasn't much left. Excited to go watch a movie with a friend later. The new spiderman movie.

food is good *nods*

hope you have fun at the movies - let me know if the spiderman one is any good!

Since the early hours of the morning I've had this idea that I need to get rid of my ribs otherwise they're going to reach out from inside me and strangle me. I am so unsafe right now. I need one of my tools but it means I've got to go upstairs and get one.

all i do is hurt ppl. not gonna post anymore. so sorry to everyone i hurt. thank you for everything.

sapphire we're all here for you, please keep talking (hugs)

katie honey *snuggles* talk whats up? you havent hurt us we love you *snuggles more*

*makes kitty wave paw back* hes good to me really lol. I didnt bake in the end haha. My mum is dragging me out 2mz :( i dont want to go. I did random stuff now im chilling watching twilight getting my fix of edward and teaching my mum how to use ebay which is fun...

I hurt sum1 in the Safe Room. I'm poisonous and thoughtless and insensitive, and evry1 here has been thru 2 much for me 2 do this to them. im so so sorry

*hugs everyone* sorry everyone is having a rough time lately.


*lays in bed staring at the ceiling*
I feel pretty sucky physically today. Last night I ended up binging and purging, so naturally today I have a horrid stomach ache and a headache, that just adds to the fact that last night I laid in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep because I was tired but nope my mind apparently had other plans. So I was stuck awake all night and no amount of medication was getting me to sleep which sucks. So today I feel sick and am in a very very pissy mood and keep snapping at everyone around me because of it. I want to calm down but I can't and just feel annoyed and can't stand anyone.

Katie honey, i had a look. The person understands it was a mistake you didnt know, they are ok and not upset or angry. You dont do anything to hurt us. Honestly its all sorted and fine now :D

Hey makesomenoise sorry your having a hard time, maybe you could have a nice bath and take some paracetamol and get into bed and just try to relax with music or reading and then maybe drop off to sleep?

*leaves cuddles*

No you're not insensitive sapphire :rose: