*cuddles helen* I would also miss you terribly and would not get over it. Dying is not a fix for anything hun. Think about how much your best friends would be hurting if you disappeared on them. Think about how some of us in the ward would miss you, because I know we would. PM me if you need to.

*hugs lia* i'm glad to see you around and that you are still alive. Sorry you've been so up and down lately. That can be hard sometimes.

*hugs mark* 3 1/2 days is awesome mark! I can really tell that you are trying to kick SI's butt lol. Keep fighting those urges, you can do this.

*hugs sarah* i'm sorry about the fight with your mom. Hope you are okay. Glad that you had a good rest of the day though. Sounds relaxing. And yes google is amazing lol, i don't know what generations before the internet did without instant knowledge lol. Glad you were able to figure out some of the questions you had about the meds.

*hugs heather* you are not huge or yucky. No matter what the scale or anyone is telling you, you are not yucky. Hang in there hun.

*hugs lindsay* don't cut or od hun. its not worth it at all. Call the crisis team if you really need too or talk to us or anyone.

Wow i slept until almost noon. That's a little ridiculous considering what all i have to get done today, but I was really exhausted all week so i guess I needed it. Anyway, for some reason or another I got home and had a total break down last night. I don't know if it was because I had to keep a happy mask on all day when i was out and tailgating/watching football.... but then later, it was just tears. I did not SI though. Thought about it, even brought out tools, but I didn't. That's good of me right? i mean of course it is... I don't know I'm rambling.

Off to do uni homework and later go to work, but will be around on and off all day if anyone needs to chat

I just lost everything I wrote to you Laura, grr. But you're right I suppose.

Aw, i always get so frustrated when i lose things I am typing on here. I'm sorry that happened. But I know that people would miss you. Things will feel better eventually hun, they have too. Just try to hang in there. I know that you are very strong and you can get past any of these feelings.

Remember I'm always here if you need.

Well everything's going to be okay, after all that. Had to promise not to harm/die. Well it'll take bit time, but least I know what's going to happen. Probably making no sense. Sorry for my outburst :S I still want to harm but I'll manage not to I'm sure.

*Hugs Laura* Way to go on getting out your tools but not harming :)

*Hugs Helen* I would NOT get over it if you died , I'm sorry you feel so wretched :(

*hugs helen* im glad that things are going to be okay. You don't need to be sorry about any outbursts. We are here to listen. Good job on keeping trying not to harm.

*hugs mark* thanks. how r u doing this afternoon/evening?

Well done Laura!

I'm sat with my parents watching a re-run of the Grand Prix that my Dad likes , I could just sneak off upstairs and injure , I could but I shouldn't. I'm a little conflicted :S

Hi everyone. Hope we're all doing okay *hugs*

Please don't, Mark. You're doing so well.

How are you, Claire?

I'm not doing too good right now. I'll be okay though.

Hey Claire *Hugs* How are you today?

Oops we posted together :)

Do you want to talk about it, Claire?

hi everyone

*sends hugs to everyone*

*hugs* It's just general depression really, not much to say about it.

Maybe do something nice for yourself, Claire.

Hi Louise, how are you?

hugs claire and lindsay

I'm not bad thanks

Starting to think that the voices are coming from God and i should listen to them because they have something important to say to me
the ones telling me to die is the devil trying to trick me in to suicide
i must not listen to those voices

*hugs dragon* That must be very hard and upseting for you, but please try not to listen to them though i know that can be hard.

*Sigh* Almost 4 days but I just nipped upstairs and injured , not badly , it's taken care off , I just feel numb:S

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Ryuu* No you mustn't listen to those voices , good for you .

*hugs everybody*

Guess who feels sick AGAIN?!! But I think it's from not eating all day (til now) and then all the crying I've done & stuff *sighs*

Getting anxious about tomorrow =/

Tomorrow is first day of college Helen? You can do it :)

It is Mark :) Thank you!!! Not looking forward to 7am start mind you!!

7am starts should be illegal. Sorry I've been away a lot, I bought some clay and I've been making a kitty :p *hugs all*

Helen, my day starts at 7AM too (8 AM classes= me getting up at 7 AM) It's wayyyy too early!

Sarah, aww a kitty?!? Fun!

Ahhhh... I'm living. I still feel like I need to die, but whatever. I'm fighting, or trying to at least.

*Hugs Sarah* that sounds very creative and fun :)

*Hugs Felicia*It's good that you are fighting . Keep fighting :) You are so worth it .

My commute means my 9am class means a 6am get up - one of those a week, in 3 days next year, 8am wake up monday, 7am wake up tuesday then a 6am wakeup wednesday then probably hibernation thursday and friday lol

And yeah, not too bad at making/drawing cartoon kitties, is good fun too :)

Sarah, that sounds awful... 6 AM wake up? I'd never get to class on time. lol

Mark, thanks. I don't feel worth it. But I'm trying... so so hard.

Yeah, if I had a 9am lecture it meant getting up just after 6am. Wasn't great in the winter, but gave me time to wake up on the way.

Yeah its great for that, you're really awake and productive when you get in, had breakfast and everything is sorted where everyone who lives close is zombie like :p

The devil is winning i have to die

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles everyone*

Ryuu, you don't need to die, don't let anything win, you're strong and can beat it.

I'm heading off for the night now, stay safe everyone x

Sleep well Sarah, I'll be heading to bed (well sleep, since I am in bed) very shortly :)

I spy Oliver *cuddles* How you doing?

Cuddles all. Sneaks in curls up under some blankets on the floor. I hurt, I hurt , I hurt.

Why do you hurt Jill? Talk to us? *cuddles*

*cuddles everyone tight*

can i have cuddles back please? sorry to ask for them.

You don't need to apologise for asking *cuddles you tight* Do you want to talk about anything hun?

Erm tried to do something stuiped, now my neck hurts. Hides back under blanket. Sorry

*cuddles all*

Sorry for the lack of individuals, and my disappearance. I haven't really been on much since Friday and it's now Monday morning. Been trying to get myself back together after going with my housemate up to the hospital.

For anyone that asked: He is fine - looks like he had a migraine because the treatment for that got his pain back to something manageable and he managed to sleep... For most of the next few days.

As for me: I've been sleeping quite a bit as well. Struggling to keep on top of things, but I do have a nasty chest infection that I'm also struggling to keep on top of. My anorexic mindset is tending to win and I'm not even sure that I want it to lose, and I'm struggling with urges (SI and suicide). But I guess that it will all work itself out.

Just got to hold on because it can't rain all the time, right??

*leaves stuffed animals, cuddles and safe care packages for all then bunkers down in the warren somewhere invisible*

*cuddles Laura and Kahlia*

I'm sorry I can't do more, I'm tired and low on words.

*cuddles Felicia back*

Checking in until I get through therapy on Tuesday..

I'm scared...there's so much that seems to be hanging on this appointment (even though I know logically it's not half as dire as I think it is, I've been reassured by *countless* people that my job is still not in danger, but it feels like it's hanging in the balance...and I love it so much and I do NOT want to lose it because of THIS....and I want to get better but but..

I'm scared...I'm so totally irrationally scared...

Walks over to her favourite bean bag, curls up and tries to think

*offers Amy tissues* You okay sweetpea?

Sorry to hear that Amy. Are you and Julie okay? Can I give/offer you a hug?

I'm here if anyone needs to talk.

*Hugs Amy*

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Jill*

*Special Hugs Laura*

*Hugs RYUU*

*Hugs Shaughnessy*

I'm back at home now :S it was fun being around my family but 4 nights is pushing my limits , I'm so dissapointed I didn't get to meet up with my best friend and give her her birthday presants but I'll give them to her when we meet next. I hope everyone is doing okay this morning / Afternoon / evening :)